What's the worst character background paragraph (or more) that you've ever seen...

I've had a lot of shit characters submitted to me, but one guy from my recent group was really special. All of his characters were both total edgeflakes and wildly mechanically incompetent.

>First session, give everybody a primer on the setting, tell them that politics and faction rep are a big deal in setting, and that I'd be willing to work with them to integrate their character into the setting
>Guy rolls up with 'Carnifex', a midget four armed cyclops from a "dimension of pure chaos and suffering", who popped into existence five days ago and just hates and wants to kill literally everything.
>Somehow is highly knowledgable about everything despite, and I repeat, being functionally five days old, and also kind of stupid.
> Tolerates the party for essentially no reason, and explicitly says that he's going to plot against them

Luckily he didn't live long enough for it to be a problem. He died from eating the corpse of a parasitic fungus monster that he 100% knew was a parasitic fungus monster, for no discernible reason. Like he was actually shocked when eating the setting equivalent of the Flood turned out to be a bad idea.

>Next character, I forget the name of. Lived for slightly less than one session, because of the dudes A+ decision making skills, but was just a treasure trove of edge
>Orphan
>Loner
>Mutant
>Experimented on
>"Theif" (Despite having no stealth skills, being blindingly obvious in any crowd, and using a fucking claymore as his only weapon)
>Doesn't trust anyone
>Just in it for the money
>2cool4u

I'm still mulling over this one character application, so I haven't actually played with the guy yet.

>Starting at 9th level DnD, so tell them to write fairly extensive backstories, but nothing longer than a page.
>Guy's a bard
>Used to be quite successful, had a mega hit song, most of his starting wealth comes from that and performances he did with it, etc.
>Gets horrible disease, the sort that even clerics can't easily cure.
>Is disfiguring and disgusting. Wife leaves him, takes their kid.
>Goes on quest to find rare McGuffin that can cure him.
>Gets some help from made up NPCs along the way.
>Finally achieves his end, and overflooded with new sensation again, rapes a girl who had been helping him.
>Is now on the run, where he'll encounter the rest of the party somehow.

Anything that has the PC accomplishing incredible feats of skill or power when the game starts everyone at a very low power level (think levels 1-3ish) is the fucking worst.

I can't remember the entire thing, but in a Star Wars RPG Saga Edition game, I had your typical ex-jedi ex-sith former slave lesbian twi'lek dual lightsaber wielding trash character who killed not only her former jedi master but also her former sith master. This is why you shouldn't play anything Star Wars related with randos.

Twi'lek former slave girl who uses a lightsaber with a UV blade, not so much as a weapon but as a way to make her raver outfit look badass in a fight.

Just sayin'.

Hey, this isn't so bad so far. I don't know wh-
>>Finally achieves his end, and overflooded with new sensation again, rapes a girl who had been helping him.

Yeah, nothing like rape to add instant easy drama to a backstory with no real effort!

Usually that's done by having the character get raped, not making him or her the rapist.

This asshole keeps making the same character, and people keep allowing him to play it for some reason. It's pretty annoying.
myth-weavers.com/showthread.php?t=369174

this more than any other story in the thread gives off rape vibes

Ah, the old Security Blanket Character, dragged around to every session.

As it turns out that doesn't change the amount of effort you've put in.

One of my players background, he's playing as a cleric.

>A boy who came from a poor religious farming family. Met a priest who was traveling the countryside. In that short encounter, he left the kid with a book of rites and liturgies, their equivalent of a cross and directions to the nearest oratorium (usually for monks and other aspirants). He went there and the monks took a liking to the hardwoking kid and welcomed him everyday. He learned to play instruments, do yard and carpentry work, and even read. Parents condone it because it was basically school but free
He became a cleric who aided the church since it was the highest payed job and he managed to buy a modest property who is now home to a small oratory he made himself but this time directed to poor farmer kids, orphans and any child who are dejected or lost and teach them lifeskills and respectable trades managed by his mother. He idolized the priest he met and wanted to search and thank him.

how can I make his personal quest interesting. It seems all too happy.

I got one, was a Pathfinder game I was running online for a buddy who went away to uni, along with some of his friends.

Another guy wanted to join halfway through, saying he'd played some before. Told him to keep it to core, gave him the setting info, and give me a short bit of backstory so I can fit him into the party nicely.

