Make up shit about your culture/faith

I'm so fucking tired of this Veeky Forums meme. Yes historians at the time attributed the feathers to seraphim, but without any actual proof it could have just as easily been a fucking phoenix. Besides, if Nur ad-Din hadn't outlawed the use of Djinn the muslims would have steamrolled the crusaders out of the holy lands

>That one texan family who's children don't need to because they've passed down Samuel Colt's original demon-fucker six shooter

privilege is real

Children from the south must hunt and kill a mythical jackalope with nothing but their hands and granpappy's 12 gauge.
The English royal family are actually wizards disguising themselves as lizard people who disguise themselves as humans.
Gods grow more powerful the more they're worshipped. Atheism is actually a cult trying to end the current world-cycle by removing the presence of all gods.

>Joseph Smith drove the anasaze out of northern utah so he could establish a homeland for his people then covered it up and claimed it was climate change

can you please fucking explain where mormons draw their magic from because it sure as hell isn't any of the normal sources

We summon the spirits of dead Mormons that's why we have to make so many.

>In the US, almost 750,000 people every year go missing
>Most of those are heretical Protestants who are hunted down by the Catholic Death Squads.

Poles are renowned as logicians, that's why they're so good at navigating other planes and creating or subverting magical covenants

Yeah, but ever since we started putting oranges on the seder plate he gets really sarcastic about it. We get it, you did things different in your day, shut up already and teach my nephew how to summon the spirits of the upper air.

>that one time in the 60's when Cambridge invited a Jewish mage and a Mormon mage to demonstrate a traditional mage battle and the Catholic Church threw a hissy fit because "muh necromancy"

The reason Valonian swords were so well made is that Valon smiths are 1/4th earth elementals.

Valon families run extensive breeding programs to produce capable smihs

I'm a progressive liberal from the west coast and you are objectively correct.

You might be too but idk, could go either way.

I respect the winged lancers as much as the next guy but if you expect me to hire a pole to take me through hades you are out your mind

>the reason Passover exists is because the bloodthirsty Jews slaughtered the children of innocents and was driven out of their lands as a result

t o p i c a l

>chopping block and gallows

Agnostics are masters of fencesitting, leaving them so nimble and quiet they are regularly recruited by the Catholic church to assassinate leaders of other faiths, because nowhere does it say "Thou shall not make other people shank yer enemies".

>the reason Irish Catholics clung stubbornly to the idolatry and ritual of the Catholic Church is because they are still unwittingly offering tribute to the pagan gods of their ancestors.

>the notoriously poor luck of the Irish in history is God's punishment levelled against them.

such is the fate of Sweden, France, and soon, Canada...

it's good to have options

>Have a gallows and a chopping block set up
>Use neither

Largely subject to ridicue, Mormon underwear does in fact removes the ability of demons to find the wearer. This truth has largely been forgotten by even the Mormons.

The Bloods and Crips gangs were originally formed in worship of the Blooded God and the Crippled God. The gang signs if conducted properly weakens the material laws of the universe in that area. Luckily no one has been able to invoke these signs properly.

The Buddha was the first known human to realize that this world exists only to satisfy the hunger and humour of horrible cosmic entitites. He taught his followers to remove desire to snuff out their souls in order to ruin their meals. The greatest bodhivesttas seek to make the human meal especially unpalpable to these demons.

>Under the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Ohio is a secret bard college where those inducted into the hall can practive the most advanced forms of bardic magic

>years of eating corn and soybeans have made Midwesterners unusually large
>By 2050 the average height will be 7'6 for women, and 7'10 for men.

>The much more mystical and magically adept native American tribes of the north west have been placing curses and hexes on the settlers since they crossed the Rockies a few hundred years ago.
>It was not uncommon to suffer from a curse multiple times a year if you were a pioneer in those days. All this cursing and un-cursing had residual effects on the rapidly populating settlements.
>People born in these former frontiers to the descendents of theq pioneers have a natural resistance to magical effects; almost everyone has an innate, mild, cantrip to dispel weak magic.

>Make up shit about your culture/faith
My culture and faith is not objectively superior to all other cultures and faiths.
Am I doing it right?

This is intriguing

This is saying the swedes are Orks right?
I agree I'm just double checking.

>the poor french who left for nova scotia who would later be the acadians and cajuns were exiles who were hated and feared for their religious ceremonies that would allow thim to shapeshift.

Buddha confirmed god emperor of mankind

The french spoken in Acadia, Quebec and Louisiana is far closer to the true sound of ancient french than modern french.

After a large influx of Dwarves from scotireland, Pittsburgh became famous for it's steel industry. Unfortunately, the dwarves began mating with humans, hence why you can find bearded men in flannel with coffee around the city today.

