Ramesh and Kumar Go To The Inventor's Fair

>Kumar, what is this
>What is what Ramesh?
>I come home from a long dreary day at the Consulate to find an Aetherling on your lap.
>Oh this is Vidhya! I was conducting some calibration tests on my latest iteration of the Vial and out she popped!
>Kumar, be sensitive here, you know Aetherlings don't technically or legally have a gender-
>Ah but Ramesh that's the best part, after some stirring rhetoric from me, we both came to the consensus that Vidhya should spend her limited time here, as a woman!
>But for what purpose Kumar?! Oh. Oh, I see.
>Ahem. Well. I guess she can stay as long as we keep her off grid.

Credits: the Drawfriend

This thread

>Kumar, why did you not put your name on the crypt you submitted to the fair? It is beautiful and functional.
>Because there is a small chance, very small, that it will hit you with lightning after you use it. I do not want any negative associations reflected back on my work.
>Kumar, how small is this chance?
>Very small, about... 50/50
>Kumar, fifty percent is not a small chance.
>Don't worry Ramesh, as long as no one uses it, it won't hit anyone with lightning.

>Hang on. Kumar.
>Yes, Ramesh?
>What was that you said about a Vial?
>Ah yes, I made a Vial that summons beasts of all kinds!
>You made a vial that summons beasts of all kinds.
>Indeed I did Ramesh!
>DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA THE SORT OF COLLATERAL THIS WILL CAUSE KUMAR?! THINK OF THE PAPERWORK! THINK OF YOUR DEAR SUFFERING ROOM MATE KUMAR
>Indeed I did Ramesh! And that's why it summons only slightly stronger beasts each time you use it! Watch!
>*Bzzt*
>KUUUUUUUUUUMAAAAAAAAAAAAR

>Kumar, why did you not come to see Venands' exhibit.
>He wouldn't want me there, we got into a fight and he's been mad at me since.
>Kumar, what did you say to him?
>Well Ramesh, he was telling about how he made it so he didn't need anyone to watch over all of his little gear animals, and I asked him to show me what he meant.
>He designed that construct, yes?
>He shows me the construct, and I turn to Venand and say "Venand, my friend, you say you don't have anyone tending to your little animals but then show me your new construct." and I said "Venand, that's Steel an Overseer." He shouted at me to get out and threw his drink at me.

>Ramesh! Ramesh! I've made a robot that's sad all the time!
>Why?
>...

>Kumar, this looks like it works an awful lot like that crypt that shot lightning bolts you submitted.
>Ah, yes! I've been working on that again! I've managed to not only increase the power output, but I've even contained the sporadic bursts of electricity so that it might only maim most large animals!
>Maim? What about people?
>Well, funny story. In order to get it back to a state where it won't kill people, you have to use more power than it can generate.
>...Which state is it in now, Kumar?
>We should go.

Bump

C'mon dude, if you're gonna bump, at least write one out yourself, they're not tough.

>Wait a second Kumar, why are you sprucing up your goggles so much?
>I thought they needed a makeover. Want me to do your's next Ramesh? Look at all the fantastic lenses and options I've added to them!
>But they don't do anything!
>Well I certainly feel better when I wear them.

The original was better.

>What does this one do?
>I made rings that copy things!
>I made rings that copy things!
>That actually sounds useful.
>I'm going to win twice this year!
>I'm going to win twice this year!
>Stop that.
>No.
>No.

Reminds me of these guys.

Not enough stuff from the original Thread... will take the time to copypasta them here for you, Anons.

>"Ramesh, i have my entry for the competition... It's a needle you stick in people's necks"
>"...Why is this a thing?"
>"You take the needle, Ramesh... and you put it in people's necks... I call it, THE PITHING NEEDLE"
>"...We can't enter this... It's fucking brutal..."
>" WE MUST, FOR THE AETHER, RAMESH."

>"RAMESH! I have created a boomerang with razors attatched to it! You throw it, it cuts throats and returns to your hand!"
>"How do you catch it without cutting yourself?"
>"...You've always been too focussed on the specifics, Ramesh...

