Poetry

Surprisingly enough, I didn't see one around so here it is. A thread for discussing and rating poetry you've written. Just post your poem down below and feel free to give a slight explanation of it.


You shant obtrude the fragile,
you, a deleterious pariah
with impact menial and agile,
skilled lasciviously in maya,
birthed to grapple with babel,
sprouting to internal vandal.
You, a grotesque psyche -
distorter of subconsciousness,
embracing yet spiky,
an excruciating phlebotomus,
awry begotten.

I wrote this to a friend of mine, a very manipulative and destructive friend if I may add. I guess I was angry at him, but I feel as if the entire text itself describes the features of a manipulator raw, as if it was an emotional dialogue. What do you think, Veeky Forums?

Other urls found in this thread:

pastebin.com/xjmAD5Gj
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

oh my god

omg lol

i cant decide what would be funnier - someone actually wrote this to a friend, or someone went through the trouble to come up with this to make a b8 thread

a hearty kek/10 in either case

I can see you're really impressed with multisyllabic words.

I wanted to see if I could write a poem like Jack Kerouac

The crying babies that are your fingers
Needing the substance of written words
Barfing their equivocations into ink
The formless form formed from fingers
splashing across the pages hurried
Watering like dew drops melding into one
The holy one impermanent being celestial
The all in one the everything the flowing
Rivers driving forth through the mixed up land
Connecting together like webs forming into each other
a soft stillness in the running liquid
an all pervasive emptiness fills the world and being
leaving and left a meaning within a void

fool me
maybe a few times
its hard to tell
mouthing out
the words in the back of your head

its nice

but i tend to leave bits and pieces
of me
everywhere i go

chewed fingernail

wirecut
a little bloody

stay flagrant
dont burn the house down

teabags
half-stewed

desert a 50 from your mould
to keep that light on at night

cos you can and cant sleep without it

that kind of blue which sits
at the back of your eyes
its reassuring to know its there
but when it is you dont want to leave

holding your attention
a little longer than necessary

lingering

how many library books
beneath the bed
- tsuundoku - at least theyre
automatic renewals now

freudian sniff?
i have a cold, not paranoia

business worries me
faceless big machines
fat cats
but it feels so good when i let them in
and then ill leave ever so quietly

a lady of the 24hour night

in these stairwells
vunerable
it tasted bitter but everyone said its tasteless
truth is you can tell the difference

barried between outside and fine dining
the patterns on the wall shimmer
falling in an orbit, mind you
you shoudve looped back by now
but the party in yellow glare
and dim moon face
flicker with tinged green
worms beneath the skin

time disjoint
suture your eye the lint
of the soothsayer who makes names
for himself
on the gamble of elderflower seeds

forget the die!
red never stains well on green.

Autumn without its leaves
As naked as
The tree is strips

10/10 Veeky Forums

Fuck, reminds me of the time I wrote a play about pouring acid into a poorly veiled version of a teachers eyes. And then turned the play into that teacher, fully knowing she would understand what I was getting at.

I was 14 though, this seems like someone older.

Sunbeams streaming,
through the blinds
to blind the knife
that sails, to a
screaming heart.

I'm a complete and utter beginner please be harsh

some tanka poems I wrote today

White fields, seen so far
I recall naught but sadness
For you left us then
snow was ever so calming
But now, I miss your smiling

To be a real man
I have to get stronger fast
I have to stand here
Bearing the weight of others
For I do not stand for me.

If I died right here
Would it really matter now
I ere lost myself
Searching for my soul, for me
I found nothing but darkness

The sound the rain makes
That melancholy tapping
Many wish you gone
But I welcome you, old friend
You who hid my tears before

Anger and fear, depression too
Symptoms of a bitter withdrawal
I don’t know why I choose to lose
I don’t know why I smoke marijuana

Is it because my mind is poison
Or is it because my life is boring
Without it I just reek annoyance
And with it I am quickly snoring

I waste my life just smoking grass
Listening to sounds of sorrow
Waiting for the time to pass
It takes but never borrows

God, I wish I never felt its touch
I must admit --- I smoke way too much

This is a sonnet I wrote about being addicted to kush

I really liked it until the "I smoke way too much" part, I feel like it takes away the power

I'll work on fixing that thank you for the critique user

It is a bit dull, I think it has a bit too much desperation in it, as if you're complaining poetically.

