Vikings + Deus Vult = ?

Valhalla?

That's sorta the equivalent innit?

Kill the bad dude or die trying, you get to heaven if you do, nothing but benefits.

Danish nom de kingships are a bit fucking retarded though.

Erik Ploughpenny

Erik the Timid/Silent (Erik the Lame)

Erik Evergood

Olaf Hunger

Gorm the Old

Erik Shearing (Referring to the devaluation of coins through cutting off parts of the material)

Erik the Brat (Menved being the corruption of an old German word for Brat)

>this is what Norse fags believe
You mean that brief period of time where you raided villages and sacked a few castle before getting utterly btfo by my Celtic ancestors?

This argument wouldn't work if your friends actually knew anything about 1066.

Not to forget

Valdemar Another Day

The heathen army beat the snot out of everyone because of its cohesiveness, then once that went away they were able to be picked off due to the same infighting in the realm that had allowed them to conquer the Anglo-Saxons.

No culture is magical.

Normans are neither French or Scandinavian.

Normans are French people with Scandinavian ancestry.

There were raven banners at the battle of Hastings IIRC.

>Normans
>pure Norse

Also
>England
>Celtic

Even further...
>Vikings
>ever fighting the Ancient Celts
>ever

You're American aren't you?

No they're not. They're Norman.

Stop applying 21st Century ideas of nationality and culture to people from the 11th. It's retarded.

It's good then that unlike modern fags they didn't give a rat's shit about "muh heritage" and acted like normal French people.

He said
>my Celtic ancestors
By this point, the question if he's American is completely redundant.

>implying vikings didn't try to conquer the UK
>implying northern Scotland was never invaded
>implying celts weren't the reason vikings got sent home with their tails between their legs
>implying raping women and destroying villages full of un armed peasants is impressive
>implying vikings didn't get btfo when the English welsh Scots and irish sent proper armies full of men to fight them

user, they spoke French, largely lived in France, largely swore allegiance to the French king, participated in French politics and called themselves French.

Sure, nationality is a lot more fluid as a concept, and identity is more complex than that, but saying they're not French because they're Normans is silly.

By that token there's no such thing as a "Viking" or a "Norse person" for OPs purposes.

Swedes led a crusade against Orthodox church in Russia. They failed pretty spectacularly and never attempted it again.

You need to stop this butthurt ahistorical shit and contribute to the fucking point of this thread.

Really, all of you need to get your shit together, there's like 2 usable posts here.

Equals the ultimate cringy Veeky Forums roleplayer

...

Everyone who isn't Greek are barbarians.

They spoke the Norman dialect of Old French, lived in Normandy, participated in Norman politics and sometimes swore fealty to the king of France.

The idea of "being french" did not exist in the 11th Century. You had Normans, you had Occitans, you had Burgundians. You did not have French people.

Why is it so hard for people to understand this? It's why we have constant "Was Charlemagne French or German?" threads on Veeky Forums.

This "There was no such things as nations until the development of nationalism in the 19th century" meme needs to fucking die.

Normans LITERALLY called themselves French user.

Scandinavian king titles includes "King of the Danish, the Norwegians and Most of the Swedes", an idea absolutely insane if there was no such thing as national identity.
Same goes for "King of the Franks", and "King of the Germans".

You get Normans

>Vikings + Deus Vult = ?
Odin spoke to me in a dream. I stood under a grand oak tree, and in its boughs the All-Father hung, spear in his side.

"I have seen and know much," he said unto me, "And I have seen the fall of the Gods and know the taste of blood and sea spray that awaits us. All is as Fate decrees."

He stared right into my eyes with his lone one.

"But for once, the Aesir will Deny. Row south! South! To the marble halls! Row South! To the scorched lands!

"Let our folk be as Fenrir! As Thor! As Tyr and Hel and the Giants themselves! Let the blood howl! Let the horns be blown and the swords held high!

"TODAY BEGINS THE BLOOD TIME!"

And so, my people, did Odin command us to march against the World, and burn the Pale Christian False God upon his cross, and reave his peoples' lands, and shed their blood upon the land.

By the Gods' will it shall be done.

>The idea of "being french" did not exist in the 11th Century.
Hic Franci et Angli inter armas cederunt.

