How can a single male author be so devoid of testosterone?

This is the question worth asking

someone should post the "he's the worst kind of nerd" copypasta tbhfam

also the "looking for alaska" one

...

...

hes a numale maxcuck

oh boy he tries to emulate catcher in the rye way too fucking hard

Second the former on this one

Sorry, you get the other copypasta instead.

ALL HAIL JOHN GREEN

POPE OF THE BANAL PLATITUDE

FUHRER OF FALSE AUTHENTICITY

HARBINGER OF THE MILLENNIAL TWEEN GENERATION THAT WILL NEVER END

"YEA, I SAY UNTO YOU THAT EVEN A 37 YEAR OLD MAN CAN BE A 17 YEAR OLD BOY, IF HE BUT RETARDS HIS MIND AND SPIRIT BY READING MY GOOD WORKS"
TWITTER 2:13

"GO FORTH, AND FEEL INDIVIDUATED EVEN WHEN YOU AREN'T; I SAY, GO FORTH, AND FEEL LIKE A TORTURED GENIUS WHEN YOU ARE BUT A TEENAGE GIRL"
EPISTLES TO REDDIT 12:21

"AND TO BE HOLY: IS IT NOT TO BE QUIRKY? AND TO BE QUIRKY: IS IT NOT TO BE EMPTILY EXCITABLE, JOKELESSLY SARDONIC?"
THE GOSPEL OF ALASKA 142:3

...

that's seriously such a bad question, what sort of interesting response could he possibly give?

This isn't bad

It's a gentle-faced wannabee Keats writer look. Except his language has none of his beauty or honesty and his appearance lacks Keats's nobility or fragile handsomeness. His thoughts seem repressed and disease but without any of the consciousness or self-awareness that might make it interesting. He's not a champion for people of this temperament, he's too drunk on the illusion of success imparted by fame and fortune to wonder otherwise. His "educational" videos have the same arrogance. The profile pic further adds to the argument that he's trying hard to please vagina'd readers to the detriment of masculinity.

He's just really fucking lame and shitty.

It's a metaphor, guys.

His audience is mostly teenage girls. A lot of them just lost their virginity and are freaking out

Fun fact, some feminists hate him because he, a white male, ends up becoming the champion of YA instead of womyn authors.

"It is very sad to me that some people are so intent on leaving their mark on the world that they don’t care if that mark is a scar."

He's married, has kids, has a following, and many people actually like him.

What exactly have you accomplished with all that testosterone you have?

yeah, in his book Looking for Alaska

>mrw
youtube.com/watch?v=RCRAtAiYjEY

Id rather be a complete failure than a numale contempt with being mediocre in everything

Spanked out your mass in semen three times over to gay feet videos.

I'm still a better person than you.

>mfw my little brother is reading that book in his 9th grade english class
J U S T

ask that to david foster meme

WILL JOHN GREEN EVER RECOVER?

He's literally a cuckold, and the only people who like him are teenage girls and nu-males.

can someone remind me why we take teen literature so seriously?

Yes, it would be better for them to read Gogol to make sure they all kill themselves after finishing.

>has PTP served to him on a golden platter
>"""""devoid of testosterone"""""""

that is the textbook definition of a spook. He gets to live his life like he does but he has an imaginary label that doesn't seem to affect him according to you.

>try reading Looking for Alaska
>get to the cereal store scene

I mean, what's even the point of literature anymore?

Living in ignorance is bliss. Though I'm not sure how he can lack the self awareness in seeing how awful he is at writing

>cereal store scene
this sounds lewd

>he hasn't read the infamous cereal store scene

Nietzsche proclaimed that God is dead. This is what he was talking about.

>I was shit and the girl was God x10
fucking kek, do you think he actually believes this is artistic, or is he mechanically churning out what he knows adolescent girls enjoy?

Or worse, is he cynically writing ironic shit to laugh at his audience?

I didn't save the "worst kind of nerd" one, but here's the other one.

>The thing Alaska did next scared and shocked and surprised me in a way nothing had ever ever scared or shocked or surprised me until that moment, a moment which lasted no longer than one sharp intake of breath but one I have no doubt will last my entire life. She said 'I love you'. Not 'You're cool' or 'I had a really fun time' or 'Do you always kiss like that?' I love you. As in 'I, Alaska Young, love you, Miles Halter'. As in 'I Alaska Young have not only noticed that you Miles Halter exist but I positively adore the fact that you do'. I exhaled. Alaska did too and for the first time I realized she was as scared as I was of admitting the way she felt. I stepped forward and held her hips. 'Are you sure?' I asked. 'I think so!' she replied, smiling. I must have pushed her backwards because just then her body nudged the lightswitch and the room became as dark as my life was without Alaska in it. Laughing, she slipped out of my grasp and disappeared somewhere inside the room. I reached out like a blind man searching for the object that might grant him sight. Truly, I was Looking for Alaska.

