Mages Guild: Thinking With Portals Edition

So, I had nothing to do with this, but can I take credit to further fuel my reputation as a troublemaker? I've been too dependable as of late.

Is that a trick question? Have you met me?

You realize that if you're in this room and not on the list, you're on the menu, yes?

If I check the list, will I see you on it?

Don't go there.

And I think it's more of a problem than you'd like it to be.

Quin. Don't take that as a challenge. Please, don't.

Wait, you people actually leave your department for meetings? I thought you were a secret society or something.
Hey, Roderick! How have you been doing? Still on the bagel diet?
Yes, he intend to eat them.

Oooohhh...ok..thanks.
>whispers
You got some more goods? I'll buy more of these off you.
No.

Ehhhh...kinda. Found a plane of bagels. I'm now on a non-bagel diet until my system works through it.

Huh. Well, nice to meet you, I'm Roderick.

Oh, I didn't hear anyone complaining when we opened a portal to the plane of wrinkly old men.

...

Yes.

Depends on what you consider a problem.

I heard catgirls, and was obligated to show up.

Oh, I have plenty back in my department. It's right next to necromancy, my buddies will hook you up.

...meh. Seems legit.

I complained! I complain every time people here open a portal to a random plane as a prank, because I'm the one who has to clean it up!

I consider a flood of extra-planar catgirls a problem!

OH SHIT IT'S THE FUZZ

>poofs

Is that a yes or a no one me being able to take credit for this? Because if I can take credit for this then I don't have to stage any trouble of my own.
Heh, good for you. You're welcome to stop by my department for dinner. I could show you my family, you remember Cunabula right? Well, I got a couple of more kids while you were gone.
Hah! Nice burn!
Fair enough, fair enough. So, what's the department's stand on this incident? Good or bad?

Because some people are just plain racist.

You wouldn't happen to ah, have a place to stay, would you? We have spare rooms in my department.

It's hardly a flood. We can redirect that portal to my department, it'll be fine.

Of course it is.

We in no way are claiming responsibility for it, but will gladly make use of good fortune when it presents itself, obviously.

Hi.
Fuck yes.

>Wakes up and leaves her room in the oozemancy department.
Yawn... what´s all the commotion about?

Would you be opposed to me claiming to be responsible for making this mess? I know I wasn't, but it would do wonders for keeping my terrible reputation the way I like it.
Someone messed with our portals, and now we have catgirls, catgirls everywhere. I'm trying to take credit despite not being involved.

Banned planes? What's a load! You can't harsh scientific inquiry, no matter where it leads, and you can't go around throwing wizards at my ride either, just cause you don't like it.

...
>Sets his head in his hands.
Carol?
>His swords speaks.
>"'sup boss?"
What was he?
>"Something big."

If you want to be helping me fill out the paperwork for the mess, then you can be my guest.

It's more than five. It's a flood.

Guys, i think we can deal with the plane of catgirls by shooting a bullet into it.

I wouldn't object to it... Though we would have to discuss recompense for the, ah, catgirl plane, of course.

We even have real, live catgirls, if you're into that.

Just give us the catgirls, we can handle them. We're experts.
>The grin is very much NOT that of an expert

No shooting our catgirls.

>Appears from a maw portal
Sup guys.
Now uh, I'm here to substitute Glug for the meeting because he's doing a job for the Adventurers' Guild.
Aaliyah, wassup?
How's the repairs?

Catgirls? What´s wrong with someone putting female cats in the guild?
>Mira doesn´t seem to understand the meaning of the term.
Wait... portals? They got through them? Can I go and see?

I meant shoot the plane itself with a bullet.

Hey uh, Mages? I'm supposed to tell you and I quote "Stop letting people maneuver through your damn portals so we can get a fair battle or i'll come down there and smash your nose through your ass and then feed it to you" Its from uh...Whats his name...Grabnar? Ragnar? Grobnar? Whatever.
Also I'm supposed to ask for this months shipment of sterility potions in advance because there's a bard-fighter-skald mixer next week and it could get wild. Just send it over to the fighters guild when you can.

