Hi friends, this is a series I'm going to be posting of me fucking food and rating them. Hope you enjoy

Hi friends, this is a series I'm going to be posting of me fucking food and rating them. Hope you enjoy.

Food Item #1: Grapefruit (Or should I say rapefruit?)

Preparation: (Easy 8/10) Get a simple grapefruit, then cut a vertical slit anywhere. Then cut a horizontal slit making an "X". That X marks the spot for your penis! Take as many fingers as it takes for you to make an similar size of your penis and stuff the hole. Nobody likes a cold dead vagina, so slap that into the microwave till desired warmth. I recommend 20 seconds. Fuck it!

Stealth: 0/10 If you don't live alone, don't try this. The sound is so loud. I'm not joking.

Session: 6/10 It was pretty hard to fuck at first and not as wet as I wanted, but the more I did it, the more juice came out. The acidity almost made it feel like a vagina.

Orgasm: 8/10 for my first episode, this orgasm was intense. I came inside the grapefruit, and I almost couldn't because of the orgasm. My knees still feel weak and wobbly and that says something as I squat a lot.

Cleanup 9/10 if you live alone. Just throw it away, and wash your dick amd hands. 3/10 if you live with people. People will ask bloody questions of why you are walking with a grapefruit full of cum. Also you'll smell like grapefruit a lot. I just wrapped what I did around newspaper that I took into the bathroom, and threw it away as I left.

Thanks for reading! I rate the overall experience a 6/10 wank session. Great if you're alone at home and horny.

The picture after I fucked it by the way. Suggest what you want me to fuck next.

wat

By the way guys, do tell me if you try it and what you think.

not sure what to think, damn OP...

This falls right into my sense of humor, make more OP

Will do. I might not do it everyday but maybe every once in a while. Any suggestions?

Fuck a raw chicken

try a banana peel

This

Will take into consideration. Maybe on the 4th of July I can get my hands on a Turkey.

Use a kiwi as a masturbatory aid and tell us how it was

Will do that. I've done this numerous times but I feel that you all need my expert opinion.

That would probably get seeds up my dick and would take a long time to fuck, but I cant say no to a fan

Fuck one of those big, long shaped watermelons whilst laying on your back. Part of me thinks that, if it's warm, it would feel great.

What about slightly warm apple pie?

How is Jason Biggs not Jewish?

>as i squat a lot
l o l

As I live with roomates, I can try to fuck one, but I'll have to wait till they're gone.
Will do if I get to it, I'm writing down all of these suggestions so Ill get to them sooner or later

I am monitoring this thread.

also:

It rhymes I didn't notice that heh.

>The acidity almost made it feel like a vagina.
this is my favorite part

Fuck an eggplant while your roommates are there and say hey check out my dick emoji

This made me chuckle. However I don't want my roommates to know that I stick my dick in food.

And no worries I wrote down eggplant.

Could you fuck an artichoke or is it too dangerous?

How come no one suggested a cucumber yet? fucking wankers

You don't fuck a cucumber, a cucumber fucks you

Have sex with a woman and then eat her.

Artichoke, no unless I cook it and cool it. Maybe artichoke hearts.
No I am going to fuck a cucumber, I am growing some actually. When they are ready I'll hollow one out, fuck it and post it.
No, that's overrated.

So do you move it up and down like a fleshlight or does it stay stationary?

Make one of those big, jiggly pancakes and fuck it. I feel ashamed to admit but those things are sexy as fuck.

Also, can somebody post the gif or webm of the big, sexy pancakes getting branded. I need it for.... culinary research.

Depends on what you want. I personally moved it like a fleshlight, but you can get something to hold it stationary to fuck it too.

have you tried fucking some of those blubbery looking rice cooker pancakes before

Written down for future use. I put a question mark near it because I don't know what you mean. Regular pancakes, maybe?
No but that sounds kinda hot and fun to fuck post a video or recipe!

Best I could do.

Fuck a braciole

I might undercook that so it would be good to fuck.

Use fried calamari as a cockring

How often are you going to submit your findings? Will you also be posting vids of said food fucking?

I can't post videos as it's against the rules. I might upload it to pornhub or something. I'll post maybe once every two days. Mainly posting on Monday-Friday.

I think I know what I'm gonna do tomorrow. I won't tell you it'll be a surprise.

Also I will start at casual natural more "basic" foods and fuck my way up as I run out of stuff to fuck.

Please continue this. Godspeed OP.

Yup! Too bad I don't feel horny after one wank, otherwise I would fuck so many food items in one day for you all.

>I squat a lot
Made me giggle

Go on OP, that's the best thread of my entire day

I waited for a thread like this all my life.

Threads like these are why I keep coming back here.

OP if it hasn't been suggested, fuck a habanero pepper.

Hey Reddit

Glad I could make your day. Speaking of days, never skip leg day.
Keep coming back, as I've written your habanero pepper request down. I might do a day where I fuck that pepper that stick my dick in ice cream afterwards.
This is Veeky Forums's Veeky Forums board, not Reddit.
Then you'll be coming back tomorrow, right?

Will you be doing foods that are easily penetrated, such as fruit, or will you be doing foods you need to prepare to fuck?

Fuck a bean burrito

A boiled cabbage
A cantaloupe
A ripe mangosteen if you can find one
A beef heart (you can even run electricity through it to make it beat, be careful about that, though)
A pulled pork sandwich

'G O 'Z A
O
'Z
A