Swallow a key to make a point

Death is deserved.

Why are people acting like swallowing a key is a lethal thing?
It will be uncomfortable at MOST.

You can't drive home that she has the key to your heart by doing any random thing with any random key, numb nuts.

Ramming the key down her throat would have made more sense.

Tell me your character choked.

What if the key is cursed?

>all these simulationist autists advocating character death for one gesture
FUN IS BANNED

Unlike your dick, keys are a choking hazard.

>swallowing sharp objects should have no consequences
MUH FUN IS RUINED

The rule of cool doesn't apply to retarded gestures.

Every fucking week, our barbarian stabs our thief. The thief says something smarmy, and the barbarian declares that he takes his sword and stabs the thief in the stomach with his sword.

I sigh, and then I have him roll, and then I ask the thief if that beats his AC. A good half the time he says "yes," and everyone but me has a good laugh as the thief gets stabbed with a magical sword and the cleric heals him.

I bring up time and time again how much it ruins the mood of the game when one of the party members is casually stabbing another one and everyone, including the guy getting stabbed, treats it like a good laugh between mates, but its always "between the cleric's healing and a short rest I can recover more damage than he deals" and so apparently getting stabbed isn't a big deal?

I can't really object because it makes me look like a sperg but quietly I'm so fucking drained over how long this joke has been going on and how much it makes the rest world feel like a cartoon.

>being stabbed multiple times by angry kobolds has no lasting effects
>eating a key kills you
????

I have some bad news for you. Your players WANT cartoony shenanigans.

They're neither wrong nor right.

If the kobolds didn't deal enough damage to kill you, you obviously weren't properly stabbed.

Learn to interpret hit points sensibly, pleb.

They aren't a choking hazard when you SWALLOW IT.
user, keys are not sharp unless they are modern keys right out of the locksmith's toolshop.

have you ever seen a medieval key

>They aren't a choking hazard when you SWALLOW IT.
Nothing is dangerous if you succeed at everything you try. That's why we roll.

>user, keys are not sharp unless they are modern keys right out of the locksmith's toolshop.
If it's not a modern key, it's not going to be small either. Even harder to swallow.

Why is this 40-sided die of yours numbered 0-39?

If you wanted to be a dick, you could use the rules for a coup-de-grace.
>or stop playing one of the gay editions where magical healing and HP are so easy to come by

>Every fucking week, our barbarian stabs our thief.
this sentence is really funny to me

>Every fucking week, our barbarian stabs our thief
This needs to be screen capped.

I really feel like we need to circle back to how swallowing a key is supposed to convey that someone has the key to your heart.

What kind of mouth-breathing basement dweller thinks this is smooth?

I say no
had a player have his dumb as rocks fighter toss a potion, glass vial and all in his mouth.

it looks like his teeth are a fist flying at my face

It isn't only not smooth, it is the kind of gesture you would do to deny the BBEG the Mcguffin.

>People here actually believe that swallowing keys will result in death.

If everyone is having fun besides you,maybe you're THATGUY

>You'll get it over my dead body!
>Nice to see we're on the same page.

>....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand now that key has gone to shit, literally
topkek

"You don't have to tell me what happened, but you do have to eat these"

>Every fucking week, our barbarian stabs our thief.
10/10

Fuck off new fag

No and you're a little bitch if you think they should.

If you're going to do something kind of dumb, especially something like "Swallow this piece of metal," for the sake of "Style," then you should be prepared to face consequences, at the very least being unable to open whatever lock you just swallowed the key to.

I vouch for this, and maybe some mild damage and uncomfortable bathroom scene. Like, literally. What is this thread?

...

That really isn't a "D&D problem" though, is it? playful slapstick violence among party members, honestly, isn't even really a problem at all.

From the account given, isn't just casual, lighthearted horseplay. It's not like the thief is being That Guy and causing party drama, or that the Barbarian is being a moralfag and getting all uppity. They're just fuckin around.

Honestly, if this is your biggest problem with the party as a whole, you should thank your lucky stars. That you think it's a huge problem is a sign you need to learn to read your table and not take things so damn seriously. Lighthearted cartoon slapstick is something I frankly wish my group would engage in more often, since they spend so much time taking their edgy little band of murderhobos so seriously.

This is a player problem you fucking child molester.

YES, BECAUSE THIS SCENARIO COULD NEVER HAPPEN IN GURPS, RUNEQUEST, WoD, RIFTS, CoC, OR ANY OTHER GAME EVER. ONLY IN D&D ARE PLAYERS RETARDED.

Fucking idiot.

In at least three of those systems a PC casually stabbing another PC would cause more lasting damage than "lol cleric uses a spell slot and then we all rest" so yes, it is very specifically a D&D problem

...

Maybe not in the modern era, but back in ye olde tymes? Tetanus is a concern. So is dysentery.

>That really isn't a "D&D problem" though, is it?
It's a problem in a system where "stabbed in the stomach with a sword" can be fixed with "picks Heal2 from menu and selects injured party member", at least for someone who wants a veneer of realism.

As long as everyone is having fun, there is nothing wrong with cartoony/videogamey shenanigans. The only way to play wrong is to not have fun.

