Got home from my extremely low effort white collar job at 4 pm

>got home from my extremely low effort white collar job at 4 pm
>mindlessly browse internet for 4.5 hours
>going outside in to my shitty city centre for no reason other than maybe eating junk food and browsing internet on phone
>aged 26
>zero social life, ugly loser beta no one talks to at work, never had female attention ever, can't give up junk food or coffee because they dull my ennui, tortured by the sight of Chads and Staceys everywhere, no passions, go to gym but too ugly to reap social rewards, read books mainly out of a feeling of being held hostage
>extremely blackpilled, know women get 500 tinder matches a day with Chads, society considers me a disposable battery, I'll never fit in with normies because of ugliness and lack of normieness
>make enough to save $500 a month after expenses yet know that higher paying jobs I apply to will fill my time with shit and I will look back on today with nostalgia and regret
>procrastinated learning programming and (more) math for over 4 years

I can't believe I think this: Maybe staying completely non-Spooked all the time wasn't such a great idea after all. If this is "real life" then I need some sort of mentality or ideology that can help me.

Is Ayn Rand good?

My (rigorously) reductionist outlook leads me to see all philosophies as vacuous pep talks. I abhor theory. I have epiphanies in evenings about simple, all encompassing possible life philosophies for myself that I cold implement to find success ("Have constant challenges", "Focus on a few things", "Do what you enjoy"). I set reminders on my phone for this the next day yet always find myself seeing them as stupid. The underground man is like me. But I have to accept that "default me" may be a fucking zero motivation waste of a life.

If I followed my tastes and intuitions, I'd give up most books within 10 pages.

Lift the pain away.

I can relate. Learning programming this year.

>My (rigorously) reductionist outlook leads me to see all philosophies as vacuous pep talks. I abhor theory. I have epiphanies in evenings about simple, all encompassing possible life philosophies for myself that I cold implement to find success ("Have constant challenges", "Focus on a few things", "Do what you enjoy"). I set reminders on my phone for this the next day yet always find myself seeing them as stupid. The underground man is like me. But I have to accept that "default me" may be a fucking zero motivation waste of a life.

PUT DOWN THE THESAURUS NOW!

take the onionpill

I feel myself becoming this. Fuck I need to quit Veeky Forums and reddit they are turning me into this.

I like this one. I think anyone who lifts could be sympathetic to Pirsig's metaphysics of quality.

It's funny that you're so unwilling to just accept the fact that you're a loser. Why did you need to write 5000 lines about it? You could have just written tfwngf

Nihilism contradicts itself. If life is pointless and everything is vacant of meaning, then acknowledging that is equally pointless. Yet, you'd be objectively happier if you were successful, fit, had a partner, a social life, etc.

This may indeed be something you can only do on your own, but maybe we can give you a starting push. Do 10 push-ups right now, you piece of shit.

Also forgot to mention, READ THE STICKY.

start meditation

This is the type of guy that complains about how women are trash lmao, what a psycho. Women really are the superior sex

Pol

Here's an idea: stop being a little bitch.

If you aren't going to make any meaningful change for yourself then shut the fuck up and stop clogging up our Cambodian sky diving journal exchange forum with your whining.

stop being a bitch

you yearn for warmth and social belonging. you need to actually own up your fucking problems and do something about it. i know that people here say just be yourself or some derivation of the same bullshit, but you actually need to practice man. just practice making friends, and soon you'll get one. i usually lurk but your post remind me of how i used to feel a year ago. good luck brah

meetup.com faggot

If you read Ayn Rand, get to the point much faster by reading Leonard Peikoff's, "Objectivism: the Philosophy of Ayn Rand."

Reading her fictional novels at age 20 set my mind on fire; I couldn't stop turning over everything she was saying in my head, but the Peikoff book is the best thing I've ever read, and without it, I never would have been able to formally structure what she was saying, I never could have cemented the knowledge. The Peikoff book is the "How To Fucking Operate As a Human In This Universe Starter Pack." It's extremely dense, In my case, I had to read one chapter, jump back two chapters, and read forward again, highlighting like crazy. I had to really chew on the material multiple times to process it, and get the ideas really understood.

Reading her fictional novels at age 20 also turned me into a raging judgmental and politically-triggered angry asshole for a number of years. This happens to many who read her, and I blame the needlessly stark and dismal world she created in her novels. Most Objectivists need to remember that justice and judgement of others shouldn't be anywhere near the priority level that most of them give to it.

Objectivism is a great place to start. But don't stop learning, once you start there. If you take away one thing, remember that--even if Objectivism does really light your shit up, just don't stop learning.

I'm glad I read Deleuze at that age rather than Rand. Objectivists are bipolar at best.

Explore the world and different cultures. Get out in nature. Otherwise, I see nothing else you can try that might change things for you.

>go to gym
You haven't actually been at the gym though.
You just go to it.