I give up... literally cannot make decent chicken, not gonna happen

make some kind of stew or soup with the chicken, impossible to fuck up

If youre not poor

Salmon and Rice

Lemon and salt.

I really hope youre seasoning the chicken and not boiling it and eat it dry.

Stop being a bitch and learn to cook. Look up brining and what spices go great with chicken.

steak tartar
raw minced beef tossed with an egg

>pour butter on it
>then let it sit to get e.coli
>then cook it in such a way that the outside is rubber but the inside is raw

>not boiling it and eat it dry.
is this different than chicken that was made into soup? because i like that chicken even if removed from soup.
or is it mroe like plain chicken thats mass prepared to be put into burritos or chickensalad or whatever

Soups tend to have salt in them and other foods that break up the concentration of the water. Salt fights the water for the fat and tends to make its way back into the food, so the chicken is far less likely to dry out. The other foods (typically veggies) in the soup expel their nutrients into the broth, which transfers to the salt, which goes into the chicken. As long as you're not a complete retard it's harder to dry soup chicken. Straight up boiled with only salt and the water will win eventually.

There's literally a foolproof way to make juicy chicken breasts every time. Preheat oven to 200 degrees celsius, put some baking paper on an oven tray, smear some olive oil on it, 1-4 chicken breast on the oiled baking paper, season and then some more olive oil on top and wrap a second piece of baking paper on top of it. Let it bake for about 20-25 minutes. Seriously it's fucking easy and juicy everytime.

Pink in chicken gives you ecoli and other poultry illnesses you mongoloid.

I'm a terrible cook and I've been making this with consistent results for awhile now. It's super easy and tastes decent. Make sure to bring for 15 minutes.
foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/lemon-chicken-breasts-recipe-1923711

Brine*

use thigh fillets instead of breast, they have slightly higher fat content but they are delicious. unroll each fillet and season with salt and pepper. I usually use 2 tsp salt per kg of meat, 1 tsp on one side then flip and season the other. fry on high heat until they start looking golden, then flip. once both sides are done, remove and dice them, then return to the pan until they're cooked through. there is no dominant flavour other than seasoned chicken, so you can use it in a lot of dishes. or you could fry a dick and eat it

>Buy 20lb bag of frozen chicken breasts, a bag of baby carrots, onions and sweet potatoes from Walmart
>Thaw two pieces on the counter while you're at work
>Take chicken and stick it in a small glass 3qt container
>Coat the top of thechicken with a little bit of creamy honey mustard
>Add Mrs. Dash (no salt), onion powder and garlic powder liberally to the top
>dice and onion and throw it all on top
>drop a bunch of baby carrots in top
>wrap the dish in aluminum foil
>stick it in the oven for 45 minutes at 400 degrees
>wrap a sweet potato in a paper towel and rub it under the faucet
>stick it in the microwave and put a Tupperware container over top of it, upside down
>nuke it on high for six minutes and let sit for 10 minutes
>eat one chicken breast and your sweat potato, the other chicken can be put in the fridge to be microwaved the next day

Juicy as fuck and really good flavor. The seasoning and honey mustard mostly fall into the dish and boil into the chicken. I don't know how people get by not being able to cook basic shit.

E. coli isn't a poultry illness you mouth breathing retard. It's only vector is the human GI tract. Salmonella would be the concern, but that's primarily due to factory farming and their shit standards of hygiene.

...

Funny because that applies perfectly to you.
>I learned that E. coli causes foodborne illness, and need to drop this fact as to seem as much of an intellectual as possible

Make a marinade of some oil, soy sauce and garlic.
Cover the chicken really tight in a baking sheet.
Leave in oven for 30-40 minutes.
Juicy as hell.

paprika + salt + pepper + other things like garlic etc

For breast, butterfly it then marinate in lemon, thyme and garlic. Season well and grill for 5 minutes each side. Finish in the oven until just cooked (maybe another 5 minutes). Serve with rice cooked in water seasoned with salt, pepper and cardamom and sauteed vegetables.

This is a template. Once you have the basics down you can go wild. Cooking isn't hard.

brine tjat shit u dumb pipihead

havent eaten dry chicken breast in ovwr a year and dont plan on going back

inb4 muh sodium

Steak + steamed broccoli + rice or oven-fried potato wedges without oil. For the steamed broccoli, put it in a pan together with some tbsp of water and put on medium heat for about 5 mins or until the broccoli just starts to soften. Drink the remaining water, too. The broccoli tastes amazing with crushed almond.

Right now, my cutting routine for lunch is half a pack of frozen veggies together with 200 g minced meat and 50-100 g of pasta. You can also add soup powder if you don't want to think too much about spices. Easy, filling and at least somewhat healthy 1.000 kcal. Cheapest meal I could ever come up with, too. About 1.50 € where I live and I'm a big guy (for you).

pork tenderloin, I buy it already marinaded and its soft as shit

chicken with some spices is fine too but keep in mind

this shit makes god tier chicken, Costco used to sell it but you can get it at Walmart and Amazon

if you like teriyaki flavor this makes really good chicken too, available at Walmart

I usually make stir fry or oven baked chicken strips using potato flour.

