Imperium Asunder: Not another Veeky Forums heresy

It's tricky setting up a wiki edition

You can find a brief overview on the story here:
1d4chan.org/wiki/Imperium_asunder

We're currently working on expanding the brief overview.

All ideas are welcome, but not all ideas are good. Post your idea. If it's fresh, well thought out, and fits in with everything else, we'll welcome you with open arms. If it's not, we'll try to make it better together. If it's derivative, redundant, or just plain boring, don't get upset when nobody likes it, just try again with a new idea.

Think of this thread like a Bob Ross painting.

Other urls found in this thread:

1d4chan.org/wiki/Imperium_asunder
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

So, we're back. Now, the first priority must be ensuring that all 20 Legions are down. There's massive gaps in the Traitor Ranks, so let's start filling them.

There's actually more traitors on the wiki list than there are loyalists. Personally I can't tell if anyone's missing because I miss a lot of shit in these threads.

>the name REDACTED is a red link

That's a nice touch. We should totally keep it that way.

Last time I looked there was only 5 traitors and 9 Loyalists. My mistake.

I'm headed out to watch mofuggin fireworks but I offer this slight criticism as I leave:

I think the Hekatonkires should pick a new name. IMO all legion names should be in Low Gothic (english.) They don't have to all be THE ADJECTIVE NOUNS but I do think they should all be, well, words.

Currently 8:10 in the Traitor's favor.

So we need two more Loyalist Legions, and preferably an interesting gimmick for each.

Ive just finished updating the wiki.

Some details missing but i've reread all the threads and couldnt find the answers.

Also, Ive just stuck # next to each number as I came across them, there was one discrepency since the name was changed later. If anyone cares feel free to change them.

Thanks I thought it would be cool.

I put the Oathsworn and Paladins in the traitor bunch but in reality they are actually neutral.

I just consider them traitors because loyalty is everything to the Hawk.

Let's be honest: There is no real Neutral in 40k. Neutral simply means everyone hates you.

Well, if there's now a loyalist opening the Astral Tigers from the first thread might fit in. I've got enough wayward fluff to pad them out alright too.

Yeah well especially since you start on 1 side by being a Primarch, anything less than absolute loyalty to the cause and to the Emperor makes you a traitor in my eyes.

Go ahead. What do they do and where do they fit in?

While I don't want to say outright no to more content, I think 8 v 8 with 2 "neutrals" works pretty well already.

I mean if there are more loyalists than traitors then there is no reason to have lost the rebellion to begin with.

Just consideration though.

The moment the Emperor dies, the Loyalists lose. They could still outnumber the Traitors two to one or more and they'd still lose. Without the Emperor, the Loyalists are scattered, bereft of centralized leadership and vulnerable to the rising tide of the Warp.

Are you still looking for more legions? And if so what themes have/have not been taken.

>The moment the Emperor dies, the Loyalists lose.

If thats what people want cool, but I disagree with the premise.

Genetically bred super-soldiers don't just give up when you kill the general, they turn to the next in the chain of command.

Fair, if those two neutrals are actually neutral in the grand scheme of things.

Ridiculously Veeky Forums marines based on Bruce Lee and Kenshiro. This Bruce Lee quote was my original inspiration, and basically describes how they think about war. "If I were to be completely realistic in my films, you would call me a violent, bloody man. I would simply destroy my opponent by tearing his guts out. I wouldn't do it so artistically." Just hit the enemy so hard and so fast, no defense would be enough anyway. Don't go around the shield, just smash through it. Vaguely Tibetan Buddhist/Gurkha themed as well.

1d4chan.org/wiki/Imperium_asunder

Check this out for a brief summary of each legion.

Doesnt matter if they dont give up, The loss of big E leads to some serious warp instability.

We've already established there is no Loyalist Guilliman to unite the Loyalists. The Crusader states exist because none of the Loyalists are willing to sacrifice their authority towards one supreme head. The Loyalists are divided and only rarely unite against a greater foe, only for these alliances to fall apart the moment the danger has passed.

Not really the point. It's not just a morale/command loss. The Emperor dying means the Dark Gods have massively more influence. Suddenly the Traitors are twice as powerful and have even more demons to bolster their forces. Not to mention the non-Astartes morale losses.

