I seriously hope you don't do this

That was lovely

Rationally, I know this is a joke but I'm still getting triggered by it

Real talk though

why the fuck does pizza taste better when you eat it with utensils?

You have an iron deficiency

even using plastic fork and knife dude

There is this one takeaway in our town that drowns their hamburgers in sauce. sometimes my aunt brings some along and it would be rude to not eat them and then I do it with a knife and fork because otherwise it wouldn't be possible to hold the darn thing.

*rim shot*

>takeaway
You're not American so whatever you have to say about hamburgers doesn't count.

> wake up
> Salute my American Flag wall poster
> Text my gf
> "We're eating fancy today"
> Get a shower, wash down with Axe bodywash
> Get dressed, American flag T-shirt and jorts with crocs
> Spray on Axe
> Go to corner store
> Pick up grape flavored wine coolers and dollar store candles
> Pick up GF
> She waddles towards my Ford and wedges herself into the seat
> Go to local hole-in-wall fast food eatery
> Order four triple cheeseburgers with extra mayo
> Man cooking burgers screams "ouch"
> His stomach is hanging out of his shirt and he burned it on the griddle
> Carries on cooking
> We pay in freedom notes and get back in Ford
> Drive to beach
> Get out, remove our crocs, and carefully tiptoe through the mixture of sand, beer bottles, and coca cola cans
> Perfectspot.jpg
> Take off my XXXXL T-shirt, cut it down the middle, and lay it out for us to lay on
> Unwrap burgers, open wine coolers, light candles
> Sun is going down now
> Reflecting perfectly on the shimmering layer of oily waste on the water
> GF lives me a long, slow, passionate kiss
> Takes a sip of her wine cooler, says it isn't sweet enough
> TFW only 68 grams of sugar
> She unwraps her burger
> user, where's the silverware?
> Mfw she wanted to eat a burger with silverware
> Break up with her for not being American enough
> Get back in truck, drive home, salute poster, cry self to sleep

>Hamburgers are American.
Clue's in the name, fuck-tard.

My dad dose this some times but only because he littarly only has about afew teeth left and a big gaping hole at his top right and a smaller bottom right teeth, its kind of funny watching him trying to bite something with his lone front tooth.

>mixed brood
Lost

Most sandwiches are better when cut in half.

>2016
>eating with your hands
What are you, an Indian?

>teaching your kids a lesson about keeping their word

Did anybody ever take the time to teach YOU a lesson about piecing together words?

Run on sentences out the ass, capitalising a noun when it's not being used in the context of a name, bad punctuation... The list goes on.

Fuck you right in your burger-cutting ass.

what, ever eat a hamburger? yeah dont worry im not a fat stupid american.

>today
>not eating only raw vegs and fruits with your hands or a knife at most

what is this, the 90s?

Good for you. Fuck that bitch. Her lifestyle sounded unhealthy.

Oh its because your white trash or black

Only if the burger is two massive for the bun

I do what I want , suck my dick OP

>mixed blood
>husband is still present
>implying

Jesus fuck

i do this with ramen-bun burgers

fork and knife.retard with legos

...

If this isn't copypasta I want more Veeky Forums mom blog

You write like a 9th grader who tries to suck up to the teacher.

No, I do this.

My parents do this with both burgers and doner kebap

>no one got shot

I don't believe you m8

Which anime is this?

I seriously hope everyone uses their silverware correctly like OP's pic appears to be showing. Every time I see one of my friends use their fork like a shovel, or do that bizarre double fisted criss cross cutting method I die a bit on the inside.

Veeky Forums pre-2016

>Mixed brood
Disgusting

>> TFW only 68 grams of sugar
fucking hell user

>a noun when it's being used in the context of a name
That's called a proper noun, big guy.
The more you know!

>Run on sentences out the ass, capitalising a noun when it's not being used in the context of a name, bad punctuation.
That's a run-on sentence.

I wouldn't be surprised if this was from a real blog.

When I went to Sweden to visit my fiancee's family and friends they ate EVERYTHING with utensils. We went to get bagels and coffee (they call it fika, like it's anything more that "lets get some Starbucks") and they were cutting it with a knife and eating with a fork.

Who fucking does that? I told another one of her friends about it and she said "yeah we are kind of proper but I will eat pizza with my hands fuck it."

...

Don't give a fuck.

guaranteed responses

...

Odd burger, what countries tend to have burgers wider than taller besides japan?

