Useless Magical Items pt 2

Sure--as long as you're very careful to ensure that there's no fruit flies, maggots, or other living creatures in that rotten or spoiled food. The magic is not affected by the presence of bacteria, however, so it definitely can be useful.

Just... not particularly convenient.

>Chain Belt of Invisiblity

When worn by a humanoid, the user and anything on the user's person will appear invisible to others The belt, though, is made of very dangly chains that will jingle with the slightest of movements. It also exudes a smokey smell while active.

>Ring of the Monologue

Highly prized by evil villains and self-important adventurers alike, this magical ring compels those around the wearer not to interrupt when he or she is speaking. Anyone within hearing distance must pass a DC20 Will save in order to verbally or physically interrupt the wearer in mid-soliloquy. This ring does not compel attention, however; while listeners may be unable to talk over the wearer or attack, they are free to leave the area, ignore the speaker, or otherwise go about their business quietly. If the wearer takes any action, the effect is immediately broken; it can only be used while standing or sitting still, or at most while pacing a bit. The ring still affects those who don't speak the wearer's language, but has no affect on deaf characters.

>Ring of the Inner Eye

Allows you to see your body as muscle and bone, but only when your body is in a healthy, uninjured state.

Got a link to the previous thread?

...

Bag of Squirrels:
When reached into the bag, the owner will feel something furry. Pulling it out will reveal a wild squirrel, who will promptly bite and claw at them to try to get free.

Only works once per day. The squirrel will disappear after 10 minutes. If eaten, the nutritional benefits will also disappear.

Lewd Dust

Scattering this dust makes the area smell of sex. This is a magical effect and individuals will smell whatever is most relevant to their race. e.g gnolls will smell estrus secretions and musk, dwarves will smell burned limestone, elves (being sluts) will smell pungent fishy vaginal fluids, etc.

>Amulet of the 4th Cone

Putting on this amulet grants the wearer an additional color cone in their eyes, allowing them to see an incredibly new array of colors they previously could not even imagine. However, it does not grant the brain the ability to properly interpret these new colors.

>Bag of the Buffalo

Modified Bag of Holding. Once per week, the Bag of Buffalo can produce a single, adult male American Buffalo from its depths. This buffalo is alive and active, and is completely confused and scared at its new surroundings, and will react appropriately. Failure to open the bag longer than a month will result in a stampede of buffalo erupting from the bag at seemingly the most inopportune moments.

The Cursed Ring of Curses.

The wearer of the ring will inexplicably swear in every sentence spoken until the ring is removed.

>Giving the players a ticking timebomb

>at the most inopportune moments

It would happen in situations that you would NOT want it to happen in, such as while attempting a stealth mission, or when the players are conducting diplomacy with a noble or other NPC.

>Wand of Cure Simple Disease

Has the ability to cure anyone of any disease, but only if that disease is not debilitating, lethal, or inconvenient in any way.

>The Ring of Rings

This ring allows you to wear a 3rd magic ring, multiple Ring of Rings stack, each one letting you wear one more magic ring than normal.

I could get sadistic with that kind of bag.

>Do a job for a crime lord.
>He wants a hefty slice of the profits off of whatever I do.
>Give him the bag after dealing with a the bison a day before reporting back, in addition to to whatever cut he wants.
>Boss thinks it' just a normal Bag of Holding, decides to keep it.
>SUDDENLY BUFFALO
>Bonus points if he puts it in a storage room somewhere, in which they all break out one day and ruin his life, and the lives of everyone in the nearby area.

Classic.

>Ring of Limited Wishes
>Can only wish for more wishes

This one's really fucking good. All you need is three ring of rings since they stack according to the description as written. Two rings stacking gives two slots, and three rings stacking their effects on each other means for every ring you wear you get three extra slots, so three RoR, and seven normal ring slots left.

I meant that you can have more than one on at a time, not an exponential bonus. Normally in D&D and stuff like this, you can't stack things. All it does is lets you wear more Rings of Rings. Each one only gives 1 more slot.

RAWFAG POWERGAMERS GO HOME REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Shit, I had an idea for the horn of invisibility, which makes the user invisible so long as it is being played

>Boots of the mermaid

Transforms your legs into a merfolk's tail, which then immediately ruins the boots as they are shredded by your feet turning into fins, and thus reverses it's effect.

Ugly Coat - A coat that is ugly to all who see it, regardless of personal taste

>Cloak of Invisibility
>It's invisible

Box of Holding - A box that is bigger on the inside than on the outside, by 10%

>Box of Dimensional Warping
>It's much smaller on the inside than it should be

>Unerring cup of tea
when pouring whatever you want in your cup of tea you never spill it, although you shouldn't add anything to your tea, you fucking heretic.

