ITT: Session stories

>playing weekly Sunday D&D session with usual group plus some 13 year old kid whose parents drop him off since apparently the FLGS is some sort of daycare
>kid brings this big folder with a ring-bound book we all recognize as a printed PDF
>tells me it's the player's handbook, we roll with it
>later we get in the argument that his "book" is black and white
>"no, it's in color."
>everybody goes silent
>kid pulls out book
>it's the player's handbook, full color, quality paper
>but it's the 4e PHB

How fucking expensive was that thing?

You got into an argument with a 13 year old?

Probaly free, copy and print stations in office supplie stores are not policed, especially if you have a friend working there.

Have you tried google?

Your assburgers is showing.

> finally get a group together for 5e
> characters work together at tavern
> know each other from childhood
> notice elf staying there getting more and more worried
> they talk to him
> learn his sister and her fiance were supposed to be in town a week ago
> characters decide to help find her
> head into hills where she was supposed to travel through
> get into dungeon where they find tracks
> fight orc zombie cult
> fun combats
> find girl imprisoned
> orc warlord standing in way
> characters send the elf in first, he gets cut in half by a critical hit (was playing 0 hp = death)
> they gang up on the orc lord and kill him
> release elf girl, kill fiance (he was human and the party was partly elves who thought interracial marriage was wrong)
> rape elf girl violently for betraying her race
> use prestidigiation to give dead orc corpse an erection and force her to fuck it at crossbow point
> after she comes they beat her with clubs and call her a race traitor some more
> tie her to orc body in sexual embrace and leave her there while they rest in next room
> awaken to screaming
> dire rats ripped out elf's eyes while she was tied there
> she is screaming a lot, attracting more dire rats
> she gets pretty badly torn up before the party shows up and drives them off
> characters pour oil flasks on the orcs body and light it
> she burns in the orc's embrace,
> one player literally mutters "burn the coal pay the toll" before stopping and looking rather sheepish
> i was the only one who heard him
> elf girl burns to a crisp
> DM gets so pissed he sicks a horde of worgs on us once we leave the camp and is an almost TPK
> me and one other are the only survivor

The GM and those players are sick fucks, I seriously feel like reporting them to the police.

Probably bait, but
> release elf girl, kill fiance (he was human and the party was partly elves who thought interracial marriage was wrong)
And this is where you get your justice on. Step it up, nigga.

Out of interest, where did you draw the line? Or did you just go along with quietly?

Probably when they killed the fiance. Also it was 3 to 1 and their characters were all better optimized than mine (I just got 5e). They were also huge edgelords, one dude was literally playing with a kerambit knife during the game. The shit they did is also only like half of what they talked about doing because they argued about various fucked up ways of killing her for hours. The DM went along with it cause he thought it was "real" roleplaying like what would really happen if it was real. They also drank a lot which is not my thing.

Did any of them happen to match Virtualoptim's description?

...

Nah, just stop playing with stormderps, let them have their fun on their own. Not going to criticize their way or scream "badwrongfun", but I can't stand this kinda stuff when I play, it's just a magical realm fueled by politics instead of fetishes.

Whose description?

>New to DnD
>Friends first session was yesterday
>6 people and 7 hour session because a lot of these guys are really slow and one dude has ADHD and I think autism so he always interrupts the DM
>We're to meet up with this wizard in the nearby city
>After fighting bandits and taming a wolf, we reach the city
>This city apparently floated by using some sort of technology but the king was overthrown by his kids and they started a civil war so the wizard his the technology
>turns out the technology in the city is powered by a shackled demon
>we are to reactivate said technology
>we have to protect wizard while he focuses of subduing main demon

---This is the only important part---

>fighting imps
>I failed a saving roll and the main demon is getting in my head
>my friend makes the voices that are in my head which are apparently "suck the wizards dick"
>keeps whispering "suck his dick" while I'm failing my saving rolls and missing turns


>finally stop failing rolls and we defeat imps
>storyline continues

Idk I thought it was funny

>he's never heard of virt

I envy your ignorance. Search suptg's archives. All will become clear.

What the fuck

>average_MYFAROG_session.greentxt

what?

>Get a new group together for 5e
>Rouge, Barbarian, Paladin, Cleric, Ranger
>Playing Cleric
>Find ourselves in a mining town and discover that the mine has stopped producing ore
>We head out to the mine
>Our ranger discovers traces of goblins
>Do some scouting
>Our rogue finds a room which has sounds on the other side
>Time to make a plan
>Rogue suggests trying to lure them out
>Sheep to the slaughter
>Our ranger's favorite enemy is goblins
>Tells rogue how to say "Dinner's ready" in goblin
>Time for the plan
>Or not
>Rouge kicks the door open
>Shouts "dinner's ready"
>Stabs a goblin
>Takes four arrows to the chest
>Unconscious
>The legend of Alvin the Brash begins

...

