Talked the hot new cashier at the gym into giving me her phone lads
Veeky Forums mire thread
Wait till your local PD finds out, criminal scum
Doesn't mean much from my experience. Good luck making ur gym experience awkward as can be every time you go.
I'm taking her out at the end of the week lol
>"24 hour fitness how can I help you?"
Wtf bro give her back her phone
>go on date
>we have sex
>she's down for a second date
You just shit where you eat. Bad, bad idea.
who here /selfmire/
>the house is empty
>check myself out in the mirror a bit
>take off everything but my boxers
>check out myself some more
>i am a god
>put on music i can dance to
>dance around the house in my underwear checking myself out in the big windows all around the house
>gosh im so fucking nice looking
>wink at myself and proceed dancing
i get mires from people often, but self mires are best mires
the fuck does that even mean lol
It's a humble mire, but felt good.
>be at work
>coworker of mine is an old Polish man
>while working, he feels my arm and says in a thick accent, "If you get bigger, you will need new uniform."
Basically if things go south you will still see her every time you go to the gym which is akward
I would go gay for myself in a heartbeat
That's like thinking of digging a defensive line during your offensive brah, plus she won't last at the gym. They never do.
I’m not arguing for it just explaining it. It’s kind of tough to avoid that because you will meet cute women at work/gym/ etc
>match with my friends cousin on tinder who also goes to same college named Sarah
>plan to meet her at a bar
>show up around 9 with my buddies
>end up blacking out hard and wake up in my bed soaked in my own piss
>apparently I did meet Sarah
>drunk me flirted with her all night
>drunk me also twerked on her friends and put her in headlock
>thought I was going to have to block her
>she sent me lingerie pics the next night saying she liked how rough I was with her at the bar
Can’t believe it worked out. I stopped drinking after college because I was always the guy to drink too much and break a door or climb a tree and sing. Never got in a drunk fight though.
>put her in headlock
>asks if she wants to go out
>plan dinner and a walk
>a few days between now and date
>texting eachother nearly all day for each of these days, going great
>meet up in person
>she clearly thinks im attractive
>autist so i have nothing to say in person
>she powers through the date and we go back to her place to fuck, all her decision
>i eat her vagene
>she goes to suck penis and it gets soft
>gets visibly mad
>she lays down and we sleep in the same bed that night
>next day we plan another date
>go on walk
>autist so i dont know what to even say
>she does most of the work on the date
>go back to my place after, and i manage to stutter "want to come in and watch a funny show?''
>it leads to sex
>nervous so dick doesnt get hard
>she walks out
such is the cycle of every girl i've ever been with.
this exact sequence has happened to me countless times
You are way too nervous dude. You need to relax.
we’re gonna make it
i know i do.
like really i got a blowjob the other day and was actually enjoying it for 20-30 seconds and then it went soft and then i got so nervous that it went soft that i just stopped everything right there.
psychological ED is terrible.
>really feeling it in the gym
>blank mind except saying the rep I'm on mentally
>"rep 1, rep 2, rep 3, etc"
>notice someone is looking at me
>look to the right and see a girl saying something to me
>can't understand what shes saying
>say "rep?" for some reason
>she looks confused and smiles
>go back to working out
Careful user, girls who like getting roughed up generally turn out to be mentally unstable
I know your pain
Literally just get medicine if you have a problem with your dick working. You know they have pretty good shit for that.
hahahahah fucking yes, I love you you gymbot
Did you talk her into giving her your phone or did you assault and threaten her to do it you piece of shit
>mfw mirers play gym mirror games and it's obvious
She’s pretty sexy but wtf is that dookie on her hand? Musta ben digging for nuggets
I love myself but I don't know if I would fuck myself if I were someone else. Maybe it's because I know I perform poorly sex-wise.
when i was younger i used to film myself jerking it from the side, or bottom like someone else was doing it.
then i would watch the video and continue jerking it
Now that’s a total different type of Pervasive Developmental Disorder
I was doing lying dumbbell tricep extensions... one of the lamest exercises of all... and some college girl on an elliptical kept watching me.