Drugs are for those who think life is too little for them, alcohol is for those who think life is too much for them.

Can you go into a little bit more detail about 'complaining poetically' and the desperation you felt while reading it?

You're clearly frustrated about your addiction with cannabis and looking to release some pent up thoughts through poetry, thus you create this. It has a lot of desperation in it because you're not aiming at any point, you're just complaining.

What could I do to make it less complainy?

You're dealing with a narcissist.

The emotional hold he has over you goes in only one direction. The narcissistic supply you provide in kind is essentially a fungible good and you are as replaceable as a machine component.

All genuine dependence on or value he sees in you is fabricated. Any magnanimity he expresses is caricatured.

The only thing for it is to get away before he leads you into serious, irreversible damage and blames it on you, citing exaggerated or imaginary character flaws that he's trying to save you from - if only you would defer to him more radically, more uncritically. And convinces all your mutual friends of this narrative.

If you know his personality would keep pulling you back in, the only thing for it is to brush up against his insecurities and make him consciously reject you. Save yourself from a shitty situation his own lack of foresight drags him and those who follow him into. Lie directly to him and deny his compelling aspects exist, that he hasn't this sort of hold on you. It may take some alcohol or other drugs.

I shared an abuser of this sort with a valuable friend I couldn't save because the conditioning was too strong. Haven't seen this friend in a while and I'm sure he still hates me. You have to just put down all mutual acquaintances as toxic assets and move on.

Don't share your fucking poetry with him goddamn

i like
to write poems
that are
actually just
dumb
sentences randomly
broken up in
to
little pieces
of shit
because
it makes me
sound deep
i poet

Not a sonnet. Your meter is all over the place.

I didn't share my poetry with him.
You bring out a magnificent point, thank you. I am aware of this all, I was aware of this the day I met him. I know that he is pretending to cradle me when in reality his 'caressing' hand is looking for holes - insecurities - in me to poke his finger in from. His analyzing nature is destructive not only to himself, but to others as well. Yet he is not completely aware of this. I am.

He ignored me for a week, knowing that I am very sensitive to rejection, it being one of my deepest fears. He succeeded in breaking my mentality somewhat (I ended up bruising my knuckles) but when he came to me, "apologizing" and searching for a reaction, I didn't give it to him, because I knew what and why he was looking for it. I defied him and in progress also explained to him what he was doing.

I know this might sound absolutely bollocks and crazy but I am going to let him poke my "holes" and insecurities til my defensive wall is so hard and smooth that it shines and when he looks at it, he will see his own reflection.

This battle is purely psychological (with certain emotions involved of course) but in worst case he'll break down my walls and mentality and eventually just move on because he'll get bored of manipulating me.

Here's a poem I made today.

I walk alone between the rocks,
once molten lava, now sharp stone.
Overgrown with thick green moss,
boulder and man stand alone.

samefag

...

In the progress of me contributing to his introspection and helping him see his true nature, he has become alert of me, aiming even harder at my insecurities. He is afraid of me, because he still lacks the confidence and grasp over me, plus I can truly understand and see him like he is, no matter how much he tries to distort my vision. He is not used to this, I am ripping him out of his comfort zone and he does not like it. There is a possibility that he will grow so much fear and wrath towards me that he'll completely reject me, escaping from threat.

But I don't wish to harm him, even though I know that "sorting this out" requires the complete destruction of him - the death of him, through himself. So it will either end up with him doing drugs and eventually suicide or me being mentally crippled for a while.

I am trying to contribute to his introspection in the most neutral, understanding and compassionate way possible because I know how his true nature would be treated in the 'real' world. I know that you might see this as overly and unnecessarily sympathetic, but I am aware of a higher sympathy which has led me to him.

I will caress him, but not with an ulterior motive. I will cradle him, but won't manipulate him. I will show him the truth and the truth only, I will not force it upon him, but I will not obfuscate it either. He can only twist the truth but not destroy it.

I like these. I would give more critique but I don't think I know enough to do so well.