Happy with that, im trying to work out the immediate timeline post Big E death.

And just to be clear, I'm not actually asking for these guys to be in. Just throwing them out as a possibility.

the second sons are my primary interest here.

Well, Had a traitor legion wrote up earlier but it was discounted due to overlapping, And only one legion is put up there.

After the Emperor dies, the Loyalists would flee before the storm, then the Eye of Terra would be born. The Loyalists would settle down and start to establish themselves on either their homeworlds (If they are in Ultima) or in surrogate Homeworlds and begin to reestablish themselves. At some point there would be a council of the remaining Loyalist Primarchs, and it would be there that tensions would flare up and boil over, leading to the fracturing and creation of the Crusader states as entirely autonomous and interdependent entities. There would be a period of fighting as the Crusader States clash with one another on disputed border areas, but that would eventually settle down as the modern shape of the Crusader States is established.

What do people think about having a Sangiunius type character then, to have die off immediately post heresy (or possibly in the late stages of the heresy). A proverbial golden son, that rallies the loyalist forces and is almost immediately crushed to demonstrate the futility of attempting such actions?


Which legion? There was some confusion when I was making that page up due to name changes and people leaving the thread, I wasn't sure of which to put in - thats why I added the unconfirmed section just above.

*Independent


Fuck Autocorrect.

I called Enoch the twelfth son in the first thread, and somewhere along the line someone starting calling him the seventh. This is not a sticking point by any means, I just found it interesting.
That is an intriguing idea certainly, though the hitthemhard domain has the Storm Hammers and to a slightly lesser extent Judgement Bringers.

The Imperial angels, Partly my fault due to not doing the entire write up at once, And my dorm ip is sort of permabanned @chan.

Yeah I saw that when I was making the table up and honestly just cbf going back and changing numbers around.

oh yeah. I remember reading them in the last thread, the boarding actions and such.

Boarding actions, Single combat/mellee shtick, Chose an unfortunate name though.

Is there anything else I need to write for my legion? Should I begin working on the wiki article? Is there a template for it?

I like this idea a lot. Although the "warring brothers" setting we're brewing here means the primarchs are the central figures even into '40k', it stills feels appropriate to have a few primarchs get offed. Now the question is raised of do we invent a sangy to kill or does someone want to offer up their baby

Well I don't see the Hawk Primarch as much of a Sangy character in saying that, his loyalty to the Imperium and the big E is unquestionable and more importantly I was planning on offing him anyway.

I think there are probably better options for a "leader" and "prodigal son" though.

No template as yet, havent go to it sorry. But doing a wiki article on a different page or some sort of pop-down to avoid the 1 page being cluttered would be good.

Are we talking just a tragic martyr type figure, Or specifically a loyalist?

What I was thinking (and feel free to improve upon or disagree entirely with) was...

A central figure who either rallies the loyalists or at least tries to. Then moments before success (either rallying them or launching the crusade) he is struck down by the forces of chaos as a sign that such things just are. not. possible. anymore, the time of the Emperors sons has passed and the time for chaos to reign is now. (maybe too dark?)

I think it would be thematically appropriate if it was a character much akin to Sangy, someone who the other primarchs would naturally turn to, the one who embodied either the best aspects of the emperor or possibly the runner up for War Master.

I dont know im just spitballin.

I had a thought of where NOTsanguinus would essentially be duped by chaos or flawed to a greater extent, and after NOThorus offs the emperor and the walls of reality start to thin, daemons start to flood out he decides "This isnt actually what i signed up for at all" And dies in a futile attempt to rectify this.

How about this. There were 21 legions and 21 primarchs, because the warmaster was a secret and kept close to the emperor's chest. We invent one final (for now, nothing is set in stone yet) primarch for the express purpose of getting brutally murdered when he tries to rally the loyalists after the emperor is killed. Thus showing that things are srs bznz and making the loyalist decide to nope the fuck out.

Perhaps the Loyalists have escaped, the Firewall is shielding them from the Traitors, they have a brief period of time to consolidate and this Primarch is basically set up as the Regent or Warmaster or whatever, only for him to be struck down by the Traitors. And with that, the only hope the Loyalists have to be united against Chaos is gone, and the Eastern Imperium fractures into the Crusader States.

