What's the best place to hide a Phylactery?

An -allegedly- sacred relic kept inside a sealed tomb at the [vatican]. Even uttering the idea of destroying it will have every holy warrior in the country on you like a horny priest.

A book on how to create magical weapons.

In a magical necklace that's
a) the royal symbol of authority.
b)keeping the kings only heir alive.

Inside a needle, which is in an egg, which is in a duck, which is in a hare, which is in an iron chest, which is buried under a green oak tree, which is on the island of Buyan in the ocean.

Remember, a Phylactory costs mad cash to make. Its made out of rare and exceptional materials and is likely blinged to hell and back. Its not something you could pass off as something mundane.

Do what my lich did: make the motherfucking MOON your phylactery. If someone complains, what are they gonna do? Pull a Piccolo?

+A tree with the writing etched in. Force a druid to awaken tree as ent. It will be a good/ neutral alignment and will live many years.

Black Hole.

Normal fancy box will do.
Placed at Lagrange 2 with a backup spellbook.

AYYYYYY Slavic Mythology
This is the best one lets be honest

*phones skaven*

That's gotta have some cool effects.

THE MOON

make it out of an elf skull, polymorph that elf permanently into an actual elf, teach that elf magic so that they can become a lich and make their Phylacteryan elven skull too.

the best Phylactery is another liche

How to become the perfect lich.

Fake your own death
Make your phylactery something personal
Enchant it into not detecting as magic
Have it buried with "you"
Assume a new name as a lich

Blood. As in, a bloodline. Give it a few hundred years and the party will have to kill a whole country just to kill you.

Lotta people in this thread having great ideas, but what are some good/neutral versions of these?

Like a lich who binds his soul to, I don't know, the love of his soul mate. Or a more trolly lich who binds it to some kind of riddle-spell that would fuck over whoever solved it.

Create a cavity in the earth with no entrance. Line it with walls of force. One of the few ways to enter is to have been there before and teleport in.

I would kill someone if they tried to desecrate the tomb of saint peter. It checks out.

I'm more bothered by the "inside" bit

I think what I said earlier in is pretty neutral. It grants you great protection from Paladins who are unwilling to kill children, it allows you to get to your child apprentice quickly by destroying yourself and reforming at their location, and it's kind of endearing in a "I will always be with you" sort of way.

Un-objects like this. Say a spellbookcase with spellbooks in it. Travelers briefspellbookcase. Treasure chest with spellbooks in a false bottom.

Well at first I thought you had to have an inanimate object, like a ring or necklace, so my plan was to make an object the phylactery and then perform surgery on the child to put it inside of her. Then I realized that it could be a living object as well, so that's what I would do instead.

Inside another lich.

Can you make recursive Phylactery? A lich who makes another lich his phylactery, whose phylactery is another lich whose...

Phylactery regenerates as long there's another lich down the line.

Create a kingdom. Create a crown. Make a weidly-shaped diamond in it your phylactery, so that the writings of Vow of Eternal King won't be easy to ifnd on it. Make crown reject wrong candidates and give some solid advice to kings.
Who the fuck's gonna break a magical crown of a powerful king that's either on royal head or heavily guarded.

>good/neutral versions of these?
step 1: fuel your lichdom by something that's not negative energy or souls of others
step 2: hide your soul in whatever coz there shouldn't be much peple willing to hurt you

Give it to a bird with a wide migration pattern.

If you don't know, no one can force or read the information from your mind.

also an idea:

put the phylactery in a gold coin, and then trade it away into circulation

*kills liches simultaneously*

A dildo in your personal dildo collection.
Nobody is going to even want to touch it, much less look for it.

Regardless of where, always make at least two.

All right, another user here, let's throw a curveball. What if the phylactery has to be somewhat close to the corpse for the body to move?

*backstabs you*

Until some king decides to melt down and recast coins and you die.

Wouldn't this result in both being destroyed simultaneously? Since in killing one, you destroy the phylactery of the other? Or is it like,
>L1 is destroyed but regens at position of L2,
>L2 then recreates phylactery inside of L1,
>L1 then goes on his merry way.
?

Make it into a small piece of rebar.

Think about it. When's the last time you saw some rebar break?

Kill lich one, and he will reform at lich two's location. Kill lich two, and he will reform at lich one's location. The only way to permanently kill them is to kill them both before either has time to reform.

