"That Guy" Tips and Stories

Wish it were that easy. It's a lot of balancing who is going to react to me leaving and how.
I guess explaining a bit more would make this somewhat more understandable:
>Me, average fucker, have been told I'm a good player by a few people but I guess that remains to be seen
>Best friend, not a great player, one of those guys who just plays whatever character from a show he's watching, but he tries his best
>Typical college fuckboy, actually a cool guy and good player, very good friends with DM
>Weasel friend, good friend of mine but he DM's for fuckboy, DM, and DM friend, and feels something at stake because he's the one who taught them everything
>Girl, mutual friend of me and DM, just an average player
>DM, friend of mine, has been gone at basic training, just got back late into November
>DM's bestie, fuckwit loser, I'm on good terms with him but he just doesn't respect our buddy as DM. Last campaign he got kicked out for making nonstop 9/11 jokes and rolled up an otter monk. Yes, you read that right. In a campaign that by all means we were supposed to take seriously, he decided a wise-cracking otter was the way to go, and DM wouldn't say anything against him because idk.
>Starting up a new campaign since DM got back, he wants to go with something lighthearted, not very serious, mostly shallow story (half of the group can only murderhobo, rely on me, Weasel and Fuckboy to RP and such), we're all down for it
>I decide on Storm Cleric, liked him an awful lot, got really into it
>5e btw
>First problem arises during character creation, minor but eh
>"Hey, my Cleric gets a bunch of languages, any chance I can get Celestiel or something neat to communicate with my deity with?"
>"You aren't going to be talking to him."
>"Uh, ok. Well, I guess maybe he thinks he's talking to the god and learned some ancient language for it?" (Story I sent had him knowing an undisclosed ancient language, DM ok'd it)
>"Nope. I'll probably use all of them."
>In a shallow campaign?

Cont...
>Ok I guess
>Also good luck having players decipher languages they don't know but
>"Well, you sure there aren't any viable ones? I could make a decent case for just about any."
>"Make your own language. It'll be cool for flavor."
>Sure, why not. Gives me something to do in my spare time.
>So for two weeks, I crafted my own semi-mix of Latin, Hebrew, German, and some weebspeech. Actually a pretty fun process imo.
>Game day
>DM's friend shows up
>DM only told Weasel he would be there, thus why Weasel didn't actually show up to this game, the rest of us were in the dark
>He comes up with a skeleton ranger named Dr. Dingleberry, has a pet bird named Taco
>*sigh*
>DM allows it of course
>Whatever, it's supposed to be lighthearted anyways I guess.
>Forgot to mention, last campaign DM was heavily railroading, realized it after the fact and said he wanted to change that
>anyways
>We start, he drops us into a city. No character introductions and such, we're technically supposed to know each other because he decided that would be easier than having us need to meet up
>Gives us a detailed description of the city, list pretty much everywhere we could go
>I go tavern cause why not
>Rest of party kinda stuck in where to go.
>DM: "Huh, so user's going to the tavern. Those are pretty cool."
>Nothing
>"Nothing ever happens inside taverns, especially in DnD."
>Girl decides to join me at this point, we RP a bit and order food, make small talk with waitress to find out more about the town
>Go back to others, DM ask what they're doing, they all decide on different places to go
>DM: "Go to the tavern."
>Uh ok?
>Tavern is a go, I let them find the big story stuff since I'd already been there for a bit and done nothing
>Bartender tells us the town is a big exporter of a special plant, but the shipments have been getting stolen recently. Tells us to go to a local alchemist to find out more.

