External Hemorrhoids

I've had doctors cut open hemorrhoids to get rid of bad blood clots before, and the bleeding was barely worth letting it run its course, but never would I consider trying to pop one.

This is true madness

This. Just watch stuff that thins your blood

Use a suppository

I got hemorrhoids from squatting lmao2plates. I took a month off from lifting and took heavy doses of Daflon

It went away after a month. Needless to say i'm not squatting again in my life

Also you don't need dietary supplements of fiber, just eat some some fruits.

It stopped hurting after a 1.5 weeks btw. But i got a second one because i was a retard and kept lifting.

man up and get your butthole nice and clean and it on the toilet and squeeze that fucker till it pops. let the blood run out and you'll feel a million times better instantly. Give it a few hours before you shit to let it heal up

i got an external hemorrhoid 4 years ago after eating a fuck ton of KFC during a xanax binge. shit was like the size of a grape and there was so much blood when it popped on it's own accord. i've cleaned up my act since then. fuck those things

>Valsalva Maneuver strikes again

stop doing this stupid shit and learn how to pull your lower abs in and up
>not push out and down
and breathe properly throughout the entire lift.

In through the nose, out through the mouth. doesn't even matter which way around you do it, just don't stop breathing and try to push your gutsack out your blowhole when things get heavy

Try putting witch hazel on toilet paper folded

i just went through the pain of hemroids, mines lasted for 2 weeks. Here what I did to fix them:

1. Go to Walgreens, and get Witch Hazel Wipes.
Wipe your asshole and hemroids with these wipes every morning, dont forget. It will bring instant relief and help heal faster.
2. You need start eating prunes and dates in the morning. Not prune juice, the real fkin fruit. Your shit needs to be smooth, if you strain, your only gonna make your hemroids worst. You need to ease into the prunes/dates, taking in too much fiber will actually constipate cause your body's not use to it. Start with 3 of each, and max it to 6 of each fruit.
3. Drink water. You should drink 2 glasses just with your dates and prunes.

Follow this 3 routine above, and 2 weeks you should be good to go. Remember, to wipe with witch hazel wipes every morning and keep your fiber + water up.

I think one of the best things to try should be to jerk off with your legs in the air

I had one caused by me pushing my shit out too hard, resolved it by eating more fiber and taking my time while shitting.

I got a hemorrhoid, wasn't really that painful but it came out of nowhere.

After a week I was drunk and decided fuck it, plugged my butt with a prostate massager for couple of hours, fapped. It was almost gone the next day.

Makes no sense but hey, it worked. Come at me

>mfw

you actually want to poop pretty fast. I think I read somehwere, that taking a long time shitting actually leads to a higher chance of a hemorrhoid. You just need to strain less. but still poop fast.

in fact it makes sense, but you need to know what exactly a hemorrhoid is. and its just poor blood circulation in the little veins of that area, so estimulating your anus and therefore that zone, will help with the blood flow if the hemorrhoid its not very severe

>mfw both

I love this place.

>ITT user cures hemorrhoids worldwide with his vibrator
>Veeky Forums

Grease that turd up!

I got an external hemorrhoid, it doesn't bother me that much and its not that big but it wont go away even tho I stopped pushing when shitting and stopped squatting or deadlifting. been there for 3 weeks now

fuck, now I am scared

How do you get these things and how to avoid it?

Do protein farts and shits give you Hemorrhoids ?

I've had hammerhoids from trying to squeeze too hard. Mine went a away after 2 months. It's annoying but not debilitating.

>want to have my butt manhandled and creampied
>have hemorrhoids

what do I do? ;_;

Fuck I was 17 when I first had an external pile. Glad I wasn't that fucking stupid.

this response and reaction image made me lol harder than the story itself. fuck I love this place too mang

>dads sides are in orbit
BESED DAD

I just visited the doctor and got some suppositories, he told me to eat more fiber and drink more water

I had one of these things for a few weeks after I quit smoking. Not sure why my body reacted to the lack of nicotine by turning my poop to concrete, most uncomfortable time of my life. Had trouble sleeping, couldn't sit comfortably at work, taking a shit was like childbirth. Prep h wipes, ibuprofen and senokot to soften your poop would be my protip.

Doctor probably. They can band them off and they rarely come back after that. Don't know if it can withstand "manhandling".
>creampied
Enjoy your AIDS.

Back in the old day they used these metal dildos for things like constipation, so it might make some sense the plug helped remove the hemorrhoid

don't laugh pls

There was no vibration other than my legs and dick trembling from funny feelings

It'll have just pushed it back in where it can be less irritating.

I did the same thing but used a set of large finger nail clippers to pop mine thinking it was just like a pimple. Pain was so bad I went unconscious, woke up in a pile of dried blood, liquid shit, and piss and four hours had passed. Had throbbing pain for a while later

holy fucking shit dude.

I feel like we hemorrhoid bros need to stick together. People have no clue how horrible they can be on your day to day life

My asshole has been in recovery for several years. Ever since I switched to a standup desk they've been in remission, but I'm still always scared they'll return.

>tfw I shoved countless tubes and depositories up my ass for years to curb the pain

As someone who has had them before, I understand this level of desperation.

Well, out of sight out of mind, it's like its gone

dumb. hemmies are extended and inflamed blood vessels from your anus, why would you think it's a good idea to cut your anus open

>cutting your anus blood vessels open
>suicide by anal cutting

Nicotine is a mild laxative, so your body was probably used to the extra help.