So, less of a golden son and more of a silver or bronze one.

I like it, but doesn't put across the idea of

"even the best of us" couldn't stand up to them.

The problem with the person losing due to corruption is that it comes down to willpower, whereas if it comes down to martial strength or prowess and the person not only loses but is obliterated it sends a stronger message. We already know that chaos can corrupt (ref warmaster) but now we know we can't even Fight it (which is what Astartes do)

So more like Malcador himself betrayed the Emps? Or a Custodian

I dont know, It kind of does, And just having NOTsang get slaughtered by the loyalists for reasons really doesnt in my opinion.

>NOTsang get slaughtered by the loyalists

Sorry I must not have been clear. I meant that at the moment of greatest triumph (either having just convinced the loyalists to unite - or possibly just prior to step off on the crusade)

The Chaos Gods obliterate him, in front of everyone. Either through a proxy champion or by a lightning bolt, or perhaps even a tear in the fabric of the universe sucks him into the warp leaving only the echos of laughter.

Something that tells everyone - your best was nothing to us - dont even bother, now is the time of chaos.

If noone likes it cool, but yet another corruption story is redundant.

Having the dark gods just up and asplode this character feels a bit cheap imo, What if he gives him and his legion to buy time for the rest of the legion to flee after terra?

Rest of the loyalists*

sorry, let me be more clear. We currently have the framework for 20 legions, includes the warmaster's legion. And although there's nothing sacred about 20, it does have a nice roundness to it. But it'd be 20 without the warmasters legion since he is a big ole secret. So 21 in total. Warmaster still stabs emps.
To weigh in as well, the 'second thoughts' primarch doesn't drive home the whole, 'oh loyalists are fucked lets peace out' sentiment like the NOTsangy primarch does. I also like the idea of the timeline going something like
Emps backstabbed->loyalists is disarray, sloppy retreat->NOTsangy says rally squad->NOTsangy gets pwnd (i like him getting killed by a person, not a force of nature)->loyalist are fucked, running away, saved by the firewall

Oh I like that, hold the gate and such.
You would need a fairly martial Primarch in that case, I imagine he would be coming up against greater demons and even demon primarchs and to be useful he'd need to hold for a while.

Damn, I wish I'd made my guy more martial just to do that.

Y'all are super adorable, and your direction is actually pretty baller.
I wish you all the luck, and if I decide to get off my ass and contribute to my own project, maybe I'll drop in on yours sometime, too.
Cheers ~

Isn't the current course that Faustus stayed behind on Luna to cover the loyalist's retreat in space?

Sangy was always a fairly martial primarch, Not to mention the person in question would also have the remnants of his legion and fleet for support.

That timeline and the new suggestion of holding the line tie in really well.

Fuck its an awesome scene as well.

Im not tracking 20, i've got 18 to my count.

Yeah, I mean the !Sang character would have to be martial, we have the loyalist Primarchs made up and honestly none of them have been described so far in a way that makes them applicable for the role. Hence my regret at not making the Hawk more martially inclined.

Maybe Graha'nak or Engerand?

Am I retarded how did I get to 20

Any Creation Table fags in here? I.e. Hua Yuan, Shields, Golden Spectres, Death Consuls?

I could write one up if thats a possibillity, Was already working on a legion based around chivalric values and single combat, could shift names and concepts around a bit.

great minds think alike. I was doing the same, if you want ill dump my ideas and you can take what you want. Or just post what youve got - either or.

Alright, Dump away and i'll get cracking.

Perfect. This is great collaboration. In which we can say "What about this?" "Eh maybe this instead" "YES and also THIS!" sorry I just had to stroke our dicks a little, this is all just making me happy

Names: Knights Exemplar, Solar, Sanguine, Tempestus (but I think we have enough storm/lightning etc already)

Specialty: Armoured Assaults, Close Combat, or Bikes (mounts)

Colours: White, Black, and (blue or red)
Symbols: Swords, Crossed or Pointing downwards.

Primarch Name: Samandrial Ignis? Talborec

Talents as a Primarch: Master of Blades, Known for truthfullness,

Nikeae - Probably for.

