How anti-climatic would it be if it was made cannon that, the two missing Primarchs really did exist, and the only reason they are missing is because they died in stupidly silly manners?
> "Augustinius Black, the Shepard, Primarch of the II Legion, died when the plumbing system of his ship backlogued, causing an explosive decompression. > Sadly the Primarch had been sitting on the toilet when this happened. It took us seventeen weeks in the depths of the waste disposal plant to find all his bits and pieces. > By then the Emperor had decided to simply strike his name from all records, and had forbidden his sons of ever mentioning his name, given it had become a running joke among the Primarchs to call their fallen brother as "Augustinius Black, the Shitpard." > The II Legionnaires where then merged with the War Hounds, the only legion that either didn't care enough or had no idea about what had transpired (until Praetorian Kharn was briefed on the matter by Primarch Mortarion, at least)
It would actually be a much needed fun poke at the grimdark seriousness of the setting
Oliver Sanders
>anti-climatic
Leo Watson
my head canon now
Ian Barnes
A little more boring, but one of them dying by simply landing on a wrong planet and being killed by something, while another not surviving some kind o war they started (almost every primarch started some war on his homeworld) would be really into the general atmosphere of 40k grimderpness.
Wyatt Nelson
I would still like it if one of them publicly proved Emps wrong about something, who had them and their entire legion deleted from history in an autistic shitfit.
Preferably something inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, one step up from correcting his spelling or something.
Kayden Hughes
>Primarch was fighting >Ceiling fell on him >NOO I MUST FIGHT THE ENEMY >No Primarch, you are the enemy
Jaxson Wood
> "Father, you don't understand! Pineapples on pizza are shit! Shit!"
Gavin Baker
I like to think that one of the lost Primarchs was someone named Bill Johnson who did amazingly through school and made a career out of taking over the world of business finance, and was never noticed outside his homeworld.
Jayden Johnson
This is seriously one of the better explanations for lost primarchs I have heard here.
Kayden Reyes
>the two missing Primarchs really did exist they did exist, until the space yiffs pacified them. the remains of the legion joined the ultramarines.
Isaac Cox
This. 40k was best when it was ridiculous.
Give me back my living DoomRider and Noise Marine Guitar Fluff.
Jason Baker
pic related
Camden Nelson
Well, someone got rightfully purged
Ian Ortiz
fuck off peter
Cooper Rodriguez
That's just objectively wrong though
Christian Young
Oh shit nigger
Elijah Robinson
So he's like that regular old guy who became a wise sage amongst the drow because of common sense?
John Bell
>Defending pineappple in pizza. There needs to be a court in The Hague for sick fucks like you.
Ayden Brooks
Mate, Pineapple pizza is an abomination. The only rightful and prime pizza is the ham and cheese one. Simple, pure, effective.
Landon Collins
>Ham and Cheese.
Eat a fucking sandwich then you peasant
Mason Turner
I eat my ham and cheese sandwiches without butter you pompous twat. Plebeian and proud! I just feel like it hides the taste
Liam Cox
The great sage, Barry.
Evan Myers
Pineapple Pizza is indefensible.
Brayden Green
Pineapple can work very well on saltier pizzas, like bbq-glazed beef and pepperoni. It's a sometimes topping though, not an everyday choice.
Ayden Lopez
>The real message Magnus sent that got the TS ruined.
Cameron Sullivan
>the Chicagoan Heresy
Jordan Morris
What kind of pleb puts pineapple on his pizza? Why is it even called pineapple? It's not a pine nor an apple.
Anthony Sullivan
>the deep dish massacre
Logan Thompson
>American "cuisine" I went to a pizzeria with an Italian bro during a trip in the US. He completely freaked out and wanted to call the chef because the pizzas were so shit compared to what he's used to eating. Fun times. Italian pride is definitely something.
Cameron Anderson
Barbarians spotted.
Wyatt Sanders
I think you mispelled Margherita.
Charles Garcia
I will gut whoever invented that like a fish.
Christian Evans
My head canon is that one of them simply refused to serve. He was excited to meet his father, got the grand tour, was introduced to his legion, but was so horrified by E's plans that he went back to his home world and refused to budge. E couldn't have a son that wasn't with the program, so exterminatus'd the place and struck the guy from history.
Julian Reed
No offense, but something tells me user, that you never have sex in any way other than missionary.