>"Ramesh, I made a sword that is literally made out of fire and ice!"
>"Okay, cool, what use does it have in everyday life?"
>"You could freeze and fry someone AT THE SAME TIME WITH IT!!"
>"Kumar, you know we haven't had a war in decades, yet alone any real armed conflicts at all, right?"
>"FREEZE AND COOK SOMEONE AT THE SAME TIME, RAMESH!!!"
>"Kumar, what even gave you the idea to make this? Are you okay?"
>"FIIIIREEEE AND IIICEEEE RAMESHHHSHH"

>I call it THE ORB OF CONFUSION
>wha... I thought we agreed to call it the Sphere of Resistance!
>don't be ridiculous, we discussed this thoroughly the day before submission
>but I already entered the name!

>Kumar and Ramesh are the next Urza and Mishra.
This is funny to me.

>"I call it, the KNOWLEDGE POOL, RAMESH!"
>"Sounds great, Kumar! What does it do?"
>"...ALWAYS WITH THE QUESTIONS, RAMESH.

>So what is it?
>It's a chime that goes off when an apocalyptic event begins.
>Interesting, the ability to predict serious events like that would be a great use. What do you call it?
>I call it APOCALYPSE CHIME

Just to clarify, they're Urza and Mishra if, instead of going the way they actually did with artifacts (Urza went Broad, Mishra went Tall) Urza went Tall (Kumar) and Mishra went Broad (Ramesh)

>"Okay but what does it DO?"
>"I already told you: It DOES nothing?"
>"If it doesn't do anything then what DOES it do?"
>"RAMESH I ALREADY TOLD YOU! It DOES nothing!"
>"It's okay if you didn't finish it in time. You can always compete next year, Kumar."
>"RAAAAMEEEEEESHH!"

>Ramesh and Kumar, the highly successful Kaladesh state-owned sit-com
>Ramesh is the straight man, always having to deal with his room mate Kumar's crazy inventions
>Ramesh have a low-level government job and Kumar has been an employed "entrepreneur" for five years
>The stock plot is Kumar latest get-rich-quick invention create [problem], Ramesh gets mad but they pull together and solve it
>A colourful supporting cast accompanies them
>The show took a surprisingly dark twist at the end of season seven when Ramesh's love interest, an Aetherborn qt that's been teasing him for months dies in his arms
>The show was almost cancelled while they tried to work out how they got it past the censors
>Only it's eminence and popularity kept the show on air but one of the two head writers was forced into early retirement.

>The Aetherborn dies in his arms after a mysterious pyromancer goes apeshit on the plane.

RAMESH AND KUMAR. OUR NEW KALADESHI MASCOTS.

>"RAMESH. DID YOU THROW OUT MY RELIC OF DARKSTEEL?"
>"You mean that lump of metal you left sitting around? I thought it was a doorstop."
>"IT WAS INDESTRUCTIBLE, RAMESH."
>"So why leave it on the floor??"
>"TO TEST ITS DESTRUCTABILTY."

>Ramesh, I welded a skull onto a battering ram
>That sounds awful and why does it have legs?
>That's so you can get inside it and drive it into the enemy! It will heal you whenever you hit something.
>I don't think that's how healing works
>I threw some garbage in earlier and the germs that are piloting it now seem to be feeling great.

Heh.

Ok wait what

What are these new (old) Artifacts?

>Kumar why did you make this?
>Well you see Ramesh...
>Yes?
>I have no idea
>No idea about what?
>Sorry what were we talking about?
>Was it my new invention maybe?
>Yes it usually is, so why did you make this?
>Well you see Ramesh...

>"I CAN'T HEAR YOU, RAMESH!"
>"WHAT DID YOU MAKE THIS TIIMEEE, KUMAAAR?"
>"WHAAAT, RAMESH?"
>"WHAT IS THIS THIING?"
>"YOU NEED TO SPEAK UP, RAMESH! I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE GRINDING SOUNDS OF MY GIANT MILLSTONE!"

Well stone me.

>look ramesh, I have made wurm.
>oh that's neat kumar.
>but wait
>there is more
>because in wurm
>is two wurm

youtube.com/watch?v=PXYeARRyDWk
Does Kaldesh have anything approaching radios? Also AEtherborn Daft Punk might be cool.

