Your party is called before the King

I can't fault you for desiring a steady pension.
My aims though, are for regency.

They'd pretend to be doing the job long enough to hide the prince, while at the sime time planning and co-ordinating the assassination of the king in a spectacularly gruesome and outlandish way.

Enough to secure the loyalty of any hired gun.

>giving me a male heir to of the kingdom and a casus belli to overthrow the king, landing us cushy nobility titles as a thanks from basically handing over the throne to the prince we just saved from his scheming father
Is this nigga for real? This nigga can't be for real.

>filename
Damn it user, don't leave us hanging.

Eh, perhaps in a few hours, when I get back from work yes, some of us unfortunate souls have to work on Saturdays.

This. And afterwards when I have a military and kingdom for myself, said trap pops back up and me and my bro's will be invading to put the trap on the throne as the rightful ruler.

My players would totally fucking do it, and then somehow manage to bring complete destruction to both kingdoms anyway. Their personal playstyles are so fucking Chaotic Evil that anything I did immediately gets derailed, so I'm trying to run Black Crusade for the bastards to see if that setting/system actually works for them.

Sounds like my group. Wrote a little one-off module because it was the first time I'd be DMing for them. Was supposed to be a fun little bit where they enter a tournament to free a hamlet from the iron fist of the local chieftain.

Adventure starts with them almost murdering one of the plot hook NPCs, and then openly talking about enslaving him in front of him and his sister.

Dwarf Ranger takes the job hesitantly, shrugging such barbaric tactics as the savagery of people who spend too much time counting gold in castles. If 'princess' can come up with a solid counteroffer, would consider letting them go and faking their death. Humans (assumedly) and their politics...

Probably act like we are going to do it, but then make a switcheroo and save the prince. Then support him in a coup a bit later down the line and likely personally storm the castle with storm and fire when the coup inevitably comes to the capital.

Mostly, even the less morally upstanding people in our party value the bonds of family and loyalty greatly. So scheming to get your own son killed for a deal would straight up trip like half the party's taboos. You should research more on your assassins beyond "they seem willing to wade into enemy encampments to assassinate generals for cheap, clearly they'll be up for this".

They would probably ambush the little faggot when he goes on a trip with enough firepower to bring down a small kingdom and then go back to get payed.

My guys are just as bad.

First quest I ever had them do was looking for a bandit hideout. The game started with them arriving at a church to take a break from searching. The only NPC there is a priest. 30 seconds later, they've cut off the priest's arm, and one of the players is eating the arm meat, while the priest shrieks in agony and looks on in terror. The plot twist was that the church was a cover for the bandits, whose hideout was in some caves downstairs. However, the PCs didn't know any of that until AFTER they committed murder/cannibalism.

Later on, they ended up massacring every town they came across, led the Jews out into the desert (they were present in my setting), and then personally started and completed their own version of the Holocaust. They're agents of genocide, just murdering everything and everyone they encounter. I'm hoping that works out for them in Black Crusade.

give the boy a belt of gender change.
Now nobody has to die!

>committed murder and cannibalism in a church
>killed the jews

If they also burned down the church all is there to ask is why the hell are you playing with Varg?

1. Kill Some Stranger & Mutilate the Body
2. Save the Boy and Hide Him
3. Get the Pay
4. The King has a "accident"
5. Support the Boy, make him new king
6. Get more Pay

My party would do this

Yeah, sounds like we're DMing the same people :D

My module idea was to have them more or less railroaded to get into the final round of the tournament, where they fight Chieftain Bastard for the prize of one boon (to be used to free hamlet from its oppressor) so the main objective was weaken him with whatever methods they want.

PCs arrive in town the night before, having intimidated the plot hooks into giving them a ride into town. Mention festivities are going on, and start dropping hints to guide them to the objective. They find one NPC who has a bit of poison on them (to be somehow mixed into the food/drink of Chieftain to weaken him tomorrow). Party gets it into their heads that the objective should be to get rid of competitors, not Chieftain. Go around and sneak through festivity tents and poison any and all liquids (or at least try to, since no one asked about dosage, and they spread it so thinly that it mechanically would never have worked).

Party sorceror mentions that everyone should be in one tent. No one asks questions, they find various ways to manipulate people into one tent. I'm wondering what the plan is, but go along with it. Sorceror tells the two fighters to get in the tent and cause a scene. They comply, tent turns into a massive brawl. Sorceror, ranger, and bard start dousing the tent cloth with lantern oil.