Having said that, I don't find those kind of games fun, I don't like HP and level systems because they dont provide a good analog for how humans work. It doesn't have to be complicated but I like it to try and resemble reality, ymmv.

You're obviously running a different game than the players want to play then.

Somehow I don't think people who engage in playful inter-party stabbings are all that concerned with "Realism."

To be honest, based on the story we've heard, D&D is the best system for the party involved, but a poor match for the DM, who has a stick up his ass about it. The problem here isn't D&D, it's the DM being uptight about harmless shenanigans, and not communicating these issues to the party, opting instead to bitch about it on the internet.

I've always thought HP was just used to indicate general wear and tear, minor cuts, burns and so on with 0 HP being the point at which the character can't keep fighting through it.
A stab in the stomach should result in death or at least a serious injury, not regular damage.

Huey

But that's most systems that have healing as a major mechanic.

What systems don't allow a single attack to be healed fairly simply?

Unisystem?
Taking a full sword blow will lay you up for like two weeks. More if it's to the vitals (assuming you don't die, which you probably will).

Well, not entirely immune to harmful consequences, but I can understand some extent of favorable treatment for the player that swallows.

Bid your time, keep rolling the dice, they will put it to stop sooner or later.
>crit, confirm, gib

FATAL.

Chances are that in any given fight, all participants will be horribly maimed and/or dead by the end.

Which is probably for the best, because being hideously disfigured decreases your chances of being buttraped somewhat.

I mean I don't, unless you desire to do something legitimately life threatening if failure results.

I'm sorry for all the people telling you that you're the problem or that nothing's wrong mate. I totally get you. You've built and constructed this world and it has a certain tone and themes to it, and its all mocked and trivialized by their little stabbing gimmick that breaks the mood you're trying to set or the stakes you're trying to establish. I know it bothers you because the way you have to think about their characters and read and predict their motivations and actions to design your content makes this more than the lighthearted passing joke it is to them, since after they get done having a laugh they can just say a word and continue through all the things you've painfully crafted for them to experience while trying to create an immersive experience where getting stabbed is no trivial thing and danger is real. Just hang on my man. You can try talking to them if it gets to much, or if you feel like it's not merely a meta thing but actually fits their characters and represents their IC actions just roll with it, and have other people start noticing their weird behavior. Have your world, thats as realistic as you want it, start reacting in a realistic fashion to casual stabbings and think they're a bit nuts.

Aw fuck, I haven't laughed this hard since the Incest Blacksmith.

Someone needs to forge me some new sides.

>Should stylistic flourishes be immune from harmful consequence?
Depends on what the understanding is for risk and benefit. So long as people are on the same page for what might be to gain or lose on the roll before committing to it, go hog wild.

In the case of swallowing a key, in most scenarios it's functionally the same as it being on a chain around their neck, which would *never* call for a roll; if they lose it by then things have already gone *way* South, so it's simply having fun describing how you're trying to keep it safe. Punishing someone being involved like that is stupid.

Why not use a d20? or d2 for that matter?It seems to be numbered -20 to +20

>in most scenarios it's functionally the same as it being on a chain around their neck
Um...?

>the Incest Blacksmith
I haven't seen that one, share?

If you have the key around your neck and under your shirt, how will someone take it from you in mechanical terms? If someone has an opportunity to in most 'normal' gameplay scenarios then they'd be able to get to a key you swallowed in one way or another if they REALLY want that key.

I'm still not convinced you're not euphemistically describing gay fucking.

(I'm now relishing the mental image of the party cheerfully engaging in hardcore male bonding while the GM sits there all teary-eyed "bbbbbut t-hat's l-lewd!"

You are. Entirely stupid.

>how will someone take it from you in mechanical terms
roll to seduce

Oh my. I haven't laughed that hard in days.

That doesn't make any sense and you are an idiot.

iirc user was trying to introduce his super cool blacksmith dad character who was accompanied by his teenage daughter. instead of posting with the character art he intended, he posted a picture of a brawny guy fucking a loli. he then tried to make another thread to cover up his blunder, which only made things worse

Okay firstly: false. It is hundreds of times more conceivable that someone could

A) Snatch the key in the middle of a fight or diversion

B) Sneak into a room to lift it off their sleeping body

or C) Nab it off their still-warm corpse quickly while making a hasty getaway

rather than having to perform surgery and search their innards for this fucking key in any of the above situations. Mechanically speaking, it's a fucking no-brainer. Although I have to doubt my use of the term in regards to you.

But I wasn't even talking about that to begin with.

I'm having these mental images of a guy choking down a fucking hunk of metal, standing next to a guy just slipping a chain around his neck. One of them is having an easier go of it. Can you guess who?

The most important fucking thing of all though, is how do you suggest this 6 foot pelican man produce the key on command to be used in any sort of useful and timely manner, again, opposed to the man who keeps it on a chain around his neck.

Why does this need to be explained this thoroughly?

Ye old times also didn't have people who could create objects in an afternoon that could be handed around town to prevent disease.

