American Elves

Veeky Forums, we've done Elves as Slavs, we see Elves as upper class Europeans all the time, but what if elves were culturally American? No, not just American, SUPER American.

>All races are equal and all immigrants are welcome... as long as they're elves. They've got the most diverse elf society there is.
>Toppest tier war-machines and technology, all sleek and iBranded.
>Trying not to mention the drow to not drag this into /pol/ territory
>Fried chicken and cola EVERY DAY
>The worlds finest mass explosion displays - I mean patriotic firework celebrations
>Clapping ensues

What do you think, Veeky Forums? Pic unrelated.

>"If Don'ald Treetrumpet gets the White Throne, I'm moving to Kannadun and live with the dwarves!"

>Southern Bayou Wood Elves. Everglade rangers on fanboats and spooky voodoo traditions for the magical side of things, culturally favoring spicy foods and eroded french accents, lots of local loyalties with debatable national identity due to recent lack of magical or ecconomic support after several major hurricanes came through over the last several years.
>East-coast High Elves. Old money dripping off the tongue at the high society circles, but the same sense of ego with a lot less to back it other than bravado and pride at the lower end of the social spectrum. They bore the brunt of the attacks when some jackasses tried to fly dragons into the Twin Trees at the WTC. The trees still stand but the sight of the boughs burning is still emblazened in the minds of the people and spurred a big political revolution in international policy and domestic rights.
>West-Coast Moon Elves from the Puget Sound down to North California, then Sun Elves starting at a mix in the Silicon Valley all the way down to the border and sinking in toward Arizona. Fucking hipsters the lot of them, but different varieties of them depending on where you are and what's hip this season. Very casual, wear simple clothes to work instead of the proper floral regalia appropriate for big, dignified businesses. Technically more willing to give other races/nations the benefit of the doubt, but also rather steeped in their own preconceived notions and unwittingly racist paradigm.
Midwestern Brown elves. Elfish culture didn't have As Much of a direct and genocidal method of dealing with the local elves when Manifest Destiny was made manifest on their doorsteps, but they were still pretty much forced aside and to allow settlers from more magically developed foreigners. They kind of hold onto their heritage the way that you'd expect to try to keep them alive; a mix of insular community based traditions and public, stereotypical ones they can broadcast and monetize.

>Implying the Canadians aren't all were-beavers

Everything's bigger in Texas including the local Wild Elves. They're not literally wild anymore, but they still have a great deal of identity placed on their roots as a lone-star state and in contesting the Union way back in the Elvish Era of Strife, though there's obviously hints and tastes of it all over the southern states and occasionally a Drow still gets lynched or naked masked high elves dance under flaming boughs before a ritual sacrifice in the Corellion's name.

No one knows why they call it handball. It looks nothing like a hand and the rest of the world knows Handball what the United Elven States of America know as Hokker. Nevermind that these dumbasses are using the oldest and most backwards measurement system in stark stubborn denial of the superior dwarven/gnomish Meteoric system.

Internationally speaking they get a lot of flack, particularly over the last few decades, for Massive military use of Scry and Die spell tactics. They rely a lot on other intelligence to be able to raise the difficulty in resisting spammed scrying spells and then just set off a series of contingent spells to detonate nearly everything in range of the target, and their information isn't always right. Even when it is, the collateral damage is always plenty for their enemies to sling in their face politically.

There's growing concerns in the food industry over the increasing number of people who can afford Rings of Sustainance in the new ecconomy, raising concerns for the future of our agrarian domestic consumption and the related job markets and transportation industries. There's talk of mass exporting food to other countries that are behind the magical curve, but at the same time the "not our problem" political mentality and public outcry against trying to save the world from itself just because of a few kingdoms and countries being knocked over for our economic advantages abroad or political hegemony in foreign states.

>all sleek and iBranded.
>american weapons
>all sleek and iBranded.

"no"

death to america btw.

>A new wave of anti-elven sentiment has swept the world as the United Elven State continues it's bombing of Goblin terrorist groups in the middle east. Orkish chancellor Mer'kull had this to say: "We must welcome the goblins in with welcome arms and make the rest of the union do its part. Death to the elves!"

>Accusations continue that the frog-people of the foggy isles are puppets for the Elven state, angrily repeated by Chancellor Mer'kull after the recent "sod the goblins" vote that led to them exiting the western union.

Dude you can't get Americans to agree on what being American means. You can't even get Americans in specific regions of America to agree what being part of that region means. 6 different subraces of elves? Try 60. And then you get groups based on stuff other than regions, like entire families that go career military because their fathers and grandfathers did it and a string of military bases is literally all they know.

>not mention drow
> mention fried chicken and cola

I see what you did there

Nice. Not much more to add though.