That Guy/GM Stories Thread

That it was.

Looking through my unsorted images to see if i can find more

I've had that happen before. Sooner or later it pays off and people think you're some kind of mastermind for doing some common preparations.

>wizards tattooing spells on their bodies
I have to steal that concept.

Can't help but feel dude missed out on an opportunity there.

I can't stand that fucker. He sucks the fun out of videos with his strange aspie-mannerism and jokes.

>MHMM

Also, he really does look like he is on the verge of being hospitalized

My favourite is me being kind of annoying to the GM, but it just felt so good

>The team is non-magical
>Siergiei, god of Wolves pesters us for his amusement
>Decide that we don't want to live a life on the run
PlebsGonFightAGod.roll
>after some preparations, we go to a forest, set up and taunt the fucker
>"Howls die down, as you notice movement between the trees. Siergiei slowly walks out, his form somewhere between human and feral, wearing nothing save for a loincloth. He exits the forest in front of you, user, and strides forward, smirking. He brushes your boarspear aside and.."
>"Um, actually, When he walks to about a step in fron of my spear, I thrust with all my might. I aim for the solar plexus"
>"...Alright user, suit yourself. You lunge forth, putting all your weight behind that thrust. It feels like hitting a wall, the spear tip barely grazing the god. You see a small tricle of his golden blood, he stops and chuckles: 'I didn't expect you'd actually go through with this" and then slaps your spear aside and jumps at you"
cue epic fight scene

>"He jumps away from you, int the middle of the clearing. 'I see you are eager to fight. You could achieve great things, should you join me in my hunt' he says, looking at you one by one, 'I..'"
>"Does he actually look at us separately?"
>obviously annoyed "Yes user, he does"
>"Well then I stab him between his ribs with my spear while he isn't looking at me"
>"He's in the middle of the glade!"
>"I have a 2.5 meter boarspear"
>"Fine. 'I could give you great power, you know, you just need to' says Siergiei, but is interrupted by user's spear embedding itself between his ribs"
another fight scene, bitchboy teammate betrays us, and then another god, who has some beef with Siergiei and was somewhat friendly last time we met him shows up, and takes over the fight.

I talked to the GM and apologised for interrupting his BBEG speech. He said he understands, and that was consistent with my character. (Pokaj was a down to earth, jovial commoner, who, being a commoner, has no "knightly" honor. The Rational Gua, and apparently, leader of the group.)

>"Sorry, but this is the Tol'Calen Empire, not an anime"

wrong thread, choose an original image for once

I always hated when anime does that. People just stopping in combat to throw speeches at each other. Or a character that is supposedly moving faster than a bullet can speak entire sentences clearly even though it would physically take less than ten milliseconds to do that.

yeah wtf

I want to play that game.

She was German and in the Air Forcd, how the fuck do you expect that to work out?

How do you deal with a player who tries to break the game or fuck with it for the express purpose of his own amusement?

At 19, who fucking cares? Hit it like the fist of an angry god and piss off when she gets bored.

Kick them out

harsh but seems to be the only option left

>Its head its to big
You've been to grammar school, right? You know you have to bee 18 to post here, don't you?

>telling a guy off for adding a single wrong letter
Jesus dude that's nitpicking.

Also, you could hust tell them to not do what theyre doing

That's the thing, i've spoken to him about how his style of play is a detriment to the fun and cohesion of everyone's experience, and his only response is "i just like fucking with stuff man"

>"i just like fucking with stuff man"
Kick him from life.

The kinda dude that likes to burn stuff and uses nihilism as an excuse for chaos

Don't stick your dick in crazy, lads.

>tfw you have a ton of That Guy / That DM stories but you know those mother fuckers browse Veeky Forums too and you don't want to get caught talking shit behind their backs

Had a DM tell me in 3.5 that if a rogue failed an open lock check he couldn't try again for a year or a level. After reading multiple entries on "try again" and "taking 10" showing that, yes, it is perfectly allowable, I was told that I was rules lawyering and not invited back to the group. Apparently this guy had been playing 3.5 for years, and DMing consistently.

WITH AN AIRPLANE

Write the story down, then go over it again from another player's perspective

Yea. i fucking love jojo's bizzare adventure but every god damn fight scene has to explain every god damn thing.

...

...

>its dong is to big,
I would encase it in wax and mass produce giga dildos for ez money. Am I that guy?

Bampu

I always keep a enveloppe, sealed, with my everyday preparations. I've yet to be bested

Topkek, genius.