What about more tea?
>have Unerring Cup of Tea
>fill with tea
>then pour a pint of tea into it for shiggles
>????

Seems like a really good way to get rid of a body...

You broke the system, gratz
>slowclap.mp4

>body
>dry

Put them on in the middle of a crowded, but quiet town square. Preferably one that doesn't have a whole lot go on and isn't particularly well informed in magic.

>WHAT THE /FUCK/

Intimidating as fuck in mass. Lone warrior approaches, backed by a deafening whail of horns. Suddenly an army appears

you now have a suit of ringmail. Somewhere in the weave, there might be one or two actual magical effects.

A few similar-looking rings, with different markings to indicate which it is.

Ring of Enchanted Lands, Consumption Style
Compels anything that fancies itself higher on the food chain to cause the least possible immediate bodily harm while eating the wearer. However, the wearer cannot harm the creature. Does not compel anything to eat the wearer, merely alters actions when doing so.

Ring of Enchanted Lands, Bardic Style
Actually two rings which fit together. Allows the wearers to safely fuck with consent, regardless of species. Has no affect on sexual drive, attraction, offspring potential, or each other's safety while not pursuing sex.

Ring of Enchanted Lands, Constrictor Style
While wearer and the person/being binding or otherwise restricting their movement agree on how much wearer ought to move at the time, the bindings function to that extent (includes "not at all"). If opinions significantly differ, ring has no direct effect. Works on anacondas, other large snakes, tentacled creatures, vine plans, etc. Does not alter either mind.

STOP

>Gauntlets of mini might

Allows the user to wield weapons up to two size categories smaller than him.

Holy shit, that would make one hell of a movie battle scene

Huh, so you can chant any spell for as long as you want without beeing interrupted? Seems broken for mages.

What about the user is only invisible to those who hear the horn ?

How loud do you play it ?

>Short skirt of Anti-Pervesion
While wearing this skirt, it is impossible for anyone to see further than the hem
A favorite of "female" adventurers on their time off

Well played, user.

You see, when I was a young boy, my father once told me the true mark of a man were the words he spoke. It didn't take long until I realized my father was wrong-- still a good man-- but wrong.

In this world of evil and good, it is the ACTIONS that we embody that inherit our mortal souls. But why is it then that we cannot do both? If actions speak louder than words, why can man not simply proclaim his desire for righteousness before embarking on his most dutiful journey?

A ring like yours is a ring like no other. Keep it well, user. Keep it well in memory of good men.

Could be sold as regular jewelry.

Ask yes/no questions.

Good for pranks or mild distractions.

Great for ambushing, would attract and confuse people.

A piece of invisible cloth seems pretty useful.

This description needs work, as I see potential mass panic occurring when the skirt is tilted in such a way that the planet vanishes.

Trick Nails - Nails that seem just like normal nails, but they turn to dust when exposed to powerful light or heat

Pretty sure casting a spell counts as "any action," even if it's verbal components only. After all, the words are just verbal components to help craft and frame the magical powers which you're manifesting.

>Goggles of cloudy vision

Allows the wearer to catch glimpses of the future, but this premonitions are always full with background noise and the pictures they may show are covered in thick fog. No magic can make them clearer.

>Necklace of the Flyspeaker

Allows the wearer to understand flies and to speak to them. Flies don't have anything interesting to say,though,being so small,stupid and short-lived.

>Elven Amulet of Capillar Glory

The powers in the amulet cause its bearer to grow a glorious elven beard. Effects may vary depending on the setting.

The Elevator of Might

>An elevator that grants tremendous power to plus sized weapons while wielded inside.

The Ring of Murinus: one per hour you may summon an ordinary mouse anywhere within arm's reach.

Does "within arm's reach" mean "can be reached with the wearer's arm" or "is within an arm-length radius of the wearer?" With the second, you could summon the mouse inside things, like a box you can't open with something you want to destroy inside, or an instant kill on anything you can grapple (whoops there's a mouse in your brain).
Either way, you could also use it for food.

