Wipe while standing or sitting?

What's the Veeky Forums approved way to wipe yourself? Is one method healthier than the other?

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Back-to-front standing is the way to go.

i take a shit before i hit the gym and wait until im in the squat rack to wipe

I kinda lift my cheeks and squat while wiping like this. How the fuck do you get your hand into the bowl when sitting? Don't you hit the water and your dick?

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While squatting drater, what the fuck are you dense?
Best way to get those deep wipes.

I just lift my dick out of the way. Also the amount of water in toilets varies quite a bit, where I live it's much lower than what I've seen in other parts of the US.

>getting shit on your balls

I always stand to wipe. I like to inspect my turds.

Wipe while squatting

Where TF did you neanderthals learn to stand while wiping

Back to front unless you have a vagina

Your cheeks stay spread, the shit only touches the sphincter

Also shave your gooch

i'm not trolling, I honestly don't understand how people wipe while sitting. Do you have to like lean forward a lot and get your hand in the back? How does your dick not touch the water if you do that?

honestly if you're not doing no-wipe for test gains I don't even know why you're here

My leaning forward doesn't affect my penor depth because I'm not moving my pelvis, but I don't have to lean because I don't have a gut
Are you fat?

Shiggy diggy

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after seeing this whole thread, i didn't even know so many wiping techniques existed............

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not fat at all. I just feel like I can't get in there deep enough unless I fully lift off the seat and sorta squat

i get off the seat and do an ass to grass squat.
get a big wiff of it and then start wiping.
i finish with a couple wipes of lightly damp paper towels.

By "deep" do you mean your arm reaching further back? Because lifting off the seat mechanically requires you to reach further

Only if you're fucking retarded

I guess I find it hard to get the leverage to wipe it clean enough from the back while my ass is fully making contact with the porcelain, which is why I always stood off it to get a better angle with my arm

You definitely need to stand to wipe from the back, try wiping from the front while seated next time friend

I am unironically going to try tomorrow morning during my morning poop. Do you 'sitters' lean to the side when wiping?

This faggot gets it

>Back-to-front standing is the way to go.

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>finger my ass in the shower
>get massive boner, jerk off and cum
>ass rumbles and get ass burps
>sit down on toilet
>massive farts, bowels completely empty themselves
take the homo pill

I wash my asshole with water and soap after every shitting session

tfw always did front to back + reverse and now my asshole is disfigured.

So I wiped standing all my life, until getting a bidet last year and having to start wiping sitting. I generally prefer sitting now even when not using a bidet, but it makes examining your shit a little tougher.

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Upon reading this thread, who here thinks they've been wiping the most incorrectly?

You just hit your ass-uvula.

Wipe like an athlete and stand up

>not sitting on the wall of your tub with your ass above it and rinsing your ass with cold water
These are the people giving you advice on the Kenyan spear whetting forum

I do like this and let me tell you today sir it is optimal

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absolutely pleb
bidet + blowdry masterrace

the only way is to eat SO MUCH fiber, you dont HAVE to wipe

Curl your hands to fists, place them on your hips as you inspect turd in toilet with a thoughtful "hmmm"

Standing mate. Fuck these fruity faggots that wipe sitting down because of social standards and whatnot

I shit and wipe standing up

Sitting down. Arm behind my back.