Geneseed Defect - Something bad, like black rage or the curse of the wulfen.

How did the arch-traitor try to sway him - a solution to his secret genetic defect, or threaten to reveal it.

Just occured to me that Jetbikes were a thing in 30k - could be a unique specialisation.

I think a jack of all trades kind of guy whose only exemplary attribute was his skill at arms, As for name what about Brotherhood of the Broken blade? "When i was brought into the fold one of my brothers once joked i broke more steel in the training arena than a great company of marines, Name stuck." As for defect i'll have to think for a bit, Colour scheme im thinking white with a black trim, As for Symbol maybe an aquillae clutching the ends of a broken sword?

Hmm, How about having him just be too trusting, Maybe the flaw can be the lamenter trademark bad luck?

I think Alexios has jetbikes for the whole cavalry thing, but that could probably be shifted.

What about playing up that beast-knight angle a bit? Hyper-violent berserker tendencies and a focus on discipline. We might be able to rework the Bruce Lee dudes from a wee bit, so that they use honor and discipline as a way of controling their otherwise World Eater-esque tendencies.

Id go with an unbroken sword so that in his final battle his sword can break and then his few remaining sons take that on as new heraldry. A symbol of standing defiant until the end.

As for jack of all trades id agree, with just an innate gift for combat. Like a primarch Sigismund.

>Hyper-violent berserker tendencies and a focus on discipline
Sort of like White Scars taming the beasts within to focus their savagery into otherwise unattainable levels of skill and strength?

Honestly i think it would be better to avoid the "Hyper-violent berserker" part or at least tone it down. I think its been done enough, but its definitely workable either way.

>I think Alexios has jetbikes for the whole cavalry thing
Sorry wasn't tracking that. Doesn't need to change, I didnt mean to steal anybodies thunder.

That could definitely work too, sort of an Emperor's champion thing.

From the direction I think we're trying to go, that would work really well with a flaw angle. The only problem is that if we end up playing up the nobility and virtue angle, I don't think it would gel with a last minute redemption kind of deal. We'd need someone a lot more flawed for that, I think.

The last stand spiel for this noble-knight type character works better thematically if he isn't on the path for redemption.

Its like a analogy of this noble-bright character dying to symbolise the grimdark future.

Yeah, I missed the intention for this character, was still reading down the thread.

Actually, this might work best for Anders Kor. We'd need his user in on it since it would be a major reworking, but, what if
He goes through the crusade getting increasingly disillusioned with the brutality of it all and goes renegade as the heresy starts. He spends most of the heresy in denial, protecting the civilians, but as the true face of chaos becomes clear, he sees what they're up against.
He can't bear to live in the universe that is to come and so chooses to die with his ideals intact, covering the loyalist retreat.

The Firewall is a massive warpstorm, right? What if, in its ebb and flow, there are occasionally gaps where it is only obscenely dangerous instead of suicidally dangerous to sail through. These events could be the triggers for Crusades between the Eastern and Western Imperium. Dark chaos prophets and imperial astropaths alike try to predict when an interspacial gap will open next.

It's left vague as to exactly what it is, but somehow 99% of the time it's utterly impassable. However there's both the Tempestus Gap and presumably the area in the far north of the Imperium that either side can use to circumvent it. Though I like the idea that every so often it weakens and both sides try to push through heedless of cost at those times, and as M41 draws to a close it appears that it's about to completely die. If that happens nothing could stop the full might of the Traitors from driving right into the heart of the Eastern Imperium.

It would work if he is interested, in saying that curious user is working on knightly-knights who might fill the gap just as well and we can make him abit more of a sue knowing that he culminates in the defence of the loyalists.

Well had no plans to not have him go down the path of redemption at this point, I'll write a bit over the day and get back to you, If you like it i'll keep at it.

Sangy was a sue to be honest, Dont intend for wings or anything, In short i want to make him a jack of all trades (Which sets him apart from the other primarch's alone) who was exemplary in combat, Specifically close combat, As sangy i wish for him to be generally well liked by most of his brothers, A little too trusting for his own good (Not entirely good at reading the intentions of his peers, As Sangy was too trusting of Horus) Slap a bit of knightly virtues and honor in the mix, Just going to head out for a quick cigarette then i'll get started with the base legion draft stuff.

