This Man Calls You Up, What Do?

Last time I worked for you I handed over the body of a dragon to a serial killer AI who ended up using Aztec blood magic (leaked by me) to assassinate USA:s first draconian president.

I'm the best at what I do, but what I do ain't perfect. Are you ABSOLUTELY SURE about hiring my services again?

I'm sorry, but I don't sell make up.

As I have no clue who the fuck he is, and no idea as to his number, the phone is never answered.

The End.

>not knowing who Hans Brackhaus is

do you even run in the shadows, chummer?

pic related

You don't answer unknown numbers? What if one of your friend's phone battery was empty and he borrowed a phone to call you?

"You have a... a- oh shit. Okay...This is going to screw me over royally, but saying no would be worse, I know that much. So let's roll the dice and hope that the benefits let me break even despite the negatives. Useful tools are well maintained after all, right? R-right?"

Things are bad, but he's not the worst dragon. At least it isn't an Azzie run.

"Sorry, you must've gotten the wrong number."
>click

You have...piqued my in-terest, Mr. Raistlin. I do believe that- for the right price... I could find you the right man for, the job.

The attempts at mortals to be impudent shall never cease to amuse and amaze me. Like watching a child throw a tantrum before their parent; compliance is had, eventually, one way or the other.

Do not fail my lord Lofwyr, and I assure you that you shall be justly - and richly - rewarded for your services.

Mannequin.

Still, I suppose you do have a talent for securing the services of uniquely skilled individuals. Your payment for the contract for A.S. shall be forwarded.

Typical loser looking for charity rather than doing something! Sad!

"Let's stick with richly rewarded. Being justly rewarded tend to be... ironic."

I obviously accept, any situation in which a Dragon has a deal to offer you, and they're open that they're a Dragon, is not a situation they will tolerate you walking away from without agreeing to terms.

I understand I'm a dead man walking, but at least working for the Big L, I might get to live a little while longer.

You again?
Look, I told you to stop calling, it's over, we're done!
Besides, you care more about your business than your love life anyway.

Please keep shitty roleplaying threads to /qst/ OP

>hurr no roleplaying on Veeky Forums

Yell things about christ, god, heresy and heretic in very loud latin, then hang up and hide in the corner, let all other calls go to voice mail.

With any luck he'll think it's an accidental call to the vatican, or an alternate universe where the world has blown up and evil catholics are controlled by a semi-god created by space nazies.

No. Not interested. These are not the droids you are looking for. Fuck off.

Of course when he tears the roof off of my rented accommodation to talk to me, "in the flesh" as it were, I promptly have a heart attack and drop dead.

Hello. user isn't available at this time. Please leave aessage after the beep.
There is no beep

This is actually making me want to play this shitty game.

I meta rickroll the fuck out of him.

You know the rules and so do I!

*Click*

>Hello.
>I have a business proposition for you.
Fuck you.

:hang up:

Put all my assets in a box, put the box in the local populated area then kill myself, just saving time here

I am not your chummer, omae.

Sorry, but I don't take jobs from people with glowing eyes anymore.

"Uh, not my phone, man."
>Act like you're calling out for a friend.
"Sorry, I think he's busy, says he'll try and call you back."
>Chuck the phone, and everything else in the trash. And burn the trash.

Then they'll leave a message, I'll listen to it, and call them back right after.

Man. I know the rule is to never, ever cut a deal with a Dragon, but what happens when they don't give you a choice?
What options would you have?

Suicide.

If you're lucky.

If you're unlucky....you don't have options.

So Orcs age at roughly twice the speed of humans. 30-40 years old is the normal lifespan, right?
So do they get their own schools, or do they start school earlier? Do they legally become adults sooner? It would suck to be middle aged before you got to drink or smoke or do... anything.

Kill yourself to prevent what will be an exercise in suffering and eventual death anyway.

This is the rational choice. Hope is dead, and a dragon ate it.

Then you have no choice but to get screwed.

...

Now you listen here you card-carrying bitch-of-Kings, I've got my hands full trying to quarantine Bubon.ic without any capital, the slums of Hong Kong are about to explode in a cross-ware viral outbreak, and you want me to divert precious time to whatever menial ass-duty you happened to need doing this week?

Get back to me in like, two weeks. I should be available by then, provided the virus doesn't network and become a literal god in the machine...

>Hello.
>I have a business proposition for you.
"What do you need, a permission from me or something? State your business."

Based.

...

New phone, who dis?

Suicide or Harlequin. I strongly recommend the former over the latter.

I think they usually live to their 60s-70s before dying, while humans could live to 80-90

Kek

>WHITE HAIRED JEW REEEEEEEEEE
even though it's not a video call or

>I have no money for invest pls gib mone

Well from the Shadowrun Wiki, which I correlated with my first and second edition rulebooks, says:
>They grow much faster than humans, reach maturity at the age of 12, and give birth to an average litter of about four children, though six to eight are not uncommon. Their average life-expectancy is about 35 to 40 years.
It doesn't say in the Fifth Edition rulebook, only saying they live "much shorter lives then humans." Also of note, however, in Second Edition it says they go through puberty at 10.

Forgot a picture.

My SR party has killed a dragon before, so not too worried there.

Guess we'd accept if the pay was high enough.