>play character who does high damage in exchange for no out of combat utility
>Slaughter bosses in 1-4 hits
>3/4ths party doesn't get happy about it, just looks sad
>1/4th of party hates my character because too much damage
>That player has answered 99% of out of combat dilemmas using his own spells and shit
>Calls me a that guy
Am I that guy?

>house rule where if our characters have unstoppable impulses GM will give us extra XP
>make my character a rapist who can't help but rape blonde women
>I wanted my extra level ok, get off it
>mission to save elf maiden
>all elves of this tribe are brunette but maiden was described as the most beautiful of them all
>eventually get to her
>silky blonde hair
>I glance at my GM, he's holding back laughter
>party goes to sleep but I stay awake for rape
>party wakes up mid way through and start giving me shit how she's the elf chief's only daughter
>oh shit I didn't know that
>last ditch effort to save my ass I try and persuade the girl that she actually loves this and it isn't a traumatic experience worse than the cultists we saved her from
>pass the persuasion test
>become new prince of the Elf tribe
>mfw

>creates a combat build instead of a character
>cheapens the experience for everyone else
>makes every other player either sad or angry

Yes, you are that guy.

>Makes a character that alternates between making the party useless and being useless themselves
>In a cooperative game

That's a shit move, even ignoring the fact that most games tend to focus on combat a *lot* more than not-combat, so you're invalidating your teammates for about 60-80% of the important shit and going "luldunno you guys figure it out" the rest of the time. I wouldn't necessarily give you the That Guy label, but I would talk to you out of game.

hi virt

A true "that guy" would never doubt their virtue. There is hope for you yet.

Your character has to have something going for them aside from murder, right? Maybe they sing, or paint? They read a lot in their spare time?

You don't necessarily need noncombat STATS, but you need something to define your character when he's not killing. Even just something like "I train local street urchins on how to use a sling" gives you something to build off.

I was supposed to play pathfinder on friday but I didn't go because I'm pissed at my group

>joined group a couple months ago
>does pathfinder and vtm rotating each week
>I'm meh on pf, played it and 3.5 so much its just not interesting to me, roll a boring ass cleric and be a heal slut
>vtm on the other hand I really like and rarely get to play
>pf game every other week has 7-8 every time
>most vtm ever has is 4, loads of people claiming that stuff comes up to prevent them from being there
>last week vtm gets cancelled because its only me gm and one other player
>the group as a whole, aside from me and vtm gm, collectively decide fuck vtm and announce that its over and we're doing pathfinder every week
>2nd game is going to be an evil aligned grimderp underdark campaign run by the group's THAT GUY
>tell them friday I won't be making it, stay home, drink beer, play black desert online, and watch most extreme elimination challenge on youtube

DON'T GET ELIMINATED

>playing D&D 5e with group of close friends
>Cleric chooses the Light domain fluffing his character as a monster hunter belonging to the dominant religious order
>party rests alongside members of religious order's clergy healing the sick when bandits attack
>party slays a few bandits and captures those that flee
>Cleric employs fire magic and intimidation to torture the captive pirates, gouging out one's eyes and burning him alive once he's finished questioning him.
>clergy hear all of this going on in the next room

Normally I would him play the cleric as he likes, I don't like the idea of telling someone they're playing their character wrong. But he's also trying to pull rank wherever possible when he meets other members of his church and convert others to the faith.
I don't want to punish the player but I don't want to have him turn an established part of the setting into his own evil cult. The solution?
His status as holy warrior gives him authority over small town pastors but if he continues using his divine gifts to mete out unnecessary torture and executions more senior members of the church are going to take notice.
The townspeople of faith he's protecting while deferential are afraid of him which I hope he takes as his first clue, because if he doesn't stop he's going to get a direct warning from another holy warrior if not a cabal of them tasked with keeping their faith pure.