>"King of the Danish, the Norwegians and Most of the Swedes"
Based Canute.

>King of Most of the Swedes

Did he really call himself like that?

His actual title was:

"King of All England, Denmark, the Norwegians and some of the Swedes".

>Was Charlemagne French or German?
Karel de Grote was Dutch!!

You may be my countryman, but I can't help but point out you're wrong. Kaman Ni Yu is obviously Chinese.

Vikings + Deus Vult = An actual historical event.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norwegian_Crusade

Hang their false seers from their cathedrals! The All-Father demands blood!
This is basically what I do every time I play CK2. One day I'll hang their Pope...

Based Knutr.

Obviously, Charlemagne (Charles the Great) was just another name for Olaf Digre (Olaf the Large), King of Norway. The fact that they supposedly lived in separate centuries is just a result of Franko-German lies and fabrications. "Great" and "Large" are practically synonymous, which is proof enough for me.
The Holy Roman Empire is rightfully Norwegian land.

China was at the time being ruled by the Finnish Khan, so it can't have been him.

Except Norway is and has always been Danish land. The Holy Roman Empire is rightfully Danish.

I swear to god, you people are almost as bad as romeaboos

>Implying

There's snow in the alps, it's eskimo land.

Hold on now. The Basques are the last Pre-Indoeuropeans left on the continent. Obviously the Holy Roman Empire is rightfully Pay Basque!

>Pay Basque
But that's French, making Charlemagne French again.
There circle is closed, all is as it should be!

Jeezus, Lancelot, you already stole my goddamn wife, now you gotta brag about snatching my country out from under me?

"romeaboos" are completely and totally justified in their beliefs and actions.

FUS RO DA!

>French
>Basque
Next you'll claim we're fucking Spaniards! How quaint.

Militarily they were only good because of organisation, logistics, tactics etc. Reasonably competent on a small scale too, but the fact that their getting raped a few times was due to command fucking up more than anything else says a fair bit.

Basically, I still have PTSD from a wannabe Veeky Forumsterical fa/tg/uy spending an entire game going on about MUH KILL SIX GORILLION CELTS

>King of France AND NAVARRA.

Just wave your white flag like you Frenchmen always do.

But seriously fuck the celts

>Royalist
You need to leave

>French

The French Occupation of Pay Basque will one day end, and then we'll see who surrenders to who, Frog!

Sancho the Great Lives!

Read up about Harald from Sweden

>crusading against Christians when there is lands upon lands full of pagans around
that's pretty fucking why

>Sancho the great

Took his title from the French style.

Can't escape it cheese eater.

Celts are everything vikings wish they were. It was a hard pill for me to swallow at first, since I fell for the epic vikings meme, but the fact that they're known for raping and pillaging says everything. Vikings were fags that could only beat up women and unarmed peasants. They got rekt in traditional warfar more often than not.

And celts? Just as bloodthirsty and savage as le ebin sons of odin, plus actually having reigned over a huge empire at one point in time. Last time I checked viking settlements never spanned from Britannia, across Europe, and to the middle east

Why the fuck did the Catholic church spend all its time on Cathars and Protestants when there was literally muslims right next door?

user.
You've managed to be wrong about everything in one post.
It's impressive really.

You right, i guess pope wanted their tax monies

Swedes are also the only ones who ever conquered russia outright. They got toppled and sent home a year later but the fact remains that for an entire year Swedish dick penetrated Russian ass. Napoleon and hitler never managed to do that

>they don't call him magnus for nothing
butthurt norsemen detected. Go rape some chick half your size, make sure you cover yourself in full body chain mail first in case she fights back

>ETA intensifies

user, did you forget Norse settlement literally stretch from Ireland to Greece?

One of our best sources on Viking culture is a fucking Arab.

Christians fighting Christians for religious reasons is a time-honoured tradition.
When was the last time you saw any Cathars around? The Papists genocided the fuck out of them.

To Valhalla! Odin vult!

And Celt settlements stretched even further, plus celts aren't infamous for raping defenceless women. Your point?

Olav Tryggvason.

That literally everything he said is wrong.

