It's 2AM. I'm in the middle of a session...

It's 2AM. I'm in the middle of a session. Just got back from a half hour break/booze run and found one of my players face down on the table, asleep.

What should I do?

Whisper sweet nothings into his ear, duh.

I don't know any sweet nothings

Draw dicks on his face

Then wake him up with your best Gunnery Sergeant Hartman impression

Then scream raucous everythings

Start boiling eggs.

...

1. Apply alcohol until the problem either solves itself or morphs into an entirely different one.
2. Repeat as necessary

Dress him up in cute girls clothes.

Take turns with the other players ravaging his unconscious pooper.

When he wakes up, confused and in the middle of being violated, the lot of you cry and wail and blubber about how he passed out and screwed the entire group over, he made you all do this.

No one will ever pass at your table again

drop the core rule book on him.

Fuck her. She wouldn't pass out on your table if she wasn't wanting it.

Change everything you can. Your clothes, the clock, the system you're playing, setting, everything on the table. Put a character sheet in front of him, try to copy his writing. Make up a scenario with your players to introduce him into 'in medias res'.

When he wakes up, say it's his turn. Feign any knowledge of the real campaign. You've been playing this one for weeks now, isn't that right? Anyway, the BBEG's captain has the sapphire thingy, and the vampires are breaking through the door, what do you do?

Run your game at a more reasonable time

How many will he have to eat?

Carefully extricate his character sheet before he drools on it, draw on his face, take pictures, and wake him up and offer him somewhere to nap.

The entire bowl.

Your dog looks way too much like mine

Scribble "cum dumpster" across his forehead with indelible ink.

rape to assert dominance

Write "Fag Enabler" on a piece of paper with an arrow pointing at him. Take a picture and tag him in it

why your dogs so depressed?

Because I won't let him kill anything. He's real broken up about it

Vet said no more buttplay.

bump

This
Also this

Gaslighting your players is rude. Do it.

what a cute cat

That got a hearty chuckle from me, user.

Well it started pretty early.

Tip his head to either side then put a blanket on his shoulders.

For bonus points, stroke his hair a bit and turn down the lights.