Quickest Character Deaths

>NB: must be in play deaths, not any of this shitty Traveller "death during chargen" stuff.

literally learn to read you mongoloid retard

this guy died to rats as a barbarian. He was likely level 1 in a D&D derivative. That's a 15 minute character.

>really shitty GM
>want to highlight his shittyness
>roll up a lvl 12 Monk
>dig through every splat book i can find
>will always hit with a +34 unarmed strike
>2 negative level damage in every hit
>6 hits per flurry
>start in a tavern
>get in a fight with the other two players cuz they wanted to start shit
>round 1, flurry the fuck out of fighter
>he so dead
>tank a lightning bolt spellnfrom wizard
>round 2, flurry the wizard
>he so dead his twin brother across the planet does too
>round 3
>get eaten by "random" Purple Worm
>Total play time: 7 minutes

>Killing other players to "show how the GM" is shit
You ever heard the saying "if everyone you meet is an asshole, maybe you're the asshole". Seems to fit in this situation.

My friend's bard died to a "save or die" spell on turn 2 of a combat that opened up a session. To be fair it was a one shot, but it was probably only 7 or 8 minutes in.

>Playing DnD 1E
>Roll up a fighter
>This is before we had any sort of rules about max HP on first level, there was an "optional" that we weren't playing with at the time, that you'd get the better of two rolls on 1st level.
>Anyway, my fighter, due to some shitty rolls, has all of 2 HP.
>And we're on our way to whatever dungeon it was
>And we come across a door. It's not even locked, just stuck
>Well, I've got a 17 STR, I bash it down!
>Roll badly
>Injure myself bashing the door.
>1d3-1 damage
>Roll 3
>Die.

Yeah, in hindsight, I was just being a huge dick. I thought I'd if I was an as, just like the GM was, he'd learn his lesson.

All that happened was we got into a huge fight, every bottled up emotion was uncorked, and we didn't see each other for about 6 months.

It wasn't entirely my fault, we had a ton of other problems, but i was the catalyst.

Eventually, we came back together and worked it out. We've played together for the last 5 years after that.

The most famous one in our group was when we were all playing as Dragons in the old Council of Wyrms setting. Key to the setting: dragons rule everything, and the players are dragons who get class-levels rather than normal HD. Shit is bananas and amazing.

The first session of the game began with us all hatching out of our eggs, just as the hatchery is being raided by ogres who are trying to steal us for nefarious purposes. So we hatch in the middle of a melee and gang up on them, and our initiative score is when we emerge from the egg to join in.

It gets to the squishy Copper dragon bard's turn, and they immediately charge out of their shell at a nearby Ogre mage, to some effect. The very next person in the initiative order is the Red dragon fighter, who has took every single breath weapon feat they can. They explode their egg, and breathe over the ogre and the Copper, burning them both to death instantly. Total time alive: roughly two and a half seconds.

The GM was nice, announced that was an unrelated copper, and let the bard respawn out of a new egg. The red dragon did skin the other and turn his scales into a chef hat though. God that campaign was great.

>This meta bait

>Running Halloween one shot this year
>Party is invited to the town for harvest festival by an old friend and his wife.
>Get there and the wife is missing and the husband is acting sketchy as fuck
>They stay the night with him, explore the creepy house and find that every exit is barricaded to prevent something from getting in.
>Cleric unblocks the chimney, sees it's coated in dried blood then decides he wants to sleep directly in front of it while everyone else takes bedrooms.

Yeah the party heard a thud that night and never saw him again. He lasted about 20 minutes.

>Cleric unblocks the chimney, sees it's coated in dried blood then decides he wants to sleep directly in front of it while everyone else takes bedrooms

Even teen horror characters aren't that genre blind. What did his player expect to happen?

I have no idea. We played with this guy for a month and I feel like I have a hundred bizarre stories about his play. Every session I'd have 2-3 other players PMing me asking me what the fuck he was doing.

He was hands down the WORST player I have ever seen. We just removed him from the group because of shit like that. Every session.

