Alright Veeky Forums you're johnny on the spot

Alright Veeky Forums you're johnny on the spot.

Convince the peasant girl to lead your weary party back to her village.

"we have money"

My coin purse is probably more money than she's ever going to see in her life.

Alternatively, the mage pulling a shiny coin from behind her ear might work even better.

Pretty much this. We just completed a hellacious dungeon run and scored a shitton of loot. We aren't going to miss 2gp and it'll be enough for her to live like a princess.

Detect Evil

Tell her I detect the DM's magical realm a mile away, and my Paladin & Cleric bros and I have seen her doujins while purging degenerate scum.

Either she is lost or a monster encounter. I will just ask for direction to her village or I say it unfair she get to see my Johnny and I get nothing.

>You see miss this is a Colt 1911A1, it fires 7 shots of .45 ACP, when a human head is hit with a round from this baby it explodes like it's the 4th of July
>Now you either take me and my little shiny toy back to your village or I am gona perform brain surgery on you

Then I ask the GM how much of a bonus that gives to my intimidation roll.

thats not a peasant girl, thats a smug vampire loli

>Convince the peasant girl to lead your weary party back to her village.
>pic related being the "peasant girl"
Fuck that.
I know that loli and I know her fucking "father" and I sure as hell ain't going ANYWHERE NEAR the "village" that is "Tomb of Horrors 2.0: The Return of Mr. Bones". I don't care how tired I am. I KNOW have better chances of survival if I push myself elsewhere. I say sorry, excuse me, and everything of the like as honestly and earnestly as I can and then get the FUCK outta that post code and every one surrounding it then lie low for the rest of my life. If she doesn't let me leave then I ask for an audience with her leader. If that doesn't work and all seems lost, in my dying moments I tell her she's flat and worst girl.

>Evenin', missy. I reckon we'd be mighty grateful if you could show us the way to some lodgin's. We'll make it worth yer while.

Why do so many people think giving lengthy, ironically cutesy descriptions of violence is at all intimidating or menacing?

Intimidation is just like Persuasion: less is more.

Because most people don't train intimidate. Too busy grabbing computer skills.

"We're here on orders of the King, to discuss the possibility of constructing new outposts and roads. If you could kindly lead us to your village, we can talk more in depth with your mayor there."

Obviously, if she asks questions, I'll just say the Wizard is a wise noble, and his staff is a walking stick. The rest of us are guards sent to escort him. Once we get there, the Rogue just bluffs his ass off, making up some shit about the roads (I mean, we've probably traveled most of them anyway, we might know a thing or two) and the King. Worst case scenario they call us filthy liars and we burn the village to the ground.

I call a halt to the action and warn the rest of the party that the DM is clearly using some sort of Veeky Forums meme that I don't know, so she either has a penis, fangs, tentacles, or all three.
>No, seriously, what's the joke?

It actually is an ancient Veeky Forums meme where finding young girls alone in dangerous environments like innawoods or a dungeon is a trap. Not a "tee hee boys in dresses aren't gay" kind of trap. As in the GM is baiting you into a lethal situation. Usually the girl is actually some kind of monster or will lead you to the monster.

Apparently the specific image in OP is from some Chinese cartoon or backwards comic book.

Rolled 12 (1d20)

i roll to seduce

Yeah, the girl in the image is from a loli vampire doujin. She is also the smuggest thing to ever exist.

this is nanashi 7744 right? or am i going mad

understatement

It is.

Firstly because fuck you.

Secondly because it's not always meant to work out.

Thirdly because character's logic doesn't fit with real life logic nor should it.

Not him but I just find this shit increadibly cringey.

Dominate Person?

i see what you did there

It's meant to be.

Rolled 14 (1d20)

>Oh! I um... I say, that, uh... III... I roll persuasion

I am him and you're right.

"I will pay you literally 5 gold if you lead us back to your villa-

Wait. Back the fuck up. Your eyes are red. Peasant girls don't have red eyes. You're either an important plot character, or..."

Then we start throwing holy water.

Narrative, senpai.

I wouldn't mind casting Dominate Person on her if you know what I mean.

Well not everyone likes playing sensible characters and the loud mouth dumbass is pretty fun at times.

>puts on "chaotic evil" hat

I put my blade to her neck and demand that she bring us to her family or else I will slit her throat and make her corpse into a whimsical, yet macabre puppet.

You can be a loudmouthed braggart while still having something interesting to say, you know.

Rolled 1 (1d20)

I roll for persuasion.

That's now what a loudmouthed braggart would do tho, especially when he is threatening what he thinks is a little girl with a gun.

I'm just saying, dude. "Psssh, nothin' personnel" still sounds dumb and obnoxious regardless if "it's what my character would do".

>now
>not*

Somebody kill me please for I have failed the Fuhrer.

Sure, you can, but it's not a requirement.

Just because something is logical doesn't mean it's narratively interesting

You give a wonderfully convincing speech and she holds out her hand for you to hold while she leads you to her village. As you reach out for it you trip and accidentally grab her chest to keep from falling. She screams that you're a pervert and runs away, disappearing into the forest.

And I totally get that. It's just that there is a reason for him to be a faglord, a good reason at that. I am not denying it's stupidity, I am in fact betting on it.

Oh no, she seems to think you're a pervert or something! Quick, cast irrational attraction to stop her from running away!

You instead of asking her to lead you to the village you end up offering to take her to your own hometown where it turns out that she is the heir of your little hamlet and do to some legalese reason you are now her slave.

>red eyes
>neat blonde hair
>a very, VERY nice dress
>looks like she never worked a day in her life
> """""""""peasant girl""""""""
user, you think I dump-statted Wisdom or something?

If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say the girl is a vampire or some other demon. I mean,
> Victorian dress
> pale skin
> red eyes
That looks pretty fucking vampire to me.

So uh. You got a name boss?

This

>Excuse me, missy? Are you feelin' alright? I said we was lookin' for lodgin'. You need some help, miss?

Rolled 1 (1d20)

I subtly roll insight to see if she's who she says she is.

Rolled 20 (1d20)

I tell her that we are a party of adventures who seek lodging for the night, and that we will pay to stay at her house.
Then I roll Persuasion since I'm lousy at speeches

its not stopping my character tho

>Alright Veeky Forums you're johnny on the spot Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Stop! It hurts!

>That looks pretty fucking vampire to me.
Ever heard the phrase "too smart for your own good"?

Yupiel-sama no Geboku

Thanks. When I get home I'll panda it.

I really wish he would take this "series" further. Instead all we get at C91 was streaking Illya and monkey dick...

[X] Submit

> a vampire
> actually eating me
Have I mentioned yet that there is no blood to be found in my alcohol and no flesh to be found in my potato?

I have transcended the notion of flesh and blood long ago, for I am Slav by birthright, nature and heritage. Your vampire powers hold no authority over me. Go back to your transsexual Transylvania, little girl.

>Your vampire powers hold no authority over me.
Actually, she's Polish and no stranger to potatoes in both their natural and the distilled form.