>making home made pizza
>ready to put it in the oven
>turning the knob, the lighter is kinda out of gas
>click, click, click, click
>ugh seriously
>click click click click
>I wonder if I used enough onions...mmmhmm I love me some onions
>click click click BOOM
>fire in my fucking face, almost took my head off
People with ADHD like me should be banned from the kitchen by law.
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Serves you right for employing that idiotic "loves me some" phrasing.
OP why didn't you toss ice cubes into hot oil to cool it off? The more ice cubes you toss in, the fast it cools off.
Was planning on having spaghetti bolognese, was midway in cooking the sauce when I realised that I didn't have any spaghetti. Had to finish the sauce and then go out, get some spaghetti and cook it
Wait, what kind of oven requires you to light it manually?
The type that is probably like 20 years old.
>be younger
>me and brother would always make pizzas in oven when mom wasn't home
>she always kept breadcrumbs in a large plastic Tupperware in the oven
>we often forgot to take it out during the preheat causing huge messes
>one day pre heating oven and realize we left the Tupperware inside again
>only started to drip down through the rack, not a big puddle yet
>take rack out and pry it off
>clean breadcrumbs
>clean bits off the rack
>looks good
>didn't know what to do with the now severely deformed container
>there's houses being built across the street from us and it's a big dirt pile at that time
>I go outside and toss it into the empty lot and come home
>later mom comes home
>she's holding the melted Tupperware
>I threw it right on the edge near the street
Didn't get in trouble cause at least we cleaned, and never burned anything else in the house.
\
>home made pizza
>ready to put in oven
>turning the knob
Come on, you have to preheat the oven to a high temp for pizza.
If you aren't stupid then you are, at least, making yourself appear so with this retarded attempt at starting a thread
You're sound just like my mother going on about "proper" cooking. They literally come out the same.
Preheat the oven-->bake pizza for 15 minutes
Don't preheat the oven-->bake for 20 minutes, tastes exactly the same
>baking a pizza for 15 minutes
That shit is burned.
You have no idea what you're doing and your basic parameters are so askew that you're fucked from the beginning.
Not only are you apparently incapable of using basic kitchen appliances but you are so unaware of the methods and goals of cooking something as simple as a pizza that you actually think that the "accident" is that you don't know how to start your oven.
Here's a hint. The accident was your mother's and it involved not getting an abortion.
>get drunk
>decide to roast a whole chicken
>smoke detector batteries are dead
>keep drinking anticipating an awesome roast chicken for drunk muchies
>jerk off, pass out
>wake up 4 hours later with burning nostrils
>1 foot of smoke on the ceiling
>oh fuck
>run kitchen, open oven get a face full of smoke.
>panic
>grab with oven gloves, still get burned.
>toss out the window in a panic
>enjoy racoons/possums/stray cats
>even they dont want that shit. take a walk of shame 2 days later to bag up and toss a charred mess into the trash.
Wow, you are one sexually frustrated virgin, aren't you?
Get a life.
> manager at a small mexican restaurant
> new hire walks in and starts getting ready to start her first shift
>hear grunts of frustration from the office
> she walks up and asks why the fryer wont turn on
>go to check to see if she didnt fuck up my equipment
> look and notice that pikot light switch isnt on
> turn it and stick lighter inside
> BOOM!.mp4 eyebrows singe and facial hair reduces by 50%
Turns out she turned the gas on and in my hurry to get back to my manager shit I didnt notice so I blow myself up.
>make a shitty frozen pizza because high and munchsome
>forget to take it off the Styrofoam base
>go smoke another
>timer dings
>something smells weird
>oh well, cut pizza up and plate it
>don't realise until slice 3 that I'm eating plastic
>worst bellwether of my life, had to take a day off work
>I quit smoking grass because of this
>Styrofoam base
what backwards country still does this?
Pretty much all of them? It was a shitty pizza, I wasn't expecting it to have a fucking stone underneath it for muh authenticity
styrofoam is bad for the environment. We use cardboard as a base for our frozen pizzas
>Pretty much all of them?
never seen this in australia. Always cardboard.
Gilfoyle? Is that you?
>staying at uncles house with my older brother
>He wants to make pizza, gets ingredients ready
>""Preheats"" gas stove (it was not self lighting)
>15 minutes later the entire house smells of that pungent artificial natural gas smell
>Tell him to open all windows and explain to him that not all ovens are electric
>"I want my pizza"
>Leans into the oven and tries to light it
If that lit I don't know how much burn damage I would've had being in the kitchen next to him yelling at him
> Peeling potatoes
> Slice slice slice
> slice slice
> OW FUCK
> I've taken a chunk out of my finger
> Enough to have taken a slice out the fingernail as well
> Since when was the peeler that sharp?
> Faint scar ever since
> Camping
> Making breakfast for ~20 people
> Big frying pan
> Open wood fire
> Lots of oil in the pan for lots of food
> Hard to lift the pan, because it's heavy and the metal handle heats up
> Slip slightly
> Oil sloshes
> Oil catches fire
> Breakfast catches fire
> Panic, pull pan off fire, set it on the floor, let it burn out there
> Know better than to dump water on it, because fire safety badge.
> Yelling summons people
> Explain that breakfast sort of caught fire
> Eat it anyway; no use wasting food
Not for frozen pizza. Shit's pre-cooked, so just preheat the oven with it inside.
Bullshit, when I was a kid the oven had an igniter.
>be Burger
>come home exhausted after 10 hours of wage slavery
>too tired for actual food
>put some chicken tendies in the toaster oven
>turn the timer to 20 minutes because I like 'em crispy
>setitandforgetit.png
>go upstairs to take a shower
>end up falling asleep
>wake up some time later
>go downstairs
>two feet of black smoke trapped on the ceiling of my split-level
>shitty old smoke detector just a few feet away in the kitchen is silent because it's in clear air
>dafugman
>timer got "stuck" and didn't turn the oven off
>tendies were puffed up, black, and literally shooting flames out the gap in the top of the toaster oven door at least a foot high
>bottom of the cabinets were bubbled and charred
>stare at it for full seconds, considering just getting in my car, driving to the grocery store, and hoping the house is gone when I get back to call the insurance company
>sigh, decide I'm not feeling fraudy that day
>unplug the toaster oven with a broom stick, douse the fire with water
>open all the windows and set up some fans to try to vent the smoke
>look at my poor blackened tendies
>call a friend
>drive to Applebee's for half price appetizers
That was enjoyable to read