I was asked by my friend if the dude could play an evil character. Told him I'd rather if he didn't, unless he could do it in a manner that wouldn't be a problem to the party. Apparently, this was read as "sure, no problem."

>The darkness, it has been my greatest ally. It has not always been this way. I was born as the youngest child of 3 in an average family. LIfe in Woodedge was simple. Simply boring that is. Watching the other townsfolk clamoring in their honest work filled me disgust. The only thing i ever found even the slightest relief in was abusing the other children in town to fulfill my own amusement. If there was something i wanted they would bring me it less they incur my punishment. They would go as far as to even steal from traveling merchants if i so desired. The townspeople know nothing. To them i was just another nice lad heping out in the town. Alas this too became monotony. I desired more. I desired power. At 13, I happened upon a scripture brought to me by my latest greed for new possesions.

Cont.

>The contents detailed the power of a demonlord Deskari. Performing the rituals in secret became a comforting passtime. I became stronger as i delved into the darkness, but just having power wasn't enough. Years of learning the scriptures had not made me complacent. I wanted to use my power, to improve it. It was then i knew of the perfect targets. In the dead of night I retrieved the scythe from the family shed and crept through my home slaughtering my own family. The feeling as i watched their faces contorted in fear and aghast by my act of betrayal was simply euphoric. Their pleas in an attempt to sate my bloodthirst brought upon a laughter u hadn't felt in years. I craved more. That night I set out towards Bellis searching for more "companions".

Hope some user gets a kek out of this. I feel dead inside reading through it again. Apparently, this was supposed to be an "anti-paladin," which shows approximately how much reading he did. The rest of the group thought it was fine. The game, and group, did not last long after I was offered this gem. There's only so much I'm willing to deal with.

>> Her parents were a woman named Lonnie.
Both her parents were the same woman ?

I'd be tempted to allow the character just to get that NPC into the game. Bad idea, but still tempting.

No, she goes into her father later, it's just written incredibly badly.

Shadowrun Game
>Made a pop idol character, who is super famous and who everyone loves.
>They shadow run to be a super hero on the side not because they need the money.
>All of the skills the player buys with BP are combat based.
>Not a single social skill and only thing to back up idol is highest FAME quality
>Made there character a Drake for transformation sequences. Does poses and everything.
>Has the fact they are a drake ON one of there SINS.
>Doesn't take anything to hide the fact that they are a drake.
In the very first run we went on the character used there REAL NAME in front of Saeter-Krupp Security and transformed into a drake in front of them. Didn't scrub astral signature after fight and expressly told our hacker to keep the surveillance footage up there.
GM flat out asked the player if they wanted to go into hiding player said "why I have nothing to hide from?"
Two days after that mission there character went missing. GM told player to roll up a new character. When they complained and asked why, GM just said "Your safe house was compromised a team of runners simply pumped sleeping gas in your apartment while you slept and kidnapped you. Your character was captured by saeder-krupp and is now being dissected in the in order to advance sciences understanding of Drakes."

How's the setting? Are we talking high magic? Low magic? Gritty realism? How you hook him depends largely on the kind of campaign you're running.

It's not a bad back story. It is honestly refreshing to see a player not instantly go with the extravagant conflict ridden backstory.

Here is what you do, ever here the term
"Never meet your hero's?"
Have that priest he met turn out to be a conman, he doesn't really believe those things he said, he just did it for free room and board as he traveled.

Either. Both.

This, to be honest.

Rough explanation:
>my charecter is a elf sorc infernal bloodline who is also chaotic evil his goal is to travel to the pit a become a devil he has a facsination with languages and has learned quite a few his major flaw is the his mind is split into three personailtys one is evil one is chaotic and one is good though the good one is tiny
Backstory:
>the why is mainly because as a boy he was mistreated by his father and his mother was no better and so once his powers came about at the age of 16 he killed them both and fled into the wilds where years of isolation with nothing but the voice slowly drove him insane that is why he is so insane the why to as his power hunger is well he seek to never again feel the helplessness he felt at the hands of his parents and therefore wants to become strong enuff to kill anyone who dares insults him

>woodelf ranger
>Lived a normal life with wife and children on the outskirts of civilisation
>Ranger comes across an injured body
>Takes him back to his house
>Ranger's wife, daughter and son heal him while he goes out to town to get professional help
>Comes back to find that the man was rusing them, and killed the son
>He, his wife and daughter greave for their loss
>Wild with rage he grabs his weapons and sets off to find this man and kill him leaving the wife to raise the daughter.