Legion name
Pre Heresy: Knights Exemplar
Post Heresy: Brotherhood of the Broken Blade

Legion insignia
Pre Heresy: A shining silver sword.
Post Heresy: A broken sword the edge chipped.

Warcry
Pre heresy: For honor and virtue!
Post heresy: Untarnished and unbroken we fight for the betrayed!

Special equipment
Crusade Pattern power armor, They favour traditional blades over chainswords, Higher rate of flamethrowers and melta guns.

Legion Tactics
High focus on martial skill of single combatants, Strong veteran corps, Mass deployment of terminator armor and land raiders.

Genetic Flaw
Pre heresy: None
Post heresy: Inexplicably bad luck

Legion status:
Near Defunct ( 500 or so marines )

Primarch
Klaus Staffel
Status
Dead

Homeworld
Prexes I
Type
Feudal
Current Status
Dead World

Any thoughts?, Need a legion number that isnt taken.

I think the full name 'Brotherhood of the Broken Blade' is a tad overlong and clunky. Calling them the 'Broken Blades' is short, sweet and too the point and not a mouthful.

I'll change that, Good idea, I'll leave this til i get back from lunch.

How did your primarch die?

Post Heresy the Broken Blades would the single most committed to taking the fight to the Traitors. They'd have a huge presence in Tempestus and probably even a Chapter Fortress there. But thanks to the loss of their Primarch and the subsequent degradation of Gene-Seed their numbers would be replenished only slowly, so they'd always be under strength.

Hes supposed to be a sanguinus like figure who dies at the end of the heresy, Sacrificing himself and most of his legion to cover the retreat of his brothers, Its discussed further up in the thread.

Pre heresy: For honor and virtue!

Can I recommend "Sworn to valour" or "Est Victoria Gladio" (The sword is victorious)

While im not against others taking the fight to the traitors, it seems like if the Blades were to do that they would need to actually leave the Tempestus gate - the Hawks for example are currently reaving the Dark Imperium in what they call their "Eternal War".

Possibly consider either A: doing something similiar (perhaps even with the Hawks since we have the transports?) or B: Playing up the whole "we barred the gate" mentality and have them the first line of defence to the Eastern Imperium, much akin to their fallen Liege.

Sworn to valour sounds better, And i imagine given that the vast majority of the Broken Blades died with Klaus they are disorganized, Like hedge knights, Maybe even mercenaries, Offering their services to anyone who fights the traitors, Probably in return for the supplies to do so.

Tempestus beyond the Gap is a massive Warzone spanning several sectors with both sides trying to secure it for themselves. Plenty of room for the Legion/Chapter to be operating.

Furthermore, though the Broken Blades are always understrength, they are well supplied by the other Crusader States. In part because they help to keep the states free of Chaos Incursions, in part in memoriam for their lost Primarch, and in part because some prophecies state when the Chapter finally dies, the last fragment of the Emperor's dream will die with them and the Eastern Imperium will fall soon after. So there's a vested interest in keeping them going.

on my bad. i had imagined more of a funnel. in which case disregard my last

The Gap is simply the way in and out for the Crusaders, and is heavily defended. But it is not a bulwark like the Cadian gate, but more a jumping off point for Loyalist Crusades into Tempestus and a safeguard should the Traitors try to flank the Firewall.

How stable is The Gap? Like does the Firewall just abruptly stop or does it sort of flicker/fade/pulse in and out to the whim of some unknowable force?

> Broken Blades are always understrength, they are well supplied by the other Crusader States.

I like that idea, a tithe of materials and personnel (aspirants?) paid to the the blades in part due to the role they play in defending the loyalist forces and in part as thanks for their incredible sacrifice.

Almost like a 40k Nights Watch / Deathwatch. Led by the veterans of the Broken blades.

The Warhawks would most definitely have close ties with them, being another legion that has no interest in the status quo or surviving, wanting only to destroy the traitor forces.