For weakening foes
Better then 100 iron daggers
Ruin long haul magical castings or a nobles speach. I would give a -1 to things like pick lock too
Leafs and shit become food.
So truth Serum for anyone who can think
Why don't you go charge those orcs rival for womans heart
2d6+1d2+Str bludgeoning seems fine
That be some spooky ghost shit. As long a scoobydoo dosn't turn up and fuck me up
However if you plug your minions ears they then get a free round to attack!
Check for posion before the king eats
Pocket Squirrel! SHSHSA!
Try tracking me now coppers!
For the color blind
Pocket Buffalo! SHSHSA!
Ruin long haul magical castings or a nobles speach. I would give a -1 to things like pick lock too
Put it in a butt
begone depression
So its a ring that reads as magic. Hand over a magical item each, or we will kill you
Give it to a bard, not like they help in combat anyway.
Somthing your mum wears
Still %10
Carry lava, burn shit

Im done...sure I can use all the items in this thread but I dont want to do anymore

>Ring of lynching
Commonly misspelled has 'liching'. This ring after an hour will cause an angry mob of peasants to show up and attack whoever is wearing the ring. If the ring is tossed off, the mob loses all interest and go back to their daily duties.

>Belt of Spontaneous Launching
Upon rolling a 1 on any attack roll or skill check, the wearer is immediately launched 30ft into the air.

What are you talking about? Depression is inconvenient.

Given the number of foreign microbes your average human depends on to survive, this wand could lead to many slow and painful deaths.

My assassin just found a new weapon.

Stone of Variable Weight - A fist sized stone that wildly varies in weight from one moment to the next. It can be so light the force of the air below it keeps it aloft, only to be one thousand pounds a moment later and crash down to earth.

You could power some pretty awesome machinery with this.

Autistic Painting - A painting of a beautiful woman whose eyes always seem to avoid your gaze, no matter what angle you view it from

Yeah, but those aren't diseases.

A disease is defined as the disorder in the human body, not its cause. A spell that rusts weapons doesn't rust armor as well just because they're both made of metal.

>Ring of Summoning Pumpkin
Can be used to summon any pumpkin you are on good terms with to your position.

I dunno lactobaccilus acidophilus is technically an infection...

>Damnit, foiled again!

Umm... I suppose you could cure carriers that are immune... Which would be very handy in Left4Dead. [spoilers]Since it seems the survivors are actually the carriers of the rage virus.[/spoiler]

>...and this painting, represents my life.

>Doolittle's Helm
when you wear this helmet, you can talk to animals. But they don't listen.

Being the carrier of a rage virus is kinda the definition of inconvenient.

I start wearing it near my dog, get out a big chunk of meat near her, and say "I will give this to you if you confirm you want it".
What happens next?

Yeah, but that's an extremely unlikely circumstance, which still fits OP's criteria.

>Horn of Better Than Nothing

Once per day, the user may blow this horn to summon up precisely half as much food as its sounder and his or her companions need to survive--after accounting for what they already have. The horn appears to have some limited precognitive abilities, as it is able to tell the sounder's companions from other nearby individuals. Moreover, it can not only detect food present in its vicinity, but also the ability of its sounder to produce more (either by purchase, spells, or invoking favors). It will produce half as much food as is needed to make up the difference between what the sounder can obtain and what is needed for all to keep body and soul together. If the sounder and his or her companions are capable of obtaining enough food to survive without the horn's assistance, blowing it does nothing.

She just bites it out of your hand, like any dog would.

Same thing that'd happen if you did that without it, save it'd be less apt to hear you, I suppose.

Does it mean that two those horns in close proximity cancel each other out so that both stop working at once?
Since, you know, I'm perfectly capable of getting food with another horn. Except I am not because now the horn doesn't work. Except now I am because now they do, etc.

>Blade of Lamorak
A truly righteous sword, it refuses to do any harm unless wielded by someone pure of heart, in whose hands it becomes a nigh-unstoppable force.

>Valiant's Scabbard
Steadfastly holds on to any sword placed inside it, until danger arises - then the weapon leaps from its sheath to attack the enemy on its own, returning to the Scabbard after the danger is dealt with.

However, somebody stuck the Blade inside the Scabbard. So the Blade refuses to come out until enemies approach, at which point it starts flailing about on its own, completely ineffectively, since nobody at all is wielding it.

when you do that, they both make a sound like "noooooobody liiiiiiiikes a smaaaaaartassssssss"

>Blade of Lamorak
This will instantly become a plot device, involving an evil wizard with the sword, desperately seeking for someone with a pure heart, in order to mind control them.

Indeed, I think this very plot has already been done...

It's supposed to be useless items.

Make the sword an item that can only be wielded by a hardcore pacifist.

I'm not sure you read the entire post.

The blade is stuck in the scabbard now, nobody can wield it at all anymore.

>vore

Of all the fetishes in the world, this is just the worst.