So he didn't give you any modifiers for it? Like, it wasn't Easy or Very Easy? I mean, I can understand making the craft check, but it should have at least been Easy or Very Easy.

I don't know whether or not I hope this is real. If it is, then autism greater than I ever imagined exists in this world. If it's fake, then that's a good story wasted.

I'm thinking she was not so great looking and probably a bit on the creepy side what with the werewolf rape and menstrual cunnilingus

Here is the story I told of the second worst DM I ever had.

That was the rule in an earlier edition, as the original theif "skills" were all aparently spells.

>game with no alignments
>characters have to be a certain alignment

>playing VtM for the first time
>setting is dark ages
>create a combat-focused Gangrel orphan kid for simplicity and getting used to the system
>feeling OP as fuck with 7 dice for attack, 7 for dodge, 4 for soak AND feral claws at start
>pretty much shit in every other department though
>add couple of merits and flaws for spice
>fast-forward to first session
>find out two players jacked up their characters with over 20 merits/flaws
>one of them started out with 6 dexterity, 12 fucking dice for attack, unarmed aggravated damage, reduced difficulties for pretty much everything, only apparent flaw is that they're completely reckless
>nerdrage at broken chars, GM is totally fine with it
>says merits/flaws are meant to be used to deepen the characters
>broken chars pretty much one-hit nearly everything they touch

>roll with it, don't care anymore
>just waiting for my gruesome death when GM has to scale enemies to their broken levels and some guy sneezes at me

>Its head its to big, its dong is to big
Not the guy you replied to, but OP did it twice

>It happened twice, therefore I must nitpick.
Who gives a fuck, you breathing more than twice in your life was clearly a mistake.

>It happened twice, therefore OP doesn't know the difference
Likewise, buddy

It might be shit, but it's the best/worst one I got:
>Me: "We've gone down paths A through H, sent my familiar to scout above the maze, and have even gone through whatever portal was inside the sundial. I might stand to reason that we should try to enter the hedge itself. Who's with me guys?"
>Party: "Nah."
>Druid casts Conjure Animals and gets eight honey badgers.
>Druid commands the honey badgers to dig.
>The ground fills up and kills all eight honey badgers.
>Druid: "Well, they're fey, so it's not animal cruelty, right?"
>DM: "Right."
>Me: "I send forth my familiar to scout inside the hedge."
>DM: "Your familiar doesn't want to."
>Me: "It's not allowed to disobey, it says it in the spell description."
>DM: "It doesn't want to."
>Me: "Is there some sort of magic in the hedge interfering with my familiar right now?"
>DM: "Roll Arcana."
>Me: "31, natural 20."
>DM: "You don't know."
>Me: "I cast Detect Magic."
>DM: "You're blinded."
>Me: "I'm not going into that hedge not knowing what's on the other side. I tie my familiar to my staff and poke it through the hedge."
>DM: "Your familiar leaves you."
>Me: "I telepathically tell my familiar, 'You've have violated cosmic law! If you do not comply I will file a complaint to the Fey Courts and there will be repercussions.'"
>DM: "Your familiar isn't having any of it."
>Me: "Okay. Obviously the hedge is having some sort of effect on my spells. It might stand to reason that my familiar has been irredeemably corrupted, in which case I'll need a new familiar. I dismiss Headwig, permanently."
>DM: "He feels hurt. You just rejected him."
>Monk: "I thought you were neutral good. I'm starting to question that now."
>Paladin: "I know I nearly killed you in our last few encounters, and I said I was going to buy you healing potions to make up for that since you were the only person in the party without any. But now, I take that back."
>DM: "Yeah. In fact, wizard change your alignment."

>natural 20

>mfw reading that story
>mfw I have no face and I must scream.

What about the natural 20 was disruptive to the story, other than it being a cliche? It's not like the entire story hinges about that one roll, quite the opposite from most stories since it was simply brushed aside, which I think was the point.

>Player has played multiple sessions of 5e.
>3 to be exact.
>Player still doesn't understand how chosen skills are proficiency + ability modifier.
>Player still doesn't understand the difference between attack modifier and damage modifier.
>Matter of fact, player barely understand anything on his character sheet.
>Player always plays CN.
>Player constantly gets in trouble in-game, like attacking a dude in the streets while guards are looking.

Forever DM who's a 3.fag vet, is there a way to fix this?