He wasn't even an intentionally bad player just so utterly oblivious to everything. Like he couldn't put 2 and 2 together.

>DM tells us to show up with the most broken characters we can
>I make a muscle wizard
>K makes a Tome of Battle dude
>B makes a half werewolf, half vampire, half ogre, half minotaur abomination
>DM limits me to 50 strength at creation, "To prevent anyone from being too strong."
>B shows up with 70 base strength
>Beginning of combat starts in a dungeon
>DM smiles as we are forced to face ourselves in combat
>Toss an antimagic field at the other me, let the other two handle him while I solo their counterparts
>Force cage is a hell of a drug
>Two rounds later they're all dead
>DMPC god steps out of nowhere and kills us, removing all our templates and turning us into skeletons
>K and me just kind of walk out to get a pizza and never go back

I still have no idea why he wanted us to start at level 20, with broken characters, only to nerf us all within the first session.

Reminds me of one of my best friends and also one of the worst roleplayers

>Party gets attacked by werewolf in the middle of the forest
>Retreat to a cabin near a clearing
>The back wall starts getting smashed by the werewolf
>Everyone gets armed and in hiding
>He gets his back against the bloody wall
>Werewolf breaks in, he gets knocked out cold
>After the session was over, I ask him why
>"I thought that he would just start waving his arm inside"

also

>Asks werehouse worker about classified inf
>"I can't tell you that! If I tell you, I'll be fired!"
>Attempts intimidate
>"If you don't tell me, you'll be fired."

>DnD 3.5e, PCs are 12th lvl, wandering around in a hueg government magical library
>Player introducing new character, gray elf malconvoker to party. Sent as reinforcements by the partys' boss
>Walks up to party and says hello. Without explanation summons giant centipede to impress party or something.
>Goliath druid panics and casts miasma. No save, lungs are full of red smoke
>elf chokes to death while goliath grapples the centipede. 0 to dead in 30 seconds

And that's how goliath druids AND miasma got banned in my party.

>>Walks up to party and says hello. Without explanation summons giant centipede to impress party or something.

What a fucking idiot.

>>Asks werehouse worker about classified inf
>>"I can't tell you that! If I tell you, I'll be fired!"
>>Attempts intimidate
>>"If you don't tell me, you'll be fired."

Pshthaha, how did that one go over.

I didn't even allow him to roll. The first of two times I've auto-failed someone's social attempt. Then he tried fistfighting the worker and the party was ejected from the premises, because it was three of them versus twelve people.

At least he never complained at the results he got due to his dumb actions, so props to that.

The first boss in the first session hit me with a critical on a mercurial greatsword, cleaved me in half. Every character who wielded that sword after ended up dying, and we eventually ditched it because we were convinced my first character's vengeful spirit became bound to it.

>a dragon wearing the scales of another dragon in a chef hat fashion
There are moments when I wish I could draw things. This is one of those moments.

I once had a player in Dark Heresy playing a deposed noble. They were meeting the "Inquisitor", actually his Interrogator, for a briefing, where he was accompanied by his retinue of a Commissar, a Death Cult assassin and a Magos built like a dreadnought.
The player got bored during the meeting and tried to shoot the Interrogator and escape. It did not work.

I suspect he was bored of the game, not the meeting.

>online 5e with close friends
>and one that guy
>says "i want to talk to the goat"
>he doesn't have speak with animal prepared
>first encounter
>tries to hug a monster and gets ko'd
>second encounter
>tries to hug a monster and gets ko'd

After that encounter he just asked us to kill him and left.
Later he said that he would be interested in a IRL campaign

>Running WW2 one-shot set in pacific
>4 PCs land on the beach at Tarawa, are briefed by the lieutenant
>He tells them to check in at the airfield, and to avoid the jungle to the west - its crawling with Japs
>Sniper immediately decides to walk into the jungle alone
>Fails to spot a hidden MG nest
>Is shot in the head and killed immediately

Total play time: 5 minutes into session.