Kalpamir Kleptzin was a great magician. Famous for his hypochondria and paranoia, he created many utterly pointless magical items.

>Ring of Second Opinion
If you are ever in doubt, gazing at the ring will confirm what you already think.

>Mithril-foil Hat
If anyone is scrying on you, you won't notice.

>Spectacles of Hindsight
Alters the wearer when they've incurred mortal wounds or fatal diseases from which they will not recover. If recovery is still possible, the glasses do nothing.

Oh... I didn't realize the Blade wasn't THE BLADE, and was instead the Blade of Lamorak, apparently.

I think it's scat.

>Alters the wearer when they've incurred mortal wounds or fatal diseases from which they will not recover. If recovery is still possible, the glasses do nothing.
Well, at least you know when to start on your bucket list.

It's actually Ohio.

>yfw you know that meme

>Ring of Plot Device Dispersal

Whenever the game master comes up with a good plot device to move the campaign forward, it will instantly vanish. Not effective against bad plot devices. Also, the player to your left must punch you with each activation.

His greatest creations, however, were a series of longcoats, the Bracelets of Ambush Avoidance.

The first bracelet was created so that it would warn him if he was about to be ambushed by an assailant. However, it would not work on TWO attackers, so the Bracelet of Ambush Awareness mk.2 was created. The problem was, that since he already had a bracelet to protect him from a lone attacker, the mk.2 ONLY detected assailants working in tandem. So he wore them both at the same time.

But of course, that wouldn't suffice for three attackers, so mk.3 was created, which ONLY detected a trio of ambushers, and so on. He continued to wear all the bracelets at once, all the time.

Kleptzin got as far as the Bracelet of Ambush Awareness mk.76 when he was tragically stabbed to death by 77 gnomes at the same time. And unfortunately, save for the Bracelet of Ambush Awareness mk. 61, all the rest were destroyed in a house fire.

No, when you blow 2 of the horns one after another, they continue to give you half as much as you need to survive. So you have 50%. Blow another, it'll give you 25%, again, half of that. Classic "move half the distance to your objective" conundrum. But you never have enough to survive, thus dying.

Judging by how our last campaign went, I think I *am* a Ring of Plot Device Dispersal.

AMAZING.

A Cursed Ring of Curse Breaking.
Equipping the Cursed Ring of Curse Breaking breaks any other curse on another item, but the ring is now stuck on your finger until you break its curse.

This curse has no negative effects other than feeling slightly too tight at all times regardless of the actual size of the finger the ring is on.

The Longbow of Stubborn Refusal

This is an average Longbow that doesn't like to be fired. It only allows itself to be strung long enough to be fired once if it is completely convinced that the person it is harming is deserving of death. Convincing the Longbow is a 1 hour long task requiring 3 checks on your wisdom and intelligence, and requires full concentration. Failing a check means the now isn't fully convinced. The bow will only let you attempt to convince it to fire one arrow per person, and only likes to shoot people once. Second checks on the same person double the time required to convince the bow.

>Wand of identification
Identifies anything touched by the wand, so long and the user has already identified that item before.

>Club of sealing
Deals damage and has a chance of sealing the enemies magic abilities, only works on animals.

Truly useless inventions

>Bow of harping

A bow that was modified to have 4 strings. Each string is weaker and unable to shoot arrows but together the bow requreqs more force and is impossible to be drawn. Intended to be a super bard weapon, it is impossible to tune, and impossible to shoot.

>The battle staxe of magic.
Another invention, created by melding a magical staff with a hardened crystal axe head which can store magic. Unfortunately most wizards are too weak to swing the heavy weapon, and most fighters hate being zapped by magic when they are unable to use the magic side.

Mages never give up behold...

>The mace of smiting and healing.
This mace is imbued not only with smiting magic but attached to the mace is a SECOND mace. Imbued with magics that heal on touch. Yes. A truly double edged mace.
Unfortunately the healers and paladin's kept forgetting which side was which. Party members complained after 34 incidents involving massive blood loss, 1 accidental death, and 12 instances where the healing was negated by the damage dealt.
However, undead killing went up over 100℅.

And finally, the masterwork item. My life's work

The backstabbing blades of blundering bastards.
A powerfully enchanted blade set which crits on a 2-20 but a mistake ade when forming it requires you to hit the back of anything you cut, otherwise you immediately fail to cut. It is a powerful item if used correctly unless you cannot find the back but WAIT THERES MORE. We know finding backs is hard so we added a second knife. Which will automatically target the back of any enemy you face unfortunately this causes most people to immediately twist and break their spines. DC18 con to resist