Experts in the same way everyone here is an expert? I'm betting you're a charisma based casting class.

That isn't...I just...No.

You have no idea how good I am at paperwork. If doing paperwork will let me take credit, then sign me up! Or tell me where to sign, whichever makes more sense.
I think you're going to need more than one bullet.
I said I wanted to take credit, not be responsible for actually fixing it.
Hello Lurco. Want to help me take credit for this mess?
Go ahead, though I got to warn you, the flood of catgirls is a terrifying sight to see. Even for me, and I'm as much cat as they are.
Ok, that mess I'm not taking credit for. Getting smashed is painful.

People better have been signing the goddamned sheets on where they're going or I'm introducing them to the plane of fisting and punching.

There's a sheet for a reason, you mongrels, and you need to put down where, when, and who, so we don't have anyone walking in to see you "enjoying" the plane of Catgirls.

No shooting the plane of catgirls!

Our casting stat has no bearing on our competence. In fact, I'd say charisma is the best skill for handling catgirls.

Oh, no, I didn't say fix it. I said recompense. We will need to repay you for your generous donation to our cause.

The nekomancy department will be claiming the plane of catgirls soon enough. Don't worry.

Oh, Catgirls? I know about cats, but not Catgirls. Are they friendly? They sound super nice!

Oh, Fighters Guild. How's Videke?
So, someone messed with your portals or something is what I'm hearing?
. . .That'd be a horrible thing to see.
Good thing the Adventurers' Guild have their own portal system.

Ugh, you tell me, it's still in your shop, and I still have this bodacious accent, which blows bigtime...

>Draws a quill and makes a few runes before tossing Quin a sheet.
There you go. You are officially to blame.

Oh thank god you're here. I can't even deal with them, they just go wherever they will and leave us to drag them back.

That doesn't make it anything more than a sub-par statistic for those who can't handle picking up a book for two minutes.

Good as far as I know, I haven't spent as much time as I would like to wi--Erm, Haven't spent much time with him recently.
Frankly since he made me come tell you I'm quite sure he has no intention of trying to follow through with the threat.
But he may actually be dumb enough not to see why attempting to go mano-a-guildo with the entire mages guild is a bad idea so I came anyway to try to spare you guys the cleanup.

>Will do!
>Proceeds to run over to the Hall of Portals.
Always wanted to see the portal and female cat´s ca-
>Just stares at the masses of catgirls.
Why... do those girls have cat ears?

Good, because I know -some- people were mixing it up with the plane of catboys to get magical materials from. Gods knows why their fluids are one of the best shortcuts for magic weaponry.

I've heard stories, sir. Stories. Some which require warnings, others which... well. Some adventurers, man.

Ugh, to think this amount of work was thrown onto our plate! I don't want to imagine the paperwork we'll have to deal with. I don't even want to think of if someone got split between portals somehow, as someone might...

Do we need to call the Evoker department for decontamination?

Oh, they are nice and friendly. My department has plenty of information, and we even already have some for you to meet.

While intelligence is for a man who couldn't sweet-talk his way out of an open door.

>Calls after her
THEY'RE CALLED CATGIRLS FOR A REASON!

I'm actually a guild member, so I do have a room.

Who is this guy anyway?
>points
Hey are you the guy who threw Granitori through my windshield?

Why not? There's no bullets coming from the plane so there is no use for a plane of catgirls if the damn dumb tarts don't even know what a primer is. Now if they were cowgirls....

Hey Pulch.
Cha, I know whatcha mean, dudette.
But you can take a chill pill, it's going to be dyno.
Oh, you wouldn't happen to be Alina, would you?
Do not worry because there are more than one Adventurers' Guild.
I am the leader of the Adventurers' Guild of Midway Island.
We sorta recently took up the mantle of being and Adventurers' Guild.
I'm pretty sure Granitori threw himself at the windshield.

Just pray to whatever deity or concept that you will that Tothus-Kel can figure out how to get them all sorted out instead of having to go through it all one at a time.

Tell yourself that if it makes you feel more secure in your life choices!