Cont...
>Get to alchemist's house, kooky old guy. RP for a bit again, hatch a plan to ambush bandits next time they try to steal wagon of the special plant by hiding in the wagon
>Find Dr. Dingleberry (wish I was making this name up) and Taco in one of these wagons, he doesn't know the group yet, we decide we could use his help and he can split some of the cut
>All set to go
>1 hour en route, arrow whizzes past, we all jump out
>I cast Thaumaturgy, raise my voice volume and roll to intimidate any attackers into coming out since they aren't visible
>Nat 20
>Poor bastard falls out of a tree and breaks his leg, its only him
>I and our Paladin (my best friend) interrogate him, find out the bandit camp is in the forest
>Already see Bandit Bloodbath Forest: the Sequel (our first game of last campaign was almost copy and paste this exact premise) on the horizon, suggest we could use the guy we captured as a bargaining chip to peacefully enter the compound, figure out why they're stealing maybe, something of the sort
>Dr. Dingleberry: "NAH LETS JUST RUSH IN AND FUCK EM UP."
>Paladin agrees cause murderhobo, but I convince him and the rest of party (minus Dingle) to at least try my plan
>Ask bandit if he's close to his bandit friends, says they're like a band of brothers
>Get to bandit compound, for some reason they're all already on guard
>Also have a whole fort, archer towers, etc.
>Fine ok. Thaumaturgy, voice booms, "Hey, we have your buddy, let's talk. We don't wanna fight." while Paladin raises him into the air as proof
>They yell back "We don't care"
>Arrow whizzes into us intentionally try to hit bandit guy, instantly kills him
>Uh...
>Fight starts, Paladin and I decided to split healing duties. Girl is a Dragonborn fighter, Fuckboy is a monk. Overall decent team.
>Bandits rushin out, we end up fighting like 30 after all is said and done (we're level 3, so hard but not impossible)

>However, the fight is bad. I'm dealing with my enemies fairly well as they come, but fighter is taking a lot of hits, Paladin is making bad attack decisions, Monk is rolling shit, and Dr. Dingle...
>"So I read that skeletons can't die if they get reduced to 1 HP and their bones are separated"
>We kinda look at him
>"So I'm gonna hit myself and shatter my skeleton, put myself at 1 HP, and wait til the fight is over."
>Huh.jpg
>"Dude, we need you to take out the archers, me and monk are really the only ones who are even possibly able to right now."
>With dead seriousness says "Fuck no dude, I don't want my new character to die, he's too cool."
>Are you fucking kidding me?
>We fight them on our own, I expend everything but a 2nd level spell slot making up for him not fighting, I end up personally dispatching like half of the enemies cause of it
>Monk is in good shape, Paladin is slightly worse, I'm a few above half as is the Fighter
>Figure a boss fight is incoming
>Get inside, two guys fail to ambush us and we capture them, learn that the plant stockpile is in the basement and BBEG is on the top floor
>We go to the top, figure why not finish the fight
>Another alchemist magic guy, completely unrelated to the first one apparently
>I say "Hey you piece of shit, why did you attack us and kill your buddy? We just wanted to talk."
>Only response is turning around and saying "Catch this!"
>Throws a vial of obviously dangerous substances at us, DM says I can have an immediate reaction since I was the one he was aiming for
>Decide why not use Shatter, consume my last spell slot and attempt to save myself from the vial's damage, maybe even have it break on the guy
>I'm describing Shatter's cube size to DM since he's unfamiliar, gets confused and says "No no, that's way more than 10 feet between you guys. More like 40 or so."
>Clear up confusion, spell has range of 60 and AoE 10ft cube (or might be 15, can't recall)

Waiting for conclusion. Good storytime

I'm kinda new to this.

