Feels thread

>suffered some extreme traumas at a young age
>when I say extreme, it's fiction-level shit, Batman doesn't even compare
>resulted in huge self-esteem issues, never fit in anywhere, autism in daily life
>always had huge, ambitious goals for myself
>thought i could still achieve my insanely big goals, but now I'm 21.5 y/o and I feel like my self-esteem issues are not going to let me achieve what I want as I'm not likable enough for people for them to trust me, get close to me or form a connection of mutual like

I've decided to completely stop giving a shit, but it's difficult to implement that in life. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy, I care about what people think I automatically become an autist, I don't care what they think, I become likable.
But still subconsciously, I give a shit about what other people think/do or think of me.

Reading my favorite stoics helps me, but only for a week or two or maybe a few months at best. In such times, I'm extremely confident/have a high self-esteem, and feel in control. But eventually, I sometimes feel like it's not the level of confidence I would like to achieve where I absolutely trust myself and believe in myself with whatever I choose to do, and I eventually end up going back to my "former self," which I sometimes feel like is my "real" self. I want to master myself, be in control of myself and not give a fuck about other things.

Has anyone passed through such a time? Did you manage to kill the boy within you and become a man? Advice appreciated.

I miss my dad, 24 years now, RIP old man!

Im fucked up friends. I need advice

>start casually dating an extremely beautiful smart girl
>I was just out of a LTR, so I didnt want anything serious
>she implied she did, but we continued to just fuck
>5 months later
>still fucking, but shes hoping for more
>Im saying that we arent exclusive, so dont expect anything
>shes not very loving, doesnt initiate sex, doesnt kiss my cheeks etc
>I tell her I want this
>she says shes trying, but its hard to show emotions due to not knowing where she has me
>I break up after things not getting better, tired of being the only one to show affection

>now I miss her like crazy
>she misses me
>I have two chicks on the side, one whos actually pretty amazing and likes anal, might be gf material
>still misses the first girl, think I made a mistake
>I want to give us a chance, see if shes the person she says she is, not the one whos shy
>also scared of losing the two chicks I have now and wasting more time on a girl whos not loving

tl;dr want to go back to a girl who didnt work out, in hopes that it will work out. Im tired of being a fuckboy, I want a relationship again

CBT shot just for the hell of it

some people just aren't built for that. I don't cry around other people if I cry at all, my bud is the same. his father died recently and he was cracking jokes about the guy instead of talking it out, because it's just sort of understood: yeah, death sucks, but everyone dies, it's just part of life and he'll deal with it in his own way.

I've been kinda lonely lately, trying to meditate and shit to alleviate it. doesn't help much.

Had to go with my dad to put my dog down at the end of January. He was 14, had heart failure. Fluid was building up and he was struggling to breathe. Couldn't give him a diuretic since his kidneys were also failing. It was awful. I had had that dog since I was a kid, and he was my dad's only company since I live on my own now. I hated watching him pass after the shot, seeing him so still. My dad and I just cried together. I still think about it. I miss my dog.

1 good relationship > 100 hot side-chicks

You fucked up son

I have similar feelings that I never fit in anywhere, I am completely capable of having normal conversations/interactions but after that I just never feel like I have a connection to people so I never really make friends. It definitely stems from being bullied as I now subconciously assume rejection so I just have this automatic defence to not let people in I guess.

Like you, I've decided to stop caring what people think of me. I feel like I get better at it every day and I find that always focusing on what I want to achieve is what's doing it. If something has no impact on my goals in life then I tell myself it doesn't matter.

I still get major depressive episodes but I can tell when one is coming so can prepare for the worst. But you have to fight your inner self to pull through. Keeping my mind set on future goals brings me back to higher confidence and self-esteem.

So that's my advice to kill the boy inside, focus on what you want to achieve as a man and never let the weakness of the boy hold sway over that future.

I'm sorry, user. I know how you feel. I had to put my cat down a few years ago, and I'd grown up with him.

I also have to put my grandmother's cat down this weekend, he has a growth in his mouth that makes it hard for him to eat, and he's old (~18ish?) so just putting him under for surgery would be a risk in itself. he's been the neighborhood cat for as long as I can remember; all the older folks are surprised he's still around. my late grandfather took him in a couple years ago before he died of Parkinson's, and my grandmother doesn't really like cats so she's been taking care of him but I've been the only one to actually show the poor thing some affection.