Our house is starting to fall apart
The floorboards broken, the walls losing weight
I do my best to remember properly those things I most loved about you
A restoration project
If only to keep myself honest
(That had been your job)

The Apartment in Mountain View
Waking up next to you
because I had rendered the mattress unusable with my drunkenness
A mug of water next to me
You, still sleeping

The Boston Museum of Fine Art
My internal monologue, a dilletante's rambling
Composition, chiaroscuro, contour
Jargon, when you pull me closer and you tell me you like that one

Your College Room
All four of them
The smaller details, your clothing in a pile
The tea containers, the makeup and the palettes
And the slippers you would wear
To not grace the ground with your presence

This is not honesty
Honesty was you saying you needed a day to yourself
(and then taking it)
Or that you loved me a little bit less
while I was away

Honestly
No one will ever love me the way that you did
and maybe that's okay

Blasé lepers
And peach emojis—
Life has no continuity
Like a marble statue of cherubim pissing into coin littered waters.

I once sent a dick pic to a 30 year old I met on Tinder
from a Half-Price Books bathroom,
and nutcrackers crack nutcases.

Stitch the disparate parts together
your dead grandmother whispers angrily
from beneath the tangled roots of yesteryear.

Bitch I'm post-pretentious:
off the cuff and licentious.
Here's the witness.
Now sketch this:

Middle aged white bespectacled
(Or maybe he was wearing contacts)
average height and weight
wearing a Canadian tuxedo
and an air of not being there—

Murder in the second degree,
contract killed for free.
By me? By me.

Get the fuck over conventional rhyme structure.
Or out.

I don't carry receipts.

>Drugs are for those who think life is too little for them, alcohol is for those who think life is too much for them.

I do coke, speed, acid and mdma from time to time but mostly drink alcohol. Is life both too much and too little for me?

Love it!

user here has a point

Well that's helpful. Nob.

>I know how his true nature would be treated in the 'real' world
His kind dominate society. They're the heroes of epics. I don't know what sort of mistreatment you see yourself protecting him from, but be skeptical of and thoroughly examine these notions of "duty" and "loyalty" when they come up around him and those like him.
>I am aware of a higher sympathy which has led me to him
This just sounds schizophrenic

>pic related, drugpoem from previous thread

It should be. Maybe it will help you see how retarded your chopped up prose is.

Now thats some school shooter shit if I ever read some.

This guy got torn a new one

You are not wrong.

Listen, may I add you? You bring reassurance and even further understanding to me, I haven't found such in a very long time.
Though I understand if you don't wish to associate yourself with a mentality like this.

good. keep writing. wordplay is best

Wasn't mine. Nob.

Well literally every single 'poem' in this thread is absurdly terrible so it might as well have been yours.

Oh, I don't know, I quite liked the one that was trying to be Jack Kerouac. Post your poetry then please.

Un-ironically entertaining.

phenylacetonefgt on kik

Writing is a new thing to me. I went out on a limb and wrote this and didn't know where to go with it, so there isn't much to tear apart or critique I guess. If anyone could give me feedback to improve i'd appreciate it.

High lumen preoccupation
Further bury subterranean sorrow
Sensory blaze, pneuma to ash
Vagrant drift to vapid tomorrow

Embarrassing

hey wow i actually enjoyed that

good work you

it has no image

youre trying too hard in the wrong direction

Hey thanks guys, really appreciate it—!

You can go crawl back into your mother's slime and die as the stillborn you should've been.

"too" and "lose" do not rhyme

"poison" and "annoyance" also do not rhyme

I tend to dislike writing poetry, mostly because i secretly believe im real good and cannot forget this while writing. It makes me really dislike my own poetry. Anyways here we go

Summer Self Improvement Goals

when it rains the pond sounds soft cool snow
like static from a TV channeled dead.

In the warm sun the crackedgas whacker tears
staining the strong arms cutting the grass.

he writes trite; poems about his problems
calming down and writing problems.

the inside tea stains on a page he writes
a day away against oblivion.

This is nice imagery, but you don't really say much. I actually like it a lot. give it a title. make it longer if you want.

This is really touching, mostly cause i feel like i can relate. really, really great. work on the ending a bit, although i see what you were doing it doesnt live up to the rest of it. Damn. This poem makes me want to cry and mastrubate while listening to American Football for hours

How do I write better lyrics?

those are awesome. Are you Pynchon?

>the dishes ain't even clean though

I've never read Pynchon, I can't even name one of his books.