>players come to the game
>the world was supposed to be a little dark and the mission dangerous
>the players come with light-hearted characters and immediately set a jokey, goofy tone to the game
>I try to accomodate accordingly
>paladin is a nutjob and only ever talks about his god, ever
>his first plan is to just murderhobo everything
>I mean, they did register as Evil, but haven't, to his knowledge, done anything wrong -yet-
>but he kills them
>and decapitates them
>the paladin decides to walk into every single possible gathering of enemies
>every single one
>while being moderately intelligent and wise
>and just goes like "Hey I heard you can get enlisted here"
>he did that in front of 40 archers
>I kinda cringed and just let him have his diplomacy roll
>he rolled high, so they hesitated just long enough for him to ride away
>I ask "Are you -sure-? on every step of the way
>I make a point that they're angry and that their antics earlier left a shitload of bodies of their comrades
>also they all register as Evil
>not just neutral guards or mercenaries, straight up evil fucks
>instead he slowly walks up to them and repeats the question loudly
>party rogue with wands centers a Fireball on him when everyone is still aiming crossbows at him
>a single Fireball wand wipes out absolutely everyone because they were so confused with what he was doing
>and partly because I didn't want to get him killed in a game that was already set up to be all about hilarity

I'm still a little miffed about this. When is a laughfest just too much?

I mean, I guess everyone had fun, but I kinda didn't have that kinda stuff in mind.

Do you talk with your players before the game and accomodate them if they just want to roll dice for the lulz?

>Anyways, DM ok's the whole thing
>Use my daily Cleric power to deal full damage
>DM gets pissed off because of this...?
>"He takes 24 damage, and the glass shatters. The liquid inside becomes vapor and floats towards you guys, everyone take a d10."
>u wot
>It floats 30+ feet over to us but not the baddie like five feet from it?
>Fighter really not looking great but me and Paladin have expended all heal spells and such
>Manage to knock him prone, also Taco shows up to loot a chest and for some reason it's booby trapped and blows up
>k cool
>Really needing to get this fight over so that Fighter doesn't die
>It's at this point I should mention that house rules were below 0 HP, you're incapacitated, below -5 HP and you're perma dead
>Anyways, DM is still pissed and apparently out for blood
>"Everyone roll a Wis saving throw, tell me if you get 16 or below."
>Only the Monk does
>DM rolls some dice
>"Take 48 cold damage."
>We're stunned. Our hitpoints are at a max of about 25, and we're all damaged to some degree at this point. Lighthearted shallow game has become TPK on Game 1.
>"Oh wait, he's prone. Take 24 instead."
>Still leaves everyone but Monk, who took 12 instead, perma dead. And also Dingle, since he decided not to show up to fight still.
>DM has vague understanding of what he just did, I find out later he basically rewrote what he had and bullshitted the Alchemist actually making healing potions or something, basically making it so that we didn't die.
>All rather upset over the whole thing, of course except for Dingle's player
>Just kinda call it quits for the night

Didn't read, kill yourself lol

Sounds like you're DM is just easily aggravated and generally shit. If he gets like that in normal play then That Guying him will do nothing, leave, make it clear why you're leaving, tell that Dickhead player to fuck himself up the arse with an immovable rod and find another group.

>Later the next day, I get separate texts from Dingle and DM, both accuse me of powergaming, running too fast through the story and not letting anyone else do anything, and a slew of other shit
>All of my What
>What fucking story
>What fucking powergame
>What even
>Your friend literally showed up just to tell us to fuck our selves, we nearly die cause of it, then you kill us outright because you're asshurt I saved my best stuff for a boss fight?
>Of course don't say any of this, just sit on it and talk it through with our girl player, we decide to tell them how we really felt about the game, mistakes that were "potentially made on all sides" to ease the blame being almost solely on them
>We text them this, they accuse it of being a coordinated attack orchestrated by me on the DM, says that he's trying his hardest (he wrote the "story" gen hours before the game even though he had three weeks to do it), again accuse me of a bunch of shit and whines that I'm comparing him too heavily to Weasel and a couple other guys we know, and that it's unfair because they're all better DMs (which is pretty much true)
>Get frustrated, but again, it's a game and I don't want to ruin friendships over it, we're all mostly friends outside of D&D, propose that I just make a new character and we pick up next week
>They agree
>The next day, skyping with Weasel, telling him about it, end up angrily ranting, he seems pretty understanding of me and says he'll talk about it at his next game with DM, Fuckboy and Dingle
>My Paladin buddy is trying not to get involved
>Talk to Weasel a few days later, have somewhat calmed down, first thing he says is "You're being a massive edgelord about this"
>What the actual fuck?
>Basically all this shit the DM did he thought was right and justifiable because Weasel said it was good DMing, and Weasel switches sides because again, he taught them what they know, an insult to them is also to him apparently
>Now I'm really angry.

