How to cope with friends' death, Veeky Forums?

Let me tell you something. This burden has been on my chets for way too long. I just want to say everything I think, the toughts I can't express even with the closest of friends and family.

A few months ago, two friends of mine were killed in a car accident.

It was a fucking uneventful Wednesday night. Normal. Boring, even. We were at a pub near where I live, probably around ten of us. A few minutes after midnight we left the place,
I was driving. A friend of mine who at the time was weelchair-bound was coming with me, along with two other mates and girl I didn't really know (but my bro did) who wanted a ride back home with us.
Because I had to round up the others, we ended up leaving like, 5 minutes after my friends.

Not even a kilometer from the pub, behind a little raise in the road, there were two crashed cars. We were the first to get there, for all I knew it could have happened 10 seconds before that.
One of the car was an SUV, with the driver standing outside with his phone in hand, presumably shocked. I remember thinking, while stopping the car and getting out, "is this really happening?".

The guy told us they were on his lane. He told us he tought they were. At the moment it didn't even cross my mind they could be my friends, I tought they were somebody I didn't know. You never think these things can happen to people you love.
Then my weelchair friend tells me to check if it is our friend's car. I went to check inside the car which was absolutely fucking wrecked.

And there they were. Dead, the both of them. I think I knew it as soon as I looked into the car, but I still hoped that I was mistaken, that they were simply unconscious.

We ended up waiting for the ambulances to get there, must have not been more than ten minutes, maybe even less. It felt like hours. The guy from the SUV didn't have a single. fucking. scratch.

As it turns out, the cunt was drunk and on cocaine. Everybody around knew he used both almost every night out. He often took the car despite being in no condition to even fucking stand.
What happened, apparently, is that he was going 135 km/h in the fucking wrong lane. My friends were going at 35 at the moment of the impact. They must have seen him coming towards them, tried to swerve out of the way.

The trial will start soon. I hope the cunt gets thrown in the deepest pit available. Even after all this time, it still doesn't feel real, what happened. I might be going about my day, when boom, I remember that night.
I remember the wake, I remember the funeral. Only for the briefest of moments, but it happnes dozens of times a day.
Most of the time this happens, I'm just taken by this unbearable sadness. But lately there's a feeling that creeps on. I can't help but think that I want to kill the person who did this.
I want to have his neck between my hands and bash his face on the floor until his fucking head caves in. I want to see him suffer. I want to kill him. I often think that no matter how much time he has to serve in prison, if any.
When he comes out, I'll be there waiting. Am I normal, guys? Are these normal toughts one uses to cope? Or am I a sick person?

All I know is that nothing will bring my friends back. I loved them, and they were taken from me. They were killed from me. Christ, I'm so sad. How can I cope with this?

I miss you, F. anf F. I'll miss you forever.

fucking forgot this has to be Veeky Forums related.

Best exercises for delts?

Fuck somebody say something, I don't want to bring this shit to the autists of /r9k/

Each day it will hurt less

OHP and my deepest condolences, user. I can't imagine what you're feeling, but I send my love and respects.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I don’t know drink some vodka or something watch a movie you guys liked. Celebrate their life not mourn their death
OHP and raises

It will get better over time. The backflashs will come less and less. One day you will notice they havent been there a few days, at this point you will start to appreciate them. They make you think of your bros that are gone. And any memory of them, even negative ones, are like finding a little nugget of gold.

Do your best to become happy in life, be a good person. Dont do things you know that are bad for you. Be honest to yourself. It the only thing that you have left that you can do for them.

YGCTW

Nothing of this sort has happened to me before but I hope you get through things. Can't be easy but chin up bro.

If you were truly their friend, you would tell them not to fall for the alcohol meme. You did this them.

OP, I'm not even sure if you're still there but I just wanted to be 100% real with you.

I don't think the pain ever goes away from a trauma like this. Each day will not lessen the pain, and some days will be far far worse than others even months later.

I'm extremely sorry for your loss, there are no words when someone is ripped from your life like this in whatever way. I hope to God you are able to attain the inner fortitude to live your life with their memory, making them proud with good choices and remembrance.

You need to refocus your anger. Killing someone else no matter how much they deserve it will only beget more tragedy. Focus on being better. Focus on making other lives better. Be a shining example, not a force of vengeance.

I believe in you OP. This is coming from somebody who has been here.

With backflashs i also meant the sadness. The sadness will slowly go away, trust me. And once it doesnt happen every day you will appreciate it, its all you have left of them. Treasure that sadness bra.

t. guy who lost the only gf i ever really loved to suicde by train.

Also
>delts
OHP and single landmine press

Who cares faggot? Everyone will die one day.

What is reading comprehension

These feelings you are feeling about wanting revenge are completely normal. It is something that everyone goes through, but I'm sure you understand the only thing to do is let the legal system deal with it.

Don't feel guilty for them, literally everyone gets them after something like this.

Ultimately, the only thing that makes things like this better are time. There isn't any magic words or trick to make this get better. Only temporal distance from something like this will make the pain lessen and even then it is a wound turning into a scar. It isn't that you'll forgot and I'm sure you'd never want to forget. It is just that the pain slowly lessens with time.