No I am not. Is that the golem who constantly yells?

Well, I´m sorry for not knowing then!

>To paralyzed by the sigth to use her magic.
No, they´re way to cute to be decontaminated!
>The sigth is overwhelming her.

Ooh, let me see!
>looks
Oh, they really do have cat ears!
Hi!

Oh, someone has a portal to the plane of catboys as well? I'll need to investigate, see if I can track it down.

I see.

Well, if you ever want to stop by my department, we'd be happy to help you with any issues. Any at all.

Do you only think in terms of bullets?

It very much does!

Remember, only one of us lives in a department full of... Pussy.

Then pick one you like, and take her home with you!

What the hell is that portal even supposed to be? I feel incredibly insulted. More than I have felt while here so far. Those things are disgusting.

Yes, That's me. 'Retired' Slayer.

Granitori is a dick-o-rama in a metal box.

Hey do you still have that cassette?

We have have a SHEET for this?
Ah... sure, I'm sure we could work something out. Will you be compensating in money or lab work? Because I've been curious about some of the things that have come out of your department recently.
Yup! And bigtime too.
>catches it
I'm to blame!
Much appreciated. Those kind of visits tend to get messy most of the times. The rest of the times we end up with new members, but I'm guessing he doesn't show any talents or inclinations for magical work. Does he?
They are catgirls, half cat, half girl. Usually human girls for some reason, I've been curious about why that tends to be the case.

Well! Sounds like a load of excitement, to say the least. Still, I do hope they've been taking proper maintenance and precautions... and not letting the bards show men/women/invertebrate about it to impress them.

I suppose the only intriguing part of this is seeing exactly where people possibly split off into, but, otherwise... Looks like an all-nighter. I'm going to need more coffee for this.

From the forms, yes - At least they also didn't go about opening up the portal to the plane of anything else strange.

It's a plane which daresay is a conglomerate of, ah. Your folk. Though some are individuals, I can imagine there are larger cat girl 'elementals' as an amalgam of many wandering about there as well as pretty much any other variety of traits that could be combined of 'cat' and 'girl'.

Like, for example, the reverse-sphinx I see there. Poor thing.

They're cats, and they're girls. Kinda like you.

Lab work, money... Maybe a little collaboration?

I am going to be needing a name.

One I like?
>Turns to look again at the masses in front of her, still paralysed.
C-can I have that one?
>Points to a catgirl with the hair of an iriomote cat.

And you haven´t studied that part yet?
>Attempts to shrink a few catgirls for you, regaining her composure.
Hope it doesn´t count as animal cruelty.

Well, there's also shells, piercing bullets, hollow points, slugs, pistols, shotguns, rifles, assault rifles, semi-automic pistols.....

Also cowgirls

>Pokes your face
Are you ok? You look paralyzed!

Wwwaaaiiittt a minute, I think I'm at the wrong guild meeting. They have robes like me, but something is off...

>"Eyyy!"
Shut up Carol.

Mm. I wish you luck and for Mort to have just brewed up a fresh pot.

>Deadpan
How could you, you horrible troublemaker.

No they are most certainly nothing like me, What the hell is 'Nya' supposed to mean? it sounds like a three month old begging for milk. These things are an insult.
Also that sounds horrifying.

How's everything going?
Ah, nice to meet you. I'm Lurco.
Videke's boss boss.
Every time he verbally reports to me it devolves into him worrying about you in some manner.
Like if he's not spending as enough time with you, or something like that.
Totally.
And most definitely!
>He takes out a magical boom box and the cassette
Do not worry, we run a tight ship.

Actually he might be a blood rager, But he would punch me if I said that to him. But I doubt he would join, Hes got harems and whatnot in his tribe. I hear those are a hard habit to break.
O-oh. Wellllll I should be going, I have errands to run and whatnot.

Looks like a signature by a... "Hugh Jass". Pranksters, I swear. I'm certain we can have someone down here to try and divine whom might have actually signed...