>Kumar by the powers above who would want hot and cold at the same time?
>It's unique product Ramesh, a collectors item you wouldn't understand the subtleties!
>You attached the wrong kind of element didn't you?
>I, ah, yes...
>Well no harm no foul
>Also I spent the rent on making it
>KUMAR! Come on we'll have to search the whole city some someone stupid and enough to take this off our hands

Coming this summer, Ramesh and Kumar's 1st feature length adventure!

>RAMESH, I HAVE IMPREGNANTED A ROBOT AND NOW IT IS SAD...
>...I... No...

>I FEEL IT KUMAR
>What do you feel Ramesh
>THE NEED FOR SPEED

>Ramesh, I created a sword that will make your crops grow!
>You hit them with a sword?
>No, you hit the enemy, like this rat I'm holding. See, the fern is looking greener already. I call it the sword of feast and famine!
>Why famine?
>Whenever you hit someone with it they become stupid and forget to eat.

>"Everything's on fire, Kumar! We have to get out of here now!"
>"NO RAMESH. It's ok. I must stay with my darling. Who will appreciate her if not for me?"
>"Kumar the Simulacrum left weeks ago... You couldn't keep up the child support."
>"SHE WILL COME BACK TO ME, RAMESH. She always does."
>"You're thinking of the boomerang again..."
>"I know, Ramesh. I attatched a boomerang to her back so she'll always come back."
>"I'm on fire, Kumar."
>"MY HEART IS ON FIRE, RAMESH."

I love threads like this.

>I TURNED THE SKY INTO A ROCK, RAMESH. NOW ALL OF OUR DREAMS WILL COME TRUE.

>Ramesh behold my greatest invention yet!
>What is it now Kumar?
>The Memory Jar you store all your important memories so they'll never be lost
>That's... Actually pretty neat Kumar what did you put in the first batch.
>Umm.. I've forgotten.
>You've forgotten your precious memories!?
>Well they're in the jar aren't they.
>Wait if all your precious memories are in there, then how do you know who I am.
>Ramash please.
>KUUUUMARRR!!!
>Wah Wah Waaaaahhhh

>Kumar, don't fill this giant construct with thopters... It's a disaster waiting to happen...
>IT'S TOO LATE, RAMESH... IT WAS ALWAYS TOO LATE...

Gorgeous artworks, and the dialogue is top tier.

This was everything from the first Masterpieces thread that hasn't already been posted. I still have the second thread opened and can dump after i've gotten some food, but i hope that i've helped give resident artfag some inspiration.

This is top tier, Veeky Forums, i hope it catches on.

>"Look at this bridge I made, Ramesh"
>"I didn't know you were into architecture, Kumar."
>"I made it so that, when people try to cross it, they can't."
>"What."
>"It grabs them and throws them off."
>"Why?"
>"Wouldn't want it to get dirty."

Post the door to nothingness one.

>Hey Ramesh, what's this thing here?
>Don't touch it Kumar, I need to deliver it to the Consulate later so they can safely destroy it
>Destroy it? But Ramesh, it says here it's a trash bin? How can that be dangerous?
>Well Kumar, it's a bit TOO good a- KUMAR STOP DON'T TURN IT ON
>But I need to throw out this banan- OOOOOOH NO RAMESH WHAT IS THIS IT'S EATING EVERYTHING
>TURN IT OFF KUMAR YOU FOOL YOU'LL DESTROY THE WHOLE HOUSE

Will go through thread 2 to keep this as the "Keeping up with the Kaladeshians" thread, then it's all archived in one place.

>kumar! Help me load this bear
>RAMESH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>I need to l Ioad a bear into this machine every 180 seconds to power the city.

Funny as fuck going through the old threads, seeing half of them complaining about a new super mythic rarity, and the other half shooting the shit with Kumar and Ramesh...

>"KUMAAAAAR!"
>"What is it this time, Ramesh?"
>"Why is there a blinding light coming from the fridge?"
>"Do you remember that one time I tried to make that aether soft drink?"
>"...yes?"
>"Well ... I KINDA succeeded. Also, there is now a tear in the fabric of reality in our fridge."
>"Kumar..."
>"No, it's totally cool! At least we now know the light is always on in the fridge even when the door is closed!"