This is why I fucking hate power-gaming

Hahahaha what the fuck... You get shitted on because you dismissed your familiar, and no one bats an eye because to the druid that just killed 8 honey badgers

If a GM is hoping you roll badly so that they can blame their stubbornness on a dice roll, they're being petty and awful. If you're going to completely veto something, you should be open, honest and say "I'm afraid no matter how hard you try, that isn't going to lead to the right answer, but you have a sense that you will find out why soon enough"
Don't even get me started on forcibly changing alignments as a punishment, especially for trying to think outside the box and not walk straight into the obvious trap.

The funny thing was it wasn't even a trap. There was nothing dangerous inside the hedge. It was in fact, the correct way forward. The hedge wasn't having any effect on my spellcasting. The DM legitimately believed that what was happening was the correct interpretation of the rules under normal circumstances. Despite citations of the rulebooks to the contrary, the DM would counter with "I don't feel like it." I didn't walk out immediately because most DMs I've played under were like this, so I was under the false impression that this was supposed to be normal. I only walked out from that game when the DM later spazzed out for reasons I could not comprehend.

The player clearly isn't interested in the actual game, but only in what having a totally open/free video game.

Explain that it's not acceptable, that it hurts the game and kills enjoyment for yourself and/or others, and that it needs to change immediately or they are out.

>I only walked out from that game when the DM later spazzed out for reasons I could not comprehend
Details, user.
Maybe we can help unlock the mystery

Those Guys who switch systems without reading the rulebook and hoping that their 10 year experience in aDnD is enough to play or GM anything.
> Come to WFRP3 game
> Start bitching when things don't work as they did in aDnD
> Refuse to acknowledge that they haven't even opened the rulebook

You shouldn't make players roll at all if they can't succeed. Therefore DM is a bitch.

I had someone like that. He based his expectations for tabletopping half on World of Warcraft, half on Game of Thrones. To the point that he would ask if going into a cave meant the party had "entered an instance". Early on in the campaign, he hired a prostitute to follow the party around and sleep with his character so he could father a bastard child because "bastards make good drama in fantasy." When he realized just how many sessions of real-time would need to pass for the whore to even noticably conceive, he murdered her in a nobleman's guest bed so he could take his money back. Then he objected loudly when the city guard came after him because I was being too strict with the realism.

Unbelievable.

I don't believe you.

>he murdered her in a nobleman's guest bed so he could take his money back. Then he objected loudly when the city guard came after him because I was being too strict with the realism.
What the fuck.

wat de fug

By this point my wizard has committed suicide in effort to wake up from what he thought was a bad dream. I am now playing a fighter. Somewhere in a tower, directly after the maze, an efreeti is found trapped within a magic circle:
>Me: “Hello there.”
>Paladin: “What are you doing? Don’t talk to it. You’re going to get us killed.”
>Paladin holds me back.
>Efreeti: “Free me and I shall grant you three wishes.”
>Me: “Guys can we think about this?”
>Monk: “I’m neutral good, so I’m going to help him.”
>Monk tramples over the magic circle, destroying it. Paladin can’t stop him because he’s busy with me.
>Everyone rolls initiative.
>We down the efreeti in a single round, and by we, I mean everyone else because I don’t have any equipment yet.
>DM: “The efreeti disintegrates.”
>Me: “But genies only disintegrate when they die, don’t they?”
>DM: (Checks book) “Oh, then instead the efreeti falls unconscious.”
>Me: “Hey druid, isn’t Planar Binding on your spell list? And didn’t we find a jewel worth 1,000 gp in the previous room? Doesn’t the paladin also have holy water for a Magic Circle? Efreeti are often slave masters, so it would be a delicious irony for the slaver to be the slave.”
(Part 1/2)

>Party spends 10 minutes checking their spells because they’ve almost never cast a spell from level 1 to fraking level 13.
>Druid & Paladin: “So we do. Alright, let’s have at it.”
>Druid and Paladin spend five minutes preparing their spells while me and the Monk keep watch on the Efreeti.
>As they begin casting, the efreeti disappears.
>DM: “Don’t ever fucking do that again.”
>Party: “What?”
>DM: “You guys have been discussing what to do for several hours in character. The efreeti was only pretending to be unconscious. Even if you did cast the spell on him, it would’ve automatically failed because I’m not going to let you guys run around with a fucking genie.”
>Druid: “I was just thinking about putting him to work on public works projects like I did with the last few guys we fought.”
>DM: “No fucking way.”
(Part 2/2)

The DM’s inanity had always been directed at me, so I didn’t notice it because I always thought I was doing something wrong. When the DM spazzed out at another player, I realized the DM was just a bitch, but the other players wouldn’t believe me, so I just walked out.

If he didn't want you players to draw from the deck of many things, he should not have given you it.

It was smart that you left when you did.

did he get the recepy?

