C-can I join your party?

>bounded-accuracy.webm

Of course.
All are welcome in Moonclaw Lojads party.

...

Rude!

W-why not eat this shiny red apple? I haven't imbued it with Charm Person or anything...

So do you shoot fireballs from your mouth, or do you trace sigils with your tail, or what? I don't think you can carry reagents...

Also is your coil strength enough to choke an unsuspecting man to death?

I-I can suffocate someone if I get a good enough grip...

I cast all my spells as still spells. I have to, really.

What is a mage? How are you able to talk? Are you a mutant of some kind? Can I extract your DNA and abuse is recklessly?

In fact, why am I even bothering to ask the last question? You're coming with me snake-thing!

I'll take you on if you can convincingly pretend to be a scarf in polite company.

Do you accept gold, or is this a pay-in-mice situation?

>*Rattles academically*

>pretend to be a scarf
S-sure! I'll be the laziest scarf ever!

>gold
>pay-in-mice
I'll accept a large mouse every week and continual warmth.

Well I was looking for a new snakeskin belt...

Man, last time we let a snake join the party, the face tried to kill the psychic, the psychic killed the snake, the tiger ate the vampire, the psychic had to skip town, and the monk was just trying to keep everyone from breaking up. He mostly failed.

So no, probably not.

hydra-media.cursecdn.com/paladins.gamepedia.com/5/57/MalDamba_SP_Joke_3.ogg

I'm hiring the snake! Unless somebody bids higher, this snake just became my apprentice/familiar/neck accessory.

If the scarf is for that witch, that is going to be one happy snake

DO NOT SULLY YOURSELF AMONG THESE SMOOTH SKIN FILTH! COME WITH ME AND KNOW YOUR TRUE HERITAGE LITTLE COUSIN.

Back off buddy. The snek is mine!

I'm gonna buy it tons of enchanted bracelets, so even my necklace will have necklaces!

FOOLISH MORTAL I STRANGLE MOUNTAINS WITH MY BODY AND CALL THEM FROM THE HEAVENS TO SMITE MY FOES. TAKE YOUR DISGUSTING FLESHBAGS AND BEGONE FROM MY SIGHT

Whosss a good girl? Yesss you are, yesss you are...

This idea amuses me.

As long as you are not undead and are nice you should be fine.

You are not a snake. You have limbs, that means you're a amphisbaena. Fucking reptile monsters, don't even know their own cladistics.

This isn't the first time. I've got backup.

And good luck with that strangling thing. My spinal muscles are like mithril pillars from hefting these things around. The snake scarf is just gonna be training weight.

>*hisses*

You got something against undead snakes?

No but our Raven Queen devoted paladin does.

>How are you able to talk?
I-it was a mage! I was sleeping after a fresh meal in the woods, minding my own business, when all of a sudden h-he came along and made me like this!

What is your tensile strength. How long are you. Can you handle cute nicknames like "grappling hook" or "trap tester"?

go back to /v/

No.
Yiff in hell you reptile furry fag.

We don't accept candidates with speech impediments.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?

You think I recognized him? All you humanoids look the same to me.

C-can I join you too? I-I'm not much good in a fight, but I'm smart and I can help with p-puzzles....

What complexity of puzzle?

I-I've done mastermind puzzles before. I've never f-found a puzzle I couldn't solve yet.

>mouse sensitivity too high

Not underrated, but not overrated either. Just kind of...rated.

Y-you're pretty rated too.

(Soz for missing your post, filename-user)

...

fpbp

ohgod I want to pet all of them so badly
sneks are cute, cute!

Sneks are adorable. I love reptiles in general, I have no idea how you can be scared of something that looks like THIS.

When will humans be okay with playing God and breed pigmy reptiles

Honestly if I could have any animal with dog-like affection and intelligence for a lifelong pet, a dog sized spider or a giant snake would be close.

It's a fucking murder machine. Yeah it's a tiny one, but I see those proportionally giant fucking jaws and those souless slitted eyes and i shiver. I would happily crush that underneath my boot and consider the world a better place for it because that's one less monster to grow to maturity.

Ok now look at it.

...

People love being around murder machines. Furry murder machines are the norm, though.

Cute as it is, this thing still sees you as food is hasn't figured out out to eat yet.

No, there is room for only one of snake-mages in this party. And I am far more powerful than you are.

I doubt it. More likely as an enjoyably warm environment.

...

>I doubt it. More likely as an enjoyably warm environment.

You know, somewhere out there is a woman who has trained her pet snake to crawl up her cootch. This is just something you know exists because it's too ridiculous and disgusting for it not to happen.

You know. I don't find that image that ridiculous or disgusting. I should probably talk to someone.

Tunnel Snakes rule!

I think some pagan priestesses could do just that.
Although I don't really see the appeal for the snake, cooch's probably uncomfortably constricting for it.

Here I am again on my own, going down the only road I've ever known. Like a drifter, I was born to walk alone.

It could be a black leather cooch near a window or something, you know nice warm place

What kind of a bird is that, even?

Australian Cockstomper

Secretary - no really if I was to translate it's name to english, it means that.

I think they're called secretarybirds in English as well. They specialize in hunting snakes and other small reptiles, which they kill by kicking them with their taloned feet.

So they are. Cool.

Of course you may join our party, my child. We are on a quest for Steel!

My attendant Thorgrim will tale good care of you.

I always tell the folks I know who are deathly afraid of snakes that if they just spent an bit of time with mine, they wouldn't be as scared. It's the mystery and what tou don't know that makes them frightening.

They're neurotic and kind of dumb really.

When it comes to humans, 99% of the time the snake is either scared shitless or just stressed seeing as most bigger things that want to pick them up over the past several million years has done so with the desire to eat them.

...

I'd bite right into that mmmmm

Absolutely not.

Why I find this cute?

I agree with my estemeed colleague.

Thanquol, pls go.

no step plz

They live in africa you retarded double faggot

>I explicitly requested the exact opposite!

neat, looks like a dinosaur

Why do you think they're named the Australian Cockstomper then? It's a defense mechanism they evolved, so that those who want to hunt them end up stuck in australia instead of africa.

If it's wild or you don't handle it often, then probably. But I got my cornsnake when I was a teen and held it for hours everyday. Now when you open the cage she'll go right up your arm before you even pick her up, she knows it's time for an adventure!
And I remember once my cat broke the top and she got out. Instead of escaping to a heated area or where her feeding tank was (close to her regular tank), she slithered up the couch and onto my lap when I was reading.

...

That's the cutest thing I've ever heard

This reminds me of the time my party did a whole session as normal animals that got hold of magical items a really drunk necromancer dropped while flying in a zeppelin above their town. Corgi paladins are still a beloved inside joke between us to this day.

>Instead of escaping to a heated area
>she slithered up the couch and onto my lap
So she DID go for a heat source.

Not to be a debby downer but that snake is almost certainly just doing that for the warmth she provides. I don't even think snakes have the brain functions for love or empathy.

There were other heat sources that were closer and warmer than me, which is what I meant. There was a heat vent, several patches of sunshine that she could have basked in, and my dad was doing some paperwork in a location closer to her cage than I was.

But yes, technically, she went for the familiar heat source.

They seem to at least recognize some level of familiarity, though.

Always wondered how they drank water.

Ratmen get out this is a coldblood thread!!!

[SMITES INTERNALLY]

>Error: Maximum file size allowed is 3 MB
Thanks be to /wsg/
i.4cdn.org/wsg/1493534379503.webm