Well, there's supposed to be! Supposed to, at least, but like I've just noted most people might not exactly say where they're going out of laziness, or who is going where because they might not want us to know they're going to... say, the elemental plane of dick.

I've seen it happen, it isn't pretty.

The beings themselves don't seem to care, but I've seen some like, ah...
>She pulls a piece of parchment from her hat.
This.

If all else fails, there is a plane of coffee to be soon in proper alignment to, oh, steal an elemental or two from.

I think he does... He has some kind of vendetta but he's really really bad at executing it, and keeps getting distracted. I think the dude was conjured up by some wacked toddler or something.

Oh, absolutely, I'm sure she'd love a home with you. I have pamphlets on Catgirl care and rearing if you want some.

You need help.

You're the one talking to his sword.

Well, remember, they are feral. Most will certainly be mentally quite underdeveloped.

Please do so, I would very much like access to the plane of catboys.

Man, no one ever talks about the elemental plane of Noone

I have never felt the urge to purge an entire plane of existence before today.
They don't have a single marking either. Nor do they look like they could even lift a sword if they wanted to.
Shut up Noone.

Prettyy good, I me-
>trips and falls through a portal
WAGH!

>First, some warlord was alowed to use the hall of portals to invade some far off country that I haven't heard of before
[Spoiler] is this... An erfworld reference???[/spoiler]

A collaboration sounds like it could be fun. I've heard some things about your project Mish which has gotten me curious.
Nope! It's just not my department to figure out such things. I'm too busy making things cute to worry about the origin of catgirls.
It's the hat, you aren't wearing a hat. Well, I guess nor am I, but I'm also missing the whole robe and staff part.
>shrugs
It's just in my nature. So, when can I expect the extra paperwork?
Yes, it does sounds like they would be. Well, thank you for visiting, and let him know we'll try to stear clear of him next time.
...but no promises.
Right, I think I could imagine... actually, I'm not going to imagine that. Either way, I'm more or less grounded to this plane. By choice, not by any actual limitation.

Rolled 16 (1d20)

And my sword is the one talking back.

>Points
Dimensional Anchor!

Alright.
Nice meeting you, miss Alina.
. . .You're a girl, aren't you?
. . .
>looks around like John Travolta
Who's opening portals in here and leaving them open?
>Boop

I'll get the paperwork forwarded your way once things are sorted out.

Now, now, don't do that. We want to keep things in balance, after all ---

Oh dear, I think she just fell into the plane of herbs and cooking... I believe it's full of iron automatons constantly competing with foreign saucerers and pastamancers who travel through there.

A commendable option when the lure of the endless planes has certainly been bitten by myself. It's also safer, to say the least.

How has your department been doing? I know most magical girls only need transport to and from some monsters, am I correct?

>Points to the catgirls in front of her, a few of them already shrunk down for transport.
It´s this sigth. Aren´t they all just cute?

A pamplet? Gonna add it to the study pile.
>Grabs the catgirl and a few more and stuffs them in her bag for the time being.
Sorry! Gonna keep good care of you from now on.

Then you can make them cuter, rigth?
>Hands you all but one catgirl she had gathered and grows them back to their regular size, before promplty leaving you alone with them.
Catgirls, this is Quin. Quin these are catgirls.

Sorry, should have started posting earlier, need to head to bed again. Good Nigth.

No you!

Aaaah! No no, not the licking! I'm not milk, I'm not milk, i'm not cat nip either but i'm specifically not milk!
>she's trashing around even though you stopped her from falling in
>read above
>hue

Then is it not your duty as a more adult catgirl to raise them right?

Oh, you heard about Mish? I suppose you would have found out, you like her?

I see.

>Blinks
Well if you can't tell I'm just going to leave it a surprise

Many thanks.

Now, remember, they like close contact and being petted.

Hold on, portals....hhmmm...wait..chaos has portals...by The Emperor, these are practitioners of Chaotic energies summoning Chaos portals! I must quickly leave without anyone noticing! B-but how did I get here in the first place?!?

It shouldn't exist in the first place, Returning it to nonexistence would be balance.
Fuck no I don't know what the hell these are but they are certainly not the same race as me.
A portal. Probably.