He's the bees knees
You're the bees knees, user.

Don't listen to this moron. You're dogshit. At least you're aware. Read poetry. Stop writing "lyrics".

you guys still fucking suck god damn fucking read stop writing read read read read

Just let me express myself in peace user.

Fall and get up and fall again and fractue your femur and spend 3 weeks in the hospital and 4 months in physical therapy and get up again goddamit. Practice and perseverance and the ability to recognize your limits make perfect.

I'm glad you liked it! I had ideas of lying to yourself/honesty being a bad thing for a while, and didn't know how to bring it back, so I totally get where your critique is coming from. I also love American Football.

I really like the way the first two lines flow - it almost seems to tumble forward until the final syllable, a full stop. The "calming down and writing problems" seems a little out of sync with how few syllables it has comparatively, but overall I really like this (also, feel free to disregard, I don't know anything).

>Practice and perseverance and the ability to recognize your limits make perfect.
if you practice sucking dick youre only going to get better at sucking dick.

they're near rhymes

why don't you just turn this into a prose poem?

It's a sort of dialogue between a pretty, down-to-earth gal and a narcissist who (as the speaker) envisions everything in fantasies of early modern chivalry, hence the overblown style.

Successful swords, who find their mark,
Pierce not like needles fed from cherub’s heart.
For mine doth lay, so hidden away
Within a quiet nook of dust,
Whose glinted blade sat sullied in unrust.

Fair, foul, feminine creature, O’, divine for me
My future's intimacy– of soul, body, blood and mind;
Leave not yourselves to brutish apes
Who fight with vicious swinging fists,
Yet lack the hands for tender trust
Earned, by rights, by thy virtue’s sweet courtier,
And in most modest airs of chivalry.
I live and die in great service of beauty’s charity,
If my breath doth sweeten thee completely.

“Depth of a mudded puddle, thou
Knows not of the sins of man;
Sweet in most excess is sickly,
Seeming a hive in most
Golden attire
One hand upon a cup of nectar
Fulleth over
As sticky fingers blanch its shine.

I think, I think, I dare not dream of dad nor mum,
nor therein the birthed Christ the son,
If by chance thine marriage bed
Whence underneath the cogs divine its industry,
in the heart’s truth of enginery,
Sits a wound of inscribed red.

Oh, I wish, I wish upon those
Constellated orbs,
To swing their glared apricities
Away from my dark territories,
The spires and clock towers casting shadow
Unceasing over this enclosed meadow.
A quiet space, divined by you
In airs of shelter from the greying hue
Of raindrops, thick and fast, might
Hold long against the storm; o’,
though my endurance bloodies by the dimming light,
I hope my fountain fain will yet quench your fears tonight.

“I hear, I hear the patter of snares
Gone marching softly the rooftop bare,
Punctus contra punctum
With the pounding in your chest,
In tones so low it slips through your throat
Or seized by the quake in your bones.
Thy wounded knight, stoic in the
Shackled tongue of his servitude,
Lies half-dead on the piste of faraway lands,
Whilst the king sits here,
Ravening the feast and spraying commands.
And though the blade still lingers in that bloody cut,
I hear his voice carried across the breeze
From o’er the red rocks and mountainous sand,
To whispering softly now,
Ever softly amongst the leaves:
“I fought with faith in my kingdom,
But my fortunes hath forsaken all that I have become.
Father, lover, brother, son;
Torn from ancient chains and flung
to the mercy of ghostly giants,
wandering homeward over this arid plain.

See now, watch as their caliginous hands
sweep softly the dust from beds of black marble stone,
Rivverrin dry from spurted thoughts to trickled desire,
To lie down, and lie still,
Shapely forms dislimned in their sleep
And become as death effigies buried by the deep."'

You have no name, no tongue
Your world is of broken symbols
Aphasia in a smoke that hangs and clutches on history
There is no half-brother that smiles in the fog
There is no home and no mother land
Yours is a people without songs

This is the thin wood you call forest:
Overgrown with stilt grass and mile-a-minute
Of shallow roots that clay is stripping
No brook smell-of-sea but methane
What the morning clouds of gas
Between third growth,
the earth's hoary wisp of scalp

The old man frightens the children
The children terrorize the old man
The sand is made of dissolved cements
There is no path that leads
for there is no place your feet long to go
You are not human anymore

The prose is excellent, best I've seen yet in these threads. It has almost no content.