>I think Alexios has jetbikes for the whole cavalry thing, but that could probably be shifted.
Yep. The Angels of Light primarily field two things: Jetbikes deployed from orbit using Stormravens, and Drop Pod infantry. Alexios himself rides an extra-large landspeeder he designed himself run with a crew of 5 of his captains, called the Quadriga. The crew of the Quadriga, as well as the Scimitar jetbike escort which accompanies it, make up Alexios' Honor Guard: The Pantheon. Marked by their golden armor and white cloaks, the Pantheon's power lances are distructive forces of the Emperor's will made manifest.

Once in a blue moon, when one of the Pantheon is of great worth and in great need, the God Emperor of Mankind chooses him as his champion. Such a thing happened to Eulodius Rex, during the second crusade. The Angels sought to take the desert world of Tallarn, to use as a staging ground for further expeditions into the disputed zone. It was held, however, by the daemonic mechanicus monstrosities of the Behemoth Guard, who sought the very same thing.

Gengrat's mutant masterminds had built towering fortifications of twisting flesh, iron cables, and wheels turning within wheels. Void Shields decorated with the corpses of heretics rose like spires among the fortification, protecting the Bohemoths from orbital bombardment. The dark robed forms marching the battlements were barely discernable from the mutinous construction they walked upon. Astartes with elongated elephentine trunks and thousands of mechadendrite tenticles marched alongside technoslaves draped in the unholy sigils of their dark god.

The Angels came from above on wings of flame. Fresco painted drop pods and gold plated stormravens broke orbit with atmospheric flame bathing them in glowing halos of light. At ten thousand feed, the bay doors of the stormravens open wide and let loose a barrage of what at first seems like rocket fire. The rockets are, indeed the Pantheon, tearing through the atmosphere on their Jetbikes and landspeeders, ready to send the enemies of the God Emperor to hell, where traitors and heretics burn for all time.

They were not prepared, however, for the true madness of Gengrat's machinations. From the churning wheels of the fortress arose a monstrosity of twisted diaphanous wings and rough iron tentacles dripping with ectoplasm. A thousand eyes pockmarked what could be called its skin, watching a thousand directions. On its forehead, dripping red with blood, was a crucified man. From his skull a million red neurocables spanned fell like hair into the depths of the monstrosity. The Great Beast had been summoned, vilest of the technodemons. The infantry forces of the Angels of Light which had been pushing toward the fortress were pushed back as the Beast spewed up gobs of sticky plasma upon them.

Alexios' pantheon charged at the Beast from above. The Multi-melta arrays of the Quadriga melted molten holes in the flesh of the Beast, but it seemed to barely notice. The multilaser guns of his jetbike managed only to singe the monstrosity's flesh. Amid the chaos of battle, Eulodius Rex recited the Litany of Light.

"The God Emperor is my beacon, with him I cannot be lost. The god Emperor is my shield, with him no foe can best me. The Emperor is my libram, with him no task is too great."

The Emperor smiled on Eulodius' steadfast faith and bravery, and chose him as his champion. The light of the Empyrean buzzed about him like a thunder cloud, and his armor changed to the pure white of the sun. His jetbike vanished and instead he grew wings of glorious soft down. His eyes were the blazing fury of a vengeful god, and in his hand he held the lightning of a raging storm. Eulodius swept down upon the Beast, striking him with lightning and screaming the God Emperor's fury. The battle was monolithic in scope, and many soldiers on both sides died in the blood-soaked sand beneath the titans. In the end, Eulodius Rex speared the beast through the heart, and banished it back into the warp.

>crew of 5 of his captains,

Thats what I call a HVT.

Is this like an Emperors champion kind of deal?

The God Emperor's aspect faded from Eulodius, leaving him a lone Astartes, collapsed and exhausting in the warp-rifted crater which was once the Bohemoth fortress. For the rest of his days Eulodius Rex was honored among the Legion, and he served as Sebastokrator of the First Cohort until the year 0.892.402.M34. It is said by those who served under him that in battle, if you looked closely, you could still see the blazing light in his eyes.

>HVT.
I don't know this meme.

>Is this like an Emperors champion kind of deal?
Yeah. It's the God Emperor's version of a chosen of chaos turning into a daemon prince on the battlefield.

High value target, a target that requires comparatively little effort to neutralize/destroy but pays dividends if you do.