I like you

>Playing Ryuutama
>Party is a Healer, Noble, Hunter, Minstrel and Artisan. They live in a house on a giant tortoise, which has stopped and has started to hibernate for the winter
>So basically they just live in a house on a hill
>Dark and stormy night, a blizzard outside
>Everyone's asleep, heard pounding on the door
>Healer and Noble wake up, Healer goes to the door while the noble wakes everyone up
>On the porch stands a pale man, bleeding heavily, asking for shelter.
>He is invited in, given some healing magic and a bed (they have lots of guest rooms)
>But not before they ask some questions
>He tells his name is Aldus, he is a traveler who was attacked by a corrupted dragon while on his way to the nearby town. Our noble saw that he is hiding something, and he added that he is actually a hunter, and that the dragon must be put down at some point.
>After he has been healed, he is shown to his room on the second floor
>A raven is put to guard the room, unbeknownst to him
>Everyone goes back to sleep
>Next morning, our noble feels sick, like struck with a fever. People start debating whether the stranger has brought in some kind of disease, but that was the extent of it. The noble is also scratching his neck, for it itches.
>The stranger was still asleep when they woke up, but it was not a big surprise due to his predicament.
>During this time, our hunter went and just hunted a basilisk, no sweat. They started crafting some monhun-style gear with the artisan with the basilisk parts.
>During twilight Aldus wakes up and joins the party, they are about to eat. He politely refuses and tells them that he's fine without.
>Nothing else much happened on the rest of the day, so everyone went back to sleep.
>Next day, the Noble is feeling even worse. He looks rather pale and even more sickened than before.
>Nothing much happens during the day but the crafting of the monhun gear continues. The visitor wakes up again at twilight, and our artisan asked a question...

cont.

>"Have we ever seen this guy in sunlight?"
>It dawns to everyone that they have invited a vampire to their house.
>So a crazy plan hatches to make garlic foodstuffs for all of us to eat and other obvious vampire traps
>Our minstrel, basically a emo kid played for laughs, tries to sneak to the vampire's room to become one (because, of course). He gets caught.
>The session broke down for a while because the players just had too much fun debating that if the can't use crosses to hurt him, maybe they could use EGGS, because the Ryuutama book is freaking loaded with various eggs.
>They just hitch dumb ideas, obviously metaknowledge about vampirism but I just let them do any they want to, because Ryuutama vampires are pretty ill-defined.
>The visitor comes downstairs, and the Hunter leaves the table.
>He ends up eating with them, out of insistence, and eats whatever they give him. No obvious effects.
>The emo minstrel blurts out: "I know you're a vampire, make me a vampire!"
>The visitor backs off from the table, questioning was this food and other things just a ploy, and how long had they known he was a vampire.
>The characters pretty much admit that it was, and try to lie that they knew from the beginning. He doesn't buy that.
>The vampire starts backing off, saying that he should leave in this case, sorry for inconveniencing the players lives.
>The noble demands apology and compensation for his state, and the vampire apologizes again and takes out a small bag of old money and valuables, such as a ruby.
>The vampire basically goes straight into flight-mode, noticing that the some of the characters are hiding stakes under the tablecloth.
>Starts nopeing the fuck out of there, and while he exits the house and runs back to the trail. He gets bombarded with snowballs, doing no damage to him whatsoever, just confusing him (that is actually a spell in the game our noble cast)
>Running on the trail back the turtle's shell, he meets the Hunter.

cont.

>The hunter blocks the vampire's way and seems to be eager to duel him.
>The vampire accepts the duel and draws his short sword.
>After a while, it is plain obvious that the vampire is winning, due to being able to regenerate his health with every attack as he drinks the blood from his sword
>To top it off, our Emo kid came to watch (as did the rest of them) and drew his crossbow, and admittedly was divided on who to shoot, and he then shot the hunter in the back.
>So, our hunter is dying, no one is really helping him, due to everyone else being fine with the vampire going free as long as he wouldn't return.
>Our mages however cast a sleep spell on the vampire, to give the Hunter a chance to back off. He doesn't, instead pinning the vampire with his polearm.
>Then they cast sleep on the Hunter and tell the Vampire to run or die, and he complies and runs, not wanting to take chances with being outnumbered 4-1.
>Rest of the session was basically just disciplinary action for our emo kid. He got spanked pretty hard for shooting our Hunter in the back, mostly by the said hunter.

>Spanked
Should have locked him in chastity
F-For punishment!

Thank you, user, I needed that laugh.

Two things:
1. It's still less expensive to print it out than to buy it on ebay unless you have a stroke of luck, at least around here (Europe)
2. What's the problem with that?

