John Green is Gross

This
>Tries to parody modern society
>Does it so well he becomes modern society

That's a comforting theory but I'm pretty sure he's just an effeminate bag of cunt.

Wow, that quote is exceptionally bad

>noT a BeLivEr iN rAndOm CapiTaliZation
>nOt thInKinG thE rUles oF CApiTAliZatIon aRe uNfaiR tO ThE LetTers In tHe MiddLe

Every quote is a new exception to the rules of bad.

He is the worst thing that modern society ever created. Strangling him would be a more beautiful act then anything he ever committed to paper.

"Writing novels after John Green is barbaric." -Theodor Adorno

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Wow that made me reconsider my preconceived notions about importance.

>Get a load of this depth.

>it would be cool to see the future
>too bad we can't
damn..

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You don't know the half of it.

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I want to die

they need to autoban 'john green' here for fucks sakes

A girl I know writes exactly like this and is praised for her literary skills. Life's rough when this is considered good.

Here's some quality food for thought to talk you off that ledge.

>7969703
Every teenage girl writes like this, that may be why its so awful. Or if I could John Green about it "It's not that I never grew up but that I never forgot what it felt like to be growing."

Didn't you hear? You don't have to have anything really interesting about your writing style to be good. You don't have to challenge something that the reader might believe. You don't even have to worry about whether or not your writing style particularly awkwardly phrased or excessively ambiguous. Good writing comes from constantly jerking off the reader and telling them that everything is going to be okay.

Remember the blowjob scene from Looking For Alaska? How he made the Romanian girl say shit like "eets so beeg" to show that she had an accent. And the main character in that book was his shitty self-insert. Fuck John "Jihadi John" Green.

He's so much worse he writes a series of awkward sentimental non-statements and insists they're deep.
His novels are tales told by an idiot full of snark and bathos signifying nothing.

I know I'm responding to my own post, but that quote kills me. He says that like he's fucking Rimbaud or Baudelaire when he writes nothing but this horseshit.

10/10 user
I can already tell you're a better writer than John Green.

How the fuck did this guy get popular anyways? I picked up "The Fault in Our Stars" just to see what all the drama was about and all I found was a Manic Pixie Dream boy and some "oh so speshul" grill. Bullshit. I fucking hate him.

These are like the Emilia Clarke threads on /tv/. You guys supposedly hate Green but you can't stop talking about him.

"Kindness is like love, the hearty enthusiast; just embrace what's special." - John "Jihadi John" Green

>there be spooks afoot

Actually he's trying to poke at 'manic pixie' romances with his books. Not sure if that even gets across to his audience desu

I don't like Green either guys, but I still think that quote is pretty good.

Yeah guys he's only pretending to be retarded. His sad-core lyric-esque prose style and geek "culture" narratives are satire.

What an insult that is to real modern satirists like Houllebeqc.

This is like the definition of a purple passage

I heartily disagree but the point I was trying to make was that nothing he writes evokes anything strange or awful.

That colour scheme
kek

I do things like get in a taxi and say "The cereal store, and step on it."

-John Green

This is good. Real good.

I kek'd.
"The Cereal Store" is what John Green calls the local Brothel. He doesn't have sex with any of the prostitutes he just pays to respect their intellect.

The fucking cancer of "doing things", ugh.

"Doing things is what you are doing when you aren't doing other things." - John Green
"Cancer is just the end of life, but life doesn't always end there."- John Green

stop it please

I stumbled upon him and his brother around 2008 and was sadly sucked into their 'nerd fighter' realm. I used to vlog, tumbl, read his books, and go to doctor who conventions. I'm so embarrassed of my 15 year old self and shocked I could have been sucked in so easily influenced.

Thank god I found Veeky Forums, and now know what it means to have TRUE patrician taste. Long live Wallace, Pynchon, and Joyce!

I've never read such an empty and yet totally overwrought sentence in my life

anta

Pretty sure the "slowly and then all at once" bit was adapted from something Hemingway said about going broke.

that was almost a good sentence and then he had to go and ruin it beyond all salvation

i like your altar. is that candle apple cinnamon? if so, you are indeed my literary nigger.

he's not making a satire of anything

he's just doing the vanilla manic pixie girl book with a gender swap + double cancer

Look deeper, it was written by me and says "Kill the jews"

I'm sorry it said " If people were rain, then I was a drizzle and she was a Hurricane." - John Green
Are you glad you asked?