It was weird, because I'm actually 30 years old.
>Go to a clinic to sign up for dui class
> check in with reception and head for the coffee lounge
> couple 5\10 junkie broads are there, a 3rd one i cant tell she totally nodded out sprawled on the table, and a junkie dude at the coffee machine hes an okay dude we talked a few times about the hockey games before
> start convo about hockey as im making a brew
> sit down drink my coffee and shut the fuck up and watch everyone else(this is a clinic so itll be a show)
> absolute quite
>20 min pass and two wild ass fucking junk boats come waltzing in
> starts screaming in junkie speak to everyone
> dont know exactly is being said because they sound like mongolois speaking broken irish in an english accent
> something along the lines of "hey buddy whats up do derp derpa dupe durp smoking crack durpa dupe"
> other junkies get excited hearing the word crack im now in the middle of a roaring crowd of junkies
> therapists and specialists come out their offices and start yelling at all these junkers to stfu or security will come
> i need my dui class so i hope im not included
> they all mock her "oh no not the security" tell her to shut the fuck up and go back to talking but with inside voices
> what did i just witness
> getting uneasy about waiting for the dui guy so i step out of lounge and call his office
> set up the intake and wait some more to finalize
> old friend walks in
> oh hey user
>7/10 petite qt walks out an office and passes us getting mogged
> friend tells me he relapsed and starts asking about if im lifting still and about training regimens
> bitch i aint a PT
>7/10 passes again still mogged
> friend asks to bum a smoke
> bitch i dont smoke
> 7/10 comes back a third time
> i dont know if she wants me to follow her or what but this chick passed me 3 times giving side glances and shit
> DISREGARD and remind myself why half these people are here
> friend leaves to go outside and bum butts
She was thinking
>that 30 year old that goes to the gym
I hope you get mowed down by a junkie in a junkie van
Bro ur the virgin....you keep taking out maybe you can work at a chinese restaurant with all that take-out. Doesn't mean shell give u anal or something exciting. You sound to excited.
>on elevator normal looking girl gets on
>"I hope your having a good day, if you are. If you're not, sorry you're having a bad day. At least you don't have work, or class because it's Saturday"
>So many words.jpg
>Realize she's nervous and rambling
Felt weird to have a girl dropping her spaghetti, but it was really funny after
This is one of the worst green texts ive read in a while
> pt 2 of my first day at dui class
> someone must have mentioned crack again cause its loud as fuck in the lounge again
> i step out to a quite area with a window to hear myself think
> 5 min pass so i turn around to grab another coffee
> almost crash into a 9/10 fine ass motherfucking petite asian
> shes looking at me with the please fuck me daddy eyes as she walks passed me
> her neck snaps and she start playing with her hair like shes jiggling keys at a dog
> this girl is too fine she must work here
> friend returns
> a 6/10 therpist walks by and i start cracking jokes to my friend about how scary she looks with her make up
> sad part is ive seen her before and thought she was alright looking but today i caught her at the right angle to see her true form
> go in lounge and one of the wild junkies is flailing his limbs about talking about his push to start car his parents let him use but its his car
> go sit down somewhere
> 6/10 black chick sitting across from me
> shes talking to other wild ass junkie and starts telling me that the one flailing is outta control
> yeah fucking tell me about
> other guy gets jealous and tries talking to her more
> as she is talking shes swinging her foot near my dick under the table
> fucking wow
> a 7/10 walks in and lock her eyes with mine
> give her a nod like hi
> still looking at me starts stripping off her hoodie a shirts until she almost in nothing but a bra
> i smile blush and step out to cool off
> go to waiting room and sit down 8/ 10 walks in staring at me and reaches for the basket of condoms on the table
> are you fucking kidding i know im cute but this is getting rediculous
>head back to the lounge
> whattaya another girl approaches me
> we know each other from the city so whatever
> oh hey user long time no see
> reaches for a hug
> give one of those quick ones with the pat ont the back
> we talk for a bit and she goes to sit down and begs for another hug
Pt 3 of my first dui class
> give this chick the same hug
> as shes sitting down all the other girl are throwing daggers at her
> i cant stop laughing cause these bitches are mirin too hard
> i finish up what i gotta do there with the dui guy and leave
> fucking finally
> i get outside and the girl who was passing back and forth is right there with a big dimb smile
> did this bitch wait for me to leave
> do 360 walk in another direction home.