>Level 20 boss rush dungeon oneshot
>Giantdad oathbreaker paladin
>Some sorcerer dwarf named dwarferer
>Homebrew oni barbarian akemi
>Homebrew plant person druid literally named scrub
>monk named Nic'son who's token was president nixon fighting a sabretooth tiger
I've never had so much fun in a session before.
We drank mysterious substances, kicked open doors, tore down dungeon walls, dipped a dragonbone whip into a fountain of boiling demon blood do make it a chaos weapon, the sorcerer used plane shift on strahd to send him to the positive energy plane, and nixon dumped his head into a fountain of liquid mithril to drink it all because he thought it granted immortality.
A lot more shit happened but id be typing all night in multiple posts to tell you.

>Rouge

Was this a Sonic the Hedgehog RP?

>first time DMing
>mostly veteran players
>running a sandboxy game
>mage has singlehandedly advanced the plot due to his -2 cha and excellent roleplaying

>encounter left a flaming patch of grass
>whole party just walks around it
>mage tries to jump it
>fails
>falls off his horse
>fails to mount the first try
>rolls the best jump on flaming pit ever

>party is traveling
>mage starts smoking crack he stole from a homeless bum in the capital
>get their asses kicked by the pseudo paladin

>mage ceitically fails a knoweledge(magic) check
>opens up a hole in a plaza
>goes down alone
>sets fire to half a swarm of spiders

>party just defeated giant slime guarding precious mcGuffin ore n°35
>largely because "the ore is metallic, i let myself get engulfed by the slime and electrocute everything"
>warrior, not!paladin and not!warrior getting rekt by shit climb checks
>"i climb a tree"
>"i have a wank as i wait"
>warrior spots him
>session ends with me, archer and mage rolling on the floor while the not!paladin looks at us disgusted


Not!paladin is LG, a rule Lawyer and giant weaboo, he is however a very dear friend

How would a rogue imply a sonic RP?

...

Oh.

>Be GM
>Using homebrew setting
>Have group of three players
>First player made a pretty good fighter. We'll name him Brawny.
>Second player made a thief who makes pretty good use of her power of illusion. Naming her Stealthy.
>Third player made... I dunno. Her character's a caster, but she tends to spend more time hacking shit.
>Try to tell her that this isn't some cyberpunk game, but she doesn't care. Naming her Hacker
>So far, game's going good.
>Then Hacker brought in a friend.
>Quiet and shy.
>She wishes to just spectate, but offers a character in case they need her.
>She gives me her sheet that she made last night.
>Try my hardest not to snicker at the design, especially when I'm told it's her first time drawing her character up.
>Almost lost it at the name, considering she's a friend of Hacker.
>I accepted her regardless. She wouldn't really be that much involved in the game.

>Long story short, the party was currently in a tournament. Think a gladitorial torunament but more cybery.
>Hacker rolled pretty high and hacked almost everything at the place, security, camera feeds, I even had to make a whole new character for her to handle because she pretty much took over everything.
>Quiet girl still hung in the background, not doing much.
>Stealthy managed to do good work during one match.
>Basically she tried to fool one of the opponents into thinking her ally came to back her up when she could see pretty clear on the titantron that her partner got eliminated.
>I let it slide because I easily ruled it as the opponent getting distracted.
>Brawny is now in finals
>Pit him up against an equally brawny person.
>Battle ends up with Brawny getting beaten.
>Brawny then decides to sneak attack his opponent.
>He missed.
>Decided to counter attack.
>If I failed, I'd say his opponent dodged, but if it hit, I'd deal damage.
>Rolled a crit.
>After rolling damage, I went into a pretty disturbing detail about how the blow to his leg was like getting kneecapped.
>With a shotgun.
>I then proceed to narrate how the audience would boo Brawny off the stage.
>Then I hear rolling and Stealthy announced that she rolled a critical.

>I ask her for what and she said she'd use her illusion to make his opponent THINK.
>Give her that are you kidding me look.
>She uses a plot point to turn her crit into a double crit.
>Continue to give her that look.
>Then say: "who are you even targeting?"
>She says: "everyone!"
>Roll my eyes.
>Even with that, unless the Titantron itself was hacked, no one would fall for the illus-
>That's when Hacker announces she replaced the footage of what happened with the illusion.
>...
>By that point, I simply threw up my hands.
>Narrate NOW that everyone saw the illusion as what really happened, with fake footage of their proof, and they just got that beefy gladiator arrested.
>The only downside is that Brawny's leg's still pretty fubar.
>Then Brawny says his legs are robotic and has the stats to prove it.
>Considering ending the tournament early, just let them fight a swarm of monsters like I did a couple of sessions ago.

