Things the paladin can say, but not the rogue

Things the paladin can say, but not the rogue.

I have healing hands.

I am a goody guy

I have to make it through this fight, for my family.

Trust me.

I need the money

"oh no, I'm falling"

I turned out fine.

I swear I didn't know she was three.

"Why would I attack from behind while my opponent is not aware?"

No, I really don't know what happened to all the jewels from the hoard.

Blade with whom I have lived
Blade with whom I know die
Seek right and justice one last time
Seek one last heart of evil
Still one last life of pain
Cut well friend. Then farewell.

It's a shitty rogue that can't tell boldfaced lies. They can 'say' anything the paladin can.

No no, you keep it.

It's over! I have the moral High Ground!

"And that's why I killed him, your honor."

My honest thoughts on the matter are...

I do this kind of stuff all the time!

Spare me

"Help, I've fallen, and I can't get up!"

"The baby is mine."

You may kiss a nun once, you may kiss a nun twice, but you mustn't get into the habit!

I spend a good hour or two before sleep every night on my knees

lol clever!

"We are going to kill you fer yer k-krimes"
Rogues don't inform.
Good one

My loins are officially sanctified

"I'll do it for free"

"Ladies enjoy it when I lay hands on them"

"You can trust me. I never back-stab anyone!"

"Sneak? Not on my watch!"

I cast Lay on Hands.

I didn't steal it.

I am going to challenge them to a fight while you sneak behind them and grab that artefact.

I'm innocent.

Is that a trinket in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

I'll pay for that

"I assure you, I will pay you the money later."

Negroes and kikes, they ain't human.

Truth.

For you

>Things the Bard wants no one to ever know.

he's a virgin

He impregnated the dragon

The instrument is magical, and he can't play, also he is lip syncing with the halfling he hides in the pub's piano.

He has 17 different VDs
He has to keep adventuring to keep up his child support payments - currently over 25k gold/month
He fucked your mother last week

Spare me from the nothing ive become.

His "perform" bonus does not extend to the realm between the sheets.

"I'm taking Lore bard at 3rd specifically to show up the wizard."

He's a eunuch.

That would explain his angelic voice.

underrated

He's a terribly uncreative songwriter/composer, his actual talent is scrounging up obscure songs to plagiarize and claim as his.

His tenor is amazing, I'll give him that. Almost into soprano territory, though.

>Things you find in the Lich's room

A large leather tome you think is a compendium of powerful spells. -- It's a book on skeleton puns.

A collection of porcelain unicorns

A scroll with a list of command words he keeps forgetting

I actually did that once. Bard had aids and was trying to set his many, many kids up before his body gave in.

>putting actual aids in your medieval fantasy game
gross

"So, you wanna be a Paladin" by Sir Kodlak III volumes 1-7

Whom that sad and somewhat scary music he plays alone locked up in his room at midnight actually is for.

A very old portrait of a cute necromancer.

A Vecna Dakimakura

Three magazines of Seksy Skellies monthly, and a half empty tub of bone polish

A lovingly preserved skeletal cat (may or may not be animated)

A fanfic about a lonely lich and the kindly MILF priestess who redeems him

Old dresses stuffed into the back of the closet. They're all the equivalent of 2XL in women's.

Things you can do to your animal companion but not your best friend.

Scratch them under the chin and ask them who's a good boy?

Various IQ tests to determine how many salient abilities he will gain over his career scrutinized upon and detailed with self-analysis on bias/the questions asked- before he scrapped the idea in favour of making his own 'fairer' IQ test to gauge the information.

Have sex with them.

Feed them human remains

9 out of 10 completed Trojan Horse Doomsday Devices to conquer the world.
Several super obvious cursed weapons that have yet to be covered in illusions.
Blackmail material of nobles.
The actual king of the kingdom, imprisoned in magic. (But I heard the king's fine?)
Prototype scrolls to hold 10th level magic.
Interplanar tuning forks.
Dummy phylacteries.
Phylacteries to servant liches.

Sadly not mine but the user who wrote this still has my recognition

Mount them.

kek

Paladins are the dumbest fucking class ever. They are seriously shit.

Taxation isn't theft

I don't get it

The black robes nuns wear are called habits, essentially saying "You can kiss a nun but you aren't allowed to get in their pants."

I got a good laugh.

...

this

Huh... Never knew that.

Man that's a good joke now lol

>Something you might say about a Tiefling

That's a tiefling

horny

At least they're not Drow.

I got a new mount!

>t. dick ass rogues who had a paladin stop them

Hey at least they have built in handle bars.

>I have healing hands.
There was a hilarious story time about a stab happy rogue passing themselves off as a cleric.

Is that a horned Kender or a small Tiefling?

Kek

>Blade with whom I know die
int dump paladins.

Man you sure got him a full day after the fact

Sorry I don't check Veeky Forums 24/7, illiterate paladin user.

In my defence, I though tieflings were fireproof

What's it like having no eyebrows?

"That's what my character would do!"