Just have a chat with the DM. Sounds like even he knows what happened last session was unacceptable. Talk to him alone, no one to back you up, no one to back him up. It'd be too easy for it to feel like someones getting ganged up on. Don't let it turn into a shouting match. Maybe take him to get a burger or something, so shouting isn't really an option. Nobody had fun last session, that much is obvious.

So here's what you've got to do, stop arguing about it, next session just sit there and do nothing.
If they ask you what you want to do "oh I'm following 'x'"
Combat happens and it's your turn? Full attack nearest enemy, or heal someone
Otherwise sit there silently.
If they complain again about "powergaming", then stop talking to them.

>this middle-school tier he-said-she-said
>b-but I can't leave because they're my friends!

If they're going to stop talking to you because you stopped playing D&D with them, then they weren't your friends to begin with.

To the poor souls who think I was finished, sorry lol, probably one or two more chunks of text will do it
Anyways,
>After general tension with everyone for a week or so, DM just decides to scrap that story and start a new one with new characters
>I learned my lessons on dealing too much damage and RPing too much apparently, so I decide just to play a Life Cleric and basically only heal.
>Helping girl make character, she thinks Aasimar are cool, makes a snowflakey but decent Warlock backstory
>Again, DM ok's it as long as wings are either non-existing or too small to be of any use at all, she's fine with that
>Cool cool, go to bed, wake up to texts at 2 in the morning in the group chat
>DM: "Yea so I decided you guys can't play Warlocks, Clerics, Druids, Paladins, or Sorcerers, and you better have a damn good reason to be a Monk."
>Not this shit again
>Basically talk him down to only banning Clerics, Paladins, and warlocks, and giving up to two people in the group potentially one of Druid, Sorc or Monk.
>His reasoning for all this: "Gods don't exist cause I don't want to write them, and Monks and Sorcerers are hard to write for too."
>Doesn't make sense for a number of reasons that I'll leave you to come up with, cause I probably said them
>Girl is super disappointed, her second character now down the drain
>I'm somewhat pissed as is Paladin bro
>Weasel defends it by saying he's done it before (because he didn't know how magic worked, it was his first time DMing or even playing for that matter), this immediately after DM says to stop comparing me to Weasel and other DMs (I wasn't)
>Fuckboy is inexplicably on their side and thinks the class limiting is a "cool and unique twist"
>Haven't heard much from Dingleshit other than that he thinks it's a great idea too and helped come up with it
>At this point I'm genuinely upset at the whole thing
Final part incoming.

OH SHIT DOG No They DIDN"T

So, I decide fuck it, I'm just gonna "That Guy" it. Basically going to do the same things as Dingletard the whole game. Here's the reason I don't leave: it's already starting to bleed into real-world drama, and if I leave now, almost assuredly does that mean Paladin bro and the girl leave as well, essentially ending the group as we're the only ones DM knows that like D&D. Not only does this cause a bunch of shit with a group that I play in with Weasel, but also makes a permanent strain on the friendships I have outside the game, and as much as it seems like that's already happened with all of them, I don't know that it's entirely true. I was initially going to do what suggested but realized that would go nowhere if DM, Dingle, Fuckboy and Weasel are still having their circlejerk. So, if he decides to kick me out, I'll at least be able to say it wasn't my choice and be able to encourage the other two to play, because they still want to give it a chance if I don't leave. And if he doesn't kick me, I'll just be able to have fun not taking it seriously at all. I know it's a dick move but I'm so frustrated that I'm not sure I'm concerned about the reaction of DM or Dingle. Fuckboy and Weasel are still cool guys, even if they are wrong, and they haven't insulted me over this whole thing, at least yet, so they're the main ones I'm trying to salvage. All this to say I'm shocked that the most morally bankrupt site on the internet is scolding me for asking them how to be an asshole.

