>enter bookstore
>"Good day,Can I help you with something?"
>"O-oh I'm just looking"
>2 minutes later
"Are you looking for anything?"
>continues to stand next to me as I'm browsing books
I can't be the only autist who stops going to bookstores when the staff make me uncomfortable
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maybe you should stop lookin sketchy af op
Next time go to a bookstore operated by someone of your own ethnicity, they won't follow you around that way.
I like to slowly unveil my power level with the staff just to keep them in check
>"Are you looking for anything?"
>"Yes, please show me where you keep your Wallace"
>"Wallace? like David FOSTER Wallace? Whoa, cool, I thought you were gonna ask for that Steve Jobs biography or something. Yeah man, Infinite Jest's right over here.
>She hands me a copy of Infinite Jest
>her: "So you like Wallace huh, yeah me too, have you read Brief --"
>I hold up a single open hand while she is speaking, immediately silencing her, then turn to a random page in the book
>I smile quietly to myself as I read the entire page, occasionally snorting cryptically
>After finishing the page I close the book and hand it back to her, still smiling
>Me: "He's terrible, isn't he? Absolutely awful. Put that book back and please show me your Joyce"
>She puts back Infinite Jest with an alarmed look on her face, then takes me to the Joyce section of the librairie
>Her: "Joyce? Yeah I read part of Dubliners in my 400-level community college English class. Do you, uh, d-do you think he's good--"
>"Read this"
>I have shoved Finnegans Wake under her nose
>"Out loud"
>her: "ba...babba......bababadgharf....bababagargrfap--
>I rip the book out of her hands and stare directly into her eyes
>me: "Completely wrong, it's bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoor-denenthurnuk. bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoor-denenthurnuk is portmanteau of various thunder-related words from languages all across the globe; in this context it represents Eve's tragic fall to Satan and the subsequent collapse of Eden. It is perhaps the single most important, emotive, and creative word ever spoken in the entire history of human speech, literally transcending language, and you cannot even read it."
>I throw Finnegans Wake in her face and inform the store manager that he has hired an illiterate
>I leave the store with a copy of Artemis Fowl: The Opal Deception under my coat, unpaid for
kek
trying too hard, 3/10, no keks today
>>>/reddit/
>"What do you like to read?"
>"Fiction."
>"Oh! Who is your favorite author?"
(Don't say David Foster Wallace. Don't say it. She'll think you're a cliché. Pynchon? No, same thing. Lie? If you don't say DFW, you're already being dishonest, he's your favorite author, so if you say anything other than 'David Foster Wallace,' you're lying, so you might as well lie radically and to your greatest advantage. Tell her your favorite author is a woman. Nice, genius, maybe a black woman? Well, let's not go crazy. What women authors do you like? Alice Munro's stories are good. That's it. She's a woman, she's legitimate, she won the Nobel, it's perfect. Let's do it)
>"Infinite Jest."
(FUCK.)
top kek
>>I leave the store with a copy of Artemis Fowl: The Opal Deception under my coat, unpaid for
You got me. lol'd hard.
oh shut up that was good
>I leave the store with a copy of Artemis Fowl: The Opal Deception under my coat, unpaid for
this punchline was too good for your shitty greentext.
heartly kekked
>in Barnes and Noble
>had a lapse of judgement and picked up a Neon Genesis Evangelion manga.
>I liked the series as a teen and felt like getting back into it
>go to cashier
>it's an old white woman, probably in her 40's, floral dress, neck chain on her glasses, the works
>hand her the manga
>oh hey Neon Genesis Evangelion, I really liked this series, I have to watch this again, isn't it good?
>manage an odd grunt because I have no idea how to respond to this situation
>Artemis Fowl
zozzle
>mom drops me off at Books-a-Million
>"here's 20 bucks user, now be good!"
>pass through the door way, looking dapper head to toe in my nike sneakers, black jeans, black tucked in K-On shirt
>I salute my fedora, flourished with my favorite MLP badge, the mark of the true gentleman, to the fair maiden at the register
>"uhh... welcome to Books-a-Million, are you finding everything alright?"
>"Konichiwa and good day, milady" I reply proudly "my cup hath overflowed, dost thou any recommendations?"
>"sure! have you read of John Green?"
>"heh, not one for true literature art thou, methinks? Here good member of the fairer sex, is the latest volume in the Dragonborn series. An epic yarn of trial, romance, and adventure and poring over its ink is a favorite pastime of brave samurai such as myself"
>manager walks up
>"everything alright here?"
>"silence cur!" I roar whilst brandishing my katana "or I shall slice you from the knave to th' chops! Stand back good maiden, I shall protect thine honor!"
>security guard blindsides with his vulgar fist, of course ignoring the Bushido code and forgetting to honorably bow like a true duellist
>sitting in security room, waiting for the police to arrive
>they confiscate my katana and take me to the police station
>my mother picks me up the next day
>tfw can't go to Books-a-Million again
fucking plebs
You really lost steam near the latter half bud
i had a fucking panic attack in a bookstore last month because a guy was asking what i was looking for
kill me soon
>6/10 for the first 18 points
>Literally 10/10 for the ending
>dat ending
10/10
The last line got me.
holy shit, dude
samefag
>20 posters
>22 replies
22 replies, 20 posters
I got that shit at an art museum I would visit on occasion. I wasn't poorly dressed or trying to touch things, but it seemed like whenever I visited I had my own personal security guard following me. It could be packed, and I would have a guy no less than three steps away from the whole time.
>two posters
>two sets of dubs
(You)
(You)
and they're replying to a post with dubs
For my next trick, check these trips.
Femanon here. Nice.
godfuckingdamnit.png
fuck off Stephanie Meyer
>femanon here
b8 harder m8
It's cause you went alone.
Nothing makes me happier than buying patritian Veeky Forumscore books when a nerdy girl is at the register. I look like a total Chad so when I go to buy classic lit they all get really nervous.
>sit down at writing desk
>Type something.
>I'll never finish it.
>Too afraid it will be shit or don't know how to keep going
>Get my gun
>Hold it to my head
>Finger on the trigger
>Can't do it
>Can't finish it
jus b urself, b :^)
Wish I could be dead
>visiting Berlin with my mother
>we go to museums a lot
>we decide to go to an expo of Expressionists and Impressionists (It was called Im/Ex)
>standing around in line waiting for the ticket booth to open
>it's almost nine o'clock, light rains starts
>the fucking daughter of a concentration camp guard inside the ticket booth sits on her chair, won't even acknowledge people waiting outside in the rain until it is nine o'clock
>me, my mother and a few other tourists exchange glances and smiles
>whatever, it's almost nine
>when the booth does open, the nazi bitch inside is about as friendly with us as the Fuhrer himself was with ethnic minorities
>we finally get inside
>none of the security guards know how to speak english despite working in a touristic place in the center of Berlin
>whatever, me and my mom can speak a little german
>one of the guard signals to my mom that she must wear her purse on the front of her body and not the side
>incomprehension.jpg
I still think they were all robots.
above average
I could believe this being real.
agreed