Carl is the God Emperor, what happens?

"Yo Chaosman, those are my friggin Primarchs there!"

The portrayal of the Emperor being a big, bad, mean, daddy to the Primarchs in Black Library novels would actually be justified.

>Emperor to Angron
Emperor: Look, don't beat yourself up over it. There's nothing you can do about this. I mean, it *kinda* was your fault, but hey, screw it. They're dead and you're not.

You forgot the part where he suggests they double team a hooker as a way of getting over it.

Everything doesnt matter

The Horus Heresy

The Black Crusades

It all really didnt matter

> "It don't matter...
> ...none 'a this matters, Horus."

The funny part is...That would probably work.

Would there have even been a horus heresy?

>Hey! Malcador! Come in here, ya' got ta see this!

As Malcador suggested, the Primarchs would most DEFINITELY be female.

>Prima-whatists? What ya' talkin bout Malcador I was taking about my penis! It freakin ginormous! Biomancy is freakin awesome!

>Oh ya mean the boys... I left that to Doc Strange.

>... We are all going to die.

> This is what scattered the Primarchs.

>Look, I'm just saying...
>Just saying what, Horus?! Are you seriously trying to make me convert to Chaos? I ain't doin' that bull*car horn* and you know it!
>I know, I know, but, think about it, if I don't get what I want, then I get very sad. And if I get sad, stuff starts getting broken more frequently, if you, uh, catch my meaning.
>Yeah, sorry, Horus, I'm gonna have to say no to this one. This is stupid even compared to your usual dumbass plans.
>FINE! WE DIDN'T EVEN NEED YOU ANYWAY, MAGNUS THE GREAT AND POWERFUL AND CAN'T EVEN FOLLOW THE DECISION OF THE COUNCIL OF NIKAEA FOR ONE DAMN SECOND! ME AND PERTURABO-
>I'm Angron. At least, I-I think I am.
>I DON'T CARE! ME AND ANGRON ARE GOING TO GO OVER TO THE EMPEROR'S PALACE AND
>MAYBE
>WHEN YOU DECIDE TO NUT UP, I MIGHT DECIDE TO LET YOU JOIN!
>Boy, you sure were raising a ruckus in there.
>Yeah, that's called "laying down the law", and I am dead beat from doing it all day, so if you don't mind, you disgusting hunk of man-shaped meat, I'll LET you carry me over to Father's palace, while I sit here using my magnificent mind to concoct a plan to... do something.
>...
>...
>FOR CHAOS!

Read that in their voices.
Top kek.

>WHO DID THIS TO MY FRICKEN' WEBWAY

Is meatball an angron? This is gold.

More like this.

I now want to see the Entire Horus Heresy, told in the style of an episode of Aqua Teen Hungar Force.

Fund it.

This thread is now Aqua Teen Heresy Force?

So... what other characters are there to assign?

>Magnus

Who should he be? As well as the Mooninites and the Plutonians?

>Mooninites
Obyron and Zahndrekh?

Who?

The speech Carl did to meatwad in the superbowl episode is much better if yoy imagine Angron as meatwad and Carl as Empsy.

He's a character from Perfect Hair Forever.

>Magnus whattah, Whattyah doin with my Golden Throne there buddy?
>Horus did this! I had nothing at all to do with this
>Yeah yeah and uh, how did Horus do dis when he was on the FRINGE OF THE GALAXY
>woah woah calm down dad, I can explain everything I had a mystical voice in my head tell me all ABOUT how I could save the Imperium as long as I-
>A MYSTICAL FRIGGIN VOICE LISTEN TO THIS GUY!
>I know you're upset but you need to calm down and not sick the Space Wolves on me.
>Oh you're right I'm gonna calm down and I'll get my gun AND sick the space wolves on you, you friggin IDIOT

>Space Marines, BEHOLD! I have made love to this tomb!
>Wow. How is that even possible?
>She was drunk! She didn't know what she was doing!
>Um
>*mutated spawn crawls out of tomb*
>MY MAGICAL BOY!

I'm pretty sure Doctor Weird would be the Chaos Gods.

All of them.

Frylock is a better fit for Magnus.

The Webway don't matter. None of this matters.

Crusadin', whateva. Yanno, whateva.

You do what you like to do, and I'll do what I like to do, okay?

But you're a sucker. You're gettin fed this line about how, like, you're gonna live forever or whateva--you're gonna die.

Someone'll kill ya.

Someone'll kill ya with a power knife.

Hey if uh, any of those Nids come near ya, just hit 'em with the shampoo.

GET YOUR MEAT AS OUT HERE, AND HAVE SOME FUN WITH ME!

>Well, look. I mean, is he gonna be able to chase us? Cause if I woke up lookin' like that, I would just run towards the nearest living thing and kill it.

>Gentlemen, we have the technology. We can rebuild him.

COME NOW OMEGON

LET US FORM THE ALPHA LEGION

>Ruinous Powers, I want you to meet... Leman Russ.
>I want my name to be Great Wolf.
>Alright, it's Great Wolf. Whatever, I don't care. Just... you know, just do what I tell you.
>...The hell you lookin' at?
>I'm your fadda, I just made you.
>Haha, I got your fadda right here, hehehehe, I got your spiritual liege, hahahahaha!

>Horus Banana: Tonight...YOU!!!

>All I know is good... and ball... and heresy.

>Hey custodes, check out this pict of this totally hot chick I created, just ta bang!

>Uh.. sir.... that's totally a dude

Creation of Fulgrim

Hey ah moon man. Where's my friggin giant robo suit or whateva. This chair is chaffin the boys and I ain't able to scratch. Ya know what I mean?

Those quads.

Hahaha-yeah! TONIGHT!

10/10
Read it in their voices.

Very well done.

Funniest post in the thread.

Now the design choices behind the Sisters of Battle make sense.

Alright, I did let out a loud kek, well done

Sisters of Battle came after Emps was already on the golden toilet.

Honestly Carl would probably have been a better emperor than the emperor.
>Lorgar starts worshiping the emperor
"Whatever, it don't matter, none of this matters."

Would Dr.Weird be Fabius Bile?

>GENTLE MEEEEN! BEHOLD!
>DAEMONCUBALA!
>Uhhh.. Dr. Beird, That's just a space marine with no skin
>LET ME SHOW YOU THE MOOOOOOTHER!
>AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

>knocking noises
>Emperor. Emperor! Yo, Emperor! Open the wall.
>Damn it.
>I got somethin' to tell you.
>Go away. Go away... So tired of this. Friggin' go away, you freak.
...
>Father, did you lose something behind the couch?
>YEAH, I DID, I LOST MY ONLY CHANCE TO ACTUALLY GET THIS IMPERIUM TO NOT BE COMPLETELY FUCKED! WHAT DO YOU NEED, WHAT DO YOU WANT, CAN I NOT JUST LIVE HERE WITHOUT OCCASIONALLY DEALING WITH YOU WASTES OF GOOD GENESEED!

Is it like the super toilet frylock "Gave" him in that one episode?

Is Frylock Magnus in this scenario?

>Le obscure show that no one cares about.

You have to be over 18 to post on this site.

actually, that doesn't even hold up, because loads of kids know about and like ATHF, so it must be some old fogey trapped in nostalgia

A random fucker from the street would have been a better Emperor than the Emperor was.

MY NAME IS

>you will never be blasted by Alpharius and Omegon's quad laser