I've been trying to steel myself for the inevitable, especially since I've already experienced it before, but this time I know ahead of time that he's going to be put down and I think it's making it harder to deal with.

what Stoics do you read of, user? I'm assuming Marcus Aurelius, maybe Seneca's letters?

this user is right

if shes loyal, qt and actually likes you chances are she'll stick around and really make your life better

wish i had a qt to back me up during tough times right around now

I try to avoid my family a lot because I'm irritable and therefore abrasive most of the time. Unfortunately my parents criticize me about my attitude which they say brings everybody down and they're bewildered to why I keep social interaction to a minimum despite me explaining my emotions. I'm naturally stoic since I find crying to someone about my problems in-person to be really embarrassing - as such they claim there's absolutely nothing wrong with me and I'm not going to go out of my way to convince them of what ails me. They're not helpful, they only serve to exacerbate this stuff. I just feel like everything is too arduous, you know? My limbs and chest have a sensation towards reality which I can best describe as someone attempting to put two magnets' identical poles together. I have bad issues with anxiety too and my father has taken my medication away in the past presumably just to spite me because our relationship is rocky.

Life is pretty pointless at this stage.

This botany lab is so fucking boring, want to kill myself

>Spent a hour lifting and crying like a bitch, felt great afterwards.

sounds like you got it under control

Mostly Epictetus, some Marcus Aurelius.

user, I went through a great deal of what you are describing from 16-20. I fell in love at 20 and accepted who I was, but the social wariness still crept around. At 23, we split in a way that was not good for me, I self-harmed for a while and fucked my way through half of lower manhattan's undergrad population. I was saved by meditation and a desire to be great.

Focus on what you say drives you and exist authentically and passionately, assuming you aren't really ugly, people will respond and like you and it won't ever feel like work. Challenge yourself to be better, do it quietly and do it for yourself. People will notice, but never do it for them. That is the trap.

I did not have an extremely traumatic youth, but I was surrounded by death and grief for most of my youth. I would recommend you use your early trauma as a means of always maintaining internal perspective.

>>shes not very loving, doesnt initiate sex, doesnt kiss my cheeks etc
>>I tell her I want this
>>she says shes trying, but its hard to show emotions due to not knowing where she has me
to me, this part doesnt just make sense. Judge the girl by her actions, not what she says. I wouldnt get back with her

>moved in with my friend(female) of three years
>got involved almost immediately
>shit was sweet for the first six months
>started lifting
>emptied my balls inside her as often as I could, as she was on the pill
>then she got some stomach sickness, sex became painful for her
>she spent shitload of money on the doctor
>eight months later her pains disappeared
>with the rest of her libido
>eight fucking months without sex
The funny thing is, living together is absolute bliss and that is the only reason we're still together. But the lack of any action I seriously pushing me out of this comfort zone. I guess I'm too scared to lose my current accomodation but man can only be pushed so far.

What is this meditation meme? How do I do it, how can it help me?

Also, don't read into the stoics too much. Make space for your feelings internally and with loved ones. Otherwise they are liable to wear you down. Feel the things your mind is telling you to feel, just make sure to never lose external control. Try to find someone you can be completely, or close to completely, honest with.

I completely agree, but theres a small part of me thats thinking that shes actually just having a hard time showing emotions when shes not sure on the guy, and if I show myself commited she will change?

I started by sitting in silence for 30 minutes everyday. It feels difficult and strange for the first week. By the second week you start to relish the respite from life it grants you. Good workouts often provide a similar feeling. As you practice more you will find that you understand yourself more thoroughly, you will understand why you act the way you do, why you get angry the way you do, etc. I have found it to be invaluable. I am doing well by most metrics despite still sometimes thinking the way I did when I was a 14 year old newfag on /b/.

>thought i could still achieve my insanely big goals, but now I'm 21.5 y/o and I feel like my self-esteem issues are not going to let me achieve what I want as I'm not likable enough for people for them to trust me, get close to me or form a connection of mutual like

focus less on the goal itself and more on your attempt to achieve it. whether people like you is not in your control, but your will to be likable is. this way, even on days you feel like you're coming up short, you won't react negatively and make it worse.

think of yourself as an archer. focus on doing all you can to shoot your arrow straight and true, but whether it hits the target can be influenced by a change in wind direction, etc., so just remember that once the arrow leaves the bow, it's out of your hands. all that you can ask for is to shoot well.

>But still subconsciously, I give a shit about what other people think/do or think of me.
why? what does it matter what they think of you?

Very insightful, thanks user. Going to start doing this.

Well either face the consequences, or back out

It's your life man, time to take control and make yourself happy man

Are you joking? This normalfag-tier shit doesn't belong here.

