>enter bookstore
>"Good day,Can I help you with something?"
>"O-oh I'm just looking"
>2 minutes later
"Are you looking for anything?"
>continues to stand next to me as I'm browsing books
I can't be the only autist who stops going to bookstores when the staff make me uncomfortable
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maybe you should stop lookin sketchy af op
Next time go to a bookstore operated by someone of your own ethnicity, they won't follow you around that way.
I like to slowly unveil my power level with the staff just to keep them in check
>"Are you looking for anything?"
>"Yes, please show me where you keep your Wallace"
>"Wallace? like David FOSTER Wallace? Whoa, cool, I thought you were gonna ask for that Steve Jobs biography or something. Yeah man, Infinite Jest's right over here.
>She hands me a copy of Infinite Jest
>her: "So you like Wallace huh, yeah me too, have you read Brief --"
>I hold up a single open hand while she is speaking, immediately silencing her, then turn to a random page in the book
>I smile quietly to myself as I read the entire page, occasionally snorting cryptically
>After finishing the page I close the book and hand it back to her, still smiling
>Me: "He's terrible, isn't he? Absolutely awful. Put that book back and please show me your Joyce"
>She puts back Infinite Jest with an alarmed look on her face, then takes me to the Joyce section of the librairie
>Her: "Joyce? Yeah I read part of Dubliners in my 400-level community college English class. Do you, uh, d-do you think he's good--"
>"Read this"
>I have shoved Finnegans Wake under her nose
>"Out loud"
>her: "ba...babba......bababadgharf....bababagargrfap--
>I rip the book out of her hands and stare directly into her eyes
>me: "Completely wrong, it's bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoor-denenthurnuk. bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoor-denenthurnuk is portmanteau of various thunder-related words from languages all across the globe; in this context it represents Eve's tragic fall to Satan and the subsequent collapse of Eden. It is perhaps the single most important, emotive, and creative word ever spoken in the entire history of human speech, literally transcending language, and you cannot even read it."
>I throw Finnegans Wake in her face and inform the store manager that he has hired an illiterate
>I leave the store with a copy of Artemis Fowl: The Opal Deception under my coat, unpaid for
kek
trying too hard, 3/10, no keks today
>>>/reddit/
>"What do you like to read?"
>"Fiction."
>"Oh! Who is your favorite author?"
(Don't say David Foster Wallace. Don't say it. She'll think you're a cliché. Pynchon? No, same thing. Lie? If you don't say DFW, you're already being dishonest, he's your favorite author, so if you say anything other than 'David Foster Wallace,' you're lying, so you might as well lie radically and to your greatest advantage. Tell her your favorite author is a woman. Nice, genius, maybe a black woman? Well, let's not go crazy. What women authors do you like? Alice Munro's stories are good. That's it. She's a woman, she's legitimate, she won the Nobel, it's perfect. Let's do it)
>"Infinite Jest."
(FUCK.)
top kek
>>I leave the store with a copy of Artemis Fowl: The Opal Deception under my coat, unpaid for
You got me. lol'd hard.
oh shut up that was good