Let's hear about some of your favorite house rules

The entire goddamn point of role playing games is to play a role, if you can't do one-liners, what is the fucking point of playing a role?
Oh, and i don't think you realize just how all encompassing the term meme is.

Currently for 5e, I have...
The Guts Rule. If you have a Strength score of at least 18, Medium characters can wield 2-handed melee weapons in one hand and Small characters can ignore the Heavy property of weapons.

For each positive Ability Score bonus in Intelligence that you have, you may take an additional Tool, Instrument, Vehicle, or Language proficiency.

While training with a language or a tool, you may add half your proficiency bonus to rolls made with that tool, and communicate basic ideas when speaking a language you're still learning.

If you miss with a melee attack, you still do damage equal to your Proficiency Bonus this makes the game more like 13th Age.

Side-Based Initiative and Cleaving Through Creatures from the DMG.

For COC, I've always used the rule that someone with a decent investigative skill will find enough to progress the story whenever they use it. Rolling is for extra or more specific information. A forensic pathologist examining a body doesn't just derp out and find absolutely no information 20 - 30% of the time. I feel like this is how most half decent GMs run COC though, so I don't know if it should even count as a house rule.

-1 ws for offhand

>if you can't do one-liners, what is the fucking point of playing a role?

>Also why the fuck would you ever agree to play with someone who bans memes and one liners?
The OP specifically mentions interrupting others with one-liners so I take it to mean keep one-liners to your own dudes.
>Someone blinds an enemy character
>Another player yells out "LOL see you later!"

>automatic success
What I've taken to doing the last year or so is to assume, based on the character's class/abilities/skills, that they have a competency floor in their areas of expertise.
To put it plainly: each character has a few things that I will almost never ask them to roll for and they can just do, barring opposed rolls or exceptional difficulties.
And when they do roll against a static DC, failure means compromise and not the inability to do something.
So a lot like what does, but with a bit of a hand in everything.

>If you miss with a melee attack, you still do damage equal to your Proficiency Bonus
Do you apply it to creatures as well, or just PCs?

The DM friend I have who uses that rule applies it to all creatures, I just have it for PCs.

You may be autistic.

>>Someone blinds an enemy character
>>Another player yells out "LOL see you later!"

That seems perfectly fine.

I'm not sure I'd describe any house rules as a 'favourite'. Having to houserule a game is generally a bad or at best a neutral thing, it means the game wasn't fit to purpose and you had to fix it, whether it's just adjusting it to preference or actively repairing a fault in the system.

Yeah say one-liners on your own turn. Don't interrupt other people.

If it's your turn and it takes more than thirty seconds to get your attention, your character does nothing that round.

You don't get to make a roll for anything out of combat until I tell you what to roll. In combat, declare what you're doing before you make the roll.

Each PC must have some preexisting connection to at least one other PC. Each PC must have a motive for following the main plotline, which I will provide at least two sessions before a new campaign begins.

Every problem has to have at least five valid solutions, plus whatever the PCs blindside me with. PC solutions that would work, do work.

Have at least one backup character ready at all times. PC deaths happen, and sometimes it makes no narrative sense for a PC to stick with the party. Also sometimes your PC has personal business that'd take them out of action for a while.

Players cannot play the same archetype twice in a row. If you're falling into a pattern of ABABAB then I'll make a character and have you fluff and play it. Diversity isn't just a liberal buzzword, and people often want to try what you want to play.

Simplest House rule is MAD
There are certain tools/powers/methods that will make the game extremely easy for you, and consequently very short for you should I use them
You may use them as long as you use them sparingly and don't try to abuse them. In return I will also limit my use of them to keep the game enjoyable

Should I notice that you overuse it I will warn you. Should you continue I will use them against you.

Is that a singular you or a plural you?

unless you have only one player it's supposed to be you (the party)

You guys limit the use of grenades, and so will I
Should you guys abuse it you will know why it's called Chunky Salsa

Doesn't that let That Guy ruin everything for everyone twice as hard? Not only does he abuse the OP shit to ruin encounters and challenges, but then he gets players killed by OP shit.

yeah, thinking about it it depends on who does it
In case of something like the DMSO Super Soaker it's the entire party that does this and obviously they all would be punished

And if it's one person then it depends on the rest of the party
Do they distance themselves from it? Only the abuser gets punishment
Do they encourage or condone it? They get hurt as well

If you can't pay attention to the game then your character fails their perception roll.
If you can't roll the dice without missing the table then your character fails the roll.