It can make it a little tough to get those kinds of characters to leave their comfortable, fulfilling lives for horribly conflict-ridden adventures, but I do agree, I like backgrounds that aren't drenched in blood. And that just makes GMing a bit more interesting, right? Flex your creativity!

>guys first time playing dnd
>rolls up a human barbarian
>his name is "Big Dick Daddy with the Candy Cane Nutsack"
>he apparently killed his entire tribe, except the women whom he raped

I once was in a FR game, and we got a new guy who made "Nix Bood" the Chultian Druid, who had some sort of bizarre philosophy centered around raping every pale skinned woman he saw.

aaawwwwww, look at the naive country hick from the outer regions. his sheltered lifestyle has obviously never prepared him for the real world.

>things that could fuck this character over.
war, in the pc's hometown. on a scale big enough to completely wipe the village from the map (as in too big for the pc's to do anything besides help their side win). bonus points if events draw the pc away from the town when it happens.
Divinely magical plague sent by an opposing deity whose power currently overshadows the pc's deity.
The king/emperor/council declares that the state now has a religion which does not include the PC's deity. all places of such worship and its practitioners are to be immediately converted (by the sword if necessary).
a new god claims part of the pc deity's portfolio, religious war ensues. bonus points if both sides are traditionally aligned with a good deity but simply cannot accept the existence of the other.

clerics are too easy to screw with. History is rife with examples of ways to test their faith.

Your player is probably making a Thomas Covenant reference.

I once got an 'application' for a character with the following backstory:
>Lizardfolk with the Draconic Blood subtype
>Grew up in an orphanage
>Became a squire for some mercenaries
>After being defeated in battle, saved by Bahamut because why not
>Eventually comes to realize that he's got Draconic blood and becomes a Fighter/Paladin
All of this would be tolerable except for a few problems:
>He has the Ancestral Relic feat with no damned explanation
And this isn't JUST a sword, we're talking an ancestral mithril bastard sword just out of thin air. It's never explained where he got it or who it belonged to, no plot hook to his heritage or anything. Hell, it doesn't even appear in his backstory. Plus, even if he did have it when he was an orphan, are you telling me that an enemy wouldn't lift a fucking masterwork magical bastard sword?
>It took him a year and a half as a squire to become battle-ready despite having no prior combat experience
At what age? By the way, he HAS no listed age, awfully convenient.
>More magical equipment, also with no explanation from where it comes from
+1 shield, masterwork breastplate, silver holy symbol... oh, and something called a ''s Snowsoit', which I can only assume is a snowsuit. Its effects are never listed.
>His grammar and spelling is downright intolerable
Anyone who wants to play a paladin of Bahamut and can't spell 'relifious', 'dragonic', 'Devine Grace' or 'Lat on Hands' (sic, for the love of God) correctly doesn't get to.
>The plot holes keep coming
He's a Fighter/Paladin 2, but has obviously spent more time as a merc than a paladin, and has no explanation for how he became a paladin other than that he studied religion after nearly dying and
>'As he became more enlightened, the innate draconic aspects in began to become apparent. always felt slighty differnt from his peers, but never imagined it to such an extent'
-which is literally fanfic-tier description.

>Although for context we were running a campaign where the theme was basically "weeb harder", so it actually fit in quite well. We had our edgelord, a tsundere magical girl, a disgustingly cute 8 year old, and basically Goku.

That sounds hilarious and fun, as long as the parody and self-awareness is turned up to 11. I'd love to play a game like that!

A normal-fag friend literally typed in "assassin backstory" and just copied the second result he found. I allowed it because he's a lazy fuck and refused to write a character and it was my first time GMing.

>strong enuff
gr8

They used 10 whole percent? Pretty weak nuts, desu.

That is pretty bad, dude.

In a relatively happy backstory the motivation to leave for an adventurer is likely boredom if they're neutral, and a desire to help people if they're good. Not hard to have motivation that doesn't stem from conflict, violence, or darkness. Flex your creativity!

Someone who I played with back in highschool wrote me this.

At first, I saw the length, and was glad someone was actually taking the game seriously.

Good to see I'm not alone.

