I was working on an Iron Chef style food competition for a setting and realized that I didn't know exactly how you would cook stuff like Beholder or Dragon. So, I figured I'd ask Veeky Forums and we could put together some recipes. Let's take some fantasy creatures and figure out dishes that a party might eat in a big fancy restaurant or cooked over a campfire.
Also just post fantasy food really if you want.
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Dragon's like alligator: Extremely goddamn chewy and rubbery. Gotta either cook that shit for ages in water to get it to soften up, or go the opposite direction, embrace its nature entirely, and make some everlasting dragon jerky.
Beholder? That's just like eating rocky mountain oysters, son.
I was thinking about Beholders, and I figured that because of the eye rays, all of the smaller eyes are probably not something you want to try eating unless you're adventurous as fuck. Going off of the 5e lore for them though, I figure all beholders taste different due to their chaotic and self-influencing nature, but a few things probably remain constant.
>First, the center eye while edible, isn't very tasty and carries a bit of its antimagic properties, making spells slightly weaker after ingesting it. (Maybe make those who eat it spend two spell slots on a spell for a couple hours after?)
>Secondly, the tongue tastes similar to beef tongue, and can be cooked into a hearty sandwich, usually by brineing it and then serving with spicy mustard for a kick.
>Thirdly, the tentacles are quite good, and retain some of their magical nature while still remaining unfocused enough to prevent the dangers of eating the smaller eyes. Once peeled from the hide, they are usually fried as calamari and served with malt vinegar.
Does anyone have any other ideas on what you could use Beholder for?
>Dragon Jerky
Hell yeah. Maybe the different types work like different flavors. Red dragon has a warm hearty taste, whereas Blue dragons have a strange, tingling sensation as an aftertaste. Copper dragons could taste faintly spicy too.
No, copper dragons taste like salted pennies.
That said, despite its appearance, a cockatrice actually does just taste like chicken.
Use the acidity of the gelatinous cube to make ceviche!
Dungeon Meshi is a great place to get ideas for fantasy cooking.
Oh HELL yes, I've been dreaming of fantasy creature cooking recipes ever since I played Pikmin 2 and read Louie's notes in the Piklopedia.
Now, while is correct in that dragon muscle meat is not particularly useful for anything other than jerky (which, appropriately enough, is perfect for adventurers with access to fresh dragon meat), their internal organs are a different story. Specifically, dragon liver makes a wonderfully succulent pate, especially if you include small (read: SMALL) portions of the flame sac, which will impart a flavorful and unique smokiness to the pate (again, use with care, adding too much will overpower the base flavor of the liver).
I mean, snake does kind of taste like chicken though it's got a different texture. I could see Cockatrices being a really cool fancy restaurant food, since they could make lots of different textured dishes with the same or similar tastes.
Hell yes. You could even dice them up into little tiny cubes for presentation.
That and Kuutei Dragons.
I wonder if that has to do with the dragon's diet, since the liver acts as a filter. If dragons potentially eat their hoard, is the liver's succulence derived from the digestion of the gold?
>I wonder if that has to do with the dragon's diet, since the liver acts as a filter. If dragons potentially eat their hoard, is the liver's succulence derived from the digestion of the gold?
Oh for sure, though it's best to get liver from a dragon with a decent hoard (too little results in sub-par succulence, while too much results in liver with a notable metallic taste that's very hard to cover up with seasonings). As far as diet goes, dragons that primarily eat wild game and the like are preferable, as the livers of humanoid-eating dragons carry the risk of imparting some pretty nasty diseases.
Speaking of things you shouldn't eat, flumph meat is recommended only if you enjoy shitting your intestines out, coupled with pretty fucked up hallucinations (which is a shame, because the texture of flumph meat is so unbelievably soft and buttery it is almost too good to resist even knowing the risks).
Oh the Flumph. What cruel twist of nature made you so?
I bet their horrific edible results came as evolution to discourage predators in their home dimension. Alas, it does not stop them being flumphs.
I wrote a Monster Menu-All. All the AD&D monsters, tabulated and sorted, with flavours and effects.
Holy shit user, this is awesome. You've inspired me to try and do the same with some of the later Monster Manuals. I'd love to just comb through stuff like the Fiend Folio or the giant mess of 3.pf Manuals and making cookbooks out of them.
