Here's something I wrote for the Mommy Cinematic Universe Prologue
>Annie Clark - Auntie Antje's friend, and guitar teacher mommy is paying to give you lessons for your growing musical skills— prefers to teach you in her studio apartment alone. She loves to teach you by being hands on and putting her arms around you and her hands on yours
now the story 1/?
>After a hard day at school, you come crawling to Annie's studio apartment for your guitar lessons. As you enter her sizable yet modest apartment and make your way to her kitchen where she's preparing a salad with her head and curly hair down facing the counter, she perks up and immediately lose her faint smile as she sees how exhausted you are.
>"Ohh, are you okay, sweety? you look absolutely spent" she cooed as she crossed the kitchen island to get to you, wiping her hands on the flare of her almost sheer summer dress. Her warm and emphatic solemn expression changing to a tender affectionate smile as she makes her way to you. "oh, come here, sweety" she says reaching out to your head bringing it gingerly to her chest hugging you close.
>With the thin silk fabric of her dress cooling your skin, she takes your head with her hands to look at you in the face. With her delicate yet somewhat calloused fingers, she brings her thumb to the ridge of your brow brushing it, finally placing both of her hands to your cheeks. With her dainty hands encapsulating your face, she looks at you in the eyes with the stark hazel of hers relinquishing their ground for her broadening pupils.
>She hugs you close to her chest again, placing her right hand in the small of your back and her other hand to the back of your head. "I've got some cookies cooling by the window waiting for you." she whispers in your eat "Everything'll be fine, hun. I'm right here with you" she takes your head back again, kissing you in the forehead this time— stroking your hair as the contact between her lips and your skin part.
All he could see was the concrete slabs of the sidewalk passing below his feet. He had made his decision and he knew where he was going.
It had been years since he lost hope, months since he stopped trying, and days since he started preparing. He donated everything to a homeless shelter. He didn't have much left anyway.
He closed his bank account, which was empty. His will had been done for quite a while now. He started to write a note but thought it would be better to be remembered from a different time.
He gathered his last bit of change and counted it; three dollars, two quarters, ten dimes, two nickels, and fifteen pennies. He hoped it would buy enough pills.
All he could see was the concrete slabs of the sidewalk passing below his feet. He had made his decision and he knew where he was going.
He felt the dollars and coins turning in his pocket. Then blocking the next slab was a black piece of steel pointed at him. His eyes rose to meet the man holding the gun. There was a look of desperation in the man's eyes that he recognized immediately.
"Give me everything you have or I'll kill you"
He couldn't help but smile.
Anthony Cruz
are you doing okay, pham
Nathan Green
I am now. Thank you for asking. :) Trying out a creative outlet. Critique?
Julian Clark
I quite like it
Owen Ramirez
Excerpt from an "epic" that's covertly a Final Fantasy XIII x VII x Gurren Lagan fanfiction/reimaginging
"I believe in the Cosmic, for it is the indisputable Creator of all that is observable.
He who ruled Creatia, brought Altea to her knees and propelled our evolution to one united front, is slain by my palm, soaked in the essence of stardust.
If it is the Cosmic's Will for Altea to burn, I shall proudly step forth and strike the match of the flame that eternally extinguishes humanity's luminance."
Camden Hall
>/hr/ >"MCU"
Ahh oh god it's following me here.
In my opinion, OP, use fewer adjectives.
Daniel Howard
this sort of story would work with more ambiguity; you make it clear your protagonist is suicidal and because of that the ending "he couldn't help but smile" feels cheesy.
Thomas Miller
Thanks Would it work better without the third paragraph?
I know I could end it without the last line but I like the irony of being suicidal and still seeing some humor.
Jason Harris
Rewrite. Better? Worse?
All he could see was the concrete slabs of the sidewalk passing below his feet. He had made his decision and he knew where he was going.
He had already stopped by a homeless shelter carrying the last of his belongings. They were happy to take it.
He felt his last dollars and coins turning in his pocket and counted it; three one dollar bills, two quarters, ten dimes, two nickels, and fifteen pennies. He hoped it would buy enough pills.
His eyes rose to meet the man holding the gun.
"Give me everything you have or I'll kill you"
He couldn't help but smile
"No"
Jayden Wright
critique my work pls
Oliver Cooper
There is nothing special about the familiar. The familiar attachment is that of idle circumstance, a friendship based on proximity and built of poisonous convenience. Abhor the familiar and guard against its influence which ever induces scorn for the brilliant danger of things new. Love best that which is won, even failure; go forth, and live, and die.
Jaxon Rogers
wow
this board IS slow
Jace Garcia
She's a lesbian
Andrew Nguyen
I wrote something creatively too. It's called "The Only Thing Gayer Than St. Vincent are the Fags that Listen to Her."
> Annie is a hack. She's shit at guitar. I heard she's dyke. What would Lacan say about that? Something about how women want to be objectified and cannot express their sexual desires and how female homosexuality is just a disappointed encounter with heterosexuality.
> She has maximum 5 good songs. All from her first two albums only.
Leo King
go back to /mu/
Cameron Lewis
she is v bad guitar play
Jaxson Ortiz
Its edgy, but I love edgy writing that's well done.
Blake Gray
I like you
Landon Bell
It was supposed to be a suicide note, or part of it
This note is in part strummed for themse who've my love intepast, antefor now: Allseeya; Mad Monsoon; Damned Yell (bye sessional!); Gray Sea; Fanceus; Duo-sonic; Sashay (Library of _____); and off course A Minor!! My lovedly night-in shying amour! A cute angle from heaven! These hands-und-heart couldn'e'er've begun to deseudoscribe how hopelustly in lovey was with my dollring darling.