>season with salt, pepper, cumin, cayenne, garlic powder
>sear it in a skillet
>put a couple tablespoons of salsa over it
>finish cooking in a 400° oven

It's good on its own like this but I like to eat it with cheese and guacamole

I just eat an entire box (10 packs) of Quaker blueberry & cream instant oatmeal, 2 cups whole milk, two protein shakes made with 2 cups whole milk instead of water, and a massive chicken caesar salad every day. Comes in somewhere around 3600kcal.

>instant oatmeal

brown rice is NOT good ... contains phytic acid which prevents the absorption of other nutrients. just eat white rice, or if you want the best eat sweet potato

>chop chicken
>fry chicken
>throw in veggies
>throw in a red thai curry paste or similar
>add some coconut cream or milk
>serve with rice or something

You'll be globbing up every last bit and it's impossible to fuck up

Get a meat thermometer and cook the chicken until it is just done that way you won't dry it out and it will have some taste.

Make a brine with salt,honey,spices let it sit over night

When you cook it if the breasts are thick cut in half so it cooks quick without drying out

Butterfly the chicken and fill with peppers and other veggies then cover and wrap in foil

Eggs, meat, fish, vegetables

If you need more calories eat some Haribos

first butterfly the chiken breast cut tenderloin off
then pat it dry with a paper towel so it frys instead of boils in its own juices,flaten it out with oven paper and a rolling pin or just hit it with the flat side of a sauce pan.
wait till the oil is starting to smoke a bit or just about too, season it salt and pepper generously just before it goes in .
lay it away from you so it dosent cover you in oil now to flavour it up when its seared in both sides put the heat on low and add butter and aromatics like herbs\garlic\curry....baste it now put it in a wire rack and cover it with tin foil for atleast 5 minutes so it reabsorbs its juices if you wanna get anal about it get a thermometer the internal temp should not be above 55 degrees celsiusor 131 farenheit

I cycle my proteins between chicken, fish, shrimp, lean ground beef, pork loin, kangaroo.
Usually anything with higher than 1g protein per 10 cals when on a cut is ideal.
If you can't learn how to cook these you aren't gonna make it.

>cico works, except if it's brown or white rice

Tilapia is shit tier food. Look up how it's raised, I'm not putting that in my body.

Get a sous vide cooker.

I feel like there's a Ugandan Knuckles meme in this

>tin foil layer
>chicken
>garlic and some onions
>a little butter and some rosemary (just a little)
>wrap it all up and put on oven on high heat for 20 minutes
>after cooking it for 20 minutes sear it on a grilling pan for 1 minute each side and you're done, best chicken ever

I use pic related. As it says on the advert "perfect results everytime" plus there's plenty of different flavours to pick.

Yes I know that it's cheaper to do it yourself but I have money so I don't give a shit.

>Brown rice is good.
It's shit. Anti-nutrients, motherfucker.

What's kangaroo taste like?

I'm with you OP. Everytime I cook chicken it tastes like fish and I hated it. I just eat deli ham and salami wrapped up in cheese like the overgrown toddler I am. If I dip it in hot sauce it keeps me full forever, and if I need to bulk I just eat 4 pounds of it cuz it never fills me up.

Marinate the chicken the night before. Its so easy to make it taste great with a small increase to the calorie intake.

Mustard, onions and some salt and you are good to go really...

Seriously. Count the calories / carbs and make em fit. Rice is fine. Even *gasp* white rice.
If it's not filling enough for you while still hitting your macros, substitute for potatoes, for example. Jeez.

Processed meat is extremely bad for you and increases your risk for stomach cancer if you eat it regularly

shit really?
Is it all of it or can I still eat a shit ton of deli ham?

Try cooking it up in a thai chicken green or red curry man, delicious, you can also throw some peppers in there, baby corns, long beans...cannot remember those beans names.

How the fuck do you ruin chicken?

you tuna't know the whey
i tried

Brine it you mut.

OP don't give up, chicken is the best if you care in anyways about your gains. I've been eating chicken every single day for the past few years that I prepare in such a way that I love. It is also super simple and all you need is a $50 toaster oven/broiler.

Buy a big package of chicken breasts. I buy my Stop & Shop brand value pack chicken breasts which have 4-6 big breasts in each package. I throw the package in my sink and open the plastic. First I take a knife and cut off all the fat. Some people like it but I can't stand it. Then I pour some olive oil over the chicken. I start my broiler and put it on the broil setting. I take my knife and make 5 cuts in each breast starting from an inch from the center outwards all the way. Now they should look like octopuses with their dangling slices but still attached. I take garlic salt and sprinkle it on them. Then I take a bit of lemon pepper. Also a grilled chicken seasoning from my store, you can skip if you don't have something like that. And finally some paprika I shake over them. I flip them over on their other side and do it again. I take about half the package and put it in the broiler for 30 min both sides. I take the rest of the chicken and wrap it in tin foil to throw in the broiler the next day. Once the chicken is done cooking I take it out and start cutting it up. Throw a good amount of hummus on there. Optionally you can throw some good spicy sauce on there too, my store has this Asian Szechuan sauce that's really good too, but this can be optional. Now eat it, it is tasty. Preferably with a good bowl of veggies like peas.