>five seconds have passed

>the DM later spazzed out for reasons I could not comprehend.
>I’m not going to let you guys run around with a fucking genie.”
>I realized the DM was just a bitch
Sounds like you comprehend just fine.

As a GM, I love it when the players come up with crazy things like this.
And that was a lot better than most.

He sounds like he is just 100% unwilling or unable to improvise.
His responses show a lack of understanding of his own world as a functioning place.

In short, he sucks and reacts emotionally to anything that challenges his meager skills at GMing.

>party of five, two of which only were there once, one who never showed.
>we got through a few sessions.

so two person game then?

Good GM Thinking
>Okay, so I need to send a strike team to reclaim/destroy/free the Ifriti before they do too much with it.

Bad DM thinking.
>What's my excuse for saying no...

seriously what the fuck?

I have a friend that gets upset whenever we find a counter to his powergaming ways.

Says were mad.

Welcome to the club buddy

Somewhat unrelated to this thread, but I don't feel like shitting up the rest of tg with this question
What experiences have you had with literal autists in your games? Do they play differently than regular people?

Nope. +0. On a 15. On a d100 system.

It depends on how bad they are. I had one throw dice at another player because he made (obnoxious) dwarf jokes (the autist's character was a dwarf).
The other autist I've gamed with is fine but he likes to think that he knows all possible decisions the group, or specific characters, can take. He's always pleasantly surprised but still confused when something he had not expected happens. And he's not even the GM.

I thought natural 20s only applies to attacks and saves, when did it apply to skills?

There's a Pathfinder feat where a wizard can tattoo spells on their body and cast those spells as per the scroll rules.

iirc in 5e it adds a +5 to the check you were trying to do.

I don't know about you guys, but I don't want anything to do with a girl that has a fetish for drinking periods and absolutely zero sense of boundaries or what's socially acceptable. Yeah sure you can have a long distance relationship but I wouldn't want to be you when things inevitably don't work out and the crazy military chick gets mad.

Your GM seems like a good person at heart.

>we "accidentally" meet BBEG
if you reply with ugh you can kill yourself you fuck
>due to story reasons, BBEG is in a weakened state, and there is a hole in his plot armor
>I take advantage of it, and because the DM has forgotten it, I manage to coax the BBEG into wearing a cursed item of strangulation
>accidentally end up killing BBEG, as per RAW at least
>DM goes crazy and bans me from table
its no my fault you tried to kill me, and now I used the same dirty trick on your plot

It's a common enough house rule that 20s impact a variety of outcomes

A 1 and 20 have no special bearing on saving throws and ability checks in 5e. Even knowing that I still called it out because when the barbarian rolled a natural 20 with a -1 bonus on an Arcana check, he basically learned everything there was to know about the last place we were at, so I thought might include both the result and the unmodified roll to get a bit of extra credence before the DM, but to no avail.

It makes more sense to. Critical hits and misses are *barely* optional rules any more.

I know WFRP quite well, and honestly, the skill check you were taking was right to be Crafting of some description, but it should have been Easy (+20%) or Very Easy (+30%). It sounds like the DM had it out for you.

>you have to bee 18 to post
jesus Christmas user. Bee? Fucking bee? Are you a 2 year old infant with the dreams of becoming a bumblebee because if not you might as well shoot yourself.

>BBEG
uggh

I had one who insisted I make him his own custom character from the ground up. I did this because I used to do it all the time and figured, "why not, could be fun" so I made his character with the page numbers next to all his abilities and powers and asked only that he read those things. He never did. Even a little. When called out on it he insisted that he read every page I sent. But somehow he has no idea that his character had any of the powers on his sheet. He constantly complained that we weren't playing mutants and masterminds and would use the one argument in favor of mutants and masterminds that makes me think people are so stupid I just write them off, "why do you want me to change the entire game and learn a new system in the middle of the game?" "Eh" seriously, you sound like a lazy cunt who can't even come up with a coherent argument in favor of yourself.

If you claim to gave read the books and get caught lying, fess up. Don't lie more, it only makes you look worse.
If you want me to change the game completely and shift everyone's characters into a new system, then give me a coherent reason.
If you haven't read the book for the system I'm running then don't complain about how the book is organized and the rules don't make sense, you haven't read it, what qualifies you to make this judgment?

Werewolf rape sex is surprisingly common among chicks as a 'hot' thing, but mense-drinking threw me for a loop.

AIDS moby isn't as bad as he used to be, and I suppose evert group needs SOMEONE like him.

I remember this, and remember replying with something like "with a gunshot wound."