Henry VIII's inability to produce a healthy male heir was the result of a curse placed on the Tudor line by Richard III's pet sorceror, using the blood of the princes in the Tower in a magic ritual. The pattern of divorce and beheading was meant to provide protection against the curse, but it was only partially successful the first time round, and Henry was too old when he tried the second time

American vampires like Louisiana because the ancient mages in other major cities would use their parts for alchemy.

>hunting small game with a 12 gauge
This really is fantasy.

every native of Massachusetts has Lovecraft style magic but we are only allowed to use it to fuck with Stephan King up in Occupied Northern Massachusetts

Poland has an unusually high population of "angel talkers"; people who commune with natural spirits and angels on equal ground, sometimes even acting as mediators.

When the Cathoic faith first moved into Poland, many of the local animinists simply didn't have it in them to give up their old practices, and used their talent for speaking with the supernatural to commune with angels on a regular basis as a way to get in good with the church while they continued their original ways. While nowadays a pure shaman is a very rare sight in Poland, the angel talkers have passed down the rights and rituals of the ancestral animists for hundreds of years.

The Winds of Idaho are a result of the death rattle of the Indian god Shoshone, still crying out in impotent rage for his defeat at the hands of Brigham Young.

The Snake River is actually full of fast-breeding sea serpents, who are kept barely in check by local "fishermen". This is a closely guarded secret, kept under wraps by local governments in the interest of tourism and rafting.

British naval superiority during the age of sail was entirely due to an ancient pact with the Deep Ones made by the British government

Cleveland sits right atop a necromantic wasteland, which is why the rivers are so filled with sludge they catch fire and the fish are poison.

It's actually considered the necromancy capital of the world, and it's governmental services are so accommodating to the undead it's one of the few places where the likes of liches and vampires can stand on equal footing with true humans. The local church, worshipping a demon king of necromancy, is the only thing standing between Cleveland and hordes of paladins deeply determined to turn the whole city.

>Increasing tensions along the US and Canadian DMZ have led to brief, unofficial skirmishes. These often go unreported as the public have long since forgotten that any form of NY beyond NYC exists.

The dinner party died not because they got lost, but because their guide was a vampire thrall that had to feed his master and they framed it as cannibalism.

*donner
Ghosts in my phone are changing my words around

>dinner party
IM DYING

Just like they were

I've reached undead and am dying again

Ive never been so pleased

>public have long since forgotten that any form of NY beyond NYC exists.

"roight den, Cfulu-- sowrry, Cfalghan P'tewtok, youw majesty, youw madness, we shall enner inna dis pact wifyew, provoided the king 'n the couwat approve"
"all who approve o'dis, say aye"
"aye, you bastard"
"de ayes 'ave it, pleazhuh doin' business wit' ya"
>I ̡k ̷ne͝w͞ ̢I ̴s͡h̴o͜ul ̷d'̖ve̛ ͘p̴i͜c͞k̴e̛d̛ ̡th͝e͟ ̴S̗̲͚p͞a͇̲n̰ ̷ish̴

The College of the Great Glass Pyramid also accepts artists in their French location

what the fuck, why are there so many Clevelanders ITT?
Also that "local church" is the Cleveland Clinic and they're actually using healing necromancy not making liches

Andrew Jackson was called "old hickory" because he was actually a really old and really pissed of hickory wood treant

I'm not from Cleveland. There's just nothing else in Ohio but trees, roads, and Harambe.

>Edinburgh has a thriving undead population in the Vaults and other sections of the Undercity.
>The reason for the Glasgow Effect is an ancient curse on the land.
>Haggis started as a ritualistic offering to the Monsters who once inhabited the land.

And a side note, here's an actual piece of mythology I couldn't make up if I tried.

>In deciding wether the Island of Stroma belonged to Scotland or the then Norse Orkney, snakes were introduced to the island. As they thrived on the Mainland but due to something spiritual died in Orkney. They ended up living, so Scotland received the Island. Which was now infested with Snakes.

It's possible to travel to the lands of faerie on the British rail network, if one takes the right trains at the right time.

When British trains are delayed because of "The wrong kind of snow" they mean it!

>implying they actually don't

do you even Rouxgaroux, dude?

Following from this.

>Germans and Italians considered themselves to be single, coherent peoples before 1848.

>In New York City the mafia is still very much alive and well
>In fact it's pretty much the seat of a criminal shadow government pulling all the strings across the east coast
>Their power comes from age old pacts made with ancient, alien gods slumbering deep beneath the earth. Dating as far back as early colonization.

>Old Bay is actually made of ground-up demon flesh.
>The Assateague Island horses were not brought by shipwrecks - they are a final relict population of North American horses
>Similarly, there is a Megalodon in the Bay right this instant
>The oyster population is dropping because the pearls are all hatching into mermaids
>The state song has not changed its lyrics because doing so would remove its power, and this would unseal the blue crab's true form
>The Virginians keep stealing our recycling bins for some arcane purpose, and our only option is to hope it's a good one

Explains why duels never killed him

He was a 'ard' wood