You know what, I'm gonna do this. Someone throw a monster of some kind at me, I'll stat up its cuts and effects.
It's a blessing from the gods. One of the few they have.
>Flumphs.
I'm just passing through, but I did a series last summer on how some of the more unusual monsters survive in the wild and the Flumphf was one of them.
This is just my own world-building head canon/fluff, but I figured that the Flumph's unique life cycle was that of a hostile, parasitic, fungi that preyed exclusively on psychic creatures, specifically (because it's a sapient creature possessing morality) it's favored target being Beholders. It would infect a Beholder with it's spores (which the poor Beholder merely had to inhale or get caught in it's giant vulnerable eye) and after a few weeks would die before eventually it's whole body developing and germinating into a thick bed of Flumph Mycelium and Fungi.
Eventually the little baby Flumphs would 'pick' themselves up off the Mind flayers mummified corpse and continue on their lives....
So, yes, right, anyway; they're mushrooms, but I agree with that user in that they're extremely psychedelic and toxic: so provided you manage to survive your cold sweat spirit journey, you still have to worry about vomiting and the loss of bowel control.
Flumphs being mushroom people is great, and I really like that idea of them being anti-psionic predators.
I would love to have the kind of players that cook creatures they find in dungeons. But... You know... They're not. I may run a food-oriented campaign one day.
Anyway, I think owlbear meat could taste good... Like, a mix between bird and bear wild game. Hard to cook for sure but would surely be nice in a stew. Or in tartar
I like the idea that Bugbears sometimes manage to hunt an Owlbear and they have a big communal Owlbear roast with the rest of their tribe. They roast it underground and have a little festival where they feast on the succulent catch. Owlbear feathers and claws are considered amulets of prosperity to them, since culturally they have connotations of plenty.
Howsabout a death kiss?
Hungriest I've ever gotten during session was when the party got to attend a king's feast and pretty much everything we asked for was on the menu. Spiced owlbear steaks served with blueberries, angel cake made from air elemental extract that melted in the mouth, wyvern roast marinated in their detoxified venom, black pudding pudding, more kinds of mushroom stew than we could count (underdark campaign). It was awesome.
Aren't beholders sapient though?
A lot of people say elves are too, but that hasn't stopped me so far.
Death Kiss is often prepared sliced thinly and marinaded, in a manner similar to jellyfish salad. This marinade is usually a blood-based mixture, as the flesh absorbs it well and accentuates its natural flavors, though sweeter or more savory marinades exist.
Flavor: Chewy and faint, with hints of iron and ozone. Absorbs the flavor of sauces well.
Notes: Due to its very physical means of interacting with the world, the flesh of the Death Kiss is significantly more benign than most of its beholder-kin cousins. However, it is still potent and potentially dangerous if eaten uncooked. If underprepared or uncooked,or if you ingest one of its blood-draining pads, roll 1d10 on the table below.
>1-2: Bloodthinning: The Death Kiss' flesh awakens partially and bonds to your body, constantly feeding off of you. You gain Anemia, taking a -2 to all CON checks.
>3-6: Woozy: The Death Kiss' flesh awakens momentarily, devouring some of your blood. You count as fatigued for the next 1d4 hours.
>7-9: Bloodrush: You feel invigorated as your blood sparks with electricity and hunger! Gain a +2 to one physical attribute (STR, DEX, CON) and one mental attribute (INT, WIS, CHA) for the next 24 hours.
>10: Stormblood: Electricity surges through you and charges your blood with power. Your skin pales slightly and you gain the Death Kiss' Lightning Blood ability permanently, as well as DR5/electricity.
Alright, who wants another? This is really fun.
Yeth hound!
That or general notes on cooking demonic creatures.
>calling animals monsters
fucking weeb shit
Yeth Hounds are a relatively uncommon meal among the denizens of the lower planes, usually more suited to hunting down prey than becoming it. However, some underworld gourmands praise it's naturally smokey flavor and hunt them using Daylight spells to corral them into a place where they can be captured.
Flavor: Stringy and tough, but with a delightful natural smokey flavor, reminiscent of applewood.
Notes: As normal meat, but withers quickly in sunlight, disappearing in minutes if left exposed.