I dont mind this line at all.

"If you can't learn to master your anger, then your anger will learn to master you" - John Green

I don't know if you're aware of this but you're probably a cuckold

"Only a Sith deals in absolutes."

-John Green

John: How do I write?
Homeless guy: Don't forget your pronouns

"If people were reverse-anthropomorphized as the amount of moisture denoting the level of arousal they impart to the vagina of a given woman, then I was a drizzle and Chad was a hurricane." -John Green

This is the funniest thing I've seen on Veeky Forums

delayed kek

"From my point of view, the Jedi are evil"

- John Green

Aw shit mayn.

Whats the cure?!

spine

>He doesn't have sex with any of the prostitutes he just pays to respect their intellect.
kek

'The buying of books would be a wonderful thing, if we could only buy the time to read them'

-John Green

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Actually decent compared to others

>tfw the only introduction to books most people get is through reading The Martian and John Green

'I have a great relationship with the blacks'

-John Green

“How did you go bankrupt?"
Two ways. Gradually, then suddenly.”

But...pretty girls are tasty!

That is just puerile. Maybe this comes from the mouth of a child character of his?

Wait, I honestly thought that was parody. Seriously, is it real? Because that's literotica or fan fiction tier.

IT'S A METHAPOR HURRR DURRRR IM SO SMART HHHRRERRR

B-but... how can it be a metaphore when you literally do just that... isn't that symbolic at best?

Install Ulysses

That was real.

>you don't give it the power to do its killing
Purchasing tobacco products keeps cigarette companies in business thereby giving it the power to do exactly that - kill

I'm convinced by the prolificacy of these thread that they are started by fans of his or possibly even his publishers as a clever bait and switch viral marketing contraption.

It doesn't matter to them that its bad publicity, they are working under the assertion that all publicity is good publicity and spam his face and his abstract nonsensical quotes everywhere

Maybe I'm wrong though and maybe there are people here who are stupid to the point that they actually hate Greene and start these threads as an echo chamber not realising that by keeping his face on the front page of Veeky Forums every waking second of the day that they are, by proxy, doing his marketing work for him.

I probably am wrong, its probably wishful thinking, I am embarrassed to have just scanned this thread but there are people here who read and re-read his books.

Still waiting for someone to realize that my fake quote of John Green says "Kill the Jews."

>im still waiting for someone to unironically read a John Green quote

ftfy

I hate him in much the same way as I hate John Olliver

"The past gathered out of the darkness where it stayed, and the dead raised themselves to live before him; and the past and the dead flowed into the present among the alive, so that intense instant a vision of denseness into which he was compacted and from which he could not escape, and had no wish to escape."

He's a pretty good author tbqh familia.

In that intense instant*

"The past gathered out of the darkness where it stayed, and the dead raised themselves to live before him; and the past and the dead flowed into the present among the alive, so that he had for an intense instant a vision of denseness into which he was compacted and from which he could not escape, and had no wish to escape."

I fucked it up the first time, my b.

But yeah, John Green is great.

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They're both complete idiots who think they're amazingly bright because their values and current bourgeois values are identical.

In short they're both very 2016.

maybe he is parodying modern society...

There's at LEAST one JG thread per day. I genuinely don't understand it. Why can't these faggots just ignore him?

>i don't understand that the american school system is shit, and that paying for it is essentially wasting money

Yeah and maybe Horatio Alger was parodying the Rags to Riches stories and Alfred Noble was parodying explosives. It doesn't matter. It's the same thing with the same effect.

>And he's not parodying anything, he's just a pseudo intellectual fruit.

>The American public education system promotes intelligence

Compare this quote to the statement in this pic

>How he made the Romanian girl say shit like "eets so beeg"
Please be trolling

There are no signs of satire anywhere, otherwise somebody had picked it up by now.

10/10

This is too much, I can't take it

"John Green is great."

- John Green