Also pic related is the final product, my normal meal from a few months ago

Fish is good. Also you could use spices (curry, paprika, coriander, garlic/onion salt, chili)

I see Veeky Forums talk a lot about hot sauce. Does that have benefits I am not aware or is it just for the taste?
That takes way too long

Incoming god-tier retard proof chicken recipe. Ready to serve in under 20 minutes, also reheats well.
> 1 lb breast tenderloins
> 1 lb bag frozen veggies
> 2 tbsp Olive oil
> 1 tbsp lemon pepper seasoning
> 2 tsp minced garlic
> 2 tsp red pepper flakes
Cube chicken while oil heats on medium heat. Dump in garlic and stir for like 30 seconds. Dump in chicken. Dump in lemon pepper and red pepper. Stir. Cook for 6-8 minutes until chicken is all white outside, stirring occasionally. Dump in veggies, stir. Cook 6-8 minutes or until veggies are nice and crisp. Makes 4 servings, 250 cal per. Add half a cup of rice to add carbs as desired.

Honestly not sure, but here's an article

cancer.org/latest-news/world-health-organization-says-processed-meat-causes-cancer.html

shit, well I guess I gotta learn to cook chicken better

Maximum flavor, minimum calories.

> Confusing relative risk and statistical significance.
These fucking studies drive me fucking crazy.

I'm sure you're much more qualified to extrapolate data than the Neanderthals at the WHO

4 parts salt
2 parts pepper
1 part garlic powder
1 part onion powder
Red pepper to taste
Throw that shit on chicken, then llace it in a frying pan seasoning down with oil
Flip after some time
It's done when you cut into the thickest part and see no pink
Godspeed user

>Soy Vay
Couldn't make this shit up.

Gamey, I'm trying to remember if venison tastes similar.

In fact I am.

t. Fulbright Scholar in Healthcare Analytics
t. PhD Statistician

mmmkkkaaaaayyyyy

im color blind and cant cook chicken so i replaces it with deli turkey still have the rice though

No matter how you cook it, "industrially grown" poultry is fucking inedible, and you're literally better off eating soy and semen than this cardboard-tasting shit they grow from eggs in under 2 weeks on Rich Piana's stack. Either buy free-range chicken (which tastes like a completely different species) or do your body a favor and drop the chicken meme completely.

Learn to cook, it isn't that hard. I heard bean are good choice too.

top kek

you can make your chicken more flavorful by putting soy sauce and garlic on it before you cook it. Also, you should try to cook it a little less to keep it juicy. Don't be afraid, you can cook it a little more if it's still pink in the middle (if it's just a very pale pink, just let it rest, it will be perfect.).

Don't do this. It makes mustard gas.

Idk if anyone said this but using 1.5% salt by weight to chicken the night before. Then when you cook it the next day you don't need to salt it and the chicken's proteins are denatured enough that it remains juicy after cooking to 150F. I usually just season it with MSG the following day and whatever saltless seasonings I feel like.

Honestly this, you can cook chicken to a lower temp than 165 and it's safe due to the temp being held for a longer period of time

Yeah had to believe someone might have better credentials) or be smarter than a fucking basement-dwelling NEET who thinks a cut is going from 36 tendies a day to 35.

Bro slice that shit thinly, thtow some spices on there and then sautee. Ez

KEK
>pink chicken
have fun with your e coli and salmonella faggot.

Put it in a Crock-Pot

>Pan on high
>Sliced Mushroom
>no oil
>wait4crust
>add sliced chicken, onion, oil
>5 min, stir frequently
>soft onion
>add acadian mustard(pickled mustard seed)
>add cream/milk whatever
>add .33 or .5 cup of H2O
>simmer on 10
>lid on
>LID ON
>check chicken for done
>add cream or mustard to taste
>plate with rice
>eat up buttercup

Buy Ronco rotisserie, follow directions. Marinade whole chicken in apple cider vinegar and garlic. Eat great chicken. Pick scraps off bones n save for later.

>Sliced Mushroom
>no oil

are you demented?

PAN

NICE AND HOT

ON THE HEAT OFF THE HEAT

WA-LA

BEAUTIFUL CHICKEN READY TO SERVE

HOT PAN

OLIVE OIL

SEASON

FUCKING DELICIOUS

DONE.

>tfw I put peanut butter in the rice for extra gains
shit's good

>boil chicken in spices
>shred chicken
>put in slow cooker with broth, a bit of cream/milk, veggies, seasoning
>cook for a couple hours
voila, you've got hearty chicken stew. Serve with rice/potatoes or don't if low carb

NICE AND FIRM

LISTEN

Salt and pepper, one side, butter in pan, heat, melt, put the chicken in.

After 5 minutes, salt and pepper other side, flip

after 3 minutes, flip, cover in thyme and parsley, cook 2 minutes, flip, thyme and parsley, cook for another two minutes.

Then take it out, drizzle of lemon all over it.

Boom, fresh tasting herby chicken breast.

ground turkey & literally anything