You will never be this talented

>( i got diagnosed with asperger's syndrome a few years later)

>contrived and nonsensical

Like Joyce?

no, like the rym user whose writing style he shamelessly aped

Who writes shit that long and doesn't use proper capitalization? Someone who does not give half a shit, that is who. 10/10, badass writer disregards grammar rules to please themselves. Mark Twain did the same thing.

tl;dr

>all this jealousy

Telephone Junkie just wrote something up for fun, and I bet it's much better than anything you wannabes have ever came up with. Care to share your writing? I'd love to see how you stack up.

Not sure if you're baiting or retarded. Hard to tell on this board.

telephone junkie is legit autistic. i wonder if people like his reviews out of politeness or for real, since he never talks about the albums he's reviewing. he just writes his lengthy meandering anecdotes spinning off into completely unrelated topics to which in the end you have to wonder "what is this even about"

>tfw i liked rateyourmusic ten years ago and only now is it the "hip" thing

i liked rym before it was cool reeeeee...

is praising it you fucking illiterate goon. Go shill somewhere else

are you stupid?

Still waiting on your portfolio.

this is awful.

This is so fucking awful.

Okay OP, lets evaluate this sentence by sentence.

>dogs are barking.

k..?

>there's the deep heart-hum of a place in the cold still sky.

wat?

>heart-hum

literally makes no sense at all, author throws in "heart" because he's that desperate to have "descriptive writing"

>sound carries now; four or five different sets of neighbors' kids are out playing, and i can hear parents on back porches phone calls and the murmuring of stray gusts against the sharp silence.

wait a second, huh? what the shit? what is a "sharp silence," huh OP? did you stop to think about that, or did your caveman instinct just go "MMM SOUND GOOD" when you read this drivel and you decided that it was worthy of sharing?

i couldn't read anymore sorry this is middle school tier

Everything is black and white on this fucking board.
It's decent writing, but too far up it's own ass.
It's neither great nor shit.

Here is telephone_junkie's reviews archive: rateyourmusic.com/collection/telephone_junkie/reviews

>read three lines
>"hurr durr this is trash, not reading this garbage"

Whoa, great going Harold Bloom. I bet you do this with everything you "read". Sad.

nah

>Christmas qua Christmas

Fucking disgusting

Why do /mu/tants, and pop music journalists in general, confuse creative writing with musical analysis? Pop music such a superficial, pseudo-intellectual scene. Describing your emotions while listening to a piece of music tells me absolute nothing about its content, but a lot about yourself (which I don't care about). Instead revealing musical insights or drawing attention to a flaw or success that an individual might have missed, the author instead produces a navel-gazing piece of creative writing that fails both as literature and as music criticism.

TinyMixTapes, /mu/, RYM, Pitchfork are uniformly trash.

the snapchat comment makes this horribly creepy

purple for the sake purple

no meaningful imagrey or a conscious efffort to convey a larger message

hedonistic, infantile and a third-rate imitation of a mix of dead authors

2/10

It's just not very good honestly - it's like baby's first creative writing class-tier.

>you will never be

>you will never fuck your inter-world counterparts