H-hey Veeky Forums, tell me a story...

H-hey Veeky Forums, tell me a story. Tell me what it's like to have a party that actually uses their words instead of applying swords to everything until it stops moving.

It's not too great.

Last game I GM'd the defacto party leader tried to bribe people with cars.

Literally all the time.

They argue a lot. About things like how to open doors or how to seduce the corporate executive to give up secrets. All stupid plans and all of them fail.

Sometimes a sword really is a good implement.

I am imagining party leader as the kid of a car dealership owner.
>Hey man my dad is a dealer I can hook you up.
>Come on man it is a sweet ride my dad is a dealer he can hook you up.
>My dad owns a dealership, you better not mess with me.

OP here

I tried to get my party to engage with a talking wishing well of secrets they found in the basement of the BBEG's lair and was offering them what they desire most.

It was like pulling teeth. They just stared at me and said "this well is creepy, we ignore it"

To be fair, a creepy well offering you wishes in the BBEGs basement that he himself has apparently not used up for personal gain has a lot of red flags involved.
Also wishes that offer you your greatest desires are 99% of the time traps and very bad news.
Your party did the smartest thing it could by ignoring it.

I have to think up the motivations for NPCs and try to anticipate what would happen if the PCs ally with or befriend them. It adds to the prep time, but sometimes I get cool things like players really forming an emotional bond to allies or antagonists.

Scene: Our ranger gets ambushed by a stereotypical thief in the genre classical dark alley. Ranger turns the tables and overpower the thief in order to question him.

Ranger: Allright, answer my questions and i might let you live. (Intimidates succesfully.)

Thief: Allright, whatever you want man! Just dont hurt me!

Ranger: Got any gold?

Thief: ... yeah, about 10 gold pieces.

Ranger: Gimme.

*thief complies*

Ranger: Thanks.

Thief: ...

Ranger: ...

*Ranger tries to draw his hunting knife via a sleight of hand to conceal the fact. Rolls for sleight of hand. Fails*

Thief: ... Whatcha gonna do with that knife?

Ranger: ... This is the where i wanted to have said something cool.

*Fatally stabs thief*

The End.

You aren't really missing out on much pal.

Honestly they usually say the wrong things and piss people off. One time they traded a divine artifact with a demon in exchange for aid and short changed themselves by basically asking for a distraction. Terrible negotiators.

This. Try not to make the schmuck bait so painfully obvious next time. They apparently aren't as dumb as you seem to think.