Tinder Pickup Lines

OK buddy boys, I need some good pickup lines/funny introduction for my profile. I just started tinder linked to a fake facebook profile that has nothing but a picture of me on it and some other shit.
I lost my virginity to a hooker a few months ago and now I'm a sex addict, so to save money I'm trying to find a good way to hook up with thots, the lower hanging the fruit, the better.
I also have a 5" dick, but I don't kow if making fun of that in my intro would be a wise move.
What would the chads of Veeky Forums do?

Just make a profile saying all you're looking for is sex in the bio. Photo and contact number only if you match. Also add the reasons why people should fuck you in your profile (try not to sound cringey here)

I am also an idiot and don't know how tinder works. Can you just use it on the webpage, or do you have to use a mobile device for chatting? I've spent over $700 on whores and I'm between jobs right now, so this could be my life line.

Anyone have any experience hooking up with thirsty, desperate, slightly ugly milfs? Is a Veeky Forums body enough attract sloots?

>reasons why people should fuck you
See, I can't think of any. I don't really know how hookup culture works since I've only had sex with escorts. Are there really women out there just looking for a quick dingus-tickle? If they're ugly that's fine.

Yes, there are. Especially in uni.

Don't explicitly say that you're not picky. They'll think you're probably ugly for having no standards. Just say stuff like you're down for some fun, and you're going to give them a great time or whatever. If tall, indicate height. Offer dinner or alcohol if you can. Only mention looks if that's something you're confident about (then again, you wouldn't be having trouble getting laid in the first place)

If you lower your standards, probably.

I'm a 23 year old virgin, but I'm quite good looking, tall and ottermode. I get a lot of matches.

Should I tell the girls who are interested in fucking straight up that I'm a virgin? I'm thinking that would be cringy if I was an ugly NEET, but I am genuinely an above average looking guy, and I only need one girl to accept. Thoughts?

op here, go on backpage and hire an escort. You can do incall (you go to them) or outcall (they go to you), ad just straight up tell them when they get there you're a virgin. Depending on the girl (you can check first) you can try all sorts of positions, go down on them, etc. Around where I am most go for about $150 a half hour.

Make sure to do your research first, though, to be able to recognize fake ads. Always use reverse image search - if it's some girl's instagram, or similar ads have appeared half way across the world, it's probably fake. Never do money transfers either.

Not giving a fuck works wonders on tinder. You can pretty much say dumb shit as long as it isn't desperate or gross.
No coffee or dinner dates. Drinks or drugs works.
Take a pic with a dog/an instrument.
Clean your place.

That's an option I've considered, and I have a girl picked out if I want to go that route. But I think I'd like to lose it to a normal girl if I can.

>You can pretty much say dumb shit as long as it isn't desperate or gross.

Is this degenerate?

How long does it take to get a match, typically? I've swiped right on dozens of girls over the last half hour. Is it OK to just message a girl and say "hey bebby u want sum dik?" or do I have to be a little more subversive?

If you are white, you can get a lot of action, the colored people at university seem to hat tinder and complain about it being a waste of time.

Meet in a public place, I go to a starbucks in a wealthy area. This is usually enough, but if not, I take the female to karaoke. Then home for drinks and penetration.

"Lol I'm a virgin I've never even seen a boob"

I would say it in a less autistic way of course, and only after we plan on fucking. I'm thinking I just need one out of one hundred to be cool with it.

>Are you working out?

Wouldn't know, as I am an Asian in Asia. Though yeah, that sounds like it works.

I don't use an anonymous profile though and I just ask what they're looking for up front.

got you covered senpai

I'm an introverted female, tinder is too much, how else am I able to meet a guy?

OP here, got you covered senpai. Fly to eastern Canada and become my human toilet.

Living in L O N D O N seems to do the trick.
O
N
D
O
N

OK, it's been an hour of swiping and I've gotten no matches. I know I set up a bare bones fake Facebook account with "John Smith" as my name, but is that really enough to dissuade ladies from matching? Do they think I'm a serial killer? Veeky Forums told me getting tinder sluts was easy, so do I have to make a real account? Anybody ever used tinder with an obviously fake profile?

Spin the question around, how would an introverted guy meet an introverted female?

Out of likes, and not a single match. If I ever do score big, I'll let you guys know. We're all gonna make it, bros.
;_;

I am not colored, but my ambulance partner has had immense success with tagged over the years

Okay, I just matched a girl, it's New Years though. What's some timely message to send?
Just ask what she's doing tonight?

Also her profile says she's from Japan and broke up with her BF recently.

明けましておめでとう!正月の朝マンはどう?

reading clubs or some cheesy shit like that

Also parties. Just look for other introverted people, they're pretty obvious.
It's important to know the difference between introversion and low-self esteem in others, as well as yourself.

>ayy gurl you want some good conversation and bad dick- wait I got that mixed up.

HOLY DING-DONG DIDDLY YUMMOLA LET ME CUM ON YOUR TUMMOLA

FINNA GIMME THE GREENLIGHT
CAUSE IN READY TO GO

I don't have the confidence to say that.

Why dont you come over so that we can ching the new year in together

Let's chink our glasses to the new year babe

Going to see my crush tonight at a small gatherings of friends.
How do I hint I like her/get her number or whatever without losing my spaghetti?

I was thinking of asking if she wanted to share a midnight kiss, but that seems cheesy as fuck.

Reading clubs for adults ? Also I dont have much friends to be invited to parties. How else?

I would just tell her straight up "you want to go out sometime anonette?"

If she says yes, get her number and be close to her for midnight. If she stays close and her body language is open, kiss her at midnight

I'm an introverted guy and I couldn't give you a good answer to this.
It'd most likely be a chance encounter buying groceries or something.

Even I don't know her very well?
It's a friend of my friend. And we've talked only a few times, I have don't think she has any interest in me, but don't think she has any disinterest. Never really felt her go out of her way to talk to me or anything.

>going down on escort

He got quads, anonBe simple and direct.
BTW I have indeed checked and kek'd.

just end it you weeb

...

if you add someone on social media you find attractive as a girl good chance he will realize you wanna jump his bones

Should I just smalltalk with her and then ask if she wants to go out some time?
Or should I playfully ask if she wants to kiss at midnight?

I assume those are all catfishes/bots.

a... are you telling me ive been... oh my god

The latter.
Even though the midnight kiss is cliche everybody will be doing it so try to lock her down for that.

Alright. I'll give it a shot. Hopefully it doesn't end too poorly. Worst that can happen is her laughing and she says no.