5 year old half demon who was locked in a metal box for 5 years (his entire life).

Yes, but does he have power to control METAL BAWKSES?

>Xandu is a cock-tar alien and a veteran fighter of the cock-mesh Arena...

>"Do we HAVE to write a story? Shit. Give me a minute."
>3x5 card with "Amnesia" written on it

...
To be a nonsense but English sounding word describing a sword?

Pathfinder:
Elf rogue3/wizard1/fighter1/alchemist1. Basicaly took one lvl of everything and made sure to fill the prerequisites to take the prestige class ''assassin'' . Uses a 20 ft spear to make sneak attacks and stealth operations. Life goal: wants to open a necromancy/assassin academy.
Special trait: hates hookers. Wants to kill them on sight and go on night hunts to kill them.

Was ran out of the river kingdom in a failed attempt to overthrow the Thieves guild leader. Seeks revenge and to join the red mantis. Tried to scare any npc we met by threatening to kill him or whatever.

As edgy as it gets. Obviously the character was shit and couldnt function in any setting. Almost 10 years later, we still give him shit for that character. All that was missing was the leather trench coat and a fedora of might.

> always felt slighty differnt from his peers, but never imagined it to such an extent'
Oh god, the shivers of disgust.

>implying that character wasn't you

I'm pretty sure I've been in a game with him. He also has another character he keep spamming, a ranger whose husband was murdered in the backstory. And is from real world Britain.

myth-weavers.com//sheet.html#id=260044

To top it off he's 100% flaky.

that's what you get for playing GURPS

Is that so bad? It's far from good, but it works.

Fuck it, rate my LE half-elf's backstory, Pathfinder, level 3 Bladebound Magus.
Warning: wall of text
>Raised by an old elf with dreams of power
>shared those dreams with his two adopted sons, one of which was a pureblood elf, half brothers
>old elf was a friend of the family and the parents were killed in a house fire that the old faggot totally didn't cause to gain some political power
>teaches them swordsmanship and magic, while also instilling the idea of "make the world right at any cost"
>older brother is a dick that lies and cheats, making my character hate liars and cheaters and constantly plot and enact revenge against them
>starts keeping a record of any promises made to him or by him in a book to help keep track of that shit
>this grows to several books
>eventually adopted father dies and all the skeletons come out of the closet
>character leaves and also parts ways with dick brother
>goes out adventuring, trying to gather power and influence by any means
>eventually finds his Black Blade, which he at first sees as a path to power
>said Black Blade is actually a fucking bitch that keeps messing up his plots by talking, and he can't leave the blade somewhere because it's actually powerful
>god knows what the Black Blade was even made for originally, now it's just snark and bitching over whatever is going on
>it has now become a search for something to shut this bitch up
>ends up getting into trouble with the underworld of a city and ends up having to work or die
>meets the party while working in a mushroom farm
>and the rest is the wild ride of "oh god what the fuck"
this sounds a lot worse now that I put it into writing.

Yes, so boring, raising children. And I'm sure to find more children to adopt and raise by raiding dungeons.

A decade ago, I was running Pirates of the Caribbean using NWoD I asked the players to give me roughly a paragraph about their characters

One player (30 years old) gave me a paper with huge fuck all font that read, and I shit you not.

"MY CHARACTER IS A PIRATE. HE HAS A SWORD AND LIKES TO KILL THINGS."

I asked him if this was some sort of joke. It really fucking wasn't. That isn't even the end of this tale. Next week he brings a kid, probably 15 or 16. No notice or anything. I ask if he has a character background. His 30 year old buddy tells me he can't read or write.

Kinda sad desu.

[/spoiler] How did he read the rulebook?

From the way you framed it, I honestly can't really see the problem. Sure the way he did it seems kind of asinine, but if he chose to play a generic, undefined character that grows a personality and history over the course of the campaign that wouldn't seem too bad to me. As for the kid, yeah that's really strange but if he helped the kid along with rules and things that sounds like the start of some tear-jerker flick about learning to read and write.

I'm begging you to storytime this, man. I've got to hear how it turned out in the game.

I wish I could say the game really went anywhere. My two bumpkins just said the wrong thing and got the group into 3 tpks and after 2 weeks the rest of the group just called it quits. Wish I could remember it all better. I was just the character background. that stuck with me. I'll look around tonight to see if any of the Pirate of the Caribbean year paper work still exist.

