I can beat up anybody on this board

>nothing personal kid

What if prime Mike Tyson is shitposting on fit right now? it could be, maybe he has a time machine

yfw there's some sleeper cell 6'6 420lb 3/4/5/6 black guy on Veeky Forums

SSB can squat over 700 and bench over 500. He might be a huge pussy though.

6'6 260lbs been training wrestling since middle school I fucking dare you to start shit with me

We can be bros only if you're down for gay sex and blowjobs no homo

I mean if it were all of us I lean towards the latter. If just a specific sub group that all a some commonality outside of Veeky Forums, well probably still the latter.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

I'm literally too cute and friendly for you to beat up. You would offer to blow me before anything happened

I can beat you up mentally (by making you feel bad about how fucking easily you beat me)

(post boipucci)

...

That's not me

That isn't me.

Id knock you flat on your ass faggot.

Can't beat up Jesus.

Ive been doing freestyle wrestling for 11 years and ive competed (somewhat) successfully at the national and international levels, so im fairly certain i would demolish a DYEL retard like yourself.

I could pin down and rape anybody on this board.

My fetish

Lol. Ok Jason Blaha. You are so full of shit you underage faggot

Pussy

What does that have to do with fighting?

Sure you could faggot

I could pin you down and slit your throat

>implying cutting someones throat is even marginally difficult

For you It is pussy

A bullet from a manlet is just a deadly as a beat down from you.

But a beat down from him isn't deadly

I'm 19 years old.

I am handsome, smart, athletic and virile.

I have a novel that is in it's final editing stage, and a creative writing professor at my college has read the first draft and thinks it's saleable.

I have a girlfriend who is confident, articulate, playful and spontaneous.

I have a small group of interesting friends from different social and academic backgrounds, and I also have many other acquaintances who see me as a reliable source of humour and good company.

Both my parents are alive and in good health.

I have no regrets.

I have already experienced three existential crises, the latter of which was described as having the depth and profundity of a man twice my age.

I am a passionate lover, a sharp thinker, and a trader of witty repartee.

I am not self-pitying, meek or needlessly humble.

I will live a good life at your expense.

is this pasta?

I can outmeme anybody on this board

>Veeky Forums meet up
>in a gym, of course
>half of them never lifted before
>guys who do deadlifts exclusively
>guys who post on Veeky Forums whilst on their lifting break
>probably 5 serious lifters overall
>everyone else just does meme lifts to piss people off (curls in squat rack, using the machines completely wrong)
>people yelling LIGHTWEIGHT BABY with each rep
And despite all of that everyone drinks their protein shake after their "workout"
Sounds good

I just saw it yesterday

This is fake
> Says he's writing a novel
>Use saleable instead of SALABLE or even SELLABLE
GTFO here kid.

>I can beat off anybody on this board.
FTFY

Well nice. If we would go inside the jungler I would be the one who is still alive after 1 month.

You know you can talk big and talk about how you can beat up other people but when it matters you are just another whiny pussy.

Neither is a .22

>mfw I can suck everyone off on this board

Prove it, hotshot.

jokes in you, that's my fetish

>not tickling your target to death

post me your address then Im not a medium

It's a PO Box.

And I'm hoping you're a small.

not something a seal would ever say. Get a new pasta dumbass.

Me first

you sure kiddo?

Shut up nigger

You try raping somebody and see if they fight back

Let's tango mango

try me faggot

Not if they like being raped.

I got news for you faggot. You better pray to God I am never at a /fit meet up with you scumbags.
I will make it my mission to bury an axe in as many of your skulls as I can
I fucking hate every one of the people in this shithole.

Lol bro, I'm a former D-1 rugby player, have abs at 6'4" 240 lbs, worked as a bouncer, and I bench somewhere around 420 lbs. I grew up on base and boxed since I was 8. I've got the quickest hands I've ever seen in person from a non professional fighter, especially at my weight. If my gf wants to talk chit I'll let her do it to a point before pulling her away. If some guy gets in her face? I'm either gonna do the responsible thing and get the bouncer or pick him up and slam his phucking neck into the concrete.

What do you weigh... 190 lbs? Bench maybe 275 lbs? Lol. You have no idea what it's like walking around as big and as strong as someone like me. First of all, 95% of men walk in fear of you, and 95% of the other 5% of men are just retarded.

Literally the last 3 altercations I've been in with other males ended with me giving them one back hand slap and knocking them to the ground (I'm terrified of hitting most men and either killing them or putting them into a coma)

Any type of altercation, verbal etc. whether it involves girls I know or guys I know just mildly amuse me as I know I can step in and regulate the situation in a split second if things get serious.

Take your tiny, wanna be, hard pretend phaggot ass elsewhere pussy.

If you were as special as you claim yourself to be then you’d be in MMA making mad cash instead of being some pleb bouncer.

Nice blog post though, almost thought it was navy seal copy paste.

Pasta you faggot. You are a lanklet with no mass and live at home with mommy and daddy. Gtfo before I crush you wimp.

But I only rape in self defense.

When I was 13, I tied up this girl that was 12 with a jumprope, then beat the fuck out of her.
By the time I was done, her lip was split, her wrists were bleeding from the rope cuttin into them, one of her eyes was swollen shut, she was missing two teeth, her small tits will entirely black and blue, her pussy was bleeding, and I’m fairly sure that several bones in her feet were broken.
When I let her down, she crumpled on the floor and went into a fetal position and just hugged her legs to her chest and sobbed quietly.
I suddenly got very aroused seeing that, so I pulled out my dick (I has actually hit puberty 12, and was hairy, balls dropped and everything functioning) and started jerking off quietly. Eventually, I started to breathe harder, and she noticed what I was doing, and she just looked at me with this look of absolute horror on her face.
It was at that moment that I climaxed and sprayed probably my biggest load of cum ever all over her face and chest.
Then, I picked up her torn shirt from the ground, wiped off my dick, and tossed it to her.
I told her to clean herself up and that if she ever told anyone, I would go to her house and kill her while she slept, and that if anyone asked who hurt her, she should say a bunch of high school kids did it.
When I think back on it, I think she was the first girl I ever loved.
...god I’m fucked up.

Lmao its obviously a pasta im just taking a piss at you.
In all seriousness ive actually been a martial artist all my life I can actually hold my ground no problem

Copy pasta faggot. You are too stupid and fat to do that.

Yea, me too. What style?

>only intelligent, athletic people can beat up 12-year-old girls

Mostly karate, im brown belt in shito ryu (didnt train for a while, should be 2nd dan by now i think) kyokushin karate ( I mostlt sparred and learned a lot from a body that was a 3d dan ) some krav maga and some MMA, in krav maga we mostly just did mma style sparring and beat the shit out each other.

Buddy not body, fucking autocorrect

That's awesome. I've studied Wing-chun and chin na for years. I like the grappling aspect of it.

I have no idea what chin na is. Is wing chung actually effective?

Yes. Chin na is seizing and grappling basically.. pressure points and joint locks.
Wing chun is good against grappling with respect to mma.

>wing chun is good
No it's not

lost

Yes it is

But then again,since you never leave the house, I wouldn't expect you to know.

>gorilla warfare
3/10 effort, you tried

sides just went into orbit

>when you bait the bait that knows the bait is bait

I want OP to beat me into the fucking ground

Baitception: the Meta Bait

is very recent pasta.

...

>internet tough guy
>so insecure he has to challenge everyone

>implying I want to win