>>I ask her for what and she said she'd use her illusion to make his opponent THINK that she hit him.
Sorry, I derped.

>rouge
>rogue
It was 2 a.m.

Next session
>Journey to a nearby town
>My cleric buys a fish from some guy on the docks
>Just because
>Later, in the bar
>Our barbarian starts chatting up the barmaid
>Alvin the Brash finds a patron
>Gets three mugs
>Starts shuffling coins around under them
>This is the part when I tell you he is an arcane trickster
>He uses minor illusion to make it seem like there is a gold under a cup
>Cheating nameless NPC #72 out of 1 gp
>NPC #72 notices
>So do I
>NPC gets mad
>This might come to blows
>Idea
>I slap Alvin with a fish
>Situation diffused
>All the while, the barbarian is now banging the barmaid
I seriously love my group

Call of Cthulhu
>PCs invited to guy's place on island
>He's nowhere to be found
>Slight stench of mold in his house
>Locals behaving weirdly
>Call cops and report missing person
>Find 5 corpses in the woods behind the guy's house, looks like they died recently
>Call cops again telling them to hurry up
>Cops never show despite repeated (answered) calls
>Look through missing guy's stuff, find theory about "higher form of fungus", and how humans could possibly be uplifted into something similar, sounds insane
>There are instructions for how to contact the "higher fungi"
>whatcouldgowrong.jpg
>The guy who tries it feels some kind of confirmation, but nothing further happens
>It's late so go to bed upstairs
>Wake up from noises outside
>Something clumsily opens the door
>Something comes inside the house
>PCs freaking out but they get some makeshift weapons and charge down the stairs
>Some horrible winged crustacean looking thing is in the living room
>One PC gets in a good hit with a wrench, then she gets set on fire by a misaimed molotov cocktail
>In the chaos the thing flees outside
>After putting out the fire the party follows it
>It's gone
cont.

>Next morning
>The mold stench in the house is stronger now
>Ask locals if they know wtf is going on
>When pressed they freak out, fall over dead, and leak weird goo mixed with metal fragments
>PCs ends up killing all 5 locals by asking hard questions
>Cops no longer responding to calls
>Ferry never arrives
>All boats on the island have holes in the bottom
>Have to sleep in the guy's house again
>In the night there's a crash downstairs, wakes up one of the PCs who is sleeping alone in one of the bedrooms
>Something drags itself up the stairs
>Into the room where the rest of the PCs are sleeping
>Awake PC runs in there
>A stinking blob of fungal matter is on top of one of the sleepers and trying to seep into her pores or something
>Scream and wake everyone up
>They bash the fungal blob to bits
>Go downstairs
>There's a hole in one of the living room walls, like something burst out of it
>Full of mold inside the wall
>nope.jpg
>PCs throws some gasoline around, sets house on fire and runs
>Looking back
>As the house burns it looks like it's writhing and tearing itself apart
>Get to the docks
>Improvise a raft and paddle the fuck out of here
>Eventually get to another inhabited island
>Call the cops
>Cops say they never got any reports of missing people or dead bodies
End

This occurred while my character (Neutral Good Paladin) was helping rebuild a Fort that had been raided by Orcs
>Rest of the party searching for bandits that had robbed us of several important items
>Brought along leader of the fort and her second
>Get attacked by gnolls and direwolf
>Fighting ensues
>Once gnolls were eliminated Half-Orc barb decides he wants a direwolf coat
>Natural 1 on check to skin wolf
>Puts on horribly cut and bloodied wolf pelt
>Party searches nearby, finds he bodies of the bandits they were looking for
>Gruesomely hung with entrails spilling out
>NPCs are horrified
>Party, except for the ranger, immediately begin digging organs with reckless abandon looking for their stuff
>NPCs leave area quickly, absolutely disgusted
>Barb literally shoves his hand through a mans intestine to get my Holy Symbol from his infected colon
>Long, disappointed conversation from the NPCs about how the party members are murderhobos are horrible people
Was interesting to watch them actually consider how other people see their actions

This sounds suspiciously like a bad retelling of the tournament arc from RWBY from the bad guys perspective.

>make an obviously sketchy magic item shop, selling 99% useless junk
>include some troll items
>deck of many things, every card is 'the idiot'
>wizard buys it
>draws 'the idiot' -1 int, much hilarity all round
>draws again
>keeps drawing
>all the way to 1 int
>goes back to item seller, murders him with wand of magic missile
>drinks invisibility potion
>drags body through town in the middle of the day and dumps it in the river
>Party somehow successfully blames it all on invisible, daywalking vampires.