It literally would
and Gogol is hilarious tbqh

Someone post the other one now.

if cara had the lead role in the film adaptation of my book and i had her alone in a room she wouldn't be getting out with her vagina intact

ah, john greene Monsieur? that author is the milk that slakes our thirst, the cheerios that sate our literary hunger. he is the crest complete toothpaste that shines our book shelves with authorship free of literary criticism., we find no fault in our stars when devouring his perfect prose, his themes of young adulthood and life banishes the miasma of tired literature from old white men like the Greeks, Pynchon, Joyce and Tolstoy. john greene ushers in a new age of literature, Monsieur, paying his taxes of rightful cuckoldry to keep his fan's daughters in school for he is gawky and they are gorgeous. His works, Monsieur are a hurricane and the old tired works of white men are but a drizzle.

I am convinced that this horrific meme passage is at least partially accurate. I don't care enough to actually look it up though.

If you're autistic and/or a fedora tipper. 9th graders are not that.

>I must have pushed her backwards because just then her body nudged the lightswitch and the room became as dark as my life was without Alaska in it

You've some nerve shoeing your face around here, John.

>“I'm in love with you," he said quietly.

>"Augustus," I said.

>"I am," he said. He was staring at me, and I could see the corners of his eyes crinkling. "I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you.”

>If you're autistic and/or a fedora tipper.
No, he's purposely funny. Doesn't mean he isn't depressing at the same time. Take The Overcoat, for example.

Do you reckon he fucks all the PTP that love him?

It's a dangerous game to play for sure and one that will find you out eventually.

>“When adults say, "Teenagers think they are invincible" with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don't know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. They forget that when they get old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail.”

I'd have to think long and hard about whether I would save him from drowning if I ever happened to witness him struggling.

>I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you.

>John Greene believes that anyone has ever spoken this way

I would unironically beat the everliving shit out of a kid who talked like that irl

He's the worst kind of "nerd", the type that self-identify as such and who wear tshirts with "Nerd" across the tshirt as if they're so happy to embody what is essentially a character-type invented by mainstream media to split human beings into demographics based not on race or some objectively measurable thing but on cultural subgroups whose Platonic form is represented in movies and tv shows. It's disgusting. An aspergic Nazi engineer who works in complete isolation and is obsessed with creating a complex machine to kill jews etc is more of a "nerd" than a guy who talks in a falsely expressive voice on youtube about how neat Star Wars is. It's exactly the same as the word "Punk", which pretty much refers to anybody who is willing to be independent despite drawing the negative attention of other people and "the norm". Now it's all about wearing spiked jackets and living in a squat with a bunch of HIV sufferers. Both Nerd and Punk should be mentalities, not physical descriptors or means of self-definition. He's a nu-male beta cuck using the "Nerd" image to trick impressionable girls into overlooking his obvious character flaws because he's supposedly some super-clever, socially oppressed guy who deserves their pity and affection. It's disgraceful. I'm more of a nerd for typing out this long-ass reply on an anonymous shitposting blog than some dude is for wearing pixel sunglasses and a tshirt that says "GOT RAM?"

>tfw you NEVER experienced anything like this in high school
>tfw you still haven't
i know it's a bad passage, especially with the title drop, but that's beside the point
we need a fucking big generation-defining war to shake things up
fuck

>everliving
You are a kid who talks like that

What do you think?

that's the exact reason why it's a bad passage, you moron. nobody fucking experiences romantic encounters that could only be cooked up in a whimsical loner's head.

You've never experienced anything like this because shit like this doesn't happen. Both characters are disgustingly unrealistic, especially in the way they speak.

>that smile
you just KNOW

and and and and and and

Veeky Forumsizen here, that skinny fat numale triggers me.

Since when is everliving a pretentious word?

I wonder if he knows there's a board on Veeky Forums dedicated to BTFOing him.

that child is the spawn of ted cruz

Someone tweet a screencap of the copy pasta to him so he'll know. I'd do it but I dont have a twitter

He probably does it alongside the rest of Veeky Forums in self hatred knowing the cuck he is