>oh shit

They set the tent on fire, so now I have to narrate how the brawl escalates into full-on panic. Sorceror is cackling in the background.

Party gets their asses handed to them by Cheiftain because they didn't bother finding ways to weaken him at all. Afterwards show them about 15 hand-written pages of material they just flat out never explored because they were busy being arsonists, mention that they have a massive reputation now that will haunt them in any other modules I run with them.

>"But we didn't know this was supposed to be a 'good adventure'... You can't punish us for that"

>not playing with Varg when given the chance

I know your pain. Every second week I gotta clock in 10 hours every night of the week.

Honestly, it's pretty much just First Crusade tier.

The wonderfull thing about my party that you can very easily improvise when you play with them. The good things there doing always driven by greed, and the evil things mostly out of incompetence.

Sounds like they took the bro approach for that.

>Full flektam get up and fallschirmjager hellmet
>Crossbow

He has autism doesn't he?

Did they brag later on in the campaign how great warriors they were of great virtue?

Sounds like you had a problem with communication there. It seems like your players were expecting to play murderhobos.

Which I'm fine with, when its played properly or fits the characters/setting. There were ways to be murderhobos in the module and still achieve the goal. As a DM, I'm just not a fan of 'Chaotic Stupid' as an alignment.

I'm going to chuck them through Sunless Citadel next though, since the biggest feedback I was 'not enough combat'.

Judging from letters home from ranking Crusaders, some didn't even wait till later in the campaign.

Well at least it makes sense for the setting and the characters.

The biggest problem is when the party suffers from autism and they become murderhobos when it's implied that they shouldn't.

>What would your current party/character do?

Woah there. The right men for the job sure, but that there's easily bandied about as regicide. We're going to need our pay up-front and a little contract signed - it'll include making certain we do the job don't worry - to ensure we're not simply "loose ends" to get rid of come payday.

Wouldn't want anything to happen to the rest of his kingdom after all.

This.

The correct answer.

Even if they are mostly jerks to another and other peoble at the end of the day they are not bad peoble, wich is quite nice for the atmosphere in the group, when you play and when youre dm ing (Mostly we are taking turns with that position to keep it fresh)
Or in Summary:
A comrade will comfort your character if something bad happened to his country,
a true comrade will make you laught about it,
and my comrades had me laugh over the fact that we had accidently blown up the inner city of my characters country capital.

...yeah, me too, honestly.

Sounds pretty big of him!

...

Kill the faggot and grab the money, easy pisey

Hey wait a minute, this is almost LITERALLY the cutenute arc from Vinland Ssga!

>Consider killing the child because the xenophobic Merfolk hates man-animals.
>Reconsiders after realizing that, upon extorting or poisoning the King, he can use the 'princess' to rule the man-ape empire.
>Once the puppet ruler has been installed, force the kingdom to stop overfishing the ocean and plundering its resources for their trinkets.

Basically Aquaman from Flashpoint Paradox + Militant Greenpeace

I ask this nigger for a timeline so I can plan accordingly.

Seriously you fucks need to start including dates, times, distances, and locations in these scenerios. Otherwise your players can't develope a proper plan, they can only wing it and hope you don't deny them.

I fire my agent. Seriously, kid killing?

I'll make a man outta him.

The party would probably do the thing everyone else in the thread is saying and plan a coup. On the flip side, my character would let the "princess" go unscathed to be married, then sneak inside their abode to watch the fireworks. Even in the least interesting scenario, there's still the dirt that there's a trapalicious marriage going on, ooh the scandal.

>expecting fury at the bedding
>other noble is pounding away enthusiastically
>marriage is annulled
>other noble keeps the king's son as his royal cock polisher

make the trap my wife, once my party amass great treasures and armies, we bring the princess back to usurp the kingdom.. I become king----- OH YEAH!

Can I just explain that the king wants him dead and help him into hiding, planting a bandit corpse that I've used fleshsculpting to disguise?

I still get paid, the 'princess' still dies, and I don't actually have to kill somebody who is more or less innocent.

Not to mention, this sets up a pretty decent line of succession gamble for if we ever want to overthrow the kingdom. I'm just not seeing the benefits to doing what the king says.

They would try to rescue the boy, one of the party menbers would also try to fuck the boy, and knowing the players, they would end killing him with an acid grenade by forgeting the radius the thing has.

I accept.