This is the most rambling pointless story I've read on this retard infested website and that's saying something.
Most of the "mires" were "a grill looked at me", no one point tied into the next in any coherent way.
>Have you and your sister ever had an underwater weighing test?
Bro these chicks wanted to fucking dog me im talling you. They were getting ready to maul each other right in the lounge over me. Whats not to get. Take the jelly out your eyes and see.
Whats an underwater weighing test btw
I have jacked off to myself in the mirror before. I know this feel.
>girl looked at me
>i go outside
>come back she smiled
>friend from back home shows up
>say whats up
>other girl 1.3/2 hugs me
>talk to other girl
>her eyes want me
>i go outside say hello come back say hi dui wtf eyes looked at me gave her a hug dui guy whats up mirin
Bro you dont get it you had to be there im serious i couldve fucked two at a time dude im serious
Indian dermatologist said I'd be a hunk by the end of my accutane FeelsGoodMan
The autism is real
I hope you remembered to tip her
You're at a junkie meeting not a beauty pageant. How much of this do you expect me to believe?
So, this was my Sunday
>Meet up with 8/10 chick off tinder
>Keeps commenting she loves my arms and I have a sexy body
>Bang for an hour
>Leave cuz I'm tryina do this pick up volleyball thing for social gains (new to this city)
>Door is locked
> Ask one of the chicks I've banged a few times if she wants to play with my dick
>Head to her house, she makes me dinner, sucks my cock and gives me a massage
>She keeps telling me I'm beautiful like toasties always do
>Nut, go home
Mfw I banged 3 different women 4 times last weekend
We're all gonna make it bros
Same thing as biting the hand that feeds you
Me and me sister were at the doctor's, and she was really excited because all she could wear was a sports bra, and then they put us under the water and did a bunch of tests because my mom wanted to know how much we weighed
You lost me at me and me
The 1 girl I wanted a second date with never replied to my message. Sex was great and she was nice
>Been a thiccboi all my life
>not really ugly but my attractiveness definitely has gone down due to it
>didn't really care bc i married my qtpie pretty young, we were each others first everything and I got it on daily
>but everytime I looked in the mirror i just looked like a flabby mess
>start working out, wife encourages me she starts working out with me
>getting that definition back senpai
>work in an office setting with a ton of women
>one of them in particular, S.
>starts being super friendly
>touching my arm and shit and sitting next to me during lunch break
>somehow gets my number
>received a shit ton of flirty messages shit like "hey we should hang out after work ;)" or "wanna come over for drinks and talk about work? xoxo"
>wife gets salty, wants to jump a bitch
>im a moralfag tho so I aint touching that shit
>tell S politely to stop messaging and to keep things professionally
>invite wife to come have lunch with me routinely during my break hours
>S starts being a petty aggressive shithead, little sly comments about wife's appearance etc
>next thing I know she sends fucking nudes out of nowhere with shit like saying how much better she could make me cum, and how she's so much better than my wife
>tbqh senpai im disgusted by whore behavior
>got her fired for sexual harassment
>put her in headlock
She's probably going to burn your house down dawg
Shes definitely interested in him if she wants to go out. Stop projecting, you're the virgin here
Trapped in cycle of becoming romantically involved with female only to be dumped a few weeks or a month later because she’s gotten over the appeal of my exterior. How do I put a stop to this? I have no marketable qualities aside from my looks/physique (except maybe intelligence but any time I exhibit intelligence I sound like a Neichze loving pessimist/school shooter).
