Let's talk about Elagabalus

was he history's most important trap? discuss.

>Elagabalus was Roman emperor from 218 to 222... he initiated a reign remembered mostly for sex scandals
>Cassius Dio reported that Elagabalus would paint his eyes, depilate his body hair and wear wigs before prostituting himself in taverns, brothels, and even in the imperial palace
>Herodian commented that Elagabalus enhanced his natural good looks by the regular application of cosmetics. He was described as having been "delighted to be called the mistress, the wife, the queen of Hierocles" and was reported to have offered vast sums of money to any physician who could equip him with female genitalia.

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was he passable tho?

isn't this the retard that got killed by the praetorian guard when they found him hiding out in the stables cowering with his mom or something? RIP the og trap, i would've given him a good dicking

The stache ruins it. He was pretty cute though. I'd bend him over a desk.

He was ahead of his time. He would be popular and well liked among the talking heads of todays media.

We'll never actually know what Elagabalus was up to, but he must have been amazing given how rabidly they were vilifying him afterward.

looks pretty to me. Just lose the pubestache

...

>A salient feature of his character was good nature ; he appears to have wished to make every one happy. His pleasures were not stained by the cruelties of Nero. It amused him to shock people, but he was always good-humoured. He is said to have genially inquired of some grave and decorous old gentlemen who were his guests at a vintage festival, whether they were inclined for the pleasures of Venus.

>Surely if it had been possible to give proof of cruelty, tyranny, bloodthirstiness, deceit, or guile, the record of these deeds would have filled the pages of the paid traducers ; but contemporaries, who loved Elagabalus too well for his generosity, charm, and beauty, would know better. The only course open to the writers, therefore, was to attack personal habits of which the outside world knew little and cared less, because they were habits that affected no one save the boy's familiars, who were perfectly free to depart if they objected to his manners or conversation.

>Many of [Elagabalus's effeminate passtimes, such as playing music or handicrafts] seem to have come quite naturally to the Emperor on account of his untrained and unrestrained nature, though Forquet de Dome thinks that it was not so much evil propensities as his innate desire to please, combined with his genuine efforts to spend all his energies for other people, which have been misinterpreted by the evil-minded, especially as this was not the only side to the boy's character. We are told, amongst the list of his enormities, that he loved driving chariots both in the palace and in the circus, habited in a green tunic, and that he was most dextrous in the sport.
>To-day, racing is considered as the sport of kings ; certainly it is not the obvious outcome of an effeminate or degraded mind ; rather the reverse : it is a virile occupation, calling forth nerve, pluck, courage, and other manly qualities.

He was a young man at the time, basically killed because Romans hated bottoms.

>source from 1911
>titled "The Amazing Emperor Heliogabalus"

I see no bias here, move along.

It's infinitely less biased than the Roman historians it's criticizing.

He said passable not pretty. Most women are fugly.

If you're a cute slim guy with access to wigs and cosmetics (Like Elagabalus was), chances are you can probably pass somewhat well.

I think you should be able to see they are both biased. Morality aside, I doubt that such a large proportion of Roman contemporaries would all levy such similar and incredibly "accusations" against Elagabalus:
-That he was gay and effeminate
-That he liked to crossdress and refer to himself as a woman
-That he enjoyed acting as a prostitute for men

In fact, the author doesn't dispute that. Being an early 20th century Englishman, he calls him " psycho-sexually abnormal." You should seriously try reading the book instead of assuming things.

And if you're a fat subhuman with a gigantic jaw you can pass for an Anglo woman. You'd still be ugly though.

Maybe I'll give it a read. I will still take it with a grain of salt, but it will be interesting to hear the author's interpretation of my second favorite Emperor anyways.

Thanks.

It's certainly worth taking it with a grain of salt because he's obviously trying to craft a narrative, but I think he's fair enough in his treatment of Elagabalus and explains his failings as well. If anything he seems unfair to his successor Alexander, refusing to give him any consideration, and to their grandmother whom he considers just plain evil. But Alexander was just some shitty brat back then and everyone agrees their grandmother was a manipulative bitch. Also, for all his shitting on the contemporary historians, he takes their propaganda accounts as being mostly factual, largely limiting himself to reading between the lines or pointing out contradictions rather than just dismissing everything.

Nah, you're thinking of Severus Alexander, a.k.a the boy emperor who did nothing to capitalize on the collapse of the Parthians as they reorganized into the far more dangerous Sassanid Persians, and he also totally dropped the ball fighting Germanics. When he was ruthlessly butchered by his men, they found him cowering in a military tent berating his mother for ruining his life

You were close tho. Same dynasty. So we've got

Septimius - the old man who staged a hostile takeover of the government while telling the senate to go pound sand. Taught his descendants to not give two shits about anyone or anything but the military
Geta - enfant terrible. Apparently a pussy in 1 on 1 combat
Caracalla - one of the biggest cunts in Roman history, rivaling Caligula, Nero, and Commodus
interlude: Macrinus - Literally the Emperor's bodyguard tried to take over. Got defeated by the army of a tranny.
Elagabalus - Belonged to the same religion that the emperor Aurelian would later belong to, which would eventually become the state religion. Liked to prostitute himself to men
Severus Alexander - A boy sitting on a throne while his mother wielded power behind the scenes and basically controlled his entire life. His death sparked the crisis of the 3rd century and set the collapse of the Roman empire into motion.

Truly the Severans were /ourdynasty/, whether we like it or not

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>ywn be one of Elagabalus' fuckbois

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Elagabalus WAS the fuckboi