Justin Adams
Hey, sometimes we hold hands too!
Mason Edwards
... y-you deviant!
David Morales
Confirmed for lost primarch?
Leo Allen
Maybe he contradicted the emperor's rejection of religion and/or xeno acceptance, or was a pacifist.
More likely and more sad would be if they were raised on a xeno-accepting planet and didn't want to betray their alien followers.
Papa el'Jonson, on his flagship The Pineapple Express.
Cooper Martinez
what this is
Colton Sanchez
What if that Primarch refused to join Emps, because he could not leave his world for other reason? Like him beeing the only thing to stop it from beeing fucked over? Imagine a non-fucked-in-the-head version of Konrad Curze the night haunter. He gave an oath to protect that world forever for it's inhabitants saved his life when he crashed on the planet.
Primarch's homeworld has has a warp rift on it, Emperor foresees that Primarch will slowly get fully corrupted by chaos influence. With a heartache, Emperor orders an exterminatus.
Cooper Garcia
So basically Superman but gets killed by General Zod.
Xavier Moore
Actually, it follows this user's ideas: He's a pacifist and religious leader. Think Buddha, but a living weapon. His planet has a webway gate and frequently hosts harlequins as guests. When the exterminatus happens, he leads some of his people into the webway and finds a maiden world to resettle.
Also he is a blank, with a null field that occludes an entire solar system and causes none of the negative side effects in normals that normal blanks do.
Also his name is Sensei cuz winking at Star Child.
Also I am very good at making sues. But that's unrelated.
Nathan Perez
Actually blank patriarch sounds cool as fuck. Why make him immune to blank effects? People he gave an oath to protect hate him, but follow his leadership because he is a fucking primarch after all.
You theory of him beeing bros with eldar goes against lore though, psychers get fucked over when a blank is nearby, now imagine a blank that can cover an entire system in a null field.
Nathaniel Morgan
In Queensland we'll put banana on pizzas with prawns. Sydneysiders will put egg on it. It's a good time.
John Perez
That sounds atrocious. I must try it.
Adam Brooks
I like to think something along the lines of event horizon happened to one of them and he ended up melded with and becoming his warship. So then there's a very angry, very confused, agonized world-killer floating around in the dark between stars, waiting.
Brody Ross
For a second I wanted to send a screencap of this heresy to my Italian friend (Italian as in from Italy not Italian from NYC) but then decided not to, he's kinda cool after all, why kill the poor fucker.
Aaron Rivera
i like the idea but that example is terrible
that wont kill a primarch
Dominic Foster
The idea behind the side-effect less null powers was to have him be a peaceful counterpoint to Big E, embodying all the 'right' ideals of peace and serenity, granting the feeling of peace to those around him, and thus showing that it actually could work as an alternative to the Great Crusade and Imperium. Which would make it sting all the more that E destroys it all in favour of conquest, war, and domination.
As an alternate take, I like the idea of a blank so disturbing that it fucks with E's powers, and must be destroyed for the good of everything, let alone everyone. Make the primarch fully aware of the horror his existence inflicts on others, understanding that his death would be for the best, but made vows of protection to his home world and can't honorably discharge them. He stands on the surface watching the virus bombs drop, surrounded by the corpses of his suicidal retinue, and whispers through his tears a thank you to his gene sire.
Jonathan Gomez
>Maybe he contradicted the emperor's rejection of religion and/or xeno acceptance, or was a pacifist.
I think better still might be he rejected Emps views on human supremacy, and could articulate why. Point out that humans need something to hate, and that even if he succeeds in his Grand Crusade, he's going to have to reconquer the galaxy every millenia or so, because these fucks will never stop fighting each other over stupid shit.
Carson Cook
Are Aussies even human
Nicholas Flores
The thing is, even the Chaos Primarchs agree that it was a good kill. Hell, even LORGAR goes "Okay, I guess they had to be killed."
Joshua Carter
as an italian i can confirm, this killed me.
Kevin Gonzalez
Noise marine guitar fluff is right now though. It's literally there in Fulgrim (the HH novel).
Christopher Reed
IIRC, it was because "apple" was used as a generic name for fruits in that time's dialect and the thing kinda looks like a pinecone if you squint enough.
Eli Smith
Rip
Isaac Murphy
I believe that was the intent behind them. Since I doubt they were as shit at their jobs as angron, it's more likely they failed in conquest, alongside their legions.