>be 4/10 thicc spicc
>have been getting steadily less thicc this year
>checking out 5-7/10 girls on treadmills and ellipticals as usual during my deadlifts
>out of the corner of my eye see a girl's head turned towards me
>turn my head towards her and make eye contact
>she looks away real quick
>she's like a 4/10 as well
>kept seeing her head turned towards me as I did my sets
>ended up making eye contact with her two more times
>she leaves the gym soon after
I think I was just mired today but I dunno.
get a qt school shooter goth gf
They don’t like me because I look too much like Chad...
Lmaoo. Watching chicks drop their spaghetti is great
I'm so scare of this happening to me. I'm a hansome autist too. I get so many girls at my university that want me to make a move, but I don't because I'm a afraid that it will just be dead silence if we go for coffee or some shit. I'm also on no fap and if it did lead somewhere I would cum in 2 seconds.
I unironically do this
>Working in a coffee shop during uni
>Quite posh area but we mostly get late teens early 20s people who come shopping at primark
>So faux posh
>Sports relief week
>Manager suggests we run a game
>Donate money and have a chance to arm wrestle me for a free coffee and cake
>Only one guy got something free
>Most people were mad
>Some armlets got called out by their teen gf ‘You can beat him you lift’
Granted most of my competition was cocky teens trying to show off to their gf after buying them India’s finest clothes at primark, but I got a lot of mires too.
>tfw only 6’4”
>Only been lifting 6 months
>I get so many girls at my university that want me to make a move
...time to face the facts, man. you can make it, but only if you do.
bro what the fuck do you think she gave him his number for? so she can ask what supps/programs he uses? maybe so she can walk his dog? fucking useless virgins
What the fucking did I just read.
Holy fuck wtf
>had a dream last night where i was shirtless in my old highschool and everyone was mirin'
i think a made it boys
post them nudes of BTFO
based moralchad, I’m married too and I hope if I’m ever in that situation I’ll do the same thing
Selfmire is good for self confidence too
are you me?
Never get mired by girls. My bro mires keep me living.
thanks for wasting my time with this
Dude stop jumping to sex so fast. Give it a couple weeks at least. Get comfortable with them
>be fucking this cute girl I met at uni
>while she's in the shower I go on her phone
>message comes up from one of her friends asking "how did it go??"
>click the message and it takes me to a group chat with her friends
>see her messages telling them about me
>"he's tall, really hot face, he's nice and he has abs!!"
>feeling pretty good
>read further down and its the messages from just before she came over
>see her asking for sex tips and saying how nervous she is
>all her friends telling her it'll be fine and to stop being so anxious
>clicked off the group chat and pretended I hadn't seen any of it when she came back in
Was cute seeing how nervous she was and asking her friends for help.
>on our first date I go to hug her as we part ways
>she spergs out and thinks I'm going for a high five for some reason, basically slaps me on the chest
>she's still embarrassed about it now and hates me bringing it up
You made it
>not sending a dick pic into the group chat
these are supposed to be chad stories not fag stories
i actually feel genually happy for you for some reason
Being this new.
it's called empathy lol
Chick at work complimented my butt
Means a lot for me since same chick told me to work my butt more (i had absolute hank hill ass)
>be having dinner with friends and their friends
>girl I only know by proxy got up and start poking my chubby friend's sides
>'hmmm...a bit too big'
>she turns around and pokes my skinny friend's sides
>'a bit too small...' followed by giggles
>'and you....you're just the right size' followed by even more giggles.
I had a strange feeling between satisfaction and uncomfortable. My chubby friend actually had a good laugh about me acting a bit awkward afterwards and jokingly told me maybe I should make a post on tumblr about matriarchy oppression if it bother me so much.
>7.5/10 acquaintance from high school hits me up
>go for drinks and fuck 2 nights in a row
>she never texts me back
>send her a text and she says "who's this?"
>she deleted me lol
>she ignores me now
t. not sure if mire
She realized she's not worthy of you
jeez, i never seem to get a steady relationship. i quit drugs, get a job, get six pack, and realize i just want to settle down with a qt gf and thots just wont quit being thots. good thing i fall in and out of love easily. but goddamn it still hurts. she was a bit of a tumbrina but i still liked her .
Hahahahaha I want to buy you a drink