>his father died recently

Well if your bud was 50 years old I'd understand

I keep trying to plan this out, and I honestly believe it's a reasonable plan. But I can't help feeling that it isn't feasible, or good enough.

he's 19, his father must've been in his early 40s. I guess he'd been having heart problems or some shit, cause he said something like "I've been feeling good" the last time he saw his sons.

shortly after they got the news he died, my friend told me "we [he and his twin brother] told him not to say shit like that cause it tempts fate", then we had a laugh about how my friend's bad luck is continuing into 2018.

and yes, he was very close with his father, he just doesn't cope by crying

>25 years old
>Feel like I missed my shot in college to meet a good girl. I have a great job, strong social circle, not manlet, handsome, built, and can contain my autism
>all of the decent girls I know are taken. All. of. them.
>Tinder is full of fat roasties
>No idea where to meet a decent girl

But,

Lifts are going up, I'm looking cut as hell, and i'm making a ton of money at my new job. Got a pretty positive outlook on life besides being celibate.

Chad for motivation

I need advice boys.
>be me
>Veeky Forums, act extremely confident, outgoing
>decided I'm sick of going for above average women cause it's more trouble than it's worth
>ask out a qt from work
>7/10, cute, but not my type. Brown hair and eyes
>we went out on a date and she's smart and we have great conversations about everything.
>almost no breaks in the talking
>my original plan was just to sleep with her, even through pump and dump goes against my morals. I want a ltr.
>we click but I'm still not THAT attracted to her cause I know I can do better and I don't like brown hair and eyes
>I feel shallow and like a dick.
>she's fallen for me but I still don't feel it.
I know it'll be more merciful to break it off as soon as possible but I like having SOMETHING for a change rather than nothing.

I don't know if I did a good or bad thing

Coworker keeps asking me for help on everything, he can't do the job etc..
I don't know if he is actually really good or he is kind of using me and wants me to do the work for him
Tell my boss about this and let him know that i'm doing the whole thing for him on this project and he will need to start doing the other parts of this project since i cant do everything
Boss says okay, thanks for telling me etc...
I didn't lie or bend the truth in any way, maybe he is good on other projects but this one project he cant do shit

Fuck, I'm a dick right?

So much this. I was tempted recently to hook up with a fwb over spending the night with a girl I’m really falling for. Deleted fwb number and spent the night cuddling the girl, nothing else just cuddling and sleeping next to each other.

90% of potential women are seeing someone always, you just have to cuck them if you think you are alpha

>can contain my autism
Fucking pleb.

A girl capitulating to a different guy than the one she's dating isn't worth shit.

>tfw starting to not want to have sex because i want to save my energy for working out

half the reason you work out is to get or keep your partner user
don't be backwards

Trade school honestly sounds like your best option.

You lost a great opportunity at a loving relationship. That's something that cheap casual sex can't take the place of.

I know that feel...unironically told my fuck buddy "not tonight"

If you build more of an emotional connection you might be able to be more attracted to her, but I don't know. You might be right.

>”Can’t express true feelings” to people close to me
>Literally the most important function of friends and family
The only thing preventing you from healing and figuring out your emotions is your insecurity in your emotions and that you’ll appear like a pussy to people. That’s what really makes you weak.
In reality, friends and family feel happy and useful when you talk to them in heart-to-heart conversations when you’re struggling. They feel honored that you can trust them. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is a sign of strength and confidence. Being emotionally unavailable is not.

Use your strong social circle to meet girls. That's literally one of the best parts of having strong social circle. I mean, the stereotype of people stopping going out once they have a girlfriend isn't because they magically become "unfun". It's because they no longer need the social circle.

doing alright, lonely but by choice so i cant get upset, decided to be more /out/ this year while i have the time, having a lot of fun so thats neat, readings going well, only thing im not to fond of is the job, its nice and its good experience, but i cant sit in an office all day

Broken souls stick together

>gave up alcohol for lent
>had really fucking weird thoughts past 2 days
>finally broke through that barrier

i'm making /mentalgains/ anons

also relevant: decided to stop fucking around with my routine. I'm 20% bf, 0.75/1.25/2.25/2.25 5RM, do I cut and waste noobie gains even though i've been lifting for 4 months or just start starting strength and do a really meticulously planned clean bulk?

Veeky Forums

I could use some help on this question. Do you say good morning and hi when you come to work and have to go through reception? You greet them every morning ?

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> tfw gym crush came in for the first time in a week
> tfw chest getting notably bigger

Today was a good day lads. Hope you all keep up the good work.

Lonliness is fucking killing me but it also motivates me to get more fit

I feel you friend

I told my parents that I want to live/work abroad, and my mom treated me coldly for the whole day yesterday. They're the only reason that I have to stay here.

but at least I'm doing my daily run outside again

I'm with you bud, I haven't met a single friend for the last six months.