My favorite was the monocle man. It was a fallout setting and he was a pre-war rich dude who cryo-ed himself. His backstory exploits included owning a "monocle car" and "bulletproof tweed", running into and making friends with every relevant fallout character, becoming a paladin of the Brotherhood of Steel, and being a rich playboy philanthropist. Has become an in joke among my group of friends.

This is a fine backstory. A little narrow, but it's not cringey or edgy.

Fuck off memelord. If the GM is shit, you're gonna get shit characters.

Sounds edgy as fuck

Care to explain why you find this edgy? While a bit cliché, it's not so bad. It's not like the guy is an assassin wearing a fedora and dual wielding claymores.

I think it's the whole 'dark and broody revenge fantasy character' and the relatively random killing of his family. It's a bit edgy, but I agree that it could work if the player isn't a moron.

AWWW SHIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEET

>If the GM is shit
that's what you get for playing GURPS

I like how your backstory basically ends with a life gone off the rails. I'd love to see a character start out full edgelord (not that yours is, but it sort of leans towards it), but just kindof forgetting after a while and not caring anymore. So my advice is making it edgier.

yeaaah my sword is a bitch that's almost more trouble than she's worth
almost.
this is a campaign already going and most of the "oh god what the fuck" is the campaign happening

Im relatively new to GMing in general but one of my friends background was literally the biography of Bowser. He had a likes and dislikes section too.

I think it's a tad odd that he left his grieving family to fend for themselves so he could track down this guy for revenge. It's shit losing your son, but you've still got other people depending on you.

I was in the same game as this character. I am not joking.

I was part of a round-robin GM game where we each made 3 characters and switched them on and off depending on the week's adventure.
We finally get char creation done and start introducing ours to everyone. They were all pretty tame or typical adventurer stock, until the Elf Ranger's turn.

Each back story was 1-2 minutes. we've got better shit to do, the characters are only level 1 so there isn't much to talk about. Except the Elf Ranger.

This asshole told us IN EXCRUCIATING FUCKING DETAIL Legolas' plot during the Hobbit movies (mind you not six months after B5A was released) and ended his 30 minute speech with "but his girlfriend didn't leave" thinking he'd actually done some miraculous storytelling.

First second of game play not a single thing from his back story mattered.

>Shad O'Nightblade

I really do not get why people like that even want to play an RPG in the first place

>GM: ok we're doin superheroes in a west coast city
>My guy is harward student, he's too smart to endanger himself so he operates remote drones from his dorm. Oh and doesn't do any stupid heroics, he spies on everybody and sells information.
>GM: hahahaha NO
>ok how about an anarchist with penchant for bombs
>GM: wtf would he be doing in a group of heroes upholding law and justice
>idunno, he's chaotic neutral he can do whatever
>GM: GTFO

...I'm almost tempted to look at that link.

Oh, there was also another guy, in same game

>ok I want a normal human guy because they're more relatable than supers
>GM: ok whatever
>ok so as a child he discovered that his mother was fucking the postman by walking in on them, then he figured he actually was the postman's child, and his cuck-father abused him, and he was bullied at school, so now he just takes a baseball bat, calls himself the batman (NANANNANAA GET IT?!)* and beats up punks in alleys. oh he also can rage out to double his strength, thats totally normal human thing right
>GM: what the fuck am I reading

I have this one friend, good guy, but he's weird. I've played a total of 2 campaigns with him and GM'd one for him. These are his characters.
>playing gurps zombie campaign
>it's his first campaign ever
>he makes a character named Indio
>specifically half brazilian half mexican
>has one eye
>alcoholic
>addicted to prostitutes
>lives in a shack in the Amazonas
>hunts endangered species for cash
>PETA is his sworn enemy
>talked in third person like a caveman
>the GM allows it
>he actually stays true to his character consistently
>it's hilarious but kinda ruins the mood for zombie survival
When questioned about this character his only response was "If I dont make crazy super gimped characters, I'll make them too perfect".

>be GM testing 7th sea for pirate campaigns
>invite him, because what could go wrong, right?
>this time his character is a viking
>specifically a virgin
>also stalks his crush
>which he doesn't dare talk to
>I stop him
>talk it through with him
>we actually make something decent
>he still roleplays it like a caveman

>my face everytime

Is... is that picture also made by them?