I see, the lich itself is the phylactery, and it regenerating is also the regeneration of the phylactery. Ty anons.

But if Lich 1 dies, then that means they just destroyed Lich 2's phylactery. Unless you mean the soul of the lich is your phylactery?

But that shouldn't work, since the phylactery IS the soul of a Lich. You can't put a soul inside of another soul, I don't think.

Make the letter 't' your phylactery ('e' is taken).

Priceless works of art made into phylacteries, located in dragon hoards.

You could get a third lich involved, and form a triangle of lich phylacteries.

I know! Make the concept of joy your phylactery. Pyrrhic victory at best!

A box

You hide it in your dungeon and put some fancy looking magical artifact inside.

>located in Dragon Queen's hoard

>giving your phylactery a lifespan
For what purpose?

At that point, why not just create a pyramid scheme of Liches?

Top Lich (you) puts their phylactery into a Lower Lich, who puts theirs into another Lower Lich, ect, ect, all the way until the bottom bitch Lich puts their phylactery into you.

Except you put your real phylactery into bottom bitch Lich, and lobotomized him and stuffed him into a mythril box in the bottom of a 500 foot chasm that you filled in, made fertile and turned into the capital of a kingdom.

It has other uses as well. If the child ever needs me, I need only destroy my body and I will be able to reform at their location shortly thereafter. Paladins and heroes will be hesitant to kill an innocent child. And if you care about the child, by putting your soul into their body you are forced to take care of them above all else. There's also the somewhat cheesy yet endearing quality of literally always being with them.

Quick reading
>Each lich must make its own phylactery, which requires the Craft Wondrous Item feat.

This means it has to be an actual physical item. This removes my first choices of things which aren't quite items (the planet, ocean, whatever), or more abstract concepts (a bloodline, a nation).

What you want is a phylactery that has at least one of the following properties:
>Indestructibility
>Horrible consequences if interfered with
>Unlocatable

I'd actually go for the third, whilst approaching the first as much as possible. How to make it unlocatable? Ditch it on another plane. Preferably, a plane where you can survive when reborn as lich. I suggest the Elemental Plane of Air, or the Elemental Plane of Water. In both cases, have the phylactery be something that looks like the surroundings (ie translucent) whilst also being extremely tough. Add some nasty taste so creatures don't swallow it by accident. Or maybe that's all the better. Who expects the nigh-indestructible phylactery to be in the stomach of some native fauna

>Who expects the nigh-indestructible phylactery to be in the stomach of some native fauna

Bonus 'metal as fuck' points for having to burst out of the creature when you come back (if you interpret rejuvenation that way).

"Immortal lich, born of "parents' names", born of a greater water elemental, born of a blue whale, born of an orca"

Pose as kindly doctor. Actully cure peoples horrible diseases with your powerful lich magic. Tell them you cure them via creating an item they must be bound to. Said item kills the person if it is destroyed. Tell them you keep the item to continue the treatment of their condition. Said items look just like your phalactrie. Keep them altogether. Rely on anyone coming after you having learnt about your deception. Let them have fun picking the right one.

You poor bastard: you just tried to give a Paladin a moral quandary.

I don't think the child is going to appreciate that paladin's solution. I am, after all, her only parent and father figure since, who has given her warm food and a nice castle home, and named her heir to all I have built for her. To her, I'm practically a saint, I've got "World's Best Dad" mugs and her unconditional love to keep me company. She will not be happy to lose me. It might even make her hate those paladins and their "good" gods.

>he wants to imprison the ancient evil instead of destroying it

Sure m8, what could possibly go wrong

Fuck off, cunt. We know what 'lich' is, if you mentioned an actually benevolent type of undead, you might have a case, but at the moment it's pretty fucking clear either the lich is evil or you're twisting the word 'lich' so far past the breaking point to where it no longer has meaning. And who gives the fuck about being hated by some child? Give her a fucking teddy bear and a shitload of Ice cream and her shallow ass memories of a parental Mr. Skeleton will be wiped away.

Hey friendo, up to you, but I'd rather trust the next generation of heroes to finish the job than arbitrarily murder a child on the off chance a lich was telling me the truth.