I'd been seeding obvious vampire murders for a couple sessions as a hook for the 'ex-private detective' PC....

It started out fine, but got a LOT more like this too.

Is this dude making shit up?

>Putting the bar on the holy Inquisition
You're next, heretic.

>stormderps
I do not know this term. What does it mean?

>all the way to 1 int

user, if the Wizard had 1 int he'd be like, a fucking vegetable.

That's the same int as an ooze.

Stormweenies. /pol/tards. Ben Garrison's negative-IQ fanboys.

>Friend wants to try DMing
>Half-way through first session
>Introduces us to a new DMPC
>His name is Giovanni DiGiorno
>mfw
>But Wait, There's More
>Every time he kills an enemy he says "It's not murderhobo, it DiGiorno!"

I'm pretty sure he was inspired by that Totino DiGiorno greentext

That's because it is.

Yes, I am.

(Part 1)

I started a seafaring campaign that takes place almost entirely on the open ocean with intermittent stops at islands a few weeks ago, and we were only on our second session when what I'm going to describe to you occurred.

I had designed a table of encounters that they could run into during the transition between islands and I rolled the "wrecked treasury ships" encounter for them, essentially sending them treasure diving in abandoned hulks that haven't been picked clean by scavengers or seafaring monsters. There were three ships in total, each one at a greater depth beneath the water and consequently capable of yielding better treasure, and our party of four decided that it would be well worth the risk of drowning to plunder some imperial coffers.

The party consisted of four players at the time. One very large dragonborn paladin, a half-elven swashbuckler and a half-elven bard and a minotaur paladin named Thanimere. Thanimere isn't exactly the kind of fellow to socialize, but he takes orders like a champ and he had the bright idea to tie the party in three separate lines to his massive bull bro body and keep himself tethered to the ship so he could yank them in if they got into trouble.

To make a long story short, the half-elven rogue (ironically with the highest CON bonus of the whole party) was attacked by a sahaugin riding a hunter shark. She gets KO'd, but not before she yanks on the rope hard enough to let Thanimere know that she's about to get her shit pushed in by Bruce. Thanimere begins to reel her in as fast as he can, and the rest of the party converges on the boat as the shark and the sahaugin chase the half-elf, snapping at her heels and trying to get some chocolate into their diet.

Thanimere successfully ropes her in and yanks her up on the boat, and the dragonborn paladin climbs aboard to administer heals to our tiny rogue. But the bard is still in the water and the shark is angling to take a second bite of the halfbreed cheesecake.

(Part 2)

That's when Thanimere's player proclaims, in five simple words, what he intends to do about the imminent chomping of our Shatter-happy bard. He quickly untied the rope lashed around his waist and ran it under the railing of the ship, then fastened it securely around his body again before taking action. The way I imagine it, he jumped up on the rail and stretched out his arms and said nothing to anyone else, just narrowed his gaze at the shark as it turned its head towards the bard and oped its gaping jaws.

His player, however, simply said, "I'm gonna punch that shark."

And he jumped off the side of the ship with a fist outstretched, like a great missile made of flank steak capped with a warhead forged of castle steel, aiming straight for the shark's face.

He aces the attack roll I give him, and he punches the shark right on the fucking nose as our bard is yanked straight up out of the ocean by his massive counterweight, sent sailing back up to the deck as he plunged to the water below.

But they are right

Bump

Bamp

Good stuff. This is what I live for.

Boop

Every time one of these threads come up I think that someone in my group secretly browses Veeky Forums and is going to post about the time I did lewd things to an elf in one of our sessions

>party goes to sleep but I stay awake for rape
Shekeled more than I should have

Similar experience
>Barbarian, Cleric, Ranger/Rogue, Druid
>Cleaning out sewers, smuggling shipments gone missing
>Find door with sounds of goblins on other side
>start planning
>this plan cannot fail
>Druid beastshapes into bear
>Cleric and I don robes we had because cultists
>Ranger dons fancy robes
>I knock
>silence.
>Door peep hole slides open, broken common "Who there?"
>"The Amazing Segal and companies traveling circus! Here to Bedazzle and amaze!"
>Some preforming later, get invited in for after dinner show
>Some more preforming, involving dramatic bear wrestling and a trick with the rangers snake and a bag of holding, and we have thoroughly impressed and wowed the goblins
>all besides their leader. He is suspicion.
>One thing leads to another, I challenge him to a duel, slay him, and we become defacto leaders
and that's the story of how we adopted a tribe of goblins and began reeducating (and selectively breeding) them into the unseen hero rangers of the underground who worship a earth goddess and protect travelers from foul sewer creatures.

that was the plan anyway...