You're not alone though. Everyone goes through shit like this. No one gets through life unscared.

I wish you the best OP. Live the best you can for you friend. I'm sure thats what he would want.

What is tl;dr?

Get placed on lithium and antipsychotics and get some real problems jackass. I'm emotionally numb.

retard

OP here

Fuck, man. Shit. I'm so sorry. My latest ex girlfriend suffers from depression. I can't imagine what something like this can be like, losing someone to suicide.
Even if I will probably never know you, right now I feel you're as close as can e. Thank you for your kind words.

And thanks to you other anons too. I'm on phone and posting is a nightmare, so I'm having trouble with (you)s, but I thank you for all of this.

Their names are, were, are Francesca and Federico. 19 and 22. And I will try to live the best life I can have for them. I want to make them proud.

>Am I normal, guys? Are these normal toughts one uses to cope? Or am I a sick person?
yes normal. you cared for your friends and this fucktard killed them by being a pure trash human being.

you wont hurt anyone, dont worry. else you wouldnt worry

>If you were truly their friend, you would tell them not to fall for the alcohol meme. You did this them.
fuck off gaylord

Tomorrow I'm gonna take a flower to their graves. Haven't been there since the funeral, I could muster the strenght. It's about time I pay them a visit.

I am also planning on getting a tattoo to remember them. Many of my friends have done the same. But I haven't decided on what getting yet. It has to be the most beautiful thing I'll ever have on my skin.

There's a song, from an Italian rapper, with the line "che tu mi veda o non veda, io sarò sempre con te". It means "wether you see me or not, I will always be with you." I love that song.

Francesca has, had, had a brother whom I've known for years. I love him as if he were my own brother. I'm gonna be there for him even more as time goes on. Mine may be only revenge fantasies, but I'm scared of what him and his cousins might do. They are in their early thirties now, and I'm very fond of them. But they were pretty rowdy years back. I don't want them to do anything stupid, enough lives have been hurt and ruined already.


Sorry for all this shit, you don't even have to read it. I'm mostly writing for myself here. But thank you again guys, I really appreciate it. I wish you allthe best in life.

don't tense up before you get into a crash, studies show that the reason why drunk people survive horrific car crashes is because they don't tense up at all

I hope you get fucking banned for this.

Sorry about your loss mate

In my second year of high school a close friend was killed by a drunk driver. I remember feeling angry for a while but I realized they are going to have to live with it the rest of their lives and there's no use hating them.
Now when I remember her it's still sad but I'm grateful for the relationship we had.
Sometimes I dream that she never died and we'll talk and hold each other. It hurts my heart to wake up to but feeling her in my arms and seeing her smile makes it worth it.

>Sometimes I dream that she never died and we'll talk and hold each other. It hurts my heart to wake up to but feeling her in my arms and seeing her smile makes it worth it.
Christ, that's heavy man. Glad to hear you're doing better

>muh rather feel pain than nothing
>I'd rather owe money and be broke than just be broke

makes sense to me. they don't crash test cars with dummies in odd positions and under tension. they have them loose and facing forward.

now if they'd just start testing with one hand on the wheel. I keep my left hand up and my right hand relaxed.

don't worry about that, my dude. mental health is Veeky Forums-related. your thread is just as valid as something about how to bench for upper pecs or some other shit.

We're just fitness now not health and fitness

>Are these normal toughts one uses to cope? Or am I a sick person?
Perfectly normal. In fact, in a sane society, you would be given every right to kill this fuck. Back in tribal times you would be allowed to kill him. Back even 100 years ago you could have killed him and no one would give a shit. We live in a nanny state today in the west that punishes civilians for enacting their own justice, no matter how justified. There's no power for the average person and that feeling of powerlessness to avenge your friends is causing you to feel weak and helpless and give you pent up frustration that you're not allowed to release but it's not your fault. That's the trade off to having a law system in place that prevents people taking an eye for an eye or even going too far and seeking revenge in destructive ways that have bleeding effects into other people's lives. Eventually you'll have to accept reality and move on from it. Unfortunately, what happened has really happened, its an awful thing to happen and I'm sorry that it did, but wishing it didn't happen isn't going to help anything. The sooner you can sit down and accept the reality of the situation the sooner you can move on from it. It's obviously a hard thing to do but that's what needs to be done, the longer you hang yourself up on it the longer you suffer for it.

Fitness is dependant on all other aspects of health. Quit being a nigger.

It's going to be painful forever. Things will slowly go back to normal for you, you'll have good long times when things are fine again and you can enjoy yourself, but you'll always have thoughts for your mate. Sometimes it'll be in passing, sometimes you'll really get stuck in to it for a few days and get really down again, especially around notable dates like birthdays and Christmases or the date of the accident. Pain like that doesn't go away but you learn how to cope with it and carry on.

Sorry OP, this is the obligatory reply to this post. In fact I can't believe it hasn't been posted yet but....deadlifts.

>kek

nigga why the fuck can't you spell "thought"?