My department has been going fine. And it's pretty rare for any of my girls to go to any of the other planes. I think the department as it was in its previous incarnation did a lot more planar travel. These days the girls keep to traveling this plane of existence.
Yes, she seems like a nice girl. My daughter introduced her to me actually.
Probably thought a portal.
AH!
>covered in catgirls
This is not the fate of all things cute and cuddly, help me!

>In case you wanted to respond
Thanks Adam.
Oh, good.
Pulch?
>Narrows his eyes
Well fine.
Someone went on a "fuck the portal police" rampage.
Also, stay away from a tall, blue, muscular eldar if you see one.
It'd help with your survival.

I'll have someone drop it off when I get through my own.

Pulch. You literally couldn't get through if you tried.

You might have been hit by a curse of wrong turns and taken an even more wrong turn than could be imagined. At least, that's my guess. Don't fret, friend~

>Sips coffee.
That's not exactly how it works, but t'would burden minds to hear me go on about that.

Hm, hm. Certainly less of a chance of accidents as it is now, at least. Still, if they need any sort of aid, well - I'm certain you could reward them with a trip to a plane of beaches or hot springs.

Good, good. Gods knows we need more mess-ups... or more outer planar beings being born in this realm thanks to said bard seduction tomfoolery.

Katia, it's been forever!

You look like a guy who got bullets or knows about bullets. Tell me, what kinda guns you guys use and can i get them?

I can't trust a demon such as you, especially with those furred ears upon your head!
This place is madness I say, madness!

Shame. We will raise them in your stead, then. You terrible, terrible excuse for a mother.

Oh, I'm not surprised. She was quite excited to learn about our experiments with Mish, if I recall correctly.

>Grins

E..Eh?
..Oh! I'm not being waterboarded by catgirls!
Hurray!

...?
>Head tilt
Then what does that make you?
Heyo Talo
Didn't the mages make it?
I don't want to be a mother.

Ladies and gentlemen, I apologise for the untimely intrusion upon your day. I'm sure you're all very busy doing... whatever it is that you do. I shall avail to keep this brief.

In line with recent events, it would appear that a aetheric portal event has taken place in Vault 6 of the Western Bellows supply chambers. This is rather unfortunate, since Vault 6 harbours the majority of our scribing, thaumaturgy and toiletry supplies. In short, any and all who wish to retrieve supplies from Vault 6 will need to ensure they are amply prepared to enter the realm that now occupies the storage facilities.

After a series of cautionary excursions and careful consideration, each and every applicant will ONLY be admitted access to Vault 6 if they have prepared the following MINIMUM level equipment and supplies in readiness;

1 x Fresh Water Supply (2 Days Worth x Each Applicant)
1 x Rations (1 Days Worth x Each Applicant)
1 x Ear Plugs
1 x Circlet of Silver (Minimum 80% Purity to be Effective)
1 X Mirror (Any Small Concealable Reflective Device Will Suffice)
Socks (As Many Pairs As Can Be Practically Taken)
1 x Ball of Cotton Yarn (Any Colour)

Thank you for your time.

That's excellent, but could you give me a hand? I'm being smothered here!
>see for details about what Quin is talking about
Hmm... that's not a bad idea actually. Thank you for the tip.
Yup, just as advertised. Well, I guess the actual advertisement is "Wizards, no sense of right or wrong."
She's her parents child, always interested in experiments like herself. Think I could get a hand btw? That size changing mage just dropped a bunch of catgirls at me and this is really uncomfortable.

Right. Don't try going through any portals for the next hour or so. You'll tell when the green tinge wears off.

. . .But it would be alright if the bard's took responsibility, right?
>Wiggles his eyebrows
Yep! Now, um, what were you going to say, Pulch?
Huh, good thing I don't have anything in the Mages Guild.

Catgirls would not waterboard you. Now, lewd things? That they might do.

Your loss then.

Ah, yes.
>Snaps fingers
Girls? Girls!
>Suddenly, a glowing red spot appears in front of the catgirls