>Broken anime girl
The sadness

>weeks to prep
>preps in the last hour
This is basic lazy gm mode. Annoying but general excusable sometimes. His time his dime

>create character
>Told recreate after getting his approval
This is jacked. and Beyond lazy

Don't be an asshole, because then you'd destroy your reputation with that group.
Leaving a shitty group is like quitting a shitty job, you COULD walk in and curse out the boss, flip some tables, shit in the sink, etc. or you could just suck it up, put in your two weeks notice, and leave with grace.
At least then, should you need to list the old job on a resume, they won't have an awful story to tell about you.

Dude jump. Nothing is worse than being made to sit and watch people circle jerk. They're using you as a masturbation tool. Its not going to change

>adding
People that twist history to make you look like the bad guy are NOT your friends or have your best interests at heart

If you really don't want to bail, just build an arrow fighter and shoot people, while playing on your phone.

Don't pay attention until combat comes round, then say "I shoot the nearest bad guy".

Repeat.

Don't bother being an asshole, because it just makes everyone not have fun.

Sorry, missed the bit about you not wanting to be passive passive.

>I was initially going to do what suggested but realized that would go nowhere if DM, Dingle, Fuckboy and Weasel are still having their circlejerk. So, if he decides to kick me out, I'll at least be able to say it wasn't my choice and be able to encourage the other two to play, because they still want to give it a chance if I don't leave. And if he doesn't kick me, I'll just be able to have fun not taking it seriously at all. I know it's a dick move but I'm so frustrated that I'm not sure I'm concerned about the reaction of DM or Dingle. Fuckboy and Weasel are still cool guys, even if they are wrong, and they haven't insulted me over this whole thing, at least yet, so they're the main ones I'm trying to salvage. All this to say I'm shocked that the most morally bankrupt site on the internet is scolding me for asking them how to be an asshole.

Here's how it'll play out.

Circlejerk happens. You won't be able to stop it. You'll get frustrated. DM will get passive aggressive. Fuckboy and Weasel will watch.
Cycle continues.

If you're not going to just be passive, then the only thing you're going to have to do is just be a dick.

SO, here's what you do.
1: play a spellcaster
2: pick a cantrip
3: use it as often as you can, even when in combat. Especially when in combat.
4: when your character dies, laugh, and say that was fun, then pull out your next character, who uses a different cantrip.

When you get banned from using casters, start tripping everyone as a fighter. Don't attack, just trip. Carry on doing that shit.

You'll have to think tactically how best to use your one single unoptimised move for each person, because it's going to be tough to make the best use of it.

> I and another player have tried to talk it out with them but they just take it as personal attacks and insult us behind our backs.
Are you two the retards he's referring to?
Because you sound like it.

How do we create the perfect That Guy?

Start with a healthy dose of Mary Sue character-building

>How do we create the perfect That Guy
There is no such thing. Or rather, That Guy will be different for each party and each campaign.

The only constant for That Guyism is being an ass to the outside observer, that being us. So, the perfect THATGUY is whatever guy you love you hate most.

Hand me the PHB senpai

So instead of doing the sane thing and leaving because that would Cause A Rift, you're going to deliberately hang around and be an ass to everybody
and that won't Cause A Rift?

We just have to channel all of our inner "That Guy" into one character.

Why are you capitalizing "Cause A Rift"?

Play a lucky diviner halfling. Nobody likes those.

Or play a character that's absolutely useless at combat. Say, a rogue with expertise in perception and the +5 passive perception and all of their ASIs into wisdom instead of anything useful.