I let him "respawn" as a shitty marine and the party was able to complete their objectives, although most died in the process. They got in a Stuart and had a brief scuffle with a Chi-Ha, then with a few of them dead and some wounded, they packed a jeep with explosives and suicidally drove it into a Japanese artillery position, detonating it and completing their mission.

WW2 only really suits one-shots due to the high lethality.

Getting rid of him is kind of a dick move when he didn't mean anything by it.

Paladin, CoS. He was introduced halfway into Death House and lasted three rooms, dying to protect a fellow party member (who he had only met recently, but he was of the self-sacrificing sort).

That's House of Glass. You can't cast that on someone you can't see and/or is in a vehicle, power armour, etc.
So that was a bullshit move on your DM's part.

now you know you have to share the second time you auto-failed a social attempt.

The bard-dragon dies multiple times that campaign, and was skinned for a hat on several occasions before we resurrected them. They still enjoyed the campaign though, weaving immense quantities of trickery and bullshit everywhere.

The Red dragon player left halfway through, which was actually pretty okay because they were the only CE character in a mostly Good party. They were replaced by a CN White dragon barbarian/draconic defender (like dwarven defender), whose preferred tactic was to land on an enemies face, latch on like the world's angriest house-cat, and announce this was the spot they were defending. They then became our leader, by virtue of announcing plans loudly and none of the rest of us wanting to argue with them.

That campaign was only the second time I'd ever roleplayed, and there were enough shenanigans to fill an entire storytime thread. It ended with every character ascending to divinity/immortality in different ways, pretty much becoming a new pantheon.

Play 5ed. first session. first five mins. driving a caravan. We were Lv1 and got ambushed by goblins on the side of the road. Two max crits during the surprise round. Failed my stabilize checks. Wasn't even mad. I was just laughing. Gm took mercy and retcon the death. Later on I got to be more useful.

>"see you next week"
What?
I mean, every group has its rules, but you're not supposed to be kicked out of the session just because your character dies. Usually you stay, enjoy the time with your friends, see how they screw things up, and meanwhile roll your next character. Then you just wait until the GM is ready to have your new character meet the party.
And I mean, this is *particularly* egregious if it's the first twenty minutes of the first goddamn session.

>DMPC killings PCs in the first two minutes
I guess your DM is really proud of this, huh?

>werehouse

That's a funny death though. The players will remember it.

Technically not death during chargen, but...

>online PF campaign
>DM watched and approved our character sheets.
>I play half-orc sorcerer, other players are Dwarf paladin, Human wizard and another sorcerer, Kitsune.
>"you all start at the town square, overlooking the burning of Kitsune sorcerer at the stake..."
>kicks Kitsune player

The game lasted for two incredibly awkward sessions afterwards. To this day i'm not sure why our DM even approved of that character if he was going to kill him anyway.

Sounds awesome, especially the implication that the party had a collection of hats made from the bard's skin.

>Muh feel of power
>Look guys, I don't have a small dick!
Both are the same, but you can pick only one.

Fastest Character Death Award has to go to any system that allows for your character to die during character creation.

>>"you all start at the town square, overlooking the burning of Kitsune sorcerer at the stake..."

As it should be. Furry scum do not deserve rejection, they deserve humiliation.

Not me but a friend's MERP character had hilariously short lifespan.
>character starts game in tavern where rest of the group has gathered
>character is some truculent fighter and sees huge guy in tavern
>"I'm going to prove my worth by beating this man in a brawl"
>huge man turns out to be Beorn
>character dies within minutes of gameplay

This was a campaign back in college, only lasted a few sessions but it was fun.

One of my friends is playing a dwarf with two axes named Axebeard Beardaxe. We get our introductions done, get the starting quest, then head out on the road. At one point, he just leaves the party, wanders into the woods, and finds a bear. Now, bears at level 1 ain't nothing to fuck with, but he couldn't give less of a shit about that, and dives after it. After getting pummeled to near death, he tried to climb a tree to get away...you can guess how that went.

In the next town we met another dwarf named Beardaxe Axebeard.

That's odd, he had the same name of the previous dwarf's axes!

