oh it's my turn? sorry I was texting kyle

Baitpost detected.

If she isn't interested in the game
And Kyle isn't at the table

WTF is she even doing there?

> oh it's my turn? sorry I was texting kyle
I understand but if you could please keep it to a minimum, that'd be great. We have 5-10 minute breaks every hour for a reason.

> oh yeah it's an elf just like in the hobbit
Okay cool, but could you be more descriptive? Their appearance can vary from elf to elf.

> d8 for damage? which one's the d8?
It's the one that looks like two pyramids stuck together.

> oh that one. so how many times do I roll it?
Is their a number infront of the d8 on your sheet? If so, roll that many times. If not, only once.

> wait what does that spell do?
You can check what they do in the players handbook. But that one in particular? I'm pretty sure it does X, but let's check to make sure.

> oh guys I can't come tonight I'm going to the movies with Kyle
Thank's for letting me know ahead of time, I send you an Email with a summary of what happened tomorrow so you don't fall behind.

> I know I'm new to the game but I want to play a wizard, like in Harry Potter!
Okay, cool. What kind of spells do you want to focus on?

> guys I lost my character sheet does anyone here remember my characters stats?
*Pulls out the GM copy* See, this is the reason I ask the group to make duplicate sheets the first session. Give it back after the session and I can photocopy it and send you a sheet via Email that you can print off and bring next time.

Obviously I've had to deal with these situations before and have learned how to deal with it like a proper adult.

So shit at roleplaying in a different way? Not that there's anything wrong with just running a dungeon crawler if that's what the group wants to do. Also not agreeing with OP, I've played with 2 girls who were great players, which is also the amount of guys I've played with who were great.

Hey, Virt how's it going? I see you figured out how to ban evade. Are you going to share some elf chick snuff with us too? Or how about how people with families are not allowed in your games?

I'm always amazed that the GM isn't normally the one holding onto the sheets in the first place. Game ain't happening without me, anyway; I might as well hold onto them.

These really aren't so bad.
>Oh no, being excited about mainstream pop culture references gtfo normie reeeeeee
>Normal newbie shit. Took me a while to memorize the dice too.
>Pay attention to the game or I'll kick you out. You can text during one of our breaks.
>Fine, sometimes you can't make it. We'll play without you.
>If she chronically cancels, then I'll just stop inviting her. Problem solved.
>You're using a digital sheet now. Copy your stats from that.

But yeah, she just seems like every new player ever.

Quotes from my last group:

Player 1:
>Can I try to sweep the legs as a readied action instead of just hitting him?

>I'm going to keep this last heal spell ready for the barbarian because he's first in the marching order

>(plays a cleric that is secretly a former thief trying to deal with kleptomania)

Player 2
>Fuck the loot! I jump into the portal!

>But the donkey has brought us so far. I'll only set him free if he's safer that way.

>I'll learn whatever fighting style kicks the most ass to keep up with the barbarian

Player 3
>yeah I'm a Tiefling with amnesia who is trying to find my parents and is sick of all the racism I experience

>*grabs anything not nailed to the floor to sell later*

>Can I have like a dagger that just reappears in my hand after I throw it at people?

Guess which player is a girl.

It's all of them

Most That Guys I've ever met have been men

Agreed. The current group I'm in doesn't do that and it's odd to me.

Okay for someone with two sessions of experience in a jokey let's see if we can D&D without murdering each other, actually. Seems to be the one with the most common sense and caution in the group, if not into the fancy roleplaying part.

We're about halfway through the introductory campaign that's been a crawler so far, but they're starting to look into the NPCs they encounter, so next session we may reach a point where they decide to investigate the fallout of their actions, so now it's their own talky stuff instead of going to town to gather quests.

>95% of women are fucking terrible roleplayers
95% of people are fucking terrible roleplayers, regardless of gender

Thank you for existing, nice bro

>Seriously, 95% of women are fucking terrible roleplayers.

>citation needed

Your personal anecdotes do not count.

>I only met one girl who was actually good at it and she committed suicide two years ago

pic related

Thank you. Sometimes being a ForeverGM has its' upsides, other times it's a thankless job.

You're describing most of my players. They're all male.

Sometimes you want to check your sheet to think of a move you could make. You don't always know exactly what you can do.
You can try to test things too, to see what you can take and what you can't to understand better the strenght of your character.
You can play it in a different game too.