Seriously though, if you're fighting 30 enemies in 5e your DM must suck if they don't kill you somehow.

Or play a half-elf bard styled as a Japanese pop-star
Go kawaii on their ass.

It's a light hearted game, after all

...

As soon as I read "just got back from basic" I figured some kind of Fucking retard.
I wasn't disappointed.

>>So for two weeks, I crafted my own semi-mix of Latin, Hebrew, German, and some weebspeech.
Details, please?

>nat 20 the thread

nah

Just quit the group. Or at least say you don't want to be a part of games with Dingle and the shit GM. The circlejerk will not end. And here's something that may or may not be relevant, but people that you have fun with aren't always the same thing as good friends. The fact that you named somebody "Weasel" in this story is telling.

Anyway, I'm sure that you could come up with a dozen ways to shoot their petty bullshit right back at them, but imo the best thing to do would be to wash your hands of it. Not just the game drama, but the real world drama too.

Your main problem is that you're giving a fuck. Most of life's problems can simply be solved by not giving a fuck. The only people that deny this are the ones who are too wrapped up in giving fucks to know that it's true.

Try and integrate yourself into big parts and play it off as no big deal. Like if your choosing the soldier background you are "An elite part of the kings secret gaurdsman" Or if your a noble, You are actually a descendant of the king but in order to protect you they planted you into a smaller noble famiy so no one would suspect anything.

Well, OP, if you value your friendships more than your game experience, you can't just let things go on like this. Honestly, it would probably be best to just remove the problem if it were only one person, but it looks like a lot of people with fragile egos are involved. It sounds like the some of the others are also frustrated, so it may be a good idea to offer DMing yourself. If you provide a good experience, then the others might not want to play with asshole DM as the DM.

Otherwise, you could ask the asshole DM what he wants from you as a player. It would be admitting that you were wrong when you weren't, and it wouldn't solve underlying issues. Still, it might stroke his ego a bit and get them off your case.

Of course, you could take a more "rip the bandaid" approach. It sounds like there are some issues that need to be dealt with if you, as a friend, cannot even approach the DM about his shitty behavior. If he and his posse are seriously causing strain, that needs to be communicated. If their egos are to big to admit they fucked up, you need to surround yourself with some more mature people. Based on how big an ass hole you're planning on being, you probably could have handled the situation more gracefully too.

If you get nothing else out of this, being an asshole to them is not going to get you into any better position. They're just going to feel more validated in their behavior, and you'll be taken less seriously in the future.

RIP my dude

Just leave the group. You can come up with any number of excuses- some of which are truthful

"I don't feel like we had a good group dynamic for DND", or some variation thereof is literally fine. If you wanna be even more diplomatic just say you've always played in a specific way that doesn't gel with the rest of your group.

You'll probably regret being "that guy", but I don't judge, just giving my two cents.

After sleeping on it, you guys are probably right. I'll probably give it one more game to see if ANYTHING has improved, and if not, I'll just jump ship and let the rest sort itself out. At the very least I'm glad I could get it all out to some understanding people that aren't involved in it in any way, so thanks for the caring replies, everyone.
I actually threw my notes into some folder I'd have to sort through to find, but yea, it was pretty fun. I started with some old German hymns and traditional songs for spells, and happened to think it would be cool to throw Latin in too. Then was looking into stuff for talking to my deity and thought "Eloi" ("My God" in Hebrew) would be somewhat funny, so I figured hey, why not add in more Biblical Hebrew to the mix. Throw in a pinch of moonspeak cause I couldn't resist, and yea, I had a somewhat functioning language. It was only in early stages, I worked on it on my down time for two weeks, but the more I think about it, I probably spent more time on the language alone than the DM did on planning the entire game. I might have to sort through my shit and find that folder again, it could maybe be useful for some game that I could actually invest myself in in the future.