Huge difference between dragons and Great Dragons.

>a dragon
>specifically not a Great Dragon

otherwise ya'll niggas Mary Sue af

...

Normal dragon.

It'd be enough for the party to feel "safe" going into it though.

Well that's better, then.

Because if it was a Great Dragon, bruh...

It's not the dragon that's the scary part, it's the vast amount of
resources they have at their disposal.
If they caught on to your plan, you would have Red Samurai on your doorstop, Black Knights through your windows, and legions of bounty hunters crazy enough to work with a dragon.
Not to mention the crazy military shit you'll see them send after you.

Fuck it, I'm game. I've dealt with Monstrous bug spirits, stopped a Dragon from getting pumped with Ebola, and killed a god. There is a line that says I shouldn't make a deal with a dragon, but I'm long past the point of caution and will cross that line, just to see what happens

...

thicccc

I mean fuck, you are entering a world where Hardened Milspec Battle Armor becomes commonplace.

I should really separate my Shadowrun from my Modern/Future stuff.
Or at least make a sub-folder for stuff like orcs and elves.

"Average human life-expectancy," key word there being average. The Sixth world is not a nice place if you're an Orc, and not many of them die of old age.

also, I remember there being a story in one of the 5e splats where an orc doctor is delivering babies and she muses about orc lifespans; it was more than just 40 years.

Could you perhaps find which story? I've not seen anything saying their lifespan is more then the ballpark of 40 years or so.
Though I do recall one old orc being 45 or so.

I've been looking for it, but was having trouble finding it. I remember it was near the begining of the book (I think).
Basically, what happens in the story is, orc doctor delivers a baby, 2 orc gangs go in to the neutral-zone hospital for healing, leader from one of the gangs tells her underlings to be peaceful and not to fuck up, orc doctor tell leader-orc about jackpoint.

The only 5th books I have are the core rulebook and Run and Gun, but I'd like to read this.

...

The hell do you want?

Offer to suck his dick.

Not being able to defeat Greater Dragons is mary sue bullshit.

A) Manipulate bigger fish such as insect spirits and horrors.
B) Knock the earth out of orbit.

>horrors and insect spirits
>bigger fish than Greater Dragons
pick one

Hey what do you know, looks like this is my stop too.

That doesn't seem like a good idea.

>bigger fish such as insect spirits and horrors
I don't think you understand just how much ass dragons kick in shadowrun.
>dragons have mental stats all above 10 (including magic) and physical stats above 40
>dragons are incredibly wealthy, have more resources than you, tonnes of magic artifacts, and several bound force 20+ spirits
>Unlike all other NPCs, dragons have edge, and they can burn it to survive near death. More importantly, they can burn edge to make it look like they've died, when they really survived. While you think you've one they plan revenge.

Literally, the best way to deal with dragons is to wait for the 7th world to come and have them fall asleep.

You have to steal his DNA first before you can clone him. If you have a better method I'd like to hear it.

...

>le contrarian power fantasy PCs able to beat a Greater Dragon

nice meme

I've seen a whole bunch of stuff in this style, does anyone have anymore?

It's a great idea.

>killed a dragon
>fine with the L man calling you
What are the odds he's pissed at you for offing someone on his Christmas card list? You might want to be worried.

That's quitter talk.
Real dragon fetishists will find a way to suck that dick

Subject: Adrian Shephard
Species: Human
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Status: In stasis

I believe that, thiss sshould be the man for-the job. You do not- need to worry about, hiss ssuplies; he can-acquire what he needs in the field. Oncce the tassk - is complete, he will be removed, and there will be no... trace of hiss-existence in your world, -apart from the results of his actions.
However, has proven himself to be, admirably, stubborn, -WHich is why I will be keeping, strict, overwatch over him. You will, relay the job sspecifics through me- and keep your... associates out of the way. Other wise, they might end up... bro-ken.

Do we have a deal, Mr. Raistlin?

...

Oh good emperor who the fuck are you
First I'm about to get killed and raped by slaaneshi
Then I go full Ollanius and emprah akbar myself with a vortex grenade
Then you show up and I don't know what to do
It never ends

>Shadowrun/Dragonfall
>Shitty
I know the tabletop is an overcomplicated mess, and the vidya isn't quite what was promised, but you'll be too immersed to care either way.

No joke, esse? You want us? You got the arena booked and all?

Oye! Mi'gel! Round up El Plato, The Tuska twins, Rod'ri'go, Menalata, an' Ground Pounder!
>"Por que, Angelo?"
Tenemos un dragón pagar por un espectáculo LUCHA! Vamonos!

Remember, Great Dragons take horrors on and win all the time. Sure, other Great Dragons, Harlequin, and any army with Vauclair's anti-dragon stuff would have a chance of winning, but that's only going to let the horrors in.

It's just green paint.

...

WHY ARE ALL ORC GIRLS SLUTS

That's not an orc girl, that's a human orcaboo.

Well sir, if you're lookin' fer a handyman I reckon I'm the handiest man in all Texas. You lookin' fer tools, components or, uh, miscellaneous?

>"What do you need, a permission from me or something?
Underrated post.

Who's this?

A girl will do what she must to get by.

Your boss from the game Invisible, Inc.

We call 'em Posers.