>dm a world war 2-ish game
>make a car chase intro scene
>one of the players decides that trying to throw a grenade towards the following car while inside of a speeding car on a pumpy road is a good idea
>whatcouldpossiblygowrong.png
>less than 15 minutes in and tpk because the player managed to fuck up throwing the grenade and it blew up inside of the car

Our Rogue Trader game started out with us being beaten in prison (Causing some damage which was mostly cosmetic and certainly not critical for anyone) on some awful Imperial planet, and when we were finally SENTENCED TO DEATH BY EXPOSURE in the wilds outside, one of the two astropaths, who had absolutely nuked their starting toughness and wounds into the ground, died 10 minutes later simply from the damage that the snow on this awful planet did over time.

This is why you have a DM-screen and hidden rolls. This exact instance.

One of our long-term partymember, who is a terrible minmaxer had a well-deserved death in the first session for one if his characters.

He's a great guy, but it's like he can't help himself. I blame his penchant for MtG - he sees exploitable rules, and he exploits them.

Anyway, after the demise of his first character - he rolled up a 2-handing paladin, with all sorts of stuff to increase crit-ranges, and a keen greatsword, power attack and smite.

Going for absolutely ridiculous damage output.
First 2 rounds of her first ever combat she does like 60 and 50 damage. We are level 4 or 5, I think.
And then she takes a full attack from a 7-headed hydra, and gets literally torn apart at the waist.
Of course, he went on to make an equally broken character, so it didn't matter all that much. Now we've switched to 5e, and things are somewhat better.

I guess I have.

It was during an encounter the party that got the hallucinogen death got later. What is happening is that one of them has snuck inside the den of one important bad guy and then they spot him arriving. All three of them try, but fail due to pretty shitty luck. And then one of them goes
>PC: "Excuse me sir, but can't help but notice your magnificent moustache. Would you care to go into that dark alley where my friend will trim it for you?" What do I roll
>Me: Nothing.

First 10ish min a gunner falls down an icy chasm and to save himself from the pain of impact he blew his head off with his shotty.

there was a giant pool of water at the end of the chasm.

even so, no in-depth chargen takes over seven hours. he could've joined later, but still in same session

To be fair, if you're using real-world physics, the water would have fucked him up hard on impact. It's not a soft landing like it is in Source Engine vidya, ask anyone who's belly flopped off a diving board. Surface tension is a bitch.

good thing it was just a bard

>playing DH
>pcs see my pc walking thru the desert barefoot whilst driving in an armored transport
>they almost hit me, botch the drive check, careen out of control, crash into a dune
>I go to see if anyone is hurt
>the warpspawn they are transporting is in the vehicles armored cupola
>I see it
>GM tells me to roll fear check
>I tell him I frenzy and charge
>flagellant+frenzy= immediate reaction frenzy status on command, immune to fear
>get to the truck
>athletics check to scale the truck, roll so damn good the GM basically says I leap and wallrun up the truck
>in the warpspawns face, sword in hand
>warpspawn tries to turn the mounted gun my way, can't, in CC
>start laying into it, screaming abrogations against all that is sinful and evil
>rest of the party piles out of the truck, some start taking shots at me
>ignore them, still laying into the warpspawn as he struggles with the giant club in the cupola
>sororitas with a twohanded chainaxe and plate armor clambers on
>ignore bolter bitch, too busy killin' warpspawn
>she attacks me, I parry with my blade
>defenders of evil are also evil, draw my pistol, swinging at warpspawn, shooting at armor dyke
>she attacks again, big damage, flub parry
>cuts my leg off mid-thigh, I go down
>fail toughness check to not die of shock
>burn fate point to survive
>still bleeding out
>party tries to stabilize me
>fails
>repeatedly
>like 7 times in a row
>take enough fatigue from bleeding out I die again
>I allow my pc to die, because if I burned fate I'd be starting the campaign with literally zero fate points
>from character introduction to death, it was about 20 minutes
>ONLYTWENTYMINUTESNOX.webm
So ended Penelope, the penitent noble guardswoman, cut down before her new life even began.

Horray for happy endings.

Wow. Things sucked back then

>no fun

The DM was an idiot.