And lost apparently.

>playing 5e, mostly intermediate players, not the best not the worst
>one new guy, wants to play a druid
>surprisingly he's catching on pretty fast
>role plays kinda lol randumb but its better then not role playing
>start of with a fairly mundane quest, deliver a special arcane focus to the high preistess of the land
>get the wand, do the thing, deliver it to the king cause he's the preistess' father
>that night get woken by massive magical force centered in the castle
>streets empty no signs of life
>get into the castle, piles of dead, king empaled on his own sword, tells us the wand was cursed, blames us
>new guy starting to get into it, he's mad and feels betrayed
>DM has us rolling wis saves like every 5 mins as we try to find the source
>eventually we start failing, lose control of our PC's when we do, DM attacks the party with our own friends, PC's that succeed have to deal damage to let us try to save again
>by the time we find the source of the mind control all of us have failed at least once except new guy
>the dragonborn barb was particularly hard to get back
>both the barb and new guy are angry and want to kill whoever is controling them and their friends
>we sense its in the next room
>barb and druid burst through the door

>before the GM can even describe whats in the room the barb uses its breath weapon and the druid casts moonbeam esentially vaporizing the room
>source of the mind control was a 6 year old who was possessed after touching the wand we brought for the high priestess
>was supposed to be her younger sister
>fails both the dex and con saves against the breath weapon and moonbeam
>girl dies instantly, wand is burnt up in the flames, magic dispelled
>DM intended for the demon controling her to come out to fight us if we could prevent it from taking our bodies to fight
>instead we killed an innocent 6 year old who was just as much a victim as us
>everyone but new guy instantly feels regret, barb salvages a bow from her dress to keep as a reminder of his mistake
>DM forces druid to change alignment to CN
>new guy says it saved the rest of the city from being destroyed and the rest of the inhabitants lives and that he would do it again

Was our DM right in making him CN or was new guy justified in atracking blindly as true nuetral?

Destroying the one to save the many isn't generally chaotic as it would imply foresight beyond just impulsively saving every individual. I wouldn't consider the action itself chaotic, but I would consider the character's reaction bordering evil.

Don't forget Werhaboos

Well like I said this is his first campaign and our fourth session, so I understand the gut reaction of wanting to kill whatever was controlling us, but yeah not showing regret was a surprise to me. We ended the session quickly after that. One of the King's lords is outside the castle with his personal army so next week we'll probably have some good roleplay if newguy doesn't go full murder hobo instead of letting us try to justify killing the princess, not that anything short of a string of nat 20's on persuasion is going to prevent us from being the main culprit for probably all the death that happened.

>burn the coal pay the toll
Well that explains everything

>but it's the 4e PHB

Ugh, I know, right? The errata made basically the entire book worthless.

May as well have brought in a laptop for the char builder and the compendium.

Call of cthulhu spoilers ahead
>Playing masks of nyarlathothep campaign
>London
>Following cultists to an island in the middle of a swampy zone
>They park their Cars and their truck at the entrance and go listen to their leader in a hill
>We sneak past the fence, I'm playing a hobo with a machete, my friend is playing a brit (who got his leg smashed by another one of my friends in another session where we found a magical mirror)
>Anyways, all four of us go past the fence and sneak between the cars
>See cultist approaching a car
>We get him and strip him of his tunic, leaving him hidden between some peculiar looking rocks
>We sneak into a building in the island, there's no one inside except a madman who talks about weird shit inside a cell and refuses to escape when we break him open
>We find some loot in the basement and some more cultist robes, I get told to put a robe on
>Our plan at this point is there is no plan
>We go outside, the cultists have begun chanting
>Two of our group get the fuck out the island with the loot, Smash Leg and I stay near the cars
>I pour dirt and mud inside the cars deposits because the cultists did the same to our car previously and because Fuck You, Bad Guys™
>I don't pour dirt on the truck in case we need to get out faster
>The road to the island above the swamp has a rising platform like medieval castles
>Anyways we decide to see what the cultists are up to
>Bad idea™
>Smash Leg has a molotov cocktail and I have a machete, somehow we feel protected against 120+ raving mad cultists
>There is a small stone wall about a meter high near the place where the cultists are reunited, Smash Leg goes, sees some horrible shit and hides behind the wall
>Signs me to come there
>I start sneaking towards the wall and casually look to the cultists
>Monstrosities covered in Grey scales and hair with insect eyes and monkey claws raping naked women while everyone screams
>Roll sanity
>Fail
>-20 sanity points
>My character turns into a potato
Cont.