>Yeah. It's the God Emperor's version of a chosen of chaos turning into a daemon prince on the battlefield.

Awesome.

It's essentially a high viewing platform where Alexios and his commanders can see the battlefield and issue orders over Vox. Presumably it has shields and AA guns and stuff.

Im not trying to have a go or anything, every battlefield will have high value targets, because every force has commanders, key weapon systems etc.

Its essentially a command node from the sounds of it. A cool idea truth be told.

Klaus Staffel was a bear of a man, broad, tall, and both heavily muscled and scarred, and where he could he displayed those scars proudly, reminders of mistakes and victories alike an old custom he had picked up from his upbringing, as befitting a noble of prexes he also displayed facial hair, trimmed rather than wild, his features were friendly for lack of a better word, and his eyes were the same green as the plains of the world he called home.

After he and his brothers were scattered he was discovered by a hunstman on the backwards feudal world Prexes I, whose highest technological achievement was the trebuchet. The man brought him back to his family and raised him for a while, in that time Klaus had many brothers, and though he grew up significantly faster than them it left an impression, soon however he was more proficient than his father or any in the village with a longbow, and he became a provider for his family, It was out on one of these hunting trips he came upon a wagon, corpses strewn about it and leather clad men wielding swords encircling it.

Recognizing the plate armored men on the ground as knights in service to his feudal lord Klaus had little doubt as to what he had to do, and he swiftly leapt into action dispatching of the bandits, Impressed by the young mans skills the lord decided to take him on as a squire and he eventually made his way up in the world, all the while having the code of knighthood and its virtues hammered into his head, while most of the other primarch's became kings conquerors or great rulers on their homeplanets Klaus ended his ambitions at the station of marshal to his king.

Though he flung himself into anything he did with enthusiasm and passion he had little wish to become a ruler, much rather preferring to stay behind with his friends and hone his skill with the sword, and his grasp of military tactics and strategy.

My english isnt perfect but what do you think about this as an origin story?

As the guy behind Gengrat, I approve this depiction.

And on the Daemon Prince of the Emperor.

I like it a lot, i'd probably forgo the part about a bow and add in some cliche about him practising with sticks for swords - and having him go from hunting with a bow to him running them down on foot (a precursor to his heritage as a Primarch).

But thats just icing really, the cake is good to go.

Speaking of which, still trying to develop the legion (and his) character.

I'm imagining him as the sort to sneer at the effort put into painting a fresco on a drop pod, or laugh at a notion of honor, for the same reason that both are dreadful impracticalities.

While loyal, he did his job with all expediency, and under chaos he does the same.
As far as he and his legion is concerned, they did not change in turning to chaos. He is there to tear things down, what comes after is for others. Before it was legions like the Angels of Light and the Sky Serpents, now it is the agents of the dark gods, to Gengrat, it hardly matters.
Gengrat and his men revel in the destruction, raised as they were in the ways of the early Ordo Reductor and Ordo Myrmidax.

So I suppose I'm thinking that Gengrat was found fairly early on the world of the Terrodyne Industrial Combine, a world bathed in the light of the Eye of Terror. Say about 40 years into the crusade, long enough for him to be marked by the native culture.
His homeworld was a mist-shrouded waste, inhabited by great beasts, industrial era technology, as if WWI era Europe was taking on Godzilla on a regular basis. A high rate of mutation on the world resulted in a high ab-human population used for menial labor and bait.
I'm thinking it might have been a knight world and Gengrat was tutored by the Sacristans, who themselves were trained in a variation of the Myrmidax doctrines.
Among other things, Gengrat repurposed some of the manifold technology to allow him to control the artillery, but in the process was molded by the machine spirits. He always had them in the back of his mind, feral voices promising joy and blood, and he went with it. As far as he was concerned, the universe was a harsh place and if you wanted to survive, you needed to be just as harsh.
And really, why oppose the machine spirits from the ancient manifold, it does feel good to rend flesh and kill, so why not enjoy it?

His legion had been dour siege specialists before being reunited and he taught them to enjoy their work. He taught them to listen to the voices in the engine manifolds.
In the end, it was these voices that taught them the secrets of the imaterium.

How's that work for y'all?