Did ye olde times have people that reach into you and pull out a medieval sized key without hurting them, assuming the idiot that ate it didn't choke on it? Or knowledge of anatomy to know were to reach into to pull out the key? Because if there is I would actually like to know.

In ye old times dysentery also helped pass unusual objects through the intestines. But when you could just go to a cleric, have him perform barbaric surgery with a few light healing spells afterwords a key swallowed is not a big deal. Also, the key would just rust away eventually due to shoddy iron and constant contact with stomach acid.

Since he's a player character they're pretty much immune from dying to disease or small things like swallowed keys. Seriously, Player characters can jump straight off a cliff and get right back up. A swallowed key is fucking nothing.

That sounds painful and mentally scaring for a character. And wouldn't that much iron/rust be bad for a person?

>A
While s under your shirt, and armor/robe/other shirts, and secured on a chain around your neck?
That's no more believable than an exaggerated monster villain disemboweling someone for it.
>B
>sneak into bushes while they shit and get them with their pants down
>C
In a world where Bags of Holding are common, this is hardly a an argument for one over the other.

>rather than having to perform surgery and search their innards for this fucking key in any of the above situations
Chuck them in a bag of holding. Toss contents into ooze/slime/ochre.
Mechanically speaking it's a no-brainer, villains live in dungeons full of monsters as often as not, and not for nothing.

>I'm having these mental images...
Sounds like you don't have much of a love of fiction if you're getting fixated on that above anything else in a fantasy setting. What's even keeping you in the hobby at this point?
Swallowing a key is a bit of dramatic flair people are familiar with; it shouldn't be shocking or scandalous if someone wants to dip into that bit of cultural cache in a roleplaying game, which revolves entirely around describing dramatic scenarios.

>The most important fucking thing of all though, is how do you suggest this 6 foot pelican man produce the key on command to be used in any sort of useful and timely manner, again, opposed to the man who keeps it on a chain around his neck.
People don't swallow keys to retrieve them quickly; that's ignoring the entire comparison now.
In all practical terms, with how most people play D&D, and with all elements of D&D being what they are, swallowing a key isn't meaningfully more or less secure than having a key secreted away somewhere else on your person. Yes, retrieval is grotesque and overdramatic, but that's not really a barrier in D&D where virtually all fights are to the death and nobody does much of anything about all those corpses outside of give them a once-over for spare change.

That would be a ducking d41 which I don't think is even possible

Underrated post.
Seriously though that second paragraph made me laugh because it's true. Have some Costanza.

Nope. It actually kind of pisses me off when the dm doesn't make me roll for my PC plan of the week. Much less impact compared to when you get a lucky roll and everyone else gives the "dear god, he actually did it" face.

suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/21868312/

I said HEAT the key, not EAT the key, Snake.

If you consider it a punishment to roll checks, tests or whatever you want to call them, I'm not sure what part of an RPG involving dice is supposed to appeal to you.

This questions should firmly establish the respondent's predilection towards narrativist and gamist play. A gamist DM will invent rules on the spot for potential consequences of swallowing a key, due to their obsessive need to run a clockwork universe. A narrativist DM concentrates on plot consequences of the player having swallowed a key (if any are necessary).

>gamist DM
>obsessive need to run a clockwork universe

Gee, I wonder which approach you favor.

A new problem arises seeing as you seem to have hit the 41st side of a 40-sided die.
1 to 20 = 20
-20 to -1 = 20
0 = 1

that's 41, not 40

Solution: stop playing with non-Euclidian die

:A gamist DM will invent rules on the spot for potential consequences of swallowing a key, due to their obsessive need to run a clockwork universe.

Let me tell you why that's bullshit. Being obsessed with rules for everything isn't the point. The point is to adjudicate unforeseen situations fairly. The outcome of a dice roll ends up being the deciding factor, rather than the DM's subjective view of what the narrative needs.

If anything, it's more forgiving than simply going "That sounds stupid. Your character chokes".

>Eat a key - DM does nothing
>Keep eating keys until the DM rolls to find the sweet spot

>That would be a ducking d41 which I don't think is even possible

That's where you are wrong kiddo.

It's a problem that only occurs if you can stab someone without potentially crippling or killing them, and where easy magic exists to fix the little damage you do. So, basically just D&D and maybe RIFTS.

How do you get
>results in death
from
>rolls a die
?

Nope, consequences are what make the game fun. You do something dumb, you get hurt cuz it's dumb, you laugh, you move on.

Also, DM might just be rolling for when you poop the key out, so knock off the metagaming/overthinking and let the fun happen.

This, depends on the game. More often, you'll need a roll to safely complete the dramatic but unnecessary act, and failure means you fuck it up and it doesnt work properly, like a Fort save to keep the key down without throwing it back up.

If a game doesnt have a system for tracking weird inconveniences, then the best way to stop somebody from doing something like that is to force them to roll for it. Otherwise, if its within the tone of the game, just allow it.

game-ism can be injected into narrative games in order to keep players on-narrative.

>You deserve to suffer for that shit.

This doesn't even make sense.

Roll the fucking die or stop being an idiot (after you roll the fucking die).