>Chandra, the head judge and I are getting married.
>>b-but what about dad?
>It's been twelve years honey, you know I loved your father very much but I had to move on, and Tezzeret helped me do that.
>>>-Lili gags externally-
>I also adopted a new child
>>WHAT?
>He's a very nice boy, he's an inventor named Kumar.

>Kumar, what is this
>What is what Ramesh?
>I come home from a long dreary day at the Consulate to find an Aetherling on your lap.
>Oh this is Vidhya! I was conducting some calibration tests on my latest iteration of the Vial and out she popped!
>Kumar, be sensitive here, you know Aetherlings don't technically or legally have a gender-
>Ah but Ramesh that's the best part, after some rhetoric from me, we both came to the consensus that Vidhya should spend her limited time here, as a woman!
>But for what purpose Kumar?! Oh. Oh, I see.
>W-well I guess she can stay as long as we keep her off grid.

>Hey Ramesh, come over here for a second?
>What is it Kuma-AHHHHHH MY EYES KUMAR YOU DOLT THIS BETTER BE TEMPORARY!
>Don't worry I tested it on one of our constructs first
>KUMAR THEY DON'T HAVE HUMAN EYES
>Oh, right. Why do I keep on dropping it?

That was the last one, hope it helped! Will keep monitoring the thread for the new content when it appears. I hope Drawfag has enough here for at least 10-20 mini comics...

No pressure, senpai.

I'd rather see Tezzeret as Kumar's and Ramesh' boss who comes over for dinner.
Ramesh tries to keep everything neat and clean to make the dinner go as smoothly as possible, while Kumar thinks it's best to go all out and impress him with his latest inventions.
Chaos ensues.

Spoiler: Tezzeret is secretly after their reality-distorting fridge to impress HIS boss. He doesn't mind the chaos, except that these two bumbling buffoons keep accidentally foiling his plan!

Ehehehe

WotC should hand over all the writing of all story articles on the mothership to Veeky Forums, this is miles better than anything Wizard's typewriter monkeys have shat out in a long time.

>RAMESH, BEHOLD! I have created a powder that will let me give any game i play a do-over to ensure that i get the optimal start, and eventual outcome!
>How does the powder help with that, Kumar?
>You sprinkle it in the air, and while they're distracted you can do anything! Shuffle your hand away in a game of cards, draw some more cards, alter die rolls... The possibilities are endless, Ramesh!
>...You've invented a powder that lets you cheat... By creating a distraction so you can cheat?
>Ingenious, I know, Ramesh. They'll never see it coming...

>Kumar, where are you?
>>Here!
>>>Here!
>>>>Here!
>What? Why are there three of you? And why are you all holding a sword?
>>It's my latest invention!
>>>Our latest invention.
>>>>Whenever you swing it, it clones the wielder a bunch of times
>>Look, I'm outside gardening
>>>And fixing that leak on the roof
>>>>We've been super-productive all day!
>W-what?
>>Are you ok, Ramesh?
>>>You don't look so good.
>>>>I'll get a medic Kumar *swings*
>>>>>Yes, hello, oh Ramesh, are you ok?
>>>>>>He looks a little pale.
>>>>>>>Maybe it was something he ate?
>>Ramesh?
>>Ramesh???

Ramesh wakes up in a cold sweat, looking around in a panic.
>Oh thank god, it was all a dream.
Kumar walks in.
>>You ok, my friend?
>Yeah, just had a bad dream
>>Ok, I'll go get you something to drink.
Ramesh lies back down and slowly closes his eyes. Finally some peace.

Through the bedroom window, a clumsy Kumar can be seen falling off the roof.

DRAWFAG! I SUMMON THEE!

For archive purposes, the joke here is that the new flavor text for Lotus Petal says it can power the city of Ghirapur for a fleeting moment.
A moment is an ancient measure of time meaning 90 seconds.
Therefor, the city runs on 960 mana a day.