>Wild eyes were another sign. It is something I have seldom seen — the expression of an ecstatic state — though much is foolishly written of them, as if they grew like Jerusalem artichokes along the road. The eyes are black, right enough, whatever their normal color is; they are black because their perception is condensed to a coal, because the touch and taste and perfume of the lover, the outcry of a dirty word, a welcome river, have been reduced in the heat of passion to a black ash, and this unburnt residue of oxidation, this calyx, replaces the pupil so it no longer receives but sends, and every hair is on end, though perhaps only outspread on a pillow, and the nostrils are flared, mouth agape, cheeks sucked so the whole face seems as squeezed as a juiced fruit; I know, for once Lou went into that wildness while we were absorbing one another, trying to kiss, not merely forcefully, not the skull of our skeleton, but the skull and all the bones on which the essential self is hung, kiss so the shape of the soul is stirred too, that's what is called the ultimate French, the furtherest fuck, when a cock makes a concept cry out and climax; I know, for more than once, though not often, I shuddered into that other region, when a mouth drew me through its generosity into the realm of unravel, and every sensation lay extended as a lake, every tie was loosed, and the glue of things dissolved. I knew I wore the wild look then. The greatest gift you can give another human being is to let them warm you till, in passing beyond pleasure, your defenses fall, your ego surrenders, its structure melts, its towers topple, lies, fancies, vanities, blow away in no wind, and you return, not to the clay you came from — the unfired vessel — but to the original moment of inspiration, when you were the unabbreviated breath of God.

Kek, he's fucking terrible. I honestly cannot tell if this is a Veeky Forums copypasta or his writing.

>““DO YOU THINK IT MATTERS HOW MANY PEOPLE SOMEONE HAS SLEPT WITH?” NO, AND IT PARTICULARLY BOTHERS ME THAT WOMEN ARE HELD TO A DIFFERENT STANDARD ON THIS FRONT THAN MEN. ALSO, IT’S SUCH A WEIRD THING TO CARE ABOUT. LIKE, IMAGINE IF I TRIED EATING CHEERIOS FOR BREAKFAST. WOULD CHEERIOS BE LIKE ‘I’M THE 48TH CEREAL YOU’VE TRIED EATING!? I DON’T FEEL SPECIAL.’ WELL THEN SCREW YOU CHEERIOS, I CAN’T GO INTO THE PAST AND UNEAT ALL THOSE CEREALS, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN I DON’T GENUINLY ENJOY YOUR WHOLEGRAIN CRUNCH…”

Why does everything have to relate back to fucking cereal with this guy?

this is why we need trump

If his characters are all teenagers, why do they all speak - not just think but speak - in such metaphoric, bloated and purple ways?

Any other time it's just be 'Lol, k love u too.' whereas here they can't express love without bringing cosmic metaphor and imagery into it.

Jesus fuck, that reads like a fucking parody. No way this is real.

He feels bad for breakfast food.

>"Why are breakfast foods breakfast foods?" I asked them. "Like, why don't we have curry for breakfast food?"
>"Hazel, eat."
>"But why?" I asked. "I mean, seriously: How did scrambled eggs get stuck in with breakfast exclusivity? You can put bacon on a sandwich without anyone freaking out. But the moment your sandwich has an eggs, boom, it's a breakfast sandwich."
>Dad answered with his mouth full. "When you come back, we'll have breakfast for dinner. Deal?"
>"I don't want to have 'breakfast for dinner,'" I answered, crossing knife and fork over my mostly full plate. "I want to have scrambled eggs for dinner without this ridiculous construction that scrambled eggs-inclusive meal is breakfast even when it occurs at dinnertime."
>"You've gotta pick your battles in this world, Hazel," my mom said. "But if this is the issue you want to champion, we stand behind you."
>"Quite a bit behind you," my dad added, and Mom laughed.
>Anyway, I knew it was stupid, but I felt kind of bad for scrambled eggs.

because they're speshul teenagers. angsty, "tortured" souls that his fanbase can relate to.

The flaw here is that cereals don't raise children and families and no one cares that you've eaten a bowl of fucking cheeriors they aren't going to go and tell people you've been noshing on cheerios but word will spread fast of your gf has sucked forty dicks.

Because tumblrinas (his target audience) like to think that they too can speak in those such metaphoric, bloated and purple ways. They see it as a sign of intelligence.

It's a metaphor for gender construct.

What the fuck? Is this real? No seriously, what the fuck?

I get that it's probably a metaphor but seriously what the fuck?

chad here. this shit doesn't happen. Life isn't a romcom. women and men are both shallow creatures.

>Anyway, I knew it was stupid, but I felt kind of bad for scrambled eggs.

fuck it. can somebody just tweet this thread at him so we can watch the fire rise?

he's just showing how perceptive and complex teenage girls can be ;^)

He'll probably just say we're a stale, uneaten bowl of cereal that needs to be binned or some shit.

>Hazel

Holy shit, one of the worst female protag I've ever read. Jesus fuck, I want to bash her head in.

Who uses Twitter?

>Hazel, eat
What did he mean by this?

He'll only brush it off and have his brother smugly address it.

>misogynistic language aimed toward men
Does he understand what he just wrote?

The big thing in feminism is to claim that any and all unfairness has misogyny at its root in one way or another. He did not slip up and mean to say misandry.

b-but I agree with that

>John Green shills for cultural marxism too
SHIT THEY'RE EVERYWHERE

t. Cuckold

>he likes being inferior to other people

He's a flat out socialist.