...

Proper burgers, i mean. If you exclude mcshit, even stuff like wendies is taller

>proper burgers

Um, where to you think the vast majority of the world was first introduced to burgers?

Also, the basic McDonald's burger is closer to the classic, old fashioned diner style burger (and the original was served on fucking sliced bread).

>Um, where to you think the vast majority of the world was first introduced to burgers?

That doesn't mean they're any good.

They're classic style, sure. But shitty implementation. The classic style was cooked fresh to order, not baked in a factory then microwaved when you order it.

using a flatter bun or flattening the meat more before you bake it makes your burgers like that. When I go to a burger joint (proper burgers, not mc tier shit) they still are still slightly wider than high

How thick are your patties? Im thinking the average would be about 2.5 centermeters

>was first introduced to burgers?

In their backyard, with someone's dad grilling them for friends and family.

Pretty sure everyones first burger is a happy meal cheese burger

What sort of trashy friends/reliatives do you have, user? My first was exactly as described it. the first time I went to McDs I thought it sucked ass because my neighbor's home-grilled burgers were so much better.

Plus, what red-blooded American is so pathetic they can't grill their own burgers?

I make bread flatter so the stuff inside the burger wont spill out as easily when you take a bite. I havent measured them but they are not that thick and pretty wide. Also I usually make the meat flatter so I can put more other stuff on it without it being too tall to be easily eatable and makes them faster to cook.

Nobody was talking about Americans...

The point was the rest of the world was introduced to burgers - the American food - often through McDonalds...

any fast food burger

Dude even before a bbq when youre like 1 or something youll undoubtedly have a happy meal

Nothing you said has anything to do with burgers being wider than they are tall.

Nothing about quality was even being discussed.

>The point was the rest of the world was introduced to burgers - the American food - often through McDonalds...

Ah, I know nothing about that. But if you're correct, that's fucking sad.

then again, I suppose most Americans only know pizza from places like pizza hut, so it does make sense....

What kind of shit parents feeds a 1 year old a happy meal? Serious question.

You fucker, you beat me to it

Great, not long now till a great get,

Anyway its going to happen almost anywhere, nothing wrong with it as long as its infrequent. Most kids only eat the chips i notice though, building up a tolerance over the years

...

My first burger was in a happy meal, in yurop. Burgers are more common in other restaurants nowadays, but there is an entire generation who had never heard of a hot sandwich in weird bread when being introduced to hamburgers in a McD.
That's why we think you eat shit.

I have some bad news about the authenticity of take away Chinese food too. Well, unless you call it Sino-american food, like tex-mex.

I've seen people give their 1 year olds soda

I just look away and cringe

>That's why we think you eat shit.

You don't make burgers at home?

>the food supplement kown as iron is the same as metallic iron

Veeky Forums level "education" ladies and ladies

(implying ladies only since you all seem to be on shitposting bitches on the rag you daft cunts)

...

More like the context of a title.

That would be like saying, "As a busy Brian..." which you COULD do but why would you?

Versus just using it in the context of a title (which it is) like, "As a busy manager..."

>you see?

Run-on this dick.

...

I cut large burgers in half to save for later.

Two bombs weren't enough

I thought this was a commonly accepted burger eating practice in the West wtf?

The amount of times I've seen people eating a burger with utensils in fast food places such as Mcdonald's, Carl's Jr, In-N-Out, etc. is zero.

I'm in murrica.

Ok John Kasich. Enjoy the fork burger.

Of course I don't eat burgers with utensils. What am I, a barbarian?

Next you'll tell us that you don't even use utensils for candy bars

this was absolutely heartwarming

>that bizarre double fisted criss cross cutting
how does that work/look?

why the fuck am I in tears

Unless my girlfriend makes the food herself she picks everything apart. With burgers she eats the lettuce, then tomato, then onions, then meat etc, pizza she eats the toppings, then the cheese...

>measuring your sugar in grams

Nice try, you almost fooled me with your wholesome tale of American freedom, gommie.

>i seriously hope you don't do this
Why do you care?

Underrated post

plz b my gf

KKEK

Oh no, she did not eat like a fucking savage?

Y'all been here long?

Of course I do this. I am not a savage that feels the need to get my hands dirty by touching my food.

thanks for the blog

>guaranteed responses
>after 12 already posted
>1st one was 24 hours prior

They're his wife's kids.