Aka 480 bears.
Every day.

Who the fuck are Kumar and Ramesh?

>Aka 480 bears.
>Every day.
Or, enough mana to cast Obliterate 120 times.

Veeky Forums made up to characters as a joke after some spoilers from the newest MtG set
Kumar is the idiot and Ramesh is the straight man.

I'd say the only machine made by Kumar that works is his coffee maker (mainly because Ramesh gave it the once over to remove anything that might fall off and/or explode). Everything else he's made just falls to pieces, explodes, or falls apart and then all the parts blow up.

What are you on about? His Null Rod works perfectly, it does nothing!

>Everything else he's made just falls to pieces, explodes, or falls apart and then all the parts blow up.
Wait, so he's basically Clemont from the Pokémon XY/Z episodes?
>Science is so amazing!

>I'm Mister Meeseeks, look at me!

Yes...except when he's making explosives, that's how he ended up with the Null Rod.

Apart from the fact it was meant to be a Ground-to-Air AEtherbolt launcher.

>RAMESH, CHECK THIS SHIT OUT
>What is it now Kumar... OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT ON YOUR FACE
>NOW YOU'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT I AM, RAMESH

I'm thinking more along the lines of Bergholt-Stuttley Johnson.

I'm sure that, had I read Pratchett, I would have made that connection. Unfortunately, I haven't made the time to cram on yet another fictional universe.

Well Veeky Forums just fucking died. Well don't Kumar.

What exactly /are/ Pithing Needles? The return to ravnica ones seem to imply that they're medical in nature.

Eh, I'd say his stuff works but is either reckless or horrific with a side of impractical like the bear to Aether machine.

i Think it's something to do with paralyzing a person temporarily before a surgery, an old method or some shit.

>pith
>verb
>gerund or present participle: pithing
>1. remove the pith from.
>2. pierce or sever the spinal cord of (an animal) so as to kill or immobilize it.

So, basically, Pithing needles are used to (temporarily?) paralyze people so you can perform surgery or something.
I'd imagine that you only stay paralyzed for as long as the needle is stuck in your neck, since that would fit with the mechanics of the card: you're no longer paralyzed when the needle is removed (off the battlefield), and you can only paralyze one person at a time (since each needle can only name one permanent at a time).

precisely senpai. Kumar must not have this kind of technology.

Sorry.

Neat!

>Kumar destroys shit to make one thing
>Ramesh cleans up after his mess
GENIUS

Now combine them into a G&G type card

I'm noticing that 90% of the inventions with a names inventor were created by women.

Is that the lore of this plane? That women create not just natural life, but mechanical and magical? Seems pretty cool.

>A place with women in STEM

Dragons, elves, and fireballs I can handle but this really ruins my immersion.

>Is that the lore of this plane?
No, just "progressive" writing.

Welcome to (((Mark Rosewater)))'s wild ride user.

No seriously, there has to be some lore to explain why men are so absent from the creative process, it's an interesting spin on femininity and could go towards making Kaladesh a more unique setting if they intentionally worked around with gender roles.

Maybe men have a different role in their society? What kind of role might that be? This should be asked to a developer, because there's a very, very obvious trend that they aren't talking about.

>Kumar, what is this...
>this is my most valuable invention yet, Ramesh
>it looks like a wolf in armor, Kumar
> It's better than a wolf in armor, Ramesh, it's a pilot you don't need to pay, think of all the money we save.

Don't try to apply logic to Jewish tricks and feminist trash, you'll just give yourself a headache.

>No seriously, there has to be some lore to explain why men are so absent from the creative process
There isn't any, so far as WotC have said.
It's just progressive pandering. If you ask a developer like MaRo he will just reply "Uh yeah sure totally, that's what we wanted all along yeah sure".
Don't bother asking and giving them an excuse for their new hard on for hating males.

Reminder that all demons are males because "It's easier to show men getting beaten up and killed" or something along those lines, forget the exact quote.

Honestly the names all sound like poo in loo to me so I had no idea if they were meant to be women.

Maybe next set Kumar can invent a toilet witch repellent.

Well now we have two more additions to the SCIENCE Crew from Innistrad.