Welcome to Whose Turn is it Anyway, the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter

Welcome to Whose Turn is it Anyway, the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter

>signs your party won't survive the crawl

The GM has his dick in hand

The GM has his gun in hand

The DM asks us what "CR" means.

The GM has his whiskey bottle in hand

"I'll scout ahead" said the cleric.

The wizard wants to prove that blasting is a viable option, and prepared spells accordingly.

The trap goes off even after disarmed, DM claims it was only weakened

"So... which hand did you use to pull the lever? And where is everyone standing right now?"

>Hey, that's weird, no-one rolled up a healer.

"Don't worry, I've got this."

>Walking down a hallway
>GM: "Who's in the lead and what's your marching order?"
>Ten-minute squabble over who was where in the general marching formation
>They hadn't specified, so I inform them I'll use their last formation
>After some arguing when they got ambushed, they'd insisted the Paladin was leading from the front
>MFW the Paladin is up front, ahead of the Rogue and Barbarian
>MFW the Wizard was second in line, back and to the Paladin's left
>MFW neither has a Reflex Save worth dick, and they're about to get a lesson in classic dungeon crawling when they ask for a classic dungeon crawl

>Things you're not allowed to say in the middle of combat

It's ok, that happens to every fighter once in a while.

> " As long as I don't roll a one, I should kill him"

"I roll to seduce."

"Ah shit, who was I trying to attack again?"

You're surrounded? Good, I cast fireball.

"What do I roll to attack again?"

"So, how does my spell work?"

>"How much do I need to roll to hit him?"

>things you can say about your sword but not your father

I'm happiest when you're not being employed.

I use two hands when welding it.

Someday I'm just gonna get rid of it. I don't know exactly when, but I know I'll know it when I know it.

I need to lube it with oil again...

I know thee quite well and I am a Millenial

It's sharp.

I have one....

I chuckled.

I orphan feel like we just don't get along - y'think I should adopt another one?

That damn thing broke in half when I slapped against an anvil!

Ouch

That one hit a bit too close to home

You can have it for 2 gp and no lower.

Its a piece of shit

Nice.

My sword is intelligent.

As sharp as you can get and always reliable.

"My sword hand twitches!"

The party recently killed off the dmpc and he is visibly upset

Can we continue this tomorrow?

My mother gets me a new one every christmas

"I used to play 3.5, but my friends roped me into this OSR thing"

Necromancer's favorite pastime

Animate deadlift

Rubbing his bone

Raise Roof

Bonin' the clone

trying to dig up old ghoulfriends.

Dance of the dead.

Boning

It's a bastard

Parties animation

crying

sometimes you're going down my throat to please a crowd at a traveling show

Is it weird that the sessions where my DM is drunk are always the most memorable for my party? Like in a good way

Maybe we can negotiate?

Raise Thread

Hah!

Raising a family.

Hey I don't drink whiskey, only vodka otherwise they'd be really screwed.

Fleshing out his setting

nice!

Things you can say about the Tarrasque, but not your mother.

You're a big guy

oh shit, she is spitting fire !

It might be an ancient primordial beast eating everything in it's path, who wants nothing more than the death and destruction of every decent thing it comes across, but at least it's not a Tarrasque.

Holy shit, a TFP jinx face I don't have saved. I wasn't aware that was possible.
Much obliged, user.

It swallows.

Once you get the party to epic levels they might stand a chance against it.

>sidenotes in a conjurer's spellbok

>A shockingly good idea!

Bread
Butter
Milk
Eggs

Do NOT think of demons

They're HUUUUUGE!

>To Do: Find mother-in-law's true name

TFP jinx? I get that this is from something lewd, but pls explain?

Do not cast 'summon-incubus' again.

Turtle fish paint
Artist of a bunch of pretty good doujins, he did a jinx one.

>Enlarge/Reduce do NOT use for sex

Jinx from what? Also, on the scale from, say, Incase to ShinDol, how disgusting will I feel after reading it w/r/t the plot?

League of legends.
You'll have to read it yourself :^)
also, you're so used to spoonfeeding you can't even google jinx turtle fish paint? How revolting.

No, I'm at work.

Send help, I am being held against my will.

"Jonathan, I know you'll read this. Please, clean out the basement and don't forget to feed your familiar.
x-o-x
Mom."

>do NOT use while in the presence of children

step 1: In the event of subject # 47642's escape use fire.

step 2: In the event that step one fails use more fire.

"For "How to summon a lemon", go to Appendix V.", written in script.
And under it
"Thanks a fucking bunch, asshole."

>things you don't want to find in a dragon's treasure

>A lump of molten plastic

Bad Horse (TM) Flamethrower Cloaca

>My wife's car keys

The bard

A pacifier, just the right size for the dragon.

A scrapbook collection of you, all photos taken from above, layered over a "master seduction plan"

My dignity.

Giant sandworms. Well, as long as you mean the entire party.

"Remember to research how to bind the demon BEFORE summoning it."

Absolutely anything erotic whatsoever. Particularly if the dragon is not present.

a live dragon

Bad Dragon (tm) Paladin Dildo

> Immediately look for the dragon, and demand it has sex with you

More dragons

Fuckin brilliant