Obesse guy requesting help

ok Veeky Forumsizens, im a fa/tg/uy and im tired of being fat. I'm finally looking to go to the gym to lose weight and gain physical strength. There's a gym in my area but it doesn't offer trainers, so this only makes things difficult for me.

I have a few sets of physical conditions due to my weight (~380lbs)
-I have Asthma, you guys know what this means, most of you probably have someone you know that has it.
-I have twisted my ankles beyond imagination, so the articulation in my ankles are done, as in finished.
-I am physically weak, so I can't lift heavy weights YET.

So here's some more information
-Eating balanced meals is not a problem, although I do consume a lot of carbs and sodium in my regular diet, kind of the reason i am a tub of lard

What do you wizards of swole recommend I do to go from Gelatinous Cube to adventurer size?

pic related me in a larp costume, laugh all you want, its there for that.

P.S. Killing myself is not an option whatsoever, Canadian gun laws a shit and all

Is the cab part of the larp, or do you legitimately need it to walk?

Oops I’m illiterate, *cane not *cab

part of larp, roleplaying as an old man with a cane

Eat less. Lifting is absolutely wonderful, but your first and foremost focus should be on what you eat. Namely, eating a lot fucking less of it. No cheat meals. No "I earned this." You have renounced the fatass path. You're respeccing into a respectable human being. Changing your alignment to Lawful Fit. Keep to your code, and eat less.

You’re far from hopeless then

alright, I can do that, I should definitely cut on night snacks as well if im going to lose weight.
talking about food and drink, I drink decaf, sugarfree drinks now, but its possibly still full of aspartame, so I think im going to lay it off for what its worth, even if I don't drink much. the one soft drink i consume regularly is Arizona Green Tea.

Well ideally you should be targeting your diet first,. >Calculate your TDEE(Google it)
>Look at pic related and fill your fridge
>Use a calorie counter such as myfitnesspal
>Eat at caloric deficit from your TDEE (About 500 should be good) using foods from pic above.


Regarding your Exercise - it would be worth trialing how your Asthma responds to exercise, speak your physician about bumping up the dose/adding another inhaler if it makes it worse.

Try cardio which is easy on the knees in conjunction with your diet; cardio such as Swimming. Incorporate some weight lifting few months down the line.

>Eating balanced meals is not a problem, although I do consume a lot of carbs and sodium in my regular diet, kind of the reason i am a tub of lard

carbs and sodium don't make you fat. eating waaaaaaay too many calories makes you fat. Go use Scooby's TDEE calculator, download myfitnesspal or some other calorie tracker, and get your diet in check.

you should definitely go to the gym as well. try low intensity, low impact cardio like the cycling machines to help your heart and lungs become healthier. if you start a balanced lifting program, your current fatness will give you an advantage in lower body strength later on, since your muscles are acclimated to moving your bulk around.

READ THE FUCKING STICKY

1. Eat better, and smaller portions. You will lose your taste for shit food after a few months. Cut all foods that don't offer or provide minimal gains. Drink lots of sugarless caffeine. Tea, coffee, sips, it doesn't matter.

2. Just do the basics at the gym, machines if you don't know what you're doing even though Veeky Forums will bash them.

3. Find a pool and spend an hour(30 min on lifting days) in it six days a week. Swim, run in the pool since it's easy on your join. If you have a phobia of pools just find a rowing machine or elliptical.

4. Don't me disheartened when you don't look any different after a month of lifting.

that image is cool because my feezer/fridge is full of this stuff.

I still live with my parents because of mental conditions, so meals are meant to be for the whole family

I usually only eat one or two meals a day, should i try to force myself to eat 3 meals a day?

Aslong as you've calculated the calories & macros of your meals it doesn't matter if you achieve them in 2 meals or 3 meals.

ok, so I possibly know where there's an interior pool I can go to exercise, but my question is why a pool? what's so special about pools and people my size?

you're gonna die fat
your mom will have to buy a huge coffin which will make her go into debt
OR
you can go on a 30 day fast
just water and salt and a multivitimin
NO calories for 30 days

Pick one

>Killing myself is not an option whatsoever, Canadian gun laws a shit and all

>implying you need a gun to kill yourself

you said earlier that you eat "night snacks," so you're not eating only one or two meals a day. Just to maintain your body weight at 380lbs, you have to be eating at least ~ 3300 kcals a day - that is a fuckton. I guarantee that if you write down every single thing you eat in a day, you will be astounded.

it doesn't matter if you eat one big meal, three moderate meals, or six tiny meals. just eat a reasonable number of calories, and try to get enough protein. Bro, you could eat 2300 calories a day, which is plenty of food, and you would still be losing like 2lbs a week.

Swimming uses and exercises almost all the muscles, and it's good cardio at the same time

If you think im going to go 30 days without eating, you are dead wrong, and im not saying that because im a fat lard ass, but because that sounds way too dangerous for someone of my health

>killing myself not an option
dunno seems like you're trying pretty hard

so you pick option 1 got it

Not the guy you asked, but running with all that weight will ruin your joints. Swimming will allow you to get your cardio in without putting too much pressure on your joints (which will save them for when you start lifting and become sexy)

Have you read the sticky? It answers most questions that anyone new to fitness might have.

>can't do a single forkputdown
die already

ok, so that explains a few things from when i was younger.

READ THE STICKY

what i figured was the sticky applied to healthy/lightly overweighted people, and not to a tub of lard like me., as for those who say that i should starve myself for 30 days, there's no way in hell my parents are going to let me do that out of their own fear.

The sticky has information that is relevant to everyone new to fitness. I can tell you right now that it answers several of the questions you've already asked in this thread, and without calling you a fat retarded faggot. Please read it thoroughly before posting again, it's just common courtesy.

If you try to do anything involving sustaining your bodyweight, you are going to fuck your tendons and ligaments in your legs, I do NOT advise you to do any running or cardio, don't do squats or similar.

Those will come when you weight less.

You're main focus should now be in your diet, everything else is a meme at this point.

Uh, fasting is literally healthy, people in the know usually fast for a month a year. Google it.