You finally reach the BBEG's lair

> You finally reach the BBEG's lair
> The BBEG is a huge dragon, beautiful yet terrifying
> You can tell it will be a long and difficult battle
> You will probably even lose a party member or three
> Suddenly, she reveals that she's been watching your party the whole time
> She likes your character
> She proposes to your character, absolutely infatuated

What do you do?

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I take a page out of OP's book and shitpost.

Well she certainly needs to knock it off with being evil but sure, after that, who doesn't want to marry a dragon?

I tell her that I'm flattered but I'm only interested in male dragons.

>dragon
>beautiful
it's a fuckin lizard m8

>everything else
Initial thought is to get her guard down and stab the bitch. But if she's been watching us she knows that's my go-to move for people trying to diplomance their way out of the pain train once I get it started. So I'm just gonna assume She's trying to headgame me into dropping mine first so she can get the jump on me. She wouldn't be doing this if she knew direct combat would work in her favor.

Continue standard assault.

>What do you do?
What you think?

>Divine Sense
- If Good
>YES
-If Evil
>Claim that as I, an honorable Oath of Devotion Paladin, could only take her as my bride if she were to agree to go on a great quest to redeem herself and become a force for good.

Can't you both compromise and become Neutral? Forcing one person to change is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

>"BBEG"
>shit thread

Like poetry.

If she's interested in a paladin she's probably already looking for a change.

Because then the paladin has to lose their divine power and job depending on the setting.

>Compromising your values because a woman is offering you some vagina.
This is how men screw themselves over, and how some nations have fallen.

> "Can you change into a human woman? If not, a relationship's off the table."

5E paladins aren't alignment locked, so long as you don't break your Oaths.

>Oh no I can't love you, I'll lose my sweet powers
If that's the only reason why you're "LG" then maybe you aren't a good roleplayer?

It's not a shit thread if it stimulates discussion and also my penis.

NO
MORE
WAIFUS
PLEASE

Paladin, Oath of Ancients, would probably Divine Sense, then say yes if good, and hammering if evil. Hell, a dragon riding Paladin would be a massive force for good, no reason to turn it down.
My Gnome Wizard would be doubtless confused, and would probably think it a trick. Probably giving him some magic items or shit would convince him.
Half-Elf Death Cleric presumes dickery is a foot.

Frankly, I don't see why that isn't a valid stance. Holding true to your beliefs is perfectly reasonable. You don't have to take everyone's words seriously, if you don't want to endanger your eternal reward.

Assuming you're not just trying to contrive a situation involving fucking a lizard.

Found an order of dragon knights as a way to give dragons across the world a way to join as productive members of society.

The dragon is permitted to join the harem of mindslaves.

>it's a fuckin lizard

What are are you, a furry?

Is this even a question?
Dragon Waifu > Any other Waifu

My virginity shall not be lost to a fucking dragon. I guess I could bargain to have the dragon fight with some handicap if I tell it that I will agree on the condition of my defeat.

You're fucking gay, you homo.

Honestly, a majority of my characters would go for it. Get the BBEG to stop doing whatever, AND give my kids the blood of a magic demigod? That's a pretty tough deal to turn down.

Fuck off all I ever wanted is normal human peasant girl waifu.

Herr Mannelig?
youtube.com/watch?v=Cy44ocuoWhE

Glad we banished quests so we could have longer lasting circlejerk for the smutfolk.

Yeah but the real prize is the pure love between you two.

Christ, talk about boring. Get some better taste.

>questfag intrudes on yet another thread just to whine about quests being banned

This kind of behavior makes me glad that they're banned. You're all spoiled children.

>Christ, talk about boring. Get some better taste.
Go fuck yourself you scaly loving faggot you don't know shit about love. You might as well try fucking a random cave's entrance if you like dragons so much.

For anyone who doesn't know the story:
Herr Mannelig was a Christian Knights. A She-Troll comes to him (in some tellings she's beautiful beyond words) and begs for his hand in marriage, to break her curse (I don't really know what her curse was. But I take it it would have been bad for Herr Mannelig) She offers him some of the best horses, then some of the best mills in the land, and finally a chain shirt that can never be broken, all if he will marry her.
He tells her no, repeatedly, as he will only marry a christian woman. This causes the She-Troll to despair.
I don't really know the end to the story, as I've only hear the folk songs

Did I hurt your fee fees, you stupid fucking piece of shit? You're probably boring because you can't get pussy irl and have to settle for a peasant human in a fucking game.

Oh shit, quests are banned? This is great news!

Right?

My purity is reserved for a special someone you manwhore.

Here's the song with English subtitles.
Oh, and the chain shirt was also supposed to be as fine as silk, as well as unbreakable.

Wait, I can turn off my quest filter now?

They have their own board now. The CYOA are still, for some reason, around though.

strike that romance bullshit and do something like Firkraag. That actually made sense.

Well, he's a redeemed assassin druid who now is all for peace, so as long as she doesn't breathe fire on his port-a-garden it should be fine.

Would be nice if it could be contained within a single thread at least. Not too bothered by CYOA generals but "Jumpchain says CYOA so it's a CYOA and not a quest!!!" is just board clutter.

Where's that "this is a scalie household only son" image

DIdn't it end with him marrying a christian woman and having a faily, the troll going mad eating them all and then the knight slew her, thus justified in his bias.

Like I said, I've heard the song, but that's it.

You mean this one?

Wouldn't Divine Sense only tell you if she's secretly a demon, dracolich, or (by some really weird miracle) an angel?

Only of the DM is paying attention. ;)

>A kobold consorting with a dragon
Unheard of. Don't consort with lesser races, lady. I'll gladly be your friend, though.