>no retardation
FTFY

Probably half of all the problems that edition were caused by all the random chargen.

he lived and died like a true dwarf!

It was traveller but it wasn't during chargen.
It was my first time running the game and I didn't know damage goes directly to CON instead of a hp pool.
A soon-to-be-ex-cop PC straight up murdered a rather frail ex-pirate PC with a tazer during the introduction scene.

The other half were the retardedly high damage suggestions for accidents. Tripping and falling, and I'm not talking about falling down a flight of stairs or something, I mean just like falling on your face in a flat plain, often did around as much damage as being stabbed with a dagger, and could easily be fatal to a level 1 character.

WHY were they attacking you?
WHY was a sororitas defending a fucking daemon, when she should've been challenging you to fastest chopping contest?

>not rolling to see how the badguy reacted or to see how badly the player failed and modifying the reaction based on that.

On my defence, such a stupid thing would give him a -30 and with him rolling untrained and with low Fel, every possible reaction became a variation of his scowl when he inevitably casted Inflict Pain on him.

>WHY were they attacking you?
I was attacking their mission priority.
>WHY was a sororitas defending a fucking daemon
Wasn't a daemon, was a mutant that rolled a nat 100 result on the mutation table. (yes, yes, I know, don't bother). Their inquisitor boss had ordered them to go into the desert and retrieve it for him, and the sororitas assumed it was some manner of retrieving it for proper disposal.
It being in the cupola was an oversight by the players, but I had to play it straight.

that's some radical bullshit

>First session of the game, I'm the GM. The world is a stone age/barbarian setting.
>Player A is an orc rangerbarian, player B (his son IC) a half-orc half-cyclope bardbarian, player C (not from their tribe) is a centaur sorcebard.
>Characters meet each other in the wild : A captures C as a slave. C is cool with it : my players are all friends and it could bring interesting dynamics.
>A and B's tribe is hunted by a giant murderous bear. After coaxing from the two bards, they manage to convince the trisbespeople to fight back, and start a giant hunting party with groups of three/four tribesmen.
>The idea is that as soon as a group finds the bear, they'll warn the others with a horn.
>A and B naturally go with their new slave.
>They find a giant cave with giant bear prints and dead people and giant bear droppings.
>But since they're not sure the bear is there, they decide they'll investigate. More glory this way! For their defense, they did sound their horn to warn the other groups, they just didn't want to wait for them.
>I think I should mention there that character A is an old orc. He's still a good tracker, but age hasn't been kind on his hearing. He's half-deaf.
>As the best tracker, he's still going first.
>After some very infortunate rolls, he gets surprise-attacked by the giant bear, and almost flattened here and there.
>His son pulls him out of danger and they try to run for it.
>Unfortunately, a half-cyclope carrying an inconscious body and a centaur do take quite a bit of space, so they're blocking each other and getting mauled by the bear.
>So the cyclope, naturally, violently pushes the centaur out of the way.
>The centaur, as the weakest member of the group, promptly gets bearmurdered.
>Cyclope exits, pursued by a bear.

I did feel bad about it, since it was the first session and I suppose they expected the reinforcements to come faster. So he's playing the centaur's twin, now.

What kind of party doesn't have backups? What kind of GM doesn't allow you to join in with a backup or hell control a NPC?

Fuck i bet you folks didn't even have rope with you.

>One-shot, magical postapoc, custom system I made in like 30 minutes
>2 players, one is a gunslinger other is a gambler mage
>Begin game in a field
>Gunslinger says "I look down at the ground and stare at it."
>Giant magical worm jumps out and starts chewing up his face
>Both spend a round of combat trying to kill it
>They realize that this thing is going to kill gunslinger next round
>Gambler has a spell that can heal- but he's a gambling mage so the same spell has a chance to harm instead
>He can put it 70/30 in favor of the effect he wants but that's it
>Casts on gunslinger
>Harm effect
>In the second round of existence the gunslinger was killed by his fellow party member
I know this was terrible GMing but in my defence, I stated it would be overly lethal, they put about 3 minutes into their characters, and gunslinger continued on as a ghost. and most importantly, everyone had a good time of it.

how many eyes has a half-cyclope got anyway?

also, a stone age campaign sounds cool

I agree. Open rolling is good mostly for short campaigns.