And now you're adding to the wrong by implying the Celts have no connection to rape, it being used as a combat tactic by them essentially the same way the Vikings did. (Admittedly not as famously)

Celtic settlements stretched to Anatolia, vikings settled in Russia further east but less south, but also permanently settled in what is now Turkey (More specifically in Thrace as a function of Imperial servitude)

And let's not pretend that the viking treatment of women was worse than Christian treatment of women at the time. Even thrall women had rights beyond that of women in most of the Christian world (Couverture not being overturned in Europe until the 18th century)

And the Celts served the same role the vikings did in terms of "Badass warriors", honour guards for emperors (Egyptian Pharaohs for the Celts, Roman emperors for the Germans and Vikings), raiders of undefended villages, and conquerers of some renown (Although the celts never really managed to conquer a centralized kingdom like the vikings did, they were kicking the snot out of Slavs and Iberians and provided the strongest enemy the Romans would face since the Carthaginians and until themselves)

There's no interpretation that can give Celts a badass role that the vikings don't also fulfil

>Swedes are also the only ones who ever conquered russia outright.
You're wrong. The only country to ever conquer Russia was actually Poland. Swedes never even attempted that, they were content with having Ingria.

Except how history remembers them. Vikings didn't even exist in the Roman era for one. And what did vikings ever do to improve the areas they settled? They didn't enrich or add anything, they just took. They lived in mud huts 500 years after Romans had built entire cities out of marble, what did they innovate? What did they invent? The list of Celtic innovation stretches almost as far as their bloodlines.

Face it, vikings are cool on paper but gay irl. And obviously everyone raped women back then, everyone rapes women today. But I can tell you right now that a lot more raping happens in certain parts of the world than others, so for vikings to be remembered in the annals of history as rapists they must have been doing it a lot more often than everyone else. Look at their military history, most of the shit they conquered was nothing, they didn't topple any empires, and they lost more traditional battles than they won. Norse mythology is still pretty cool tho

>What did they invent

Nice Mythology.

>My
Sorry, your country belongs to Algerians as of 2014. The last time I went to Paris I had to ask someone if I had accidentally booked a flight to Somalia because the only thing French about the place was the bread and the terrible city-planning.

Not that the British are any better off but at least I can FIND a Briton to make feel bad over it, the first and only "French" person I met in France was as black as a Swede and tried to get me to give her money by pointing to some laminated card outside of the airport. Get the fuck out of here. Your language, you mean fucking Arabic? Cunts.

>Brits

it was only a portion of England at the time, not Britain

I'm genuinely astonished you could make a post with this kind of content without mentioning the word "cuck" somewhere. I mean, wow.

The amount of English denial in this thread is fucking amazing

Let's be fair: when people say "Britain" they mean "England". And when they say "England" they mean "London".

England's Celtic subjects are decieving themselves if they think they're relevant. Just look at the Brexit vote for example.

Because Christians pay taxes to the church, Crusaders and dead Saracens don't.

I was talkng about king magnus conquering novgorod but yes you are correct, poland is the only one to ever conquer Moscow, and since Moscow is "the motherland" of russia, sweden never conquered "russia"

Hey, I'm no Bad Hombre, I came here legally. You know over 50% of hispanic men voted for the Don in North Carolina? We're the good guys. He loves taco bowls. It's going to be fine. Just let me have this.

English mentality just does not allow them to acknowledge being inferior to anyone else. They grudgingly accept Americans as the superpower, but cannot fathom that they mean far, far less in the grand scheme of things than they believe.
Like how EU tricked them into believing they were leaving a sinking ship when in fact they were ballast thrown overboard

>And when they say "England" they mean "London".
>Just look at the Brexit vote for example.

Actually Londoners overwhelmingly voted to stay, so they didn't matter at all.

Get fucked you tea sucking crumpet munched, England was nothing until they started making celts fight for them

>Protestants
By the time they were around, crusades were dead even as a concept.

>Cathars
This was right after the Fourth Crusade, when the vigor for a glorious victory in the Holy Land had already died down. The crusaders that participated in it were basically disgruntled veterans who wanted at least SOME kind of victory over the infidel. Also, it helped that the French monarch used this as an excuse to strengthen his influence over his southern vassals.

It also gave us a glorious meme battle.

>England was nothing until they started making celts fight for them
That's all of British military history: England bravely fighting her many enemies to the last Scotsman.