So... trolls can't convert to Christianity? I always got the sense it was pretty wide open but maybe not.

I was certain that most trolls were strict atheists.

No, that's only the fedora wearing ones, and even then it's only because they know it'll make the christfags salty.

>Dragon
I don't get this. Unless she has a humanoid form that's basically a monster girl (99% human, 1% purely aesthetic dragon features), you're fucking an ANIMAL. I respect other people's fetishes, but this goes too far.

Even as a guy who constantly posts thinly veiled fetish threads and posts, I recommend you to take your furry/scaly shit to /b/.

Dragons are as intelligent or more intelligent than humans. This is a written fact in the books, the stats corroborate this evidence, and Dragons have their own language. They are sentient beings, just not ones that are human-shaped. Is it really so hard to put that together? Are you going to discredit them so easily?

Some people like that.
Some people would go for turning themselves into a dragon.
Monstergirls are pretty plebe-tier though.

Personally, I think the real issue is a distinct lack of dragon husbandos.

Why is it ok to fuck a human then? Humans are animals. So are elves and dwarves and orcs and any other non-fey race. So, if they're all animals too, then it's beastiality too. Unless, of course, the difference between a human, an elf, an orc, or a dwarf, and say, a wolf, is that one is sapient, and on is mearly sentient. So, if that's the case, a dragon who is capable of speech, thought, and even love, is therefore sapient, therefore, not an animal in the sense you used. Obligatory

I agree, and using True Polymorph I turn her into something that suits my tastes: a white-haired human woman with ample cleavage. She agrees, as she is obviously too infatuated with me to think things through.

We make good on the wedding arrangements, and on the night of our wedding, we travel through the multuverse to my favorite plane of existence.

See, I am a wizard who follows a simple philosophy which can be summarized as such: Humanity, Fuck Yeah.

Which is why my favorite world is one in which Humanity was born as the only sentient race, and, despite having no magic, has managed to conquer the globe.

I tell all this to my new "bride." She looks at me in horror as I tell her that the only magic that works here is the recall charm to call us back into the Nexus of the Multiverse. She is trapped here, and with her I am able to do with her as I wish.

I wish to educate her on the superiority of Humans.

I treat her as my slave. Exonerating humanity whenever I can. She is not human, despite her appearance. She is less than the least of the people born on this planet. I beat any hope and defiance she may have had out of her. Soon she's compliant with all my wishes, and does as she's told.

I've had her do unspeakable things. I lose no sleep over it. She's not human, after all. Sometimes I use her as furniture. Other times not even that, lending her to others as if she were a mere trinket. She's to the point where she's starting to believe my teachings.

Perhaps in a few months we'll return, and I'll keep her as my loyal dragon slave. Though I'll have to be sure she absolutely believes my teachings first before I attempt that.

Tonight though... I am looking forward to meeting with my good friend Sanguinatus. Perhaps we'll play Catan. I love Catan.

*softly* Don't

bruh

What if I want both monstergirls and monsterboys?

Because dragons are arrogant, extreme-individualist lizards who live long enough to get decadent and don't care enough about standards, norms, or other people's approval to avoid it.

I suppose there can be something for everyone.

What does them being arrogant have to do with my post?

If they want to do it, they get to do it.
Animals? Who cares? Who has any right to judge them? Whose judgement would they even care about?

>that ending

Alright user, you got me.

Is it a D&D dragon? They have a human form.
And if it's a D&D dragon, is it a chromatic or metallic one?

What if the other dragons judge your wife for being a degenerate?
What if a gold dragon takes you away from the red dragon because you're just a poor human that doesn't know they're being taken advantage of by a humanphile?

>Is it a D&D dragon? They have a human form.
No.
Only golds or silvers can assume alternate forms. in 3.0.

...

Only AD&D matters.

Here are some dragons from Dungon Fighter you sicko.

your response, OP

What if?

I like the girly one with boobs. Is he a trap?

Context for the uninitiated. Well done, user, well done.

Are you suggesting that all dragons are men?

Forgot pic...

Look, I don't judge.

But if it's a dragon, I bet it's not going to be a bottom.

>tfw 2 ton shape-shifting lizard refuses to be on the bottom

I can imagine a dragon at least physically being on the bottom, because they're being a lazy bastard and expecting their partner to do all the work when they command it.

Kek. You're a horrible person for coming up with this, and I salute you for it.

Sure, on the condition that you stop doing whatever it is you were doing that made me come here

>"HOW DARE YOU. HOW DARE YOU PRETEND TO BE HUMAN. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU. I SWEAR I'LL KILL Y-"

I Don't know whether to applaud user's audacity, or be disgusted that he was familiar enough with this story to actually come up with this.

Probably punch my DM for being such a shitlord

The answer is Yes.

Dude seriously I don't want to play in your Shrek setting please stop.

Ok, that doesn't magically make them not sapient

HUMANITY, FUCK YEAH!!!

I don't think anyone ever implied that.

>Evil
>not smiting it on the spot

>not redeeming evil
It's like you aren't even trying.

OH MY GOD

Thank you all... I'm not sure myself whether I should pursue a career in writefaggotry, or the attention of my local Therapist.

Redeeming evil people and creatures net you more brownie points in the afterlife.

...

Please don't, you are a racist whore and we have far too many of those as it is.

user, that wasn't the point of the story.

In character, I accept the dragons proposal and I get a beautiful wife and some of the best air support ever created, so both I and the party get something awesome.

Out of character: "GM, you know my thoughts on dragons and I thank you for including this in our game. You are a good friend."

Annnnnndd I just remembered that one greentext story about that creepy fucker, god dammit.