I'm looking for a book that is extremely dark but also extremely hilarious

I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.

I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45.

It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.

An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.

Woman at a maternity hospital is in a lot of pain, moaning. The man strokes her back, “I’m so sorry sweetheart that you have to endure this…”

“Don’t worry Steve, it’s not your fault.”

Why are orphans unable to play baseball?
-
They’ve never known what home is.

holy shit this is the lamest joke I've ever heard

Catch 22.

What's the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani elementary school?

I don't know, I just fly the drone!

A man goes into a library and asks the librarian for a book on suicide.

The librarian says 'fuck off you won't bring it back'

>a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.

What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?

Jack Daniels is still killing indians

I added Princess Diana on Xbox live recently
Never plays any games, shes always on the dashboard

Why does Hellen Keller wear tight pants?
So you can read her lips

I went out with a girl last week, she told me she wanted to be "treated like a Princess"
So I put her in the back of a Mercedes and drove it into a wall.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders all over the car.

A father is showering in the morning when his young daughter stumbles into the bathroom.
She opens the curtain and notices his penis to which she says, "Daddy what's that?"
Seeing it as a teachable moment the father replies, "That's my penis sweetie."
The daughter quickly asks, "Will I ever get one?"
The father chuckles and responds, "As soon as your mother leaves for work."

"Your generation is too reliant on technology," said my grandpa.
"No, your generation is too reliant on technology," I retorted as I pulled the plug on his life support to further prove my point.

Infinite Jest, duh

Stoner.

I like it.

Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?
There was a face off in the corner

I once asked the crowd if they were pro guns and the majority belted out in approval. I asked a man in the front row why he was pro guns and he gave me the basic ‘personal protection liberty 2nd amendment’ hooplah. I very seriously told the crowd, “I’m pro guns because I enjoy living in a world with only 4 Nirvana albums.”

Dyslexic man walks into a bra

abclocal.go.com/three/kabc/kabc/My-Twisted-World.pdf

American Psycho made me laugh.

Behead All Satans desu.
Yurope and the sequel too.

>I'm looking for a book that is extremely dark but also extremely hilarious.
The correct answer is "The Good Soldier Schwejk", of course.

Why would anyone enjoy that?

I hope none of the books mentioned in this thread are memes.

black book of capitalism

Thanks for the motivation

a little edgy but not bad

A-and don't forget that one thing by that one spammer here who totally isn't a Pinecone!

because i don't like nirvana