>pariah

dropped

Which some people actually find work in doing i.e. Porn actors?

That a pretty shit analogy, user. You're probably just jaded after realizing you'll never be truly great—please don't take it out on the others who still have a chance.

Here, I tried expanding on what I had written before by adding a few stanzas and adding some imagery as per the suggestion of and . There should be more to tear apart I guess.

Shocking synapse barrage
Lures a wary gaze out the soul's windows
Apple of the beholder's eye
Heart palpitations, away it goes

Scalding black drink
Innervate the weary soma
Stimulate neither heart nor mind
Blind to dream and desire, mental glaucoma

Sweet synesthesia needle
Holey skin, mind wholly in trance
Gnaw on God's Flesh
Halt life's dance

High lumen preoccupation
Further bury subterranean sorrow
Sensory blaze, pneuma to ash
Vagrant drift to vapid tomorrow

awful, sounds like something terrance mckenna wrote

all of you 'poets' in this thread are what is wrong with modern poetry. your free verse bull shit has ruined poetry. learn to write in meter or don't write at all.

whoah so cool when did you have that opinion, the first time you read poetry ever? chill high school tier critical perspective bro

I can tell from your retard-tier response that you wrote one of those godawful 'poems' above

one time I wrote a Pushkin sonnet about R. Kelly

very nice

This is great

I order’d death on Lear and Cordelia,
with pragmatic intent, sent to dispatch.
What doth betrayth sight in most men an’ kings
brought forth is perfect, piercing clarity
now I saw what laid thusly before me.
See Caesar, Brutus; see Jesus, Judas.
See a capacity for betrayal
amongst the men who form mine battle ranks,
excitable by so titled King, whose
incorporeally endowed sweetness
unjustly endear such abilities
to raise and fall armies with a glib charm.
My reasoning in bringing true their end
is brought into falseness through the same thought.
Thought not in justness, nor heavenly right.
Verily, me for me because of me.
In this I saw fit as I laid bloodied
to grasp from the verge my so damned charges.
In the same sweep I may catch repentance,
in whose eyes, God? Ha! Mine father? No more!
My repentance is charged unto myself.
As the reaper breath’d harshly on us all,
thrust again perfect, piercing clarity.
A single soul satisfy’d his hunger,
Why then let him feast on three?

It is a Continuation of King Lear spoken by Edmund

Incomplete, but only just.
pastebin.com/xjmAD5Gj

It might sound better if you write it in blank verse, like shakespeare did. Not bad though.

bad bad bad bad bad

>oozing to the farthest reaches
>mounds of plebeian dust
>In the primal bush in golden sunshine robed
> oozing mud (oozing everywhere?)
>until the primal simian
>cupped in his foregathered dactyls
>phallus resting in its matted nest

holy shit this is bad

Thanks for the critique. Why are those lines bad?

Why??

My laptop broke, writing this on my phone.

Great despair fills my heart,
a blue screen seals my fate.
No use to try and restart,
failiure to configure windows update.

STILL THEY MOVE

Fuck it play the Foucault-Chomsky debate at my deathday, or,

My birthday

Because my English is so bad

I'm the king of the world

I said so

In whatever language

Remains fertile forever

Certainly not this one

I'd like to never apologize again

To all the ppl bothered by my existing

Sorry—to myself for not assfucking the handful Ginsburgs I've yet found

I'd like to abandon myself, to the north

Past all apologies, broken brown rivers and hitler youth haircuts

I'm in you now

—partially, like the rest of the chemicals

I like how the title and poem work together

Another Trip to Ravensfield

We met beneath the chimneys -
tall and dusty demonstrations
of an industry since gone
Going on about the car,
(should we risk it very far?)
Then comparing small distractions
From our anoraks and passions -
The cataracts I wore
Like pearls in my eyes -
and you with drooping custard pies
Sweet constants in your hands;
A necklace strung with old cat's eyes
of someone's broken boyhood.

We came here, God knows why,
For the pleasure of the driveways
and a pastel shaded silence
Broken by the birds and violent outbursts
at the crossword:
Damn my life in blanks and boxes,
and you reserved to hollyhocks
On cemeteries of thoughts.