>Moscow is "the motherland
I think the word you're looking for is "Capital"

>Vikings didn't even exist in the Roman era for one.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Varangian_Guard

"Roman Era" is a nebulous concept user.

>The list of Celtic innovation stretches almost as far as their bloodlines.

I can think of...
Chainmail, some advances to metalurgy (Maybe?), possibly the longbow, and the bagpipe.

Vikings have the comb as we know it, skis, some improvements to shipbuilding, and some types of axes.

If we're going by social then I guess the Celts introduced certain types of poetry while the Vikings introduced new things to prose.
And I mean the European taxation was essentially reinvented by the viking tribute system... while the Celtic/Roman relations resulted in some new innovations in statecraft.

Neither vikings nor celts were exactly the most inventive of folks.

>And what did vikings ever do to improve the areas they settled?

I mean... they build cities, established more centralized states, and often brought a certain level of peace. (Ironically)

I mean, by the standards you're applying here the Celts haven't really got much to show either.

>But I can tell you right now that a lot more raping happens in certain parts of the world than others, so for vikings to be remembered in the annals of history as rapists they must have been doing it a lot more often than everyone else.

Not really, it's just that the only people who wrote down their history were their enemies (The English), or didn't write about their interaction with women at all (Arabs, Russians, Greeks).

The English levy similar accusations against the French through huge parts of history, The Greeks and Romans against every rival they possibly got their hands on, and so on.

Accusing others of mistreating women is the most ancient of propaganda. (Everything from accusing semitic peoples of raping their young girls as a rite of passage, to cold war propaganda about the plight of women in the US/USSR)

I think back then they were still Muscovites rather than Russians.

>le brexit was part of the plan meme
I hate the Bongs as much as anyone else but Grexit, Czechplease and Frexit are incoming fast. The EU was a naive and retarded experiment and everyone smart is jumping ship now.

WWIII soon. At least then Germany's plan would make sense. Why else would you import in millions of 80 IQ garbage pickers who can't tie their own shoes much less function in a high-tech economy? Of course! To feed them into the meat grinder. Retake Alsace! Do it you Kraut bastards DO IT

Continued from

>Look at their military history, most of the shit they conquered was nothing, they didn't topple any empires, and they lost more traditional battles than they won.

I mean, that's just a bullshit accusation if you're defending Celts.

What empires did the Celts topple?
They beat Rome when it was just a city state, then the fought tribes in the Balkans, themselves, and lost to the Romans, then the Germanics.

I mean at least the Vikings beat some centralized kingdoms that weren't also vikings.

>Retake Alsace!
As if Germany can defeat the Franco-Finngolian alliance.

So when germany inevitably loses again, do you think berlin will be a part or poland or no?

Novgorod hasn't been the capital of Russia since Rurik. In fact, it arguably wasn't even a proper part of Russia until Ivan the Great sacked it. Napoleon actually did capture Moscow, but it meant nothing as it wasn't the capital at this point.

But France is rightfully English, friend.

W A T E R L O O

Alternatively, if you're Scandinavian, we can all rest easy knowing you weren't relevant enough for the country which warred with most of the world to give two shits about you.

Celts did lose, to the strongest empire of that time and one of the strongest empires in history. Vikings couldn't conquer any of the European powers, and at best fucked their way into royalty. I would also say that chain mail alone had a greater impact on the world than anything that ever came out of Scandinavia. I will yield that I wasn't specific of what I meant by Roman era, I was referring to the reign of the western Roman empire, which fell in the 500's, vikings didn't come along until the 800's

The country was officially renamed Russia by Ivan the Great, well before that point. "Muscovite" was an insult used by Poles to indicate that they're just some shitty backwards peripheral duchy.

Yeah? And what language is on YOUR post?

I mostly mean thats not how the word works though. Countries don't have Motherlands. People have Motherlands.

In medieval "Russia's" case people ascribed their "Citizenship" to whatever principality or city state they lived closest too.

>Retake Alsace!
Alsatian here. Fuck no, this train has sailed. France has still a chance for a brighter future, Germany is utterly fucked by this point by its openly colluding parties that laugh at popular vote. Besides, I don't want to learn German. It's ugly, especially the Alsatian variety. I would only consider the formation of an independent Greater Burgundia.