Hang on, so you're saying it's impossible for an evil character to have any redeeming qualities or loved ones at all? I have to hate literally everyone all the time for me to be a proper evil character?

"Dave, you can't just get rid of all your fears by making more lich-phylacteries!"

"TRY AND STOP ME."

Hang on, so your saying that as an evil character I'm not allowed to have any redeeming qualities or loved ones? The only way to be a proper evil guy is to hate everyone all the time? Okay, if you say so, but keep in mind that would mean even Hitler wasn't evil by DnD standards.

Are you intentionally acting dumb? If the traits are actually 'redeeming,' you're not evil and are instead a benevolent or neutral undead; if they're 'sympathetic' traits, you're evil but the person you could've been is easily mourned; if they're 'excuses', you're an evil sack of shit and deserve to be put to the sword.

Likewise with loved one; congrats, you care about your family! Doesn't detract from the fact you went full Joker on some innocents earlier, asshole.

First off, that image is FUCKED UP!
Second off, what about White Necromancy?
An ability that gives Intelligent Undead the same Alignment as the Necromancer that raised them?

This is for you:
Please be baiting or shitposting.

>Likewise with loved one; congrats, you care about your family! Doesn't detract from the fact you went full Joker on some innocents earlier, asshole.
So, in other words, nothing you said in had anything to do with what I was saying earlier.

Honestly, I don't care one way or another about benevolent or neutral undead; they don't fuck with me, I don't fuck with them, or maybe they're cool, I dunno.

But you take the word Lich, which has unequivocally been associated with evil since jump, and tell me he's implanted something in an innocent so he can live without fear of paladins? Seems real fucking dodgey to claim, a moment later, he's not a sack of shit.

YOU SET THE SCENARIO AS BEING A LICH, FAGGOT! WHAT, EXACTLY, DO YOU THINK YOU NEED TO DO TO BECOME A LICH?!

Here's a hint: it ain't hugging puppies and staring wistfully at sunsets.

>Seems real fucking dodgey to claim, a moment later, he's not a sack of shit.
Whoa, no where did I claim I wasn't a sack of shit. But even sacks of shit have friends and family, whom they love and who love them.

I'm going to assume that we have limiting factors on both size (let's say no smaller than a quarter, nor larger than a fridge), and available space (you need to be able to regenerate from it, so you need a body's worth of space immediately handy). Additionally, regeneration takes place over several days in which you're vulnerable and not terribly mobile.

What if sediment at the bottom slowly buries it over your centuries of unlife?

Similar to the common "grain of sand" strategy. Just make sure it's specifically a stone in a tower that tends to be pretty unoccupied, so you can regenerate in peace.

Okay, that's just impractical. If successful, it likely kills the kid, wasting a lot of time and effort. Additionally, anyone strong enough to kill you will kill your apprentice too.

Having a creature (even another lich) as a phylactery seems like a bad idea. In your case, I would assume that destroying that lich would count as destroying your phylactery, even if they proceed to regenerate, as you make an object, not a soul, your phylactery. Their physical body is your phylactery, and if that gets broken, you have problems. And lichs tend to attract paladins.

This would be fantastic, but takes a loooot of setup. Also regeneration could be awkward if it was kept somewhere on display or with a guard, or in a sanctified area which would hurt you while regenerating.

Now, tying your phylactery to the life of a good person is an interesting idea, forcing all sorts of lovely moral quandries for do-gooders. Kind of like the above, but still works even if they know what it is, but has the downside of being more visible than the above. If the royal family figures out what it is, you may consider trying to be less of a pain than the heir is good. IE they lose more by breaking it than they gain.

Getting out of that would be so annoying, if there was room at all.

We had this thread every goddamn week in 6 years now.

So. . . At what point, therefore, are the forces of good not justified in smiting you? I mean, love doesn't mean jack in terms of morality. So, why shouldn't a good person do anything, given this hypothetical situation?

Of course the forces of good are justified in smiting me, that's why I made my phylactery an innocent child, so that they might be unwilling to do what needs to be done to defeat me.

A phylactery is a hinged box with profane writings. It's pretty clear.

Then we refer to the earlier observation, Dr. Cunty McBones III, Eater of Dicks. Into the pit of burning fluid with you until she dies of natural* or unpreventable causes, then we smash the phylactory and boom, done-zo.

*Justified Smiting is a natural cause of death.