When the time comes, I grab the prince, tell him nothin' personnel, and kill him quickly. Once he's dead I make it look his death was slow and agonizing -- and while mutilating his corpse, I make off with one cubic inch of flesh, which I use to cast clone, and after the clone has matured, I leave the kingdom with my hand on glorious trap ass.

>ITT: we're re-assured of the fact that Veeky Forums's sense of justice can only be matched by Veeky Forums's lust for boipussy

Veeky Forums - /totally gay/

That doujin would be sooo good if drugs were just the final push for the change of attitude and not the sole reason of it. But hey, you get what's on the label... can't complain about that.

What doujin?

Where the image is from.

It's not gay if they're feminine enough.

I meant link it

[Gujira] Kimeseku ni Maketa Shounen

Simple, become the new king of Den-
Dammit, beat me to it. Well, I guess I'm gonna go in a farm and become a badass pacifist monk after a few years

"I'm not a murderer, and you probably want to publicly pin it on us, anyway."

Thanks user

Oh this is easy.

Hide the prince, but replace him with an actual female look-alike who is under my control. The prince marries my puppet head which allows me a backdoor into power. The prince is thankful for me getting him out of death and lives a free life. The king is told that I figured out a way to "fix" him through magic instead and I made a judgement call that I believed would make most people happy.

It's a Win/Win/Win/Shadow-Win scenario.

I wish the batato upload wasn't missing huge numbers of pages from the post-farmland arcs.

Inform the kingdom being hoodwinked of the con after saving the princess (male). Become an honored guest of this kingdom along with the princess (male). Fuck like rabbits.

We're doing this revolutionary war out of foppery and whim, got that?

Sure, user.

Search the king for a wire; if he's wearing one, we give him a second smile, set the body on fire, loot the Royal Treasury, and peel outta town for Parts Unknown, drinking whiskey, and puffing on blunts.

Charge him through the nose for such a service.
I am a Rogue Trader, I have much better things to be doing than killing princes on some Emperor-forsaken Feudal World.

In fact, we might even just replace the prince's body with some poor worthless rating, and then keep him on board in case we need to kill the King and install our own patsy on the throne.

I have much larger designs for this world than merely acting as some two-bit King's personal assassin and problem solver. But for now it is probably wise to play along, to fool him into a sense of security.

Keep trap, train him to be a healslut for the party
Snu snu him tenderly every night

Also I get the feeling the king will try to kill us
As for payment in advanced

>Party's face when pic related happens when the "princess" and prince go to consummate

Agreed, Lord Trader. Shall I prepare the shuttles and House Guard? And where will we keep "her"?

The foot of the command throne. Get the harem girl outfit.

I ask him why the fuck didn't he just hire a wizard to make him an actual woman.

If he says that he didn't want anyone to know then I know he's also planning on having me killed to cover it up and can act accordingly.

Anyone hiding a secret like this can probably be assumed to intend to kill you.

Well considering that the entire planet's population isn't lining up to tell me literally everything about their lives it can be assumed that the best course of action is to go full Drakengard 1 on the world.

Even the rogue in our party is lawful good, so I'd be very interested in hearing who the fuck told the king this was something we'd do.

Getting the poor son of a bastard to safety would become priority one.

He can still be a princess if he wants, we don't judge.

Oh, so it's not actually a chick? I how much you paying, King?

Given my party, I'd say there's a 50/50 chance we either kill the king, or keep the "princess" as a maid/fucktoy

>our party of good aligned people are called to preform an evil act by the king

We get rid of the evil king.

>What would your current party/character do?
Spirit the "princess" away, leave behind some vague evidence that "she" had ben torn to shreds, acquire new squire. I'll be fucked sideways before I start killing people because it's convenient.

What if "she" insists on acting female even as your squire?

>implying that's not required

Laugh loudly at the absurdity of the situation, but wholeheartedly approve of the plan and kill the prince. We're keeping all the jewelry and purses we get from the entourage, though.

That p-poor princess.

Why not both?

As long as he can do a squire's duties. Cook for us, polish my lance, you know.

>polish my lance

What? A long shaft of hard wood needs thorough and attentive care, and he may be just the lad for the job.

I'll have you know, that I like you.

...

Too much work

So what you are telling me is that there's a guy who thinks he is perfectly safe in his carriage, looking forward to a peaceful, happy wedding? He doesn't expect to die anytime soon? Perfect.

Thanks for the opportunity, king-buddy. You're free to live... for now.

*tips fedora*

Are you my DM? This sounds like something he'd do.