Starting with obligatory Henry II
>be irrelevant French Count
>take over the Duchy of Normandy
>take over the Duchy of Aquitaine
>take over the Kangdom of England and crown yourself king
>take over the Duchy of Brittany
>die controlling half of France + England as a colony, and with your dynasty on the English throne for the next three centuries
Madman
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He wasn't a Crusaer king though, as he wasn't involved in the Crusades.
Henry Tudor
>be irrelevant Welsh earl in exile in Brittany
>land in Wales with an army of mercenaries
>"literally who?"
>kill Richard III
>crowned king despite having the weakest claim possible
>Midas touched
>amass wealth
>raise crown authority to the maximum
>BTFO all revolts
His son Richard was
>Be Frederick ll, holy roman emperor
>fuck everyone's shit on the way to your throne
>gets the pope in italy so butthurt he gets excommunicated
>twice
>promises to go on a crusade
>after two years of not sending troops, pope gets angry
>Fifth crusade fails and the crusader pulls back
>finally goes when he is no longer expected to
>arrive in jerusalem,
>befriend the ayyubid sultan Al-Kamil through falconry
>given jerusalem and crowned "king of Jerusalem" for pure keks by al-kamil just to make the pope butthurt
>Achieves the restitution of Jerusaleum, Nazareth and Bethlehem through diplomacy, whilst under double secret excommunication by the Pope
>all this without a single blood being spilled
>comes back triumphantly
>got the pope so buttblasted that gregory IX literally calls him the antichrist
>years later, speaks the arab language and invites based Averroës to his court just to fuck with the pope some more
"Innocent IV declared Frederick to be deposed as emperor, characterising him as a "friend of Babylon's sultan," "of Saracen customs," "provided with a harem guarded by eunuchs," like the schismatic emperor of Byzantium, and in sum a "heretic.""
Stop calling Norman England a colony. It reeks of french nationalism and misrepresents how dynasties functioned in favour of blatant shitslinging.
imagine being the pope, spent years trying to get jerusalem with thousands of soldier and still failed to kick the ayyubids out for long ass time and then this fucking guy you just excommunicated just came by boats and had a nice talk with the sultan and then the sultan decides to hand over the whole jerusalem and nazareth because he thinks youre a pretty cool guy and he likes birds too.
imagine the absolute butthurt of the papacy just then
Frederick II Hohenstaufen is really underrated
Henry Plantagenet wasn't a Norman, and England pretty much was a colony for him
He ruled from Chinon in Anjou, and only used England as a source of money and manpower
What an asshole