It's how the dice fall, bro

The inquisitor is clearly a radical.
Amusingly enough, when they got the hellspawn back to their base, the interrogator killed him by "mistake".

>D&D 3.5, playing a monk
>Session one
>tried to be stylish and jump over a group of enemies
>failed my Jump check and ate six attacks of opportunity
>-10 before I even hit the ground

I then made a cleric who lasted through the entire rest of the campaign and utterly dominated in combat.

And sometimes it's shit

and that is all there is to know about monks in D&D

Reminds me of a dm I had

>Lets everyone get away with murder using broken templates
>That's ok, my best friend is a level 30 black dragon/angel
>He's gonna train you for holy warriors despite being evil
>Every other player quit the first session, I kept trying to get killed, but the dmpc kept rescuing me 'cause he needed someone to talk at.
>I didn't roll any dice the entire game

I feel like people like your DM there would have more fun in freeform games in internet chatrooms, the kind that have no stats or dice or even rules. The kind where EVERYONE plays a half-angel half-demon half-dragon type of character, and just exists to show off to all the other half-angel half-demon half-dragons how cool they are.

Stuck in a perpetual nightmare.

>Willingly lets a player into your game
>Oversees his character generation
>Tells him what time the session starts
>Waste his time by making him plan to have SEVERAL HOURS FREE right then

>Lol guys I killed his character he's sucha fag

Pokedol does not approve

When life gives you shit you make shitelade.

I know nothing of Traveller, but how is dying during chargen even a thing?

Basically, you do stuff in your "background", which is chargen, that determines your numbers.
The more times you go around the block, the higher your numbers get, but the more likely something really bad happened to you in the process.
Say you have one go around, set off, the odds of something bad happening is a percentage of 1%.
You do it 6+ times, you will have sky high numbers, but you could end up crippled, insane, or dead. The more you do, the stronger you get, but the more likely you won't get thru it all intact.

So 3 to 5 times is a good balance?

5 is pushing it, 6+ is almost assuredly fucked.

Not mine but,
>Playing 70s fbi shenanigans
>3 sessions in
>Friend has made awful rolls for the last two sessions
>Finally rolls like a god, clears out a warehouse Dirty Harry style
>He specifically wanted a 1911
>He fired 5 times
>He cocked the gun afterwards, just in case someone was hiding after the shootout.
>Revels in his newfound glory, wants to spin his gun like Revolver Ocelot
>GM reminds him of aforementioned facts
>GM flat out tells him not to
>Does it anyway, rolls a 1
>GM trembling, asks to roll again
>1
>"So you shot yourself, roll to see where?"
>Rolls yet another 1
>After clearing out a warehouse full of armed communists, our top agent shoots himself in the head, only three sessions in.

Rule 1 of GMing is that the most important thing is that everyone at the table is having fun. So if everyone had good time, it wasn't terrible GMing.

Almost causing a tpk every session, complete refusal to work with any of us, and his batshit insane lengthy spell descriptions were why we dropped him.

It was fine at first but he was unbearably bad and after a while it starts ruining the fun for everyone else.

One time I invited a kid who I thought was really smart but turned out to be a dick to swords & wizardry.

three choices for class, which also is race
>I want to be a wooden robot
alright, sure, let's fluff your character a robot, but you need to pick one of the three for mechanical reasons
>I want him to be cylinder-shaped, with a single cannon in the chest.
N... No arms? Legs?
>no arms, legs are treads
there's stairs in the dungeon
>don't care
you... 50% chance of toppling?
>yeah let's do it
enters dungeon, topples, nobody can lift him back up because of self-declared immense weight

session ended there, wasn't invited back

writes an alt-right blog last i heard

It's a good way to get a measure for how you think. And maybe gives him an idea of what he'll want to disallow in game.

Could be he was just a berk, though.