A character sheet is personnal for me. It's MY sheet, I put love into it. The GM can have a copy, sure, but I keep the original.

Don't worry, I don't think anyone would want to take something you've put your love into.

This was low brow but it made me chuckle

We would see nowhere near as many of these posts if you devil's advocates fucked off back to hell.

The best player I've got is a girl, so I dunno.

My group consists of 50% girls. My anecdotal evidence counters yours

That's what Veeky Forums is about.

Not using character sheets online.

How do I get hot girls to join my DnD group?

>females

opinion disregarded

Depends how long we've been at it. New players always take a bit to get the hang of things. If they're showing clear disinterest after several sessions, I ask them in private why they're here and if they're actually having fun like a fucking adult.

> Oh it's my turn? Sorry I was texting [name]
Out. Don't care if your a girl or a boy. Using a your phone/3ds or whatever while I'm running a campaign triggers me way too hard.

scenario about going to the movies should be handled differently depending on whether she is canceling a pre-arranged gamenight or is being asked if she wants to join game night that same day.

one is blatant disregard for the group while the other is legit

i wonder who kyle is though. is he some kind of Jody of the RPG world?

For what purpose?

I want a qt role-playing gf

All the girls I go out with bore me to death. I stopped dating 3 years ago because of it.

>oh it's my turn? sorry I was txting my gf
>oh yeah, I'm an elf just like legolas
>how much damage do I do?
>I can't game tonight, party
>I know I'm new to that game but I want to be a wizard like Jojo!
>I lost my character sheet, does anyone remember my stats?

this is all shit guys do too

2/10gotme2(u)

>a thread had to die for this one

OP is clearly brain damaged from oxygen deprivation because of how many cocks are lodged in his throat at all times.

lol so angry.

This guy is right, but I've never heard someone use JoJo as an inspiration to play a wizard. Everything else though is pretty much spot on

Except most of the time it's someone being a ranger like Aragorn instead of an elf like Legolas

Your low quality photo in the catalogue had me think that her hands were bloody. I am dissapointed, OP.

...

It's July, school is put.

OP is a beta orbiter who can't actually get laid, so he hasn't kicked her but also isn't willing to take the time to stop badly flirting to help her improve, so he's filled with impotent rage.

Like goddamn dude. If you could interact like a normal human, having someone at your table is where interest starts. You should be able to nurse that into a fun experience, maybe run a rules light one shot that doesn't require weeks of commitment. Instead you try to show off and go full sperg with your epic GURPS campaign and then get pissed when a new person doesn't have the depth of knowledge or understanding and fails to shower you with praise over your pretend world.

The problem is that she has a shitty GM who has no interest in actually making it fun for her to play the game, that's why she's texting and bailing.

...

This.

Mother. Fucking. This.

I had a guy at my table for a year that had never done any tabletop RPGs before. Or any RPGs. His only window into geek culture was horror flicks - he'd never even seen LotR.

Dude had a blast.

Because the DM made a point of making his character (just like EVERY OTHER character) vital to the plot, because he felt engaged, because he had opportunities to do awesome things, he never missed a game until serious issues arose.

And seriously, you gonna bitch at a newbie for not knowing their dice?

> oh it's my turn? sorry I was texting kyle
Yes, it's your turn. Get a bit more invested in the game.
> oh yeah it's an elf just like in the hobbit
Well, yeah, elves are a pretty standard fare in fantasy.
> d8 for damage? which one's the d8?
The one with eight sides. That's why it's called d8.
> oh that one. so how many times do I roll it?
You roll it once. The number before d8 indicates how many dice you roll.
> wait what does that spell do?
Read the description.
> oh guys I can't come tonight I'm going to the movies with Kyle
Fine, but just this one time. We all have our moments.
> I know I'm new to the game but I want to play a wizard, like in Harry Potter!
Whatever floats your stoat, mate. Just listen to people's advice, okay?
> guys I lost my character sheet does anyone here remember my characters stats?
Yeah, I always have everyone's copies of characters sheets on-hand, so they can't cheat.

I can confirm there are plenty of girls like this unfortunately. This one girl in particular that used to play with my group would come, sit down, start snapchatting and instagramming pictures of character sheets, dice and stuff (gotta get that nerd cred, knowamsayin?) then when her turn would come she would just say "ok which dice do I throw?" or "yeh yeh someone move instead of me".

Fortunately our beta DM who had a crush for her for years no longer invites her to games.