Whatever you do, do not tattoo rap lyrics onto yourself. Jesus fucking christ man. Sorry for your loss, but you'll regret that tattoo more than you'd regret killing the cocksucker who killed your friends

Sorry for your loss bro

Do the cops know you were one of the first responders? I'm sure you could go on the stand to put that fucking nail in his coffin.

Fuck you man.

Obviously you have to lift in their place. For every work out you have to complete theirs as well.

Do NOT get a tattoo in memoriam. Unless you are already super tatted, it just looks retarded. It may mean the world to you right now, but you will regret it when sadness passes. Everyone knows someone who died. Shoving a permanent statement in everyone's face that says "my dead friends are better than yours" is super annoying.

Simply remembering your friends or having some pictures/mementos is enough.

>Do NOT get a tattoo in memoriam.
This. Some ink on your skin is a shit way to remember your friends by.
What are you gonna say when people ask you about your tattoo?
"Oh, I got this when my friend died"
It's a buzzkill.
Keep the memories of your friends in your mind and heart.

>Burden has been on my Chets

Pic related: I thought he seemed a bit down

OHP, lateral raises and face pulls. Do all 3.

It won't go away but it'll get better. Generic advice.

Sage goes in no fields because I hope this message helps you.

I'm not calling myself 'this one' to try to keep my own feelings out of things because I can't.

I'm not going to use broken english because I worry that might trivialize things, and that's the last thing Id want to do for you.

Hey user,
I'm not very good at giving advice...

I just make observations about my own mistakes, because I don't take care of myself. When I hear about kids today bragging about how rough they had it, I kinda wonder if I had it worst. So I decided that if I want to make observations about myself, I pretended I was an observational subject. Maybe Im just a high-functioning autist.

I wanted to try out avoiding the use of the word "I" here to see if it might show enough humility that someone might think about it.

Specifically, more recently the subject (me) has been having difficulty maintaining composure. Outbursts of emotion are so frequent that it's disrupting his ability to focus - or more that his focus is concentrated on the grieving process.

I'm no doctor, but I think a subject like that might need to take it easy. In particular, try to let out the emotional outbursts at home or in the confidence of friends and family.

Grief is a gradual process and some people like (me, the dunce I am) thinks it's possible to just skip through the process and get back to working at 100% again.

But that's nothing to say about your situation. I dont know what's best for you. Im not a doctor. I'm pretty fucking confident nobody here should say they are. I'm an undergrad who got kicked out of premed. I can't ask you too many details because youll get fucking dox'd and this kinda place can be cancer so just see a therapist...

But again that's just an opinion from some retard on the internet.

But yeah, people mentioned that you need to carry that weight and I think they'd want you to carry on - or maybe do something you kept telling them you'd do just to make them proud.

Er... Sorry OP...
That last bit was advice to myself again.

Me and my friend were bros Id like to say. Even though he was a bit older. Lost him to a freak accident, and was kindve drifting away from him.

I feel like we went through hell and back together - in a place others might call gangland but Im just this well-to-do kid who was satisfied with being a NEET because that was my defensive shell against the feelings I would get. It was a way of suppressing emotion - which I think is the definition of depression.

For you I would say: Feel angry, be pissed, let it all out. Keeping that in will fuck your shit right up if you're as weak as I am. But y'know maybe it's a type of strength I thought I had built but it kinda came crashing apart recently.

Point is, I always talked about stuff I would do - things I would make. I was kinda trying to brag but mostly trying to come up with something everyone would enjoy.

I come from a place where memorials are everywhere. I didnt get it until recently - it's a place where you shouldnt be afraid to just bawl out completely. A place to think about the good times. A place to be able to seek peace.

Again Im just some random internet stranger but I think you should go see his grave maybe alone at first to be able to let it out. And I think it might be good to see their family... But only to tell them the stories about the good times with Francesca and Federico - I think it might help them too, Im not sure.

In short,
You shouted into the net and the net hears your pain.
Shout however loud you need...

OP here, I'm going to post real quick before I go to work, I don't want this thread to go before I thanked you


Thanks, sagebro. Thank you. I really appreciate it, the things you said.
Be strong, I wish you a beautiful life.


To all the other anons, thank you. This really helped me. I was feeling down last night, this thread helped me. Maybe I just needed to vent for a while.
I wish you all an amazing life full of joys, you guys deserve it.

Sage fields formalities, a post-script
This one not sage!
This one fool on internet!

This one maybe get called "that one" by those that "get it"... or "that fool" or maybe "fool" lol. This one not want be tripfag or blogfag. This one just here to listen, maybe give advice.

Just dont take this one, or perhaps any one on here, too seriously...

Take care of yourself.
Maybe this one need take care of itself too and stop being hippo-crit...

Either you learn to live with this either your life will be a constant hell. There is a medium ground between these two for the first years i think. But if you think you can't make it go for an appointment with a psy.

Coming from a guy whos dad shot himself in front of him.

Peace be with you OP. Time heals all wounds but the good times will be in your heart forever.

I am very experienced in Buddhist meditation and so i will send you off with, "may you enjoy happiness and its causes. May you be free from suffering and its causes." Have a wonderful day. As-salamu 'alaykum!

OP you should really see a clinical psychologist about this