O, would calendars conceal
Another trip to Ravensfield!

Ty, here's a second one it's called "Glass Monsters."

Monsters rise from the ground,
wrought from iron, glass and concrete.
An old world under their shadows drowned,
their conquest nearly complete.

Grotesque forms reach for the skies,
Heaven's territory is ceded.
The old from consumption dies,
its ancient breath depleted.

Soulless blocks of glass now stand,
where once stood old forma proud.
Gone are days of beauty grande,
replaced by a more modern brand.

Gimme gimme chicken tendies,
Be they crispy or from Wendys.
Spend my hard-earned good-boy points,
on Kid's Meal ball pit burger joints.
Mummy lifts me to the car,
To find me tendies near and far.
Enjoy my tasty tendie treats,
in comfy big boy booster seats.
McDonald's, Hardee's, Popeye's, Cane's,
But of my tendies none remains.

She tries to make me take a nappy,
But sleeping doesn't make me happy.
Tendies are the only food,
That puts me in the napping mood.
I'll scream and shout and make a fuss,
I'll scratch, I'll bite, I'll even cuss!
Tendies are my heart's desire,
Fueled by raging, hungry fire.
Mummy sobs and wails and cries,
But tears aren't tendies, nugs or fries.

My good-boy points were fairly earned,
To buy the tendies that I've yearned.
But there's no tendies on my plate!
Did mummy think that I'd just ate?
"TENDIES TENDIES GET THEM NOW,
YOU FAT, UNGRATEFUL, SLUGGISH SOW!"
I screech while hurling into her eyes,
My foul-smell bowel-dwelling diaper surprise.
For she who is un-pooped on is she who remembers:
Never forget my chicken tenders.

i really really like the meter and the desire it creates in the reader for more meter of the like, which itself is a metaphor for the desire for delectable foodstuffs like those such mentioned within the text.

10/10

i was joking

technically it's pretty nice :3

OK I'm sorry.

what are your opinions on poems about the opposite sex Veeky Forums? don't you just love the
>wahh i like a girl but she doesnt like me back the same way ohhhh

Corporeal morae keeps me sore
and in my viens
Im sober, in pain.
But when im asleep,
between snoring,
my roommates swear they hear her name.

it can go straight to the garbage, same with ones about a persons sex life

I wrote this poem about a girl who wont like me back, how could i extend on it?


O' thou vanessa medusa stared into thy eyes turned heart set to stone
O' thou fire at my finger tips cure thy curse
Melt it like boiling blood for whom i worship
O' thou vanessa do not play me like a puppet
Pulling on the strings of my heart
Do not let go and throw my heart away like the last drag of your dart
For my goddess will drink the blood of you as art thou

About what?

The Note Taped to My Back Says “Please Euthanize Me.”

I feel illiterate, worse for wit – obliterate my time.
Pet me like a dog you plan to put down,
Tell me you’ll miss me when I’m not around,
And fill my tale with sighs.

When it comes dawn, the end of old songs – nudge me awake again,
And I’ll fill your wet hands with opium licks.
You won’t have to see me today with the fits,
‘Cause I’ll be gone with them.

Take me to a forest, the warmest – a place for dreams to bed.
So no one has to hear you lie,
When you offer me a treat and cry,
And shoot me in the fucking head, instead.

I understand completely.

I’m very tired of my desires.
They’re sick liqueurs that won’t expire.
Their labels are illegible,
And taste like mothers’ vegetables (but worse).

My beat-up ride is filled with highs,
And lows that bump and cut your thighs,
Because the cushions are worn so thin.
I’m sorry that I brought you in.

You’re forgiving, I’m underliving - we’ll leave this one behind.
And each other while we’re at it, I’m sure.
Then eventually on our own accord,
We’ll find our separate midnight skies to dye,
The color of opium licks.

So I’ll take my daydreams with a tray,
Of salt and wood and coke and stems.
Your party was OK, OK?
But I wouldn’t come again.

You can extend upon it by getting over her and write about something that ISN'T so petty

6.5/10 made me chuckle

none of these people are trying to be porn actors theyre trying to write poetry, sucking dick won't help them

>still have a chance
lol

Who are good contemporary poets?