Well, almost a decent back story for an antipaladin. But it isn't a core class as far as I remember.

>bringing justice to evil
Interesting methodology, if we can't bring the evil to justice, we bring the justice to evil!

>Alignment: Deadpooly

My fault for playing a game that uses an alignment system I guess.

Nice, GM!

I am so sorry for you, user.
How did it end? Did you quit or did things just quietly fall apart, like they often do?

>Alignment: Deadpooly
I'll admit to a chuckle.
Chaotic Good? I'm not particularly well versed in Deadpool.

More like chaotic shit

His concepts actually sound cool for campaigns that don't try to be too serious about themselves

Chaotic Neutral. Whatever writer thinks is edgy or random enough.

Wanna see if my characters backstory is cringe

>Born to a Gypsy caravan, is sold by his parents to a mercenary band. This is when the caravan is stranded on the borders of an empire with nothing to sustain themselves with. They sell him for a dog to eat.
>Has a birthmark on his thigh that looks like a talon, claw or comet. Could be either.
>Mercenary band is called 'The First and Only'. Yes I like GG
>Treated fairly by the mercenaries, fetching water, forging swords, repairing and maintaining gear, building siege equipment.
> Gets older, trains at arms and joins the next battle
>In the shield wall his neck broken by a mace blow to the back of the head. Paralyzing him.
>Middle of summer, bodies are stinking beyond belief so they just dump all the bodies into a mass grave.

>Buried under bodies he feels a soft cold hand on his. Regains control of his body and crawls out of the bodies.
>Years carry on, Captain takes him on as a squire, learns how to read. Grows very ambitious, looking into myth and legend to see if the birthmark is a symbol. Has a feeling in his heart that he is destined for something great.
>His condition as a 'slave' just kinda fades away, he's just another one of the lads.
>After a battle the mercenary band gets invited to a feast and to winter at a petty kings castle.
>He takes a liking to a puppeteer that is part of a troupe that is there for the feast. Plenty of teenage hormones flying about.
>One of the Princes makes the puppeteer cry, ruining one of her more emotional performances.
>Fueled by teenage hormones, he kills the Prince in the latrines and rolls his body into said latrine.
>Gets caught with the Princes jewels when they start searching the place for him.
>King demands his arrest and immedant execution but the Mercenary band rallies to their Captain to defend him.
>Battle ensues leaving only the King, Captain and him left. King mortally wounds the Captain and He kills the King. Tries to save the Captains life but isn't exactly a combat medic and watches him die. Captain dies trying to say something important but he can't hear him.
>As the only one left he steals what he can carry and sets the place on fire, burning the Bands ledger and flee's with one of the Kings horses.
>Keeps the Princes circlet crown and Kings sword.

Sorry if the grammar and spelling is awful. I have problems with that.

Make the birthmark just a birthmark not shaped like anything. It will still function as a noteworthy mark without it instantly being all special snowflake. I'm also not a fan of the "birthmark shows the chosen one" thing, it'd be more interesting if it was just a birthmark he thinks is special but that's just me maybe it's important.

The paralysis bit is pointless since he gets over it instantly, have him just get knocked out.

fuelled by teenage hormones isn't a good excuse, people don't do that. Have the prince make fun of him for being a slave or being a young useless mercenary, instantly more sympathy then just "he did it because he liked a grill".

Also a bit ridiculous that only he survives the ordeal, have a few members of his company and the kings guard survive, the GM can bring them up later so your backstory can actually effect story events directly, either through meeting an old friend who helps you or an old enemy who tries to eliminate you.

Overall it's a bit cringy and edgy but if you play it well it can be overlooked.

The birthmark may have no significance at all, but he believes it does. He uses it like a Sigil, comets are commonly associated with disasters and cataclysms.
That and a ressurection help support his idea that he has some sort of destiny or divine right.
Wether he does or not is up to DM discretion, gives the DM three plothooks. The birthmark and it's significance, the woman that brought him back from the dead and his inbuilt idea that he is going to serve a higher purpose.

Servants and serfs at the feast who be able to attest to what happened, opening up for direct reprisals from the Kings family.
O. Also since he's the last of the First and Only I have him the Honourific of 'the Only' to hammer home his self belief and arrogance.

True enough, better than the lazy fuck that just told me: "I wanna play a not!irish potato farmer".