As for general demonic and fiendish cooking tips, I'll post that next. It's all in the preparation.
You telling me something in the Monster Manual isn't a monster? Next they'll be saying the contents of the Fiend Folio aren't fiendish!
>the contents of the Fiend Folio aren't fiendish!
It has angry red eyes for fucks sake! It's plotting something, I know it.
How would you prepare Otyugh?
I don't think you can user
>Preparing creatures of the Underworld
As we all know, demons and devils are some of the more difficult meats to obtain, and wildly varies in flavor, texture, and quality. While Lemure fat may create a sweet flavor when used to fry meats, or Cerebrelith brains make excellent taco filling, the key to all underworld cooking is the proper environment.
Demons and Devils must be cooked using consecrated utensils to avoid corruption and contamination, as their flesh is toxic unless prepared in a sanctified environment or with sanctified methods. However, one must make sure to not use the particular metal that is that type of creatures weakness (silver for Devils, cold iron for Demons) in preparing or serving them: Contact with these metals can cause the flesh to bubble and slough away, ruining the flavor with an acrid and foul tang.
Additionally, all demons and devils need to be de-boned, as the bones of devil and demonkind often are filled with enough spiteful magic to leech into the meat, injuring the flavor and rendering them potentially poisonous. The marrow on the other hand is delicious and highly magical, if very, very evil.
Monstrous lobster and Monstrous Crayfish
>new class: Gourmand
>gets an extra +1 to culinary saves right off the bat
>eventually is given the opportunity to eat opposite alignment creatures without negative effects
>can choose one creature type as a "specialty" of cooking, resulting in bonuses to rolls in combat against creatures of said specialty (i.e. a Gourmand specializing in Seafood gets bonuses if they're pitted up against a kraken). Gourmands start with one specialty, then get a new specialty every five levels.
Generally I'm shit at making new classes but those are some base thoughts about a class involving the Monster Menu-All.
That's quittin' talk user. You can eat anything with enough time, effort, and sauces.
Otyugh is not a meat prepared often. It is greasy, rotten-tasting, and unless cooked very, very thoroughly, anywhere from indigestible to septic. However, in a strange and ironic twist of fate the best method for preparing Otyugh is one of those considered the most foul for regular meats: Otyugh is prepared as Lutefisk. When treated with lye and marinated for days in alternating cold water and alkaline solution, then steam cooked, it produces a gelatinous, smooth, and surprisingly filling dish, though it still contains the same issue of being near-impossible to remove if left in pans overnight.
Additionally, Otyugh that eat a decidedly healthy and non-detritus diet have naturally better tasting meat, especially the liver. Amphibious Otyugh who feed on shrimp, fish, and other such sea life are prized for their livers, which are best served stir-fried with vegetables and scallions.
Common Otyugh unprepared in these ways are much the same as eating Carrion Crawler, with the same results.
What denotes them as monstrous? Are we talking Dire Crayfish, or are we talking Fiendish Crayfish? Are they just big, or is there something else going on?
Hell, I'd play it. I could see it being basically the melee class equivalent of a Druid or Bard, the one that has lots of specialized knowledge and support skills, while in this case still remaining effectively a martial combatant.
they just seem to be big and angery
>pickle press (Marcille)
This manga is just too damn good.
According to Chris Perkins, they are pretty good tasting.
I always liked those blue mages from FF that eat stuff to get powers.
You wouldn't a Tarrasque.
Man that'd be a great premise too
>insane gourmand awakens Tarrasque to taste it
Thanks! Good luck!
Oh yeah, I remember your stuff! It was good. You've got a great art style. Shit, what's your blog again?
Make them like the horrific cross between Chairman Kaga and the Big Game Hunter from Jumanji.
I like this a lot, especially the idea of getting improvements from eating things. If this thread is still here tomorrow I'll write up a quick and dirty class based on this.
>Oh yeah, I remember your stuff! It was good. You've got a great art style. Shit, what's your blog again?
spaghettiart.tumblr.com
I haven't posted much recently, but I'm casually working on a quest I plan on running on /qst/.
r u a boy or a girl
All the eyes just mean you should steam Beholders in soy sauce and ginger like you do fish, so that the eyes get gooey and flavorful. The rest of the body is just there to hold the eyes together after all.