Or the girl commits suicide of her own decision, and is then resurrected by the Powers that Be because of the nobility of her decision and how pissed off they were at mouthy liches.

>good/neutral liches

Frick off

What if the Lich resurrected the girl?

Kinda hard to do when your phylactory is broke as shit. Furthermore, requires the deceased and a god to agree; not many liches are going to get those two.

the body of the hero destined to defeat you.

I used to think liches were boring until I realized Sauron and Voldemort were both liches.

That's the danger that comes with the job I guess, although I might be able to keep her loyal enough to free me even after the unfortunate heroes come knocking.

>I used to think liches were boring until I realized Sauron and Voldemort were both liches.
They are not. Sauron is essentially obliterated when his "phylactery" is (yes a powerless shade is left behind who cares), D&D liches are fine without their phylactery they just lose the auto-resurrection. Conversely, Voldemort had 8 "phylacteries", two of them were living creatures, and when Voldemort was killed he was reduced to a pathetic wraith that took over a decade to revive to full strength with a magic ritual. D&D liches revive in 1d10 days automatically.
Sauron is also considerably lesser without his ring, as his ring is an extension of his own magical power.

Then clause two comes into effect, and justified smiting ensues.

Give it up, dude; you presented what you thought was an unbeatable problem and we cut through it like warm butter. Now, link the girl to something that will cause an apocalypse if not dealt with RIGHT NOW, and you might get a 'paladin falls' worthy reply.

>D&D liches are fine without their phylactery they just lose the auto-resurrection
Oh, is this true? Well in that case two liches should be able to theoretically make the bodies of each other their phylacteries, yes?

Bury you phylactery in the grave next to "yours". That way if anyone checks your "grave" it will look legit. Make sure to label the grave as unknown.

I'll admit that if the girl decides to kill herself that would certainly be bad for me. But if I wanted to create an unbeatable phylactery I wouldn't have chosen a mortal object. I just created one I thought was good for roleplaying.

No, a phylactery has to be an object. It cannot be a creature, no matter how much we like to meme.
You can make a corpse a phylactery, because corpses are objects in D&D. But not a living being of any sort, a magically animated construct, or an undead.

>the character's tombstone
gotta use this for a villain

running with the logic of sentimental phylacteries too
>lich born with shitty name no-one could take seriously as a wizard like Dick Douggins or something
>nonetheless, searched for immortality
>found it in lichhood
>decided to bury his former personality, and use his gravestone as a stepping stone to immortality
>Dick Douggins is dead, there is only Olkron the Infinite

Here's my serious answer:

>Room of Requirement.

Assumption 1: The phylactery is a classic, traditional variety: an amulet, a ring, or a coffer, or some other small item.
Assumption 2: To kill a lich, one must destroy both the lich's body and the phylactery. If one destroys the phylactery but leave the lich intact, the lich can create a new phylactery after 1 week. (The lich is "notified" when his phylactery is destroyed.)

The lich should get a bigass dungeon, with some bigass rooms, and gather as much junk as he can. As many small items as the kingdom's antiquarians can sell. They should all be worthless, to avoid the dungeon from being adventurer's wet dream. No one wants to dungeon crawl for a mound of garbage.

If someone is out to kill the lich, and they know the lich made that dungeon, they'll probably deduce that amidst all this junk, there's the lich's phylactery. They can't burn the whole place down, because phylacteries are tough like that. They'd need to search it by hand. (The lich can be extra crafty and make some items falsely detect as magic to further complicate search.)

Of course the lich will keep watch over his dungeon, and if a group of paladins begins going through his stuff, he'll know someone is out to end him.

Obviously the phylactery IS somewhere in that dungeon.
It's not a red herring (though if it fools someone into thinking it is a red herring, all the better) because there would be no point in the dungeon if someone found the phylactery from someplace else.

Not all objects are creatures but all creatures are objects. Sorry mate.

Ring, go sandy dune desert in the middle of the empty quarter where nobody can travel not even bedouin. Skellies to dig a really deep hole, drop the ring in.

What, the adventurers are going to organize an expedition with porters and coolies to dig up sand and not even know where in the desert the sand is?

Nigga pleeze.

>all creatures are objects
Not by D&D logic.
You can't cast Animate Object on something alive. Creatures are not objects.