I had them in the past and it was HELL. One important advice: try not to waste too much time sitting on the water, and DO NOT USE TOO MUCH IGENIC PAPER. Seriously, wipe once or twice, gently, then clean up at the bidet/shower. You could also use one of those inflatable things (donut shaped) kids use to learn swimming (not native speaker, sorry), and sit on it when you have to sit

>Abundant Water
>Abundant fiber
>Never spend more than 5 minutes on the shitter
>Some painkiller like ibuprofen

If you dont feel better in a week or two, go see a doctor, your hemorrhoids most probably need to be ligated

Femanon

I started lifting for the new year and have the biggest fucking hem ever.

I've been giving my fiance excuses as to why I can't fuck but I can't keep this up for much longer.

Would you still smash your GF if she had these? If I do fuck will it make it worse? How much longer should I wait before i kms?

How about just tell him retard, you’re his fiancé for God sake.

Post tits.

Are you talking about anal sex or general sex?

I don't feel anything painful, but I swear there's a small external bump when I wipe. Hemorrhoid?

Are you fucking stupid. Just tell him the truth and let him decide. Why do women always have to try and hide thing, he probably feels like shit because he has no reason why you won't fuck him.

eat a lot more broccoli

Get a squatty potty. Taking a shit like the poo in the loos completely cleared up mine.

I've had mine for years. Most of the time it doesn't hurt at all. Gets inflamed like twice a year and the pain goes away in a few days with Ibuprofen.
However I have that disgusting shit hanging out of my asshole that won't go away. Tried pretty much everything (with hazel...) but it didn't work. Can I band it myself ?

A roommate of mine literally died from popping a hemorrhoid. Was doing it in the bathroom. Popped it, passed out from the pain and slammed his head straight into the toilet bowl. Smashed the bowl to pieces and he eventually bled to death without waking up. Other roommate found his body. I didn't see it because they'd already hauled it off but they hadn't cleaned up the bathroom yet and it looked like someone had butchered a hog in there. I swear to god there was actually a little blood on the ceiling. That will also forever remain the worst smell I ever smelled. There was this mixture of blood, toilet water and shit on the floor with these little blood clots floating in it. The smell was beyond description and never went away. We all had to move out afterwards because the toilet water had carried the filth outside the bathroom and it had soaked into the carpet so it was impossible to remove. The entire house was surrendered to the smell.

pics?

Nah this was like 8 years ago. Just imagine fruit punch with blackberries floating in it.

I used to get hemmorhoids pretty bad. Then I started sticking pennies up my ass. At least $10 worth each day. The key is to make sure you spend them.

>IT'S NOT JUST A PHASE MOM

experienced a few very bright-red wipes the other day.

My diet is fine.

I have a feeling of a knot on my right side abdomen, probably my internal oblique. constant pressure.

Underneath my right shoulder near where the lats connect to the rotator cuff are noticeably tight (rounded), as is my right hip, where i lack internal rotation.

how do i fix this imbalance?

>Would you still smash your GF if she had these?
even better

This is why I Veeky Forums.
Also crypto

Just see a doctor. Yes it's embarrassing but they've seen it all before.

>Fiber

I take 500mg Psyllium Husk Caps with every meal and a glass of water. Currently doing keto (inb4 meme diet) and if i don't take a fiber supp with my meals my shits come out with the density of unobtanium with the strain of wingardia leviosa'ing 5pl8 diddly.

>Witch Hazel
Grants instant albeit temporary relief of hemorrhoids. Keep a bottle in the bathroom or bring wipes with you.

>100% Organic Apple Cider Vinegar (Bragg's)
This sounds holistically memeworthy but this shit works. Grab a paper towel, fold it a couple times, add a bit of ACV (apple cider vinegar), and kind of pack it in your ass like a maxi pad. It'll burn initially, depending on the soreness or rawness of the hemorrhoids, but gets better with time. Rock this shit for a couple hours a day and they'll decrease in size significantly, or in my case disappear altogether. I usually did it on a day off since the ACV smell is quite noticeable, can't really get away with it at work or school. Just pack your ass with ACV and play some vidya. You'll sacrifice your dignity, but I swear this shit works.

Also use a squat plug at the gym.

Internal bleeding is usually dark red. Surface is bright red.

Then what happened? How did u cure it?

I use to have really bad ones that would throb all the fucking time. I obviously changed my diet up and it got a lot better. But i can still feel that they come back whenever i take a shit, but then disappear immediately after. They never hurt but i can tell they are there.

you deserve it for not wearing a lifting
plug

I had them in a super extreme case because I fell asleep on the toilet one night when I was fucked up. Friend woke me up about an hour or two later and then
>go to bed
>next day butthole feels weird
>constantly uncomfortable
>get preparation H and shit because I freaked out after googling what the problem could be
>couple days later on the toilet trying to poop
>stand up and I'm just dripping drops of blood onto the floor
>emergency room time
>make appointment for surgery, surgeon says it is some of the worst hemorrhoids he has ever seen, both internal and external and thrombosed
Got the surgery and it took me about 2 months for a full recovery. The first two shits I took made me sob like a baby, it was the most painful experience of my life. Wore adult diapers the entire recovery time and missed the first two months of classes.

I would not wish the post-surgery experience on anyone, it is fucking horrible. But mine were way worse than most of you I'd assume. Bless those of you who live with it.

this is Veeky Forumss lived experiences, my young friends.

>listen and believe