...

>While in potato Mode I can only scream, cry and rock back and forth
>Smash Leg panics and throws the molotov at the cultists
>What the fuck
>He starts running
>Cultists are either burning or running around trying to see what the fuck is going on
>Eventually they see Smash Leg near the building, I get ignored
>I snap out of Autismo Mode
>Smash Leg is running towards the truck
>I suddenly understand what I must do
>Run towards rising bridge
>Smash Leg gets the truck going with the Keys we stole and runs over some cultists as he heads for the bridge
>Cultists are now getting into their cars
>I turn the lever and the bridge goes down
>Roll to jump into the truck
>Bare success
>Enter head first into seat
>GM plays Indiana Jones as we drift into the distance while the bad guys can't start their engines

Personally I try to solve this by giving my optimizer tougher or more foes to fight. It's not perfect, but at least everyone gets to do SOMETHING.

>Alternate universe
>Moonbeam and breath aren't fired
>"Oh hey it's a little girl!"
>Dragonbarb immediately gets slaved in the ensuing pause
>Kills entire party
>But hey, at least the girl survi-
>Demon hops to DB and kills girl
>Fuck

Yeah the druid had a point. Go find some diamond dust.

The real issue isn't his flat character, a bland character isn't that guy since he isn't actively making the game worse for anyone, the issue is how he is utterly dominating combat at the expense of the rest of his party enjoying combat. What I would honestly suggest is nerfing his character in some way, just using a great axe instead of a great sword for example could help nerf his character enough to make his party feel more relevant.

bamp

>Playing 3.PF
>Starting level 2 with option of a +1 LA Race
>Look up mercenary races
>Find Diopsids from Dragon Compendium, who are beetle people who hoard metal weapons.
>Play a Diopsid Crusader carrying 14 different metal weapons.
>New GM doesn't look over character sheets.
>No biggie, he'll learn soon I figure
>First combat is a group of amorphous blobs.
>Kill one with a single hit of my greatsword (only rolled 5 damage).
>Next one the Cleric attacks is immune to his greatsword, but gets killed by the ranger's bow.
>DM thinks he is smart by making group immunity to specific weapons.
>MFW

>set up group for 5e
>Group demands something thats not curse of strahd/forgotten realms/ect.
>spend hours of free time building story/drawing maps
>first session come up
>everyone bails to go drinking

>Find different group
>They dont like the idea of the campaign i already created
>Also demand something other then curse of strahd/ forgotten realms/ect.
>Spent hours of free time building new campaign
>first session comes up....everyone bails to go drinking.

>Gives up on one true hobby and retreats into a mediocre life of father and husband.

Zuck is dyiiiik

That is p funny

The needs of the many outweight the needs of the few (or the one). The decision was neither chaotic nor evil. It's the reaction you'd expect for a cold calculating computer.

Besides, what's the alternative, save the girl and tell her (or have her realize) she was responsible for massacring the entire kingdom? She's liable to grow up with an eating disorder or something.

The decision was not evil, the response may have been.
Like Walter White happily whistling while he cooks after disposing of the body of a random child he was an accessory to murdering.
People are not cold machines and if they act like they are, they may be broken or evil.

>The GM and those players are sick fucks
Yeah, this is always something I worry about whenever I think of planning to start up a new campaign. What the hell do you do, as a GM, when you discover that the players you thought you knew turn out to be psychos and you find their antics genuinely disturbing? At least at the moment. Do you just drop everything right then and there and cry out "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" which isn't always easy to do in the moment because you are still in shock at what you're hearing, or do you wait until after the session to ask "what the fuck"?

Yeah, this is a situation that I don't know how to begin to address.

9/10. More stories of Alvin the Brash?

Also screencapped because I actually liked it.

>see shit like this
>current DM gets freaked out by me performing some light waterboarding on bandits for interrogation
I don't want to do sick shit, but I don't understand how he wants us to get important information out of people when we run out of avenues of persuasion.

Not yet. Currently in an ongoing campaign. I'll probably have a new story in a few days

See, it's shit like the greentext which is making him not want you to go anywhere near torture, in case it turns out you were Virt all along.

The GM hosts the game he wants to play, and the players are expected to stick by it in tone and action. In return, the GM tries to craft an enjoyable experience for the players. Talk to your